Harboring anger, feeling trapped, at work

[Unexpected_Dawn]

I’ve been in a really frustrating, emotionally distressing, and unsupportive situation at work. To summarize (yes, believe it or not, this is just a summary!)…

It’s basically rooted in the fact that I’m widowed and childless, I have zero privacy or personal space in the office (nowhere to cry!), and I sit right next to a woman who got pregnant about the same time as I was widowed and has just returned from maternity leave. If that’s not the world’s worst seating arrangement, I don’t know what is.

It’s not just that she’s been blessed with a child and I haven’t. I know other women who have, and I am truly happy for them. It’s just her personality and manner. She is a person who really loves attention, and everyone in my office has been only too obliging–including the dept. supervisors. I’ve never witnessed such fuss–you’d think she was the only woman ever to have a child.

I went to my supervisor a couple of months into this whole mess, and I told her how I was feeling. I was already in terrible distress from my grief. I had no way of expressing my emotions. I was new at this job, so I wasn’t eligible for paid leave–I’d already missed quite a lot, so I was also facing financial distress. And on top of it all, I was constantly being bombarded with my coworkers making a big to-do. It was like having salt poured in my wounds, like having my face rubbed in all that I’d lost. I dreaded coming to work everyday, because I knew how hard it would be. My concentration and thinking were severely affected–and my job is very detail-oriented and mentally-strenuous. I was depressed, I wasn’t productive, and that made me feel guilty to boot.

So, I asked my supervisor whether I could move to a different workstation whenever I was having trouble. The answer was no–I’d pretty much expected this, because there really isn’t any free space. But the supervisors gave a different reason… they said they didn’t want to start a precedent of people moving around. As if I was just asking for a whim! I was stunned. She made it sound like even if they could have helped me, they wouldn’t have because it would complicate life for them. That really hurt! I felt so trapped! And as I mentioned above, the supervisors, even knowing what they knew, they were part of the problem!

The hard thing has been that, technically, my coworkers haven’t done anything wrong (although I can think of many ways they might all have been more charitable toward me!). I should also say that for the first week or two after I lost my beloved, my coworkers were very supportive. But after that, and especially after the other woman became pregnant, I was completely ignored. And I had no one to help me! And nowhere to turn my anger or my grief. I just kept everything repressed–I couldn’t find any other option.

I’m mentioning all this now, because while I enjoyed a few peaceful months during my coworker’s maternity leave, she is back now, and things are pretty much no different than they were for the previous 8 months! I’m starting to feel the old anger and distress. And it’s driving me crazy. I know that harboring anger is an express lane to sin. But I don’t know how to get past it! I’ve made so much progress, but I feel like this situation is dragging me down again!

I mentioned all of this to my confessor a few weeks ago (the day before my coworker returned). I wanted to wipe the slate clean. I felt remorse for my anger. I thought I had really overreacted and taken my pain out on others unfairly. I thought the situation was behind me. My confessor told me that God loves me and that my life was going to be better than I or anyone can even imagine. I believe that. I do. My life is already better in many ways than it was. I feel like I’ve come out of the deepest, darkest valley imaginable. And now I can see the light again… And yet, I am so troubled once more! Sometimes I feel like every little bit of hope and joy I’ve worked so hard to regain is being stamped out.

I don’t know how much longer I can stand this! What should I do? I do pray about it a lot. I keep hoping that my coworkers will all get over the new mother, just as they got over me. But I feel like the situation is never going to change. If anything changes, I feel like it’s going to have to be up to me or my circumstances. But I feel so helpless. I don’t know what I can do differently.

Although I do know that if any of my other coworkers should be in my shoes (heaven forbid), I am going to do everything in my power to make sure they don’t go through what I have! They’re going to have me to turn to, and me to support them in any way I can. Not to be presumptuous, but if I ever become a saint, I’m going to be the patron saint of grievers in distress.

Sorry for the really long rant, but I can’t keep holding all this in! Any thoughts or advice?

 

[tcay584]

You need to get past this “It’s all about me and my feelings” silliness. Don’t expect the world, or other people, to change for you. You have to learn how to change your attitude so this sort of thing doesn’t get to you. Be a professional. Leave your personal feelings at the door when you get to work. Get an Ipod and play music in your headphones if you can’t stand to see and hear other people living their lives. No one should have to tip-toe around you and be miserable because you’ve had a loss and you’re miserable.
Maybe your co-worker is just so incredibly thrilled to be having a child that she can’t keep it in. Life happens…death happens.
Try being not so self absorbed.

