Hard situation with my husband, could use some guidance

[MrsATurner]

Before I start to tell my story I would like to ask please please no bashing things have been hard enough as it is and if you can’t say something nicely please don’t say it.

I am 22 years old and have been married to DH for 4 years and we have been married in the church for one year. I am a practicing Catholic and DH is a non-practicing Christian. Last summer DH came to me and asked for a separation. I was of course very upset and went through a lot during that time. The truth is I was far from perfect and I needed to change somethings and the separation helped to open my eyes.

During the time we were seperated DH dated another woman, I will call her L. Well of course everything with DH and L fell apart. DH and I went to counceling and worked on everything and have been happily back together for several months now.

This is not the problem. The problem is that L is pregnant and due in June. It’s hard especially since DH and I have been trying to concieve for awhile and I have fertility problems but I am willing to step up and care for the child even if it’s just as a step parent.

I worry L will not be a good mother. She is a famous party girl, she often drives drunk. She is mean and neglectful to her animals and herself. She has anger and mental issues as well, once even assaulting DH when they were together and having the police called several times.

I know for a fact things between DH and L are over. I know he never cheated on me or has been with anyone other then L during our marriage and separation. I know it’s still wrong that he was with her but he has made up for it now. Am I wrong for fighting for my marriage? Is it wrong that I am willing to help raise a child that isn’t mine?

 

[MrsLLD]

wow, you have a difficult road ahead of you. No, you are not wrong to fight for your marriage and no, you are not wrong to be open to parenting this baby. If you or your DH are truly worried that L will not be a fit parent than DH should consider seeking custody. With that said, you and he both better be sure that view is not based on anything but a true belief. Prayers for your family.

 

[JHow]

It is never wrong to care for a child. Children are helpless and did not choose their parents or their situation. Do all you can to help a child, even if the parent is a fool.

 

[robwar]

you sound like a wonderful person. May God give you the grace to help out here. I am sorry about your marriage and its many serious struggles. you are in my prayers

 

[pianistclare]

Before I start to tell my story I would like to ask please please no bashing things have been hard enough as it is and if you can’t say something nicely please don’t say it.

I am 22 years old and have been married to DH for 4 years and we have been married in the church for one year. I am a practicing Catholic and DH is a non-practicing Christian. Last summer DH came to me and asked for a separation. I was of course very upset and went through a lot during that time. The truth is I was far from perfect and I needed to change somethings and the separation helped to open my eyes.

During the time we were seperated DH dated another woman, I will call her L. Well of course everything with DH and L fell apart. DH and I went to counceling and worked on everything and have been happily back together for several months now.

This is not the problem. The problem is that L is pregnant and due in June. It’s hard especially since DH and I have been trying to concieve for awhile and I have fertility problems but I am willing to step up and care for the child even if it’s just as a step parent.

I worry L will not be a good mother. She is a famous party girl, she often drives drunk. She is mean and neglectful to her animals and herself. She has anger and mental issues as well, once even assaulting DH when they were together and having the police called several times.

I know for a fact things between DH and L are over. I know he never cheated on me or has been with anyone other then L during our marriage and separation. I know it’s still wrong that he was with her but he has made up for it now. Am I wrong for fighting for my marriage? Is it wrong that I am willing to help raise a child that isn’t mine?

WOW. Believe it or not, this exact same thing happened to a friend of mine.
She and her husband persuaded the party girl to give the child to him and my friend. The girl is now pretty much out of the picture, and they are raising the little boy as a younger brother to their two daughters and they all love him dearly. He is a “Junior” and they have made a go of it.
What I’m saying is…has your DH and L decided who will parent this child?
If she’s as bad as you say…perhaps he can petition for custody.
It can be done.
You’re in my prayers.

 

[MJJean]

I think you should be commended for saving the marriage and for being willing to lovingly help raise the child.

On a side note, if there is abuse or neglect once the child is born there is the possibility of you and your husband getting full custody. Make sure he or the both of you are there when the baby is born. Make sure he is put on the birth certificate. Make sure to contact your state agency that handles child support and begin a case to hammer out child support payments and visitation. If the mother refuses to name your husband as father or to allow him his parental rights, your husband can go to the court and request a DNA test and can legally enforce his rights. Document everything in case you do someday have to fight for custody.

 

[jmdmott]

No matter what happens remember God is Love. Always continue to look to the light and find your true courage. Put on the armor of Christ and he will show you the way. Keep strong, ne brave and continue to love your God. Your husband will see your devout dedication to God and perhaps through example he will see the love of God through you. I’m so glad you fight for your marriage and you are doing the absolute right thing by doing your best to take in a beautiful life. God Bless!

 

[tawny]

Before I start to tell my story I would like to ask please please no bashing things have been hard enough as it is and if you can’t say something nicely please don’t say it.

I am 22 years old and have been married to DH for 4 years and we have been married in the church for one year. I am a practicing Catholic and DH is a non-practicing Christian. Last summer DH came to me and asked for a separation. I was of course very upset and went through a lot during that time. The truth is I was far from perfect and I needed to change somethings and the separation helped to open my eyes.

During the time we were seperated DH dated another woman, I will call her L. Well of course everything with DH and L fell apart. DH and I went to counceling and worked on everything and have been happily back together for several months now.

This is not the problem. The problem is that L is pregnant and due in June. It’s hard especially since DH and I have been trying to concieve for awhile and I have fertility problems but I am willing to step up and care for the child even if it’s just as a step parent.

