Has anybody else known a priest who objected to being called "Father"?

[EmilyAlexandra]

This is a bit of a specific question, so please don’t respond based just on the thread title!

The priest referred to in the title is a Catholic Benedictine monk and priest. Somebody addressed him as “Father”, as in, “Good morning, Father”, or, “Would you like a cup of tea, Father?” He said that he doesn’t like to be addressed as “Father” because it’s like being addressed as “Sir”. He said that he prefers to be called “Father David” or just “David” if some non-Catholics don’t like using the title “Father” (David is not his real name, by the way, but I thought I’d better not use his real name).

He also said that although every Benedictine monk is correctly given the title “Dom”, he doesn’t think that monks should actually be addressed as “Dom” (as in “Hello, Dom David”), as he considers it “arrogant”, since the title is derived from the word for “Lord”.

So, in summary, he had no objection to the title “Father” in principle, but considers that it should always be prefixed to a priest’s first name rather than being used as a term of deference equivalent to Sir/Ma’am etc. He thought that “Dom” should be used in the sense of, “I am pleased to introduce our guest speaker, the Reverend Dom Michael Jones”, rather than, “Thank you for that fascinating lecture, Dom Michael”.

Is this quite common? Perhaps it’s a cultural/generational thing? This chap was English and quite elderly.

 

[Socrates92]

I’ve never heard of it before. It seems kind of strange. Analogously, I can’t picture a family doctor objecting to being called “Doctor” or a College professor objecting to being called “Professor.” Both are just the normal way of addressing someone in those positions. But what do I know? Maybe it’s a cultural thing.

 

[adamhovey1988]

I know of a priest that would let you call him by his first name, but, honestly, I just called him Fr. or Abouna (Arabic for father, as in a priest), anyway.

 

[Rozellelily]

I have experience something kind of similar. I am Croatian but living in Australia, and once when I have rang a couple of Catholic Churches here if I have asked to speak “to the Father” I have been met with dead silence, and then an eventual "you mean that you want to talk to the priest?’.
So, I think it is a cultural thing.

It is good if a Father does not want to be called that solely for humility reasons, but sadly, I think the bigger reason for it today is modernity. In my phone calls mentioned above, I sensed that it was not just a miscommunication issue, but almost like there was a sense of “hostility” at my use of the word Father.
Too much tradition has been removed from Catholic religions in western countries imo, and I rarely see an Australian nun wearing a habit anymore etc.

I have never known a Father himself to object to being called it though

 

[EmilyAlexandra]

I can’t picture a family doctor objecting to being called “Doctor” or a College professor objecting to being called “Professor.” Both are just the normal way of addressing someone in those positions.

I think that must be a cultural difference. I am assuming you are from the US as you say “college professor”, which isn’t a term used here. I can’t imagine calling any doctor just “Doctor”. If they’re called John or Jane Smith, I’d say “Dr Smith” for a physician or “Mr/Miss Smith” for a surgeon (including obstetricians and gynaecologists) unless they use another title such as “Professor Smith”, “Sir John”, etc. For an academic, I’d say “Professor Smith”, “Dr Smith”, “Mr Smith”, etc according to their rank or qualifications.

if I have asked to speak “to the Father” I have been met with dead silence, and then an eventual "you mean that you want to talk to the priest?’.

Yes, in English, I don’t think people generally use “father” to be synonymous with “priest”. It’s a title or form of address for a priest, but I don’t think people routinely use it as a term to describe a priest. Collectively, I know that the Missionaries of Africa are known as the White Fathers and the Society of St John the Evangelist are known as the Cowley Fathers, but I don’t think I’d say, “I have an appointment to see the father at 3”, or, “My cousin is the father at St John’s”.

It is good if a Father does not want to be called that solely for humility reasons, but sadly, I think the bigger reason for it today is modernity.

I got the impression that the priest I met who didn’t like being called “Father” was genuinely very humble. He would have been ordained over 60 years ago I think, although I know that when Catholics talk about something being “modern” they often mean around the 1960s and that actually many younger priests are more old fashioned than priests who are now in their 80s! It occurs to me that this priest had been a schoolmaster at one time, so perhaps he used to hear the lay teachers being addressed as “Sir” and “Ma’am” and felt that being called “Father” was just the equivalent of being “Sir” or “Ma’am”.

 

[Socrates92]

am assuming you are from the US as you say “college professor

Nope. I just intentionally used the American term because I assumed the OP was from the US. I was too lazy to check though.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

This chap was English

Yeah, I figured he wasn’t Irish…

This is a personal preference.

Most priests I know don’t care whether they’re called “Father” or “Father Firstname” or “Father Lastname”. Some of them have expressed a preference for the name they want used if there’s a name, such as the Rev. Michael Smith might prefer “Father Mike”, or “Father Michael”, or “Father Smith”. A few very progressive priests are in the “let’s skip this Father stuff, I’m not your dad, call me Mike” camp.