 

[Magicsilence]

Do you feel lost so to speak?

As if, you’re not too bothered about life any more? Heaven, hell, who cares, kinda feeling?

Hi there.

Or do you feel firm in your faith but dont know how to deal with this next step in your faith? I.e, dependance totally on God.

I think that would clarify it for me a whole lot.

In Christ.

Andre.

p.s Im so sorry you were widowed, I cannot imagine anything harder. Thank The Lord you had your faith to catch you before you fell too far.

p.p.s Ignore the above poster. Im wondering if they have experienced loss ever in their life to have written such a harsh post.

 

[blessedstar]

This mother’s maternity could have turned out very differently and she may not have been blessed with the joy of a child, but could have been facing grief herself. It is only God’s grace that she has been blessed with such joy. On the other hand it is God’s grace that your loved one was called to Him, it was their time and each of us have our ‘time’. The Lord will explain all things to you in due course, but whilst you are still exiled here please trust in God’s Providence, His plan is so beautifully crafted for those who trust in Him and though we may cry now in eternity we shall have joy forever. Those who weep and mourn now will have a much greater measure of joy in eternity, ‘Happy are those who mourn and weep’. This is the way God works for those He deeply loves.

I can empathise with your grief having lost many people myself, grief heals in time. I am sure many of your colleagues are aware of your deep sadness and not everyone knows what to say to someone suffering and mourning, so they tend to let the subject drop.

You yourself know that you are not angry with this woman, you are angry at your loss and it is perfectly normal to experience anger after the loss of such a loved one. My heart really does go out to you.

It is a suggestion and not advice, you may like to share in this woman’s joy by talking to her about her child and showing an interest. I know many childless couples and they have suceeded in lessening the pain of this by interacting with friends, colleagues and family members children becoming a loveable ‘aunt’ or ‘uncle’ to children they know.

I am sure this lady is exhausted working and caring for a child and you may like to consider befriending her and helping her in some way with her child, such as babysitting etc. I am sure she will appreciate any interest you show in her and her child as Mom’s are very proud of their offspring.

You may simply like to say to this woman ‘I am sorry I haven’t shown much interest in your new baby and I am sorry for that but I have found it hard because of losing my loved one, I hope you can understand that’ I think you’ll find she will be very sympathetic.

You may not even consider this but have you ever thought of fostering children, there is such a great need and there are many Catholic agencies you can contact to make enquiries. You have so much deep love within you and people, especially children, are aching to be loved by a heart such as yours.

You have alot of love to give and currently you feel like love is lost and there is nowhere to invest your heart. Presently you are in pain with grief and you have every right to be, but your grief is your grief and no-one can go to the depths of that with you except for Jesus, it is a temporary cross upon you and only our Lord carries it with you, open your heart to Him and tell Him every detail of your pain and suffering and offer it all to Him at the foot of His Cross. Jesus is extremely close to the broken-hearted and as Divine Physician longs to heal all wounds physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

Don’t expect too much of yourself, grief has to run it’s course, there is no wrong way to grieve. Our Lady will pray for you in this if you ask her because she knew the ultimate grief. You do not have to ‘get over it’ but you do have to learn to live with and accept your very sad loss and lashing out at others is not acceptance, but you don’t need me to tell you that.

Talk frequently to your loved one and ask them to pray for you, remember those in Heaven are so very close to us every day. Be very kind to yourself and don’t force yourself into anything, all things happen in God’s good time and your life will be wonderful again. Take this woman’s joy as a sign of God’s love for all people and that even when times are dark He is always with us bringing goodness into the world.

In my prayers

 

[Unexpected_Dawn]

tcay584:

You need to get past this “It’s all about me and my feelings” silliness. Don’t expect the world, or other people, to change for you.

Hm, one thing grief does not to people is make them silly. Or raise their expectations of people and the world. It has been an exceptionally humbling and enlightening experience. If you think I’m self-centered, then you really don’t know me, and I guess I haven’t presented myself as well as I might. I’ve written this post at a time when I’m at my weakest. So excuse me.

Be a professional. Leave your personal feelings at the door when you get to work.

That is usually at the top of grief counselors’ what not to do list. Which is why it’s so frustrating. I am a consummate professional (any of my coworkers would agree). Don’t you think I hate being torn up like this when I’m at work?

