Harboring anger, feeling trapped, at work

[Youngcatholic]

Youngcatholic:

Unexpected Dawn:

I’ve been in a really frustrating, emotionally distressing, and unsupportive situation at work. To summarize (yes, believe it or not, this is just a summary!)…

It’s basically rooted in the fact that I’m widowed and childless, I have zero privacy or personal space in the office (nowhere to cry!), and I sit right next to a woman who got pregnant about the same time as I was widowed and has just returned from maternity leave. If that’s not the world’s worst seating arrangement, I don’t know what is.

It’s not just that she’s been blessed with a child and I haven’t. I know other women who have, and I am truly happy for them. It’s just her personality and manner. She is a person who really loves attention, and everyone in my office has been only too obliging–including the dept. supervisors. I’ve never witnessed such fuss–you’d think she was the only woman ever to have a child.

I went to my supervisor a couple of months into this whole mess, and I told her how I was feeling. I was already in terrible distress from my grief. I had no way of expressing my emotions. I was new at this job, so I wasn’t eligible for paid leave–I’d already missed quite a lot, so I was also facing financial distress. And on top of it all, I was constantly being bombarded with my coworkers making a big to-do. It was like having salt poured in my wounds, like having my face rubbed in all that I’d lost.

I dreaded coming to work everyday, because I knew how hard it would be. My concentration and thinking were severely affected–and my job is very detail-oriented and mentally-strenuous. I was depressed, I wasn’t productive, and that made me feel guilty to boot.

So, I asked my supervisor whether I could move to a different workstation whenever I was having trouble. The answer was no–I’d pretty much expected this, because there really isn’t any free space. But the supervisors gave a different reason… they said they didn’t want to start a precedent of people moving around. As if I was just asking for a whim! I was stunned. She made it sound like even if they could have helped me, they wouldn’t have because it would complicate life for them. That really hurt! I felt so trapped! And as I mentioned above, the supervisors, even knowing what they knew, they were part of the problem!

Perhaps you can work out a private arrangement with a coworker to switch spaces for a while? Don’t even involve the supervisors again. If the supervisors ask, tell them that you have worked out a temporary arrangement that won’t disrupt the office. Tell them you still have personal issues that need to be resolved and need the quiet work area. Tell them your productivity needs to be improved and you are taking responsbility for it. What are they going to do, fire you? I doubt it. I really would get away from this new mom, for your own sanity and personal recovery. Personally, I would not want to hear about breast pumping while I am trying to work, and I love babies. There are limits in any office, and it sounds like she is spending way to much time talking about her personal life and not enough time working. I would take charge of the situation. Find a coworker who understands, and switch spaces

 

[Youngcatholic]

Perhaps you can work out a private arrangement with a coworker to switch work spaces for a while? Don’t even involve the supervisors again. If the supervisors ask, tell them that you have worked out a temporary arrangement that won’t disrupt the office. Tell them you still have personal issues that need to be resolved and need the quiet work area. Tell them your productivity needs to be improved and you are taking responsibility for it. What are they going to do, fire you? I doubt it. I really would get away from this new mom, for your own sanity and personal recovery. Personally, I would not want to hear about breast pumping while I am trying to work, and I love babies. There are limits in any office, and it sounds like she is spending way to much time talking about her personal life and not enough time working. I would take charge of the situation. Find a coworker who understands, and switch spaces!

 

[Unexpected_Dawn]

Update:
I’m free!!! Free at last!!!

I had my evaluation meeting with my supervisor this morning. I had prepared a written statement of my request to move to a now-vacant cubicle, and giving reasons why it would benefit everyone and hurt no one! And I took the high road of not making it personal.

My supervisor thought it was a great idea, and she’s so glad I thought of it! I was like but then I moved on to

I am soooo excited, y’all! :bounce: I’ve already begun moving things to my new desk! My coworkers I am going to be sitting near now are so excited for me, too!

And now, I would like to give my special thanks to God, St. Joseph, Mother Mary, St. Josemaria Escriva, my family and friends, the coworkers who have supported me, and everybody who has prayed for me!

Oh, I can’t tell you what a burden has been lifted from me! This is right up there with the post-Confession buzz! I’m on Cloud 9!!! :angel1:

 

[CSN]

Update:
I’m free!!! Free at last!!!

I had my evaluation meeting with my supervisor this morning. I had prepared a written statement of my request to move to a now-vacant cubicle, and giving reasons why it would benefit everyone and hurt no one! And I took the high road of not making it personal.

My supervisor thought it was a great idea, and she’s so glad I thought of it! I was like but then I moved on to

I am soooo excited, y’all! :bounce: I’ve already begun moving things to my new desk! My coworkers I am going to be sitting near now are so excited for me, too!

And now, I would like to give my special thanks to God, St. Joseph, Mother Mary, St. Josemaria Escriva, my family and friends, the coworkers who have supported me, and everybody who has prayed for me!

Oh, I can’t tell you what a burden has been lifted from me! This is right up there with the post-Confession buzz! I’m on Cloud 9!!! :angel1:

This is fantastic news !! It’s so great to hear it worked out so quickly for you, and it’s great to hear you give thanks like that !! This is a great step forward, but prayers should continue, for good measure as well as for thanksgiving (I mean giving thanks, not the holiday)

Ahh, two more things:

a) I know what you mean by “post-confession buzz”. Totally.

b) Who is Josemaria Escriva? Hmm, yet something else I have to look up…

 

[CSN]

CSN:

Who is Josemaria Escriva? Hmm, yet something else I have to look up…

Yikes, someone famous. Should have known that…