Hard time finding good friends in college!

[quetzalcoatl198]

I’m a college student at a large public university, and yet I find myself very lonely. To say that I don’t make friends easily is an understatement, but I really have tried. I was briefly involved with a Catholic student group (associated with the Catholic church on campus) but was put off by their clique-ishness and excessive drinking (as in getting drunk every weekend). I later joined a ‘non-denominational’ Christian fellowship/worship/bible study group, where the students were more open and welcoming, but I recently stopped going because I realized that their core beliefs contradict those of Catholicism in some of the worst ways (seeing Catholics as non-Christians and idolaters, etc.).

I really don’t know where else to go now that my only possible sources of Catholic/Christian friends have shown themselves to be disappointments. As I’m sure you can imagine, the majority of students get drunk every weekend, and I feel like I’m stuck with the options of either trying to find some immoral/secular friends or going back to the non-denominational group that is friendly but hostile to my faith.

I figure I must be way too picky, because with all the students on campus, surely there have got to be some who would make great friends. I’m just having a hard time finding them, because I feel surrounded by people who are detrimental to my faith, which is the most important thing for me.

So I guess my question is if anyone has any advice on how to meet people who will help lead me towards God, or at least not take me away from Him??

 

[karea]

Hi, I’m also a college student. I’m not much of a socialite either, but I do have some tips for you. If you have access to public or private transportation you could try local youth groups and churches. Also, have you tried to join any clubs of interest? There are also groups on most campuses that join together to be alcohol-free which may be of interest to you. A big club on my campus is an outdoor club that goes hiking, there are political groups, interest groups, etc. Surely you have other interests? You could even try new things-like my school has a karate class and other exercise classes where its easy to meet people. Or, you could start your own club/group as many people at my school do. I can assure you that not -everybody- drinks, even at my campus where it’s glorified I know plenty of people who abstain. If you have a facebook account you could probably look up these groups or create your own on your school’s network.

In the nice group of Christians, you said they had misconceptions about Catholics? Well why don’t you have some good conversation with them and clear them up? You can show them what a real Catholic looks like, not drinking themselves unconscious every weekend. If they’re nice, maybe you could be friends while respecting each other’s beliefs. I’m Presbyterian and I have Catholic, Agnostic, Atheist, Jewish, and even one Buddhist friend. We’re all very encouraging and share our opinions and talk about our faith (or lack thereof).

Good luck, and don’t be so closed off to new friendships, you may be able to be a good influence in an environment where that’s difficult to find!

 

[purplesunshine]

I went to a catholic college and I think I befriended most of the non-catholics on campus. Sure, we never could share our faith…which was important…and sure…I missed out on fun things because I had to go to mass but for the most part finding like minds…in morality…is the big thing. My friends in general were against getting drunk, believed in life from conception on (even the athiest), had good study habits, ate well and liked excercize.

It was hard when they couldn’t see my spritual point of view but in the end we were all friends.

On a harder note. I went to a smaller college. Sometimes, the more people their are the harder it is to find someone of a like mind…why? beucsae any gathering starts from the group dynamic level 8+ people and not from the friendship dynamic. Campus activities would probably consider an event with 30 people showing up on your campus a failure, yet that was a big event on my campus (bar concerts and dances). I just don’t see how anyone makes friends.

 

[JPUSC]

You can join a fraternity/sorority, but I doubt that’s the answer you’re looking for, haha.

Maybe you should just find a non-religious organization to make friends. In religious organizations, you would probably start by expecting everyone to be good and perfect, but in the end when you start seeing flaws in people…you realize they are just like everyone else, maybe even worse.

…and sometimes, religious people can get a little annoying, if you know what I mean. It was kinda funny hearing the words “personal Savior,” “Jesus,” “rapture,” and “saved” every five minutes from my Evangelical acquantinces. Plus, they’re really into converting others into their Protestant faith.