Get an Ipod and play music in your headphones if you can’t stand to see and hear other people living their lives.

Well, I do try this, but I have to walk a fine line between blocking out people’s private lives and being alert to people trying to talk to me about work. Unfortunately, the private life next door is much louder than the work-related talk.

No one should have to tip-toe around you and be miserable because you’ve had a loss and you’re miserable.

This is the #1 reason I keep my feelings inside. I’m always worried about upsetting people. Nothing terrifies me more than the idea of having a break-down at work (something that happens to some people). I am not a miserable person on the outside (although one or two of my more empathic coworkers can usually sense when something is wrong). Most people at work and elsewhere describe me as pleasant, approachable, helpful, and positive. Not to mention dependable. Apparently, I’m a very good actress. But you have no idea what it does to me inside.

Maybe your co-worker is just so incredibly thrilled to be having a child that she can’t keep it in.

I don’t blame her. And yet I’ve been around plenty of other expectant mothers and it hasn’t bothered me. And another thing, just because you’re thrilled doesn’t mean you have to have a conversation about breast-pumping at least once a day at your desk! I don’t know… I guess one problem I have is that I consider her really unprofessional. Just as I would consider myself unprofessional if I bawled at my desk. But apparently no one else has a problem with her talking about breast-pumping. And I am so not interested in being the crabby old witch who rains on everyone’s parade.

But you know, I have to think of myself too. This whole thing is really hurting me. I don’t think anyone has any idea of what I’m going through. And I’ve let them not know. Sometimes, I wish I had been more open with my feelings from the beginning…

 

[Unexpected_Dawn]

Magicsilence:

Do you feel lost so to speak?

As if, you’re not too bothered about life any more? Heaven, hell, who cares, kinda feeling?

Hi there.

Or do you feel firm in your faith but dont know how to deal with this next step in your faith? I.e, dependance totally on God.

I do have faith. More than faith–I know that things are going to be all right. It’s getting through a lot of pent up emotions that is my main problem and my main obstacle. And it’s just at work. When I’m at home or anywhere else, I’m usually quite at peace and quite often happy. Work is just a big strain on me all around. And yet I love the work itself. I love the fact that it’s so mentally and intellectually challenging. But it’s like sitting on top of a volcano–sometimes my emotions get set off, and when that happens, it takes all my will power to try to tame them. Work becomes the last thing on my mind. It’s very disruptive.

p.s Im so sorry you were widowed, I cannot imagine anything harder. Thank The Lord you had your faith to catch you before you fell too far.

Thank you. Actually, my faith was completely reborn as a result of my loss, after many years of stagnance and near non-existence. It truly was sort of like a parachute that popped open! And I’m thankful every day for it.

p.p.s Ignore the above poster. Im wondering if they have experienced loss ever in their life to have written such a harsh post.

I welcome any and all responses. Believe me, I’m 10 times harder on myself than that person, or just about anyone.

 

[Unexpected_Dawn]

blessedstar

Thank you and bless you for your compassionate and thoughtful response. You’ve given me lots to think about, and think about it I shall.

Alas, I must be off right now!

 

[NFPfamily]

I truly feel for your profound loss. You lost your partner in life, the one to help you through the ups and downs and now you must feel kind of broken.

It seems you are on the way to putting the pieces back together, but just give it time. Realize that each day is a gift and you will be stronger as time goes on.

Sometimes when facing loss, we feel like we should be owed something- anything to help fill the gaping hole inside. Compassion from others, room to breathe, etc. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always happen- especially in the workplace. I would suggest keeping a rosary handy and saying bits of it when you feel at your wits end. Ask the Blessed Mother for strength- she is no stranger to suffering! You also need to ask for God’s blessing upon those who irritate you- it will help to curb your resentment toward them. In all honesty, when a mom becomes a mom, many things aren’t off limits to discuss and sometimes we don’t think that topics such as “breast pumping” would offend any other women. It just seems natural to talk about I guess. I don’t think your other coworkers are trying to avoid being compassionate to you- most of the time, people are just uncomfortable when they don’t know what to do or say, so they do nothing. Unless you’ve been through a tragic experience, you really don’t know what people should be doing and then you become the saving grace for someone else.

You will get through this. You will heal. You will also need to be gentle with yourself and give yourself room to feel pain and anger- just please realize that some of it may be redirected from how you are feeling, not necessarily because it is deserved by those that are causing you hurt.