A priest in USA who doesn’t want to be called just “Father” might or might not succeed with that. I can tell you that if he is at a parish with lots of old Irish, Italian, or Polish ladies, he’s going to get called “Father” (as in, “ I was just speaking to Father and he said…”) whether he likes it or not, so it’s going to take him a lot of effort to keep correcting that.

I think a lot of priests just see it as similar to “Doctor” or “Professor” or “Officer” or “Judge” etc as being an honorific job title that doesn’t always require a name be hooked to it.

 

[JMMJ]

All of the priests I knew growing up preferred to be called by their first or last name. "Happy birthday, Bill!"Or “Good night, Jenkins”.

 

[JimG]

Since he’s a monk, he could also be addressed as “Brother.” It seems to me he is being rather picky about a common title. Maybe people don’t remember his first name.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

I knew of one priest who liked to be called by his first name — he invited me to do so, but I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that. He had basically left the priesthood, though (would celebrate the TLM privately for groups that requested it), and as I later found out, had a reasonably good job in the secular world. He would definitely be a candidate for this new rule of “five years AWOL and you can be laicized upon request”, and may have done that. We’ve lost touch.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Yeah, the fact that a lot of the progressive “just call me by my first name” priests ended up leaving the priesthood left me with a jaundiced view of that whole oeuvre.

 

[BigBoom]

When I was a kid, a priest like that replaced a good, holy priest at our church. My parents quickly changed churches for us.

 

[Wannano]

EmilyAlexandra:

This chap was English

Yeah, I figured he wasn’t Irish…

This is a personal preference.

Most priests I know don’t care whether they’re called “Father” or “Father Firstname” or “Father Lastname”. Some of them have expressed a preference for the name they want used if there’s a name, such as the Rev. Michael Smith might prefer “Father Mike”, or “Father Michael”, or “Father Smith”. A few very progressive priests are in the “let’s skip this Father stuff, I’m not your dad, call me Mike” camp.

A priest in USA who doesn’t want to be called just “Father” might or might not succeed with that. I can tell you that if he is at a parish with lots of old Irish, Italian, or Polish ladies, he’s going to get called “Father” (as in, “ I was just speaking to Father and he said…”) whether he likes it or not, so it’s going to take him a lot of effort to keep correcting that.

I think a lot of priests just see it as similar to “Doctor” or “Professor” or “Officer” or “Judge” etc as being an honorific job title that doesn’t always require a name be hooked to it.

In my career I have worked closely with many priests so I identify with what you have presented. I have often wondered though how the usage of the term “Father” originated to identify a Catholic priest. Is it established upon anything other than custom? If other titles like Officer, Judge etc identify an honorific job title why aren’t Catholic priests called “Priest Larry” etc?

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Priests are traditionally considered our spiritual fathers. This article has a more detailed explanation.

Church – Our Lady of the Rosary – Greenville, SC

 

[Wannano]

Thanks! Actually a good article for both non-Catholics and Catholics to read.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

If other titles like Officer, Judge etc identify an honorific job title why aren’t Catholic priests called “Priest Larry” etc?

In a given culture, if that kind of nomenclature got started, then it would be perfectly appropriate, in the same vein as “Padre”, “Monsieur le Curé”, “Aboona”, and so on. To a very large extent, such things are socially conditioned.

And don’t even get me started on the objection of some hyper-traditionalists that only priests in religious orders are to be called “Father”, with diocesan priests simply being “Mister”. That is a fringe view, but some hold it. I’m not one of them.

 

[Wannano]

In my part of the world it seems as though more and more Catholics are referring to their priests as “Pastor.”

 

[JimG]

My wife not only called priests “Father,” she always wished them a “Happy Fathers Day” on that particular Sunday celebrating Fathers Day.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

My wife not only called priests “Father,” she always wished them a “Happy Fathers Day” on that particular Sunday celebrating Fathers Day.

That is absolutely appropriate. I’ve done that before.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

In my part of the world it seems as though more and more Catholics are referring to their priests as “Pastor.”

In the US, calling a religious leader “Pastor So-and-so” usually signifies that he or she is Protestant.

A priest who is the head of a parish may be designated its “pastor”, but he is not addressed as “Pastor So-and-so”. He would be called, “Father So-and-so, the pastor of St. Mary’s” .

If you are living in an area with a predominantly Protestant population, it may be that their habit has carried over to Catholics, or that a number of the Catholics are Protestant converts and brought their habit of “Pastor So-and-so” with them. I have never heard a Catholic priest called “Pastor so-and-so” in my life. But I have spent just about my whole life in heavily Catholic parts of the country.