 

[Prof_K]

Not a college student, but a college professor. I also teach at a large public university. The Catholic Church near campus is your best bet. But I would encourage you to talk to the local youth minister or priest to find out what activities they have. Retreats and service trips are not only important to one’s spiritual life, because they get you beyond the superficial interactions of the local party or social they often help students form lasting bonds.
Good Luck and God Bless
Prof K

 

[Buddicca]

Hi guys,
just letting you know you’re not alone in the world and this problem comes up alot.
I’m 46 and a mum to 2 teenagers and ( courtesy of the army ) I’m in a new town where I don’t know anyone.
I stay right away from the traditional ‘army wife’ scene because; yes adults still cling to that clique-ness ( didn’t like it at high school or university either ) so don’t think it gets better with age.
But I got better in myself.
I am lonley here ( my husband is away with military service ) and well, I can’t dump on the kids!
My Mum always said to me to be thankful "there is always someone worse of in the world than you ". ( I hate it when mum is right! )
But lonliness is everywhere! Its an epidemic.
Where I came from ( big city ) if you smiled at someone on the bus they thought you were a stalker - where we are now is alot smaller - & it took a while to know it was OK when people greeted you in the street. ( they weren’t going to rob you! )
I don’t want to go to pubs and clubs and the church here is actually in another city, you have to travel there.
But I also struggle with making appropriate friends.
I wish you all luck and will pray for your eventual success!

 

[jlyn1110]

You can join a fraternity/sorority, but I doubt that’s the answer you’re looking for, haha.

Hey, don’t knock Greek letter organizations…if you’re in the USA (or some parts of Canada or the Philippines) seek out Alpha Phi Omega, the co-ed service fraternity. While you may not find the faith-sharing experience you’ve been looking for, APO was founded by Eagle Scouts and is firmly rooted in the ideals of the Boy Scout Law. It’s a great program that serves to unite diverse people from all aspects of the college community.

Finding friends at school can seem like an intense interview process, but it doesn’t have to be. Be the best person you can be, and when you spot a group/club/organization that looks interesting or seems to mesh with your ideals, try them out. If after one or 2 meetings the fit isn’t right, move on.

Get to know the pastor and/or campus minister at your Catholic center…see if they will help you organize a dinner or outing for students like yourself (new, transfer, whatever the case is). At my university, bowling and pizza are always popular ideas.

 

[catherinette]

I’m a college student at a large public university, and yet I find myself very lonely. To say that I don’t make friends easily is an understatement, but I really have tried. I was briefly involved with a Catholic student group (associated with the Catholic church on campus) but was put off by their clique-ishness and excessive drinking (as in getting drunk every weekend). I later joined a ‘non-denominational’ Christian fellowship/worship/bible study group, where the students were more open and welcoming, but I recently stopped going because I realized that their core beliefs contradict those of Catholicism in some of the worst ways (seeing Catholics as non-Christians and idolaters, etc.).

I really don’t know where else to go now that my only possible sources of Catholic/Christian friends have shown themselves to be disappointments. As I’m sure you can imagine, the majority of students get drunk every weekend, and I feel like I’m stuck with the options of either trying to find some immoral/secular friends or going back to the non-denominational group that is friendly but hostile to my faith.

I figure I must be way too picky, because with all the students on campus, surely there have got to be some who would make great friends. I’m just having a hard time finding them, because I feel surrounded by people who are detrimental to my faith, which is the most important thing for me.

So I guess my question is if anyone has any advice on how to meet people who will help lead me towards God, or at least not take me away from Him??

Well I have a couple of suggestions, but I find I have the same problem at times. You could try volunteering at a soup kitchen or tutoring kids, because the people you meet are more likely to be serious about their faith if they are actively doing service of some kind. On the other hand, I wouldn’t be completely turned off by the Catholic kids just because they drink; in general it’s just an unfortunate part of college that there is such a huge focus on drinking, but if they are at least respectful of your decision not to drink (or not to drink excessively), then perhaps you can still be friends with them. Who knows? Perhaps you will change some minds as well. Another answer might be to seek out people who are a little older; once people are past the 18-22 age, most of them are not quite as focused on getting drunk every weekend.

 

[Cat]

Northern Illinois University class of 1980. (Yes, the school that had the shooting last Valentine’s Day.)

I really hated college. I was raised in a teetotalling family, and 99.9% of the kids at NIU had “drinking 'til you puke” as their college goal. I hated it.

I also had the great misfortune to be a student during the disco craze. To this day, I hate disco and I hope it’s dead forever. That constant “thump thump thump” of various disco songs gave me a complex–I still sleep with a loud fan, which I used back then to try to drown out the noise of Sat. Night Fever and Donna Summer.