God bless you and I hope you find peace and comfort from our Blessed Mother.

 

[Jonah]

Grief does make one a little over sensitive at times. (I’ve experienced grief in the worst way)

We do at time use thinking errors to met our needs. I can see that one of your thinking errors is feeling helpless. This is the need of others attention and the feeling of not being able to meet expectations. You do have a right to feel, but if you dwell upon them too much they are going to cripple and make you a victim of your circumstance.
However, we do have power over our thinking errors if we know what they are. Realize that these are just feelings that you don’t have to take what others do personally. We do need others in time of grief and in times of joy. Share this woman’s joy. Perhaps it will help you in your sorrow.

 

[Unexpected_Dawn]

Many thanks to you NFPfamily and Jonah.

I have to say that just writing my post yesterday helped me feel loads better. It let off lots of steam, shall we say. I now feel less like I’m going to explode or implode at any moment–like, am I going to blow up or am I going to collapse? It’s one of the worst, most tense feelings in the world.

Plus, I woke up in the middle of the night and cried my eyes out to God. I asked Him to help me be at peace at work, and I begged Him, as usual, to give me another chance at marriage and having my own family. I asked my beloved Patrick to help me too–knowing him, he’s all for me finding a new man to take care of me… he always did worry about me, and I bet he worries even more now that he has to see me me doing things on my own. I feel mightly sleepy this morning, but it was worth it.

Drowsiness notwithstanding, today is better… In honor of St. Patrick and my beloved ancestral land, I brought some shamrock cookies for my coworkers, and shared some Irish blessings with them. Apparently, I am one of the only Irish Americans in my office, so everyone thought that was really cool. And it reminded me that I still have much to celebrate about my life and myself. I’m also leaving work early in hopes of grabbing a table at my local pub before the after-work crowds get there.

Thank God for St. Patrick’s Day… and the weekend!

 

[mary_s_kid]

Your original post made me cry. I can empathize with how you’re feeling. I lost my third baby, Mary Kate, at 39 weeks and when I went back to work 2 months later I had to endure 4 of my coworkers returning from their maternity leaves and all the baby talk that went on. It was like being repeatedly stabbed-- their babies were here and mine wasn’t and it seemed as though everyone forgot she existed. I knew they didn’t mean to hurt me, I just think in some instances that they were ignorant to how grief can be so all encompassing. I wanted them to be happy and talk about their babies , just not around me for awhile.

I bet your supervisor never had a grief like yours. Your request seems reasonable to me and I’ll pray she’ll (or he’ll) change their mind.

I’m glad to hear today is better for you. I’ll pray for your peace of heart and mind.

 

[PeterC]

This thought just flew into my head …

Imagine how you would feel if you loved and became very close to your co-worker and her child. Stranger things have happened. Let yourself go. I can sense the love in your very being.

From where this came I do not know.

 

[blessedstar]

Unexpected Dawn:

Many thanks to you NFPfamily and Jonah.

I have to say that just writing my post yesterday helped me feel loads better. It let off lots of steam, shall we say. I now feel less like I’m going to explode or implode at any moment–like, am I going to blow up or am I going to collapse? It’s one of the worst, most tense feelings in the world.

Plus, I woke up in the middle of the night and cried my eyes out to God. I asked Him to help me be at peace at work, and I begged Him, as usual, to give me another chance at marriage and having my own family. I asked my beloved Patrick to help me too–knowing him, he’s all for me finding a new man to take care of me… he always did worry about me, and I bet he worries even more now that he has to see me me doing things on my own. I feel mightly sleepy this morning, but it was worth it.

Drowsiness notwithstanding, today is better… In honor of St. Patrick and my beloved ancestral land, I brought some shamrock cookies for my coworkers, and shared some Irish blessings with them. Apparently, I am one of the only Irish Americans in my office, so everyone thought that was really cool. And it reminded me that I still have much to celebrate about my life and myself. I’m also leaving work early in hopes of grabbing a table at my local pub before the after-work crowds get there.

Thank God for St. Patrick’s Day… and the weekend!

Life is always good even when trials come upon us and you are so blessed to still see this in the midst of trial as so many don’t see this and despair, which is never the route to take.

I am glad you are retaining joy in the midst of such suffering and I bet your friends at work are impressed with your determination in sharing the great feast of St Patrick with them, what a GRANDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD day St Patrick’s day is !!! (from a fellow paddy! ) Pray for us all St Patrick.

