Has anyone ever been like me?

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AlleluAllelu

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I’ve been a steadfast, Mass-going Catholic my whole life. “Steadfast,” as in attending weekly Mass, participating in Archdiocesan events, and remaining virginal-chaste as I am single and unmarried