I had very few friends in college. My best friend from grade school/high school attended the same college, and we hung out. A schizophrenic that I befriended, and we are still friends and see each other once a week. My husband (who was my boyfriend at the time.)

That’s about it. Out of 20,000 students, I had three friends. How sad.

But I will say this–I had a few more “pals” in my Junior and Senior year as I got more involved in my medical technology major. Once you’re through the Freshman and Sophomore years, a lot of slackers drop out, and the kids who are left are a little more serious about actually learning something.

These kids were fellow med tech students, and we hung out together because we were all in the same boat–studying like crazy to get good grades. I also made friends in the music department because I played piano and I was in madrigals. But again, about the only social activity these kids seemed to understand was drinking, so I really didn’t get close to any of them other than in class and in studying marathons.

So try to find others in your major–there is probably a club or organization devoted to your major on your campus. It might be international or national, or it might just be a local club that students at your school started. That’s a good place to find people who at least share some of your interests.

 

[Prof_K]

Northern Illinois University class of 1980. (Yes, the school that had the shooting last Valentine’s Day.)

I really hated college. I was raised in a teetotalling family, and 99.9% of the kids at NIU had “drinking 'til you puke” as their college goal. I hated it.

.

Cat…I have been at NIU since 1987, the students haven’t gotten any better in terms of the partying, but the Newman Center on campus has gotten stronger and they even run an associated floor in the University Plaza for Catholics. It isn’t much…but there is some progress at NIU.
Cheers,
Prof K

 

[Vman358]

I’m a college student at a large public university, and yet I find myself very lonely. To say that I don’t make friends easily is an understatement, but I really have tried. I was briefly involved with a Catholic student group (associated with the Catholic church on campus) but was put off by their clique-ishness and excessive drinking (as in getting drunk every weekend). I later joined a ‘non-denominational’ Christian fellowship/worship/bible study group, where the students were more open and welcoming, but I recently stopped going because I realized that their core beliefs contradict those of Catholicism in some of the worst ways (seeing Catholics as non-Christians and idolaters, etc.).

I really don’t know where else to go now that my only possible sources of Catholic/Christian friends have shown themselves to be disappointments. As I’m sure you can imagine, the majority of students get drunk every weekend, and I feel like I’m stuck with the options of either trying to find some immoral/secular friends or going back to the non-denominational group that is friendly but hostile to my faith.

I figure I must be way too picky, because with all the students on campus, surely there have got to be some who would make great friends. I’m just having a hard time finding them, because I feel surrounded by people who are detrimental to my faith, which is the most important thing for me.

So I guess my question is if anyone has any advice on how to meet people who will help lead me towards God, or at least not take me away from Him??

PRAY!!!
Keep your eyes on Jesus. I didn’t get any Catholic friends until I turned 21. I fortunately had 2 Christians who helped me grown in the faith a lot. Prayer is your best bet. Embrace your cross of not being able to find them and carry on; they will come in due time. No one says you have to be with people who are detrimental to your faith. If you have to, make the best of it, but otherwise, maybe God is calling you to solitude with Him right now. Do not despair; instead put your effort to personal growth in faith, learning, prayer, everything. Someone once told me that loneliness is just God trying to fill a spot in your life (or something close to that) and you have to let him.

My two protestant friends and I debated sooo much. Maybe God is calling you to do some apologetics to those non-catholic groups.

Go to church and frequent the sacraments, that’s a generally a good 1st step filter to see takes our Faith more seriously. They may be doing because they are only culturally Catholic, so watch out. I find that going to the other liturgical services and instituted rites also are pretty good surface level determiners of who takes their Faith seriously. Someone (I think Christ) says test everything and retain what is good.

Remember that through tough times and times of uncertainty, all God may be calling you to is to trust in Him.

 

[OLHope]

Most Universities should have an On Campus Ministry. If they don’t you may need to begin organizing one. If a main city is within a half hour drive, I would look up their young adult ministries with their arch diocese and visit as many yam events until you find the one that fancies you. A lot of these typical college weekend drinkers only end up graduating to do the same thing and then become alcoholics(sometimes), so do the right thing by making your contacts those of your own faith beliefs and begin to network for your career, you never know what comes out of it. Like someone said, I helped in theater by joining a coed service frat/soror, we made sets and shows and had moderate parties. Nothing hard core. I went to school in a very big city, too, so never a dull moment here. Every second was a learning value.