In honour of the great Irish Catholic Blessing I pray this especially for you this beautiful feast day …

**May the Lord bless you and keep you;
May the Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
May the Lord turn His countenance toward you and give you peace. (Numbers 6:24-26)
:irish2: **

 

[Unexpected_Dawn]

Mary’s kid, may the Lord bless you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I bet your little Mary Kate will always be your special guardian spirit, just as my Patrick is for me. They’re always with us, I have no doubt of that. In fact, I bet that people like Patrick act as “adoptive” parents to people like Mary Kate, until their own parents make it to Heaven. I know Patrick always wanted a child so badly, and I bet he has a special love for the spirits of children–just as Lord Jesus does, of course. Unfortunately, our work situations are all too common among bereaved parents and widow(er)s. I hope your work situation has gotten better. I have an opportunity to improve my own… one of my coworkers moved to a different station, and I am going to ask my supervisor on Monday to let me move to her old station. I’m not going to say it’s because of my one coworker–actually, fortunately, I’ve thought of many (non-personal) reasons why the move would be beneficial to a great many people. Thanks for your prayers! I really hope this works out this time!

PeterC, thank you for thinking the best of me. I have no problem feeling love for this woman or her child… it’s her behavior I’ve had a problem with. That’s always the hard part, isn’t it? Fortunately, I’ve actually found a lot of support from other coworkers, just today, in fact. In fact, I sacrificed taking off early from work today, in favor of having a very deep, heartfelt conversation with two such coworkers. I am hoping to be able to move closer to them, as mentioned above.

blessedstar, thank you for another uplifting message! I hope you’ve had an altogether grand day! I know I have! My coworkers were pretty impressed, I think, especially when I said “Happy St. Patrick’s Day” in Irish – Beannachtai na feile Padraig (hope I didn’t butcher it!). They adored the cookies, of course–nothing wins people over quite like sugar! Thank you for the Biblical blessing! I have to say, though, my favorite is still “May the Lord hold you in the palm of His hand–and not close His fist too tightly!” It’s just a funny image!

 

[CSN]

Whenever anyone has work-related problems, I suggest they try a novena to Saint Joseph. I know your problem extends well beyond work, but your work situation is at least part of it…

Saint Joseph is highly overlooked and underestimated, I feel, and wow, he really comes through !!

ewtn.com/Devotionals/novena/joseph.htm

Tomorrow, March 19, is his feast day, so I am going to do the above novena. In my own mind, I figure that since a novena is 9 days, I get to ask for 9 intentions I will include you in my intentions.

 

[CSN]

On a related note, March 19 is also the start of another 54-day novena by a whole bunch of people, so you may also consider starting that as well tomorrow (but man, this is a hard one to do…).

 

[Unexpected_Dawn]

CSN, thank you for telling me about St. Joseph’s Novena. I will join you in praying it. Thank you very much for keeping me in your prayers.

I have to say, I’m on fire about work now… thinking over my current situation has led me to think of many other ways I can help and improve my job and my department. I’ve realized that what it really comes down to is that I need a new and better place in my department–both physically and spiritually. I need and desire to be closer to our “paraprofessional” staff (in my opinion, they’re every bit as professional as those of us with advanced degrees–and then some), and they have expressed a need and desire to have me with them. Basically, it would create a win-win-win situation. Who would say no to that, right?

Now… if I can just adequately express this in my meeting Monday… that could be the real trick. Oral communication is by far my weakest point (although I can write till the cows come home, as you can perhaps tell from my posts ). So… Who would be the patron saint of not getting tongue-tied?

 

[CSN]

CSN, thank you for telling me about St. Joseph’s Novena. I will join you in praying it. Thank you very much for keeping me in your prayers.

I have to say, I’m on fire about work now… thinking over my current situation has led me to think of many other ways I can help and improve my job and my department. I’ve realized that what it really comes down to is that I need a new and better place in my department–both physically and spiritually. I need and desire to be closer to our “paraprofessional” staff (in my opinion, they’re every bit as professional as those of us with advanced degrees–and then some), and they have expressed a need and desire to have me with them. Basically, it would create a win-win-win situation. Who would say no to that, right?