I worry L will not be a good mother. She is a famous party girl, she often drives drunk. She is mean and neglectful to her animals and herself. She has anger and mental issues as well, once even assaulting DH when they were together and having the police called several times.

I know for a fact things between DH and L are over. I know he never cheated on me or has been with anyone other then L during our marriage and separation. I know it’s still wrong that he was with her but he has made up for it now. Am I wrong for fighting for my marriage? Is it wrong that I am willing to help raise a child that isn’t mine?

Praying for the Holy Spirit to give you strength & fortitude.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Before I start to tell my story I would like to ask please please no bashing things have been hard enough as it is and if you can’t say something nicely please don’t say it.

I am 22 years old and have been married to DH for 4 years and we have been married in the church for one year. I am a practicing Catholic and DH is a non-practicing Christian. Last summer DH came to me and asked for a separation. I was of course very upset and went through a lot during that time. The truth is I was far from perfect and I needed to change somethings and the separation helped to open my eyes.

During the time we were seperated DH dated another woman, I will call her L. Well of course everything with DH and L fell apart. DH and I went to counceling and worked on everything and have been happily back together for several months now.

This is not the problem. The problem is that L is pregnant and due in June. It’s hard especially since DH and I have been trying to concieve for awhile and I have fertility problems but I am willing to step up and care for the child even if it’s just as a step parent.

I worry L will not be a good mother. She is a famous party girl, she often drives drunk. She is mean and neglectful to her animals and herself. She has anger and mental issues as well, once even assaulting DH when they were together and having the police called several times.

I know for a fact things between DH and L are over. I know he never cheated on me or has been with anyone other then L during our marriage and separation. I know it’s still wrong that he was with her but he has made up for it now. Am I wrong for fighting for my marriage? Is it wrong that I am willing to help raise a child that isn’t mine?

No, you are not wrong to fight for your marriage. In fact, it’s kind of nice to hear that you are.

 

[Cricket2]

Before I start to tell my story I would like to ask please please no bashing things have been hard enough as it is and if you can’t say something nicely please don’t say it.

I am 22 years old and have been married to DH for 4 years and we have been married in the church for one year. I am a practicing Catholic and DH is a non-practicing Christian. Last summer DH came to me and asked for a separation. I was of course very upset and went through a lot during that time. The truth is I was far from perfect and I needed to change somethings and the separation helped to open my eyes.

During the time we were seperated DH dated another woman, I will call her L. Well of course everything with DH and L fell apart. DH and I went to counceling and worked on everything and have been happily back together for several months now.

This is not the problem. The problem is that L is pregnant and due in June. It’s hard especially since DH and I have been trying to concieve for awhile and I have fertility problems but I am willing to step up and care for the child even if it’s just as a step parent.

I worry L will not be a good mother. She is a famous party girl, she often drives drunk. She is mean and neglectful to her animals and herself. She has anger and mental issues as well, once even assaulting DH when they were together and having the police called several times.

I know for a fact things between DH and L are over. I know he never cheated on me or has been with anyone other then L during our marriage and separation. I know it’s still wrong that he was with her but he has made up for it now. Am I wrong for fighting for my marriage? Is it wrong that I am willing to help raise a child that isn’t mine?

It is not wrong to fight to save your marriage or to be willing to raise a child that is not yours. But you need to be sure you know that the child may be in danger, and if that child is in danger you need to contact the law immediately. (Say you know the mom is drunk and wants to drive off with the child. You need to call police immediately.)

If she is currently being mean and neglectful to her animals you should report her now, not later. And if you think you have sufficient grounds to take over the care of this child you better start documenting anything that can win your argument in court. Just don’t forget this is a sure way to make the mom, if not others, really mad and even hateful toward you. Tread carefully and prayerfully.

 

[dluna]

No matter what happens remember God is Love. Always continue to look to the light and find your true courage. Put on the armor of Christ and he will show you the way. Keep strong, ne brave and continue to love your God. Your husband will see your devout dedication to God and perhaps through example he will see the love of God through you. I’m so glad you fight for your marriage and you are doing the absolute right thing by doing your best to take in a beautiful life. God Bless!

Your response to OP made me tear. I’m very touched.

Anyway I think OP asked if it is wrong of her to fight because what she has chosen seems to be something most in the secular world won’t. I myself ain’t so brave and generous. OP, I personally think you are totally doing what Jesus would do. I’m only afraid things may complicate e.g. child’s mother may come after him/her in a few years. Definitely need divine and legal guidance.

 

[MrsATurner]

You have all made me cry tears of joy today. I told my story on a secular message board for moms and I was harassed off the site and told DH is probably still sleeping with L and that L doesn’t r really have anger problems she’s just been lied to about me like I was lied to about her. It is so amazing to actually see someone giving me support.

DH and I have plans to try and get primaray if not sole custody. L is seriously a nightmare. I try my hardest to pray for her and hope she makes the right choice and willingly allows for us to have custody.

She is not a Christian and says horrible things about me for being religious especially catholic. She once called me a devil worshipper. She even posted on my facebook that at least she is a real woman who can carry and baby and called me a transvestite ( I suffer from PCOS and embaressingly have a problem with facial hair but I try to keep it under control.)

Thank you all again for your prayers and support. Also please pray for L. Ask our Lord to help her with her anger and pray that she doesn’t do anything to harm the baby like drink or smoke. And pray that what is best for the child is what happens.