Now… if I can just adequately express this in my meeting Monday… that could be the real trick. Oral communication is by far my weakest point (although I can write till the cows come home, as you can perhaps tell from my posts ). So… Who would be the patron saint of not getting tongue-tied?

You’re welcome ! Saint Joseph will smooth out all work-related ailments, including tongue-tiedinitis.

Also, here is a link to that worldwide 54-day novena I alluded to earlier. Also starting March 19. It’s a big day today !!

catholicity.com/support/praywithus.html

 

[Youngcatholic]

I dreaded coming to work everyday, because I knew how hard it would be. My concentration and thinking were severely affected–and my job is very detail-oriented and mentally-strenuous. I was depressed, I wasn’t productive, and that made me feel guilty to boot. So, I asked my supervisor whether I could move to a different workstation whenever I was having trouble. The answer was no–I’d pretty much expected this, because there really isn’t any free space. But the supervisors gave a different reason… they said they didn’t want to start a precedent of people moving around. As if I was just asking for a whim! I was stunned. She made it sound like even if they could have helped me, they wouldn’t have because it would complicate life for them. That really hurt! I felt so trapped! And as I mentioned above, the supervisors, even knowing what they knew, they were part of the problem!

Perhaps you can work out a private arrangement with a coworker to switch spaces for a while? Don’t even involve the supervisors again. If the supervisors ask, tell them that you have worked out a temporary arrangement that won’t disrupt the office. Tell them you still have personal issues that need to be resolved and need the quiet work area. Tell them your productivity needs to be improved and you are taking responsbility for it. What are they going to do, fire you? I doubt it. I really would get away from this new mom, for your own sanity and personal recovery. Personally, I would not want to hear about breast pumping while I am trying to work, and I love babies. There are limits in any office, and it sounds like she is spending way to much time talking about her personal life and not enough time working. I would take charge of the situation. Find a coworker who understands, and switch spaces!

 

[Youngcatholic]

Unexpected Dawn:

I’ve been in a really frustrating, emotionally distressing, and unsupportive situation at work. To summarize (yes, believe it or not, this is just a summary!)…

It’s basically rooted in the fact that I’m widowed and childless, I have zero privacy or personal space in the office (nowhere to cry!), and I sit right next to a woman who got pregnant about the same time as I was widowed and has just returned from maternity leave. If that’s not the world’s worst seating arrangement, I don’t know what is.

It’s not just that she’s been blessed with a child and I haven’t. I know other women who have, and I am truly happy for them. It’s just her personality and manner. She is a person who really loves attention, and everyone in my office has been only too obliging–including the dept. supervisors. I’ve never witnessed such fuss–you’d think she was the only woman ever to have a child.

I went to my supervisor a couple of months into this whole mess, and I told her how I was feeling. I was already in terrible distress from my grief. I had no way of expressing my emotions. I was new at this job, so I wasn’t eligible for paid leave–I’d already missed quite a lot, so I was also facing financial distress. And on top of it all, I was constantly being bombarded with my coworkers making a big to-do. It was like having salt poured in my wounds, like having my face rubbed in all that I’d lost. I dreaded coming to work everyday, because I knew how hard it would be. My concentration and thinking were severely affected–and my job is very detail-oriented and mentally-strenuous. I was depressed, I wasn’t productive, and that made me feel guilty to boot.

So, I asked my supervisor whether I could move to a different workstation whenever I was having trouble. The answer was no–I’d pretty much expected this, because there really isn’t any free space. But the supervisors gave a different reason… they said they didn’t want to start a precedent of people moving around. As if I was just asking for a whim! I was stunned. She made it sound like even if they could have helped me, they wouldn’t have because it would complicate life for them. That really hurt! I felt so trapped! And as I mentioned above, the supervisors, even knowing what they knew, they were part of the problem!

QUOTE]

Perhaps you can work out a private arrangement with a coworker to switch spaces for a while? Don’t even involve the supervisors again. If the supervisors ask, tell them that you have worked out a temporary arrangement that won’t disrupt the office. Tell them you still have personal issues that need to be resolved and need the quiet work area. Tell them your productivity needs to be improved and you are taking responsbility for it. What are they going to do, fire you? I doubt it. I really would get away from this new mom, for your own sanity and personal recovery. Personally, I would not want to hear about breast pumping while I am trying to work, and I love babies. There are limits in any office, and it sounds like she is spending way to much time talking about her personal life and not enough time working. I would take charge of the situation. Find a coworker who understands, and switch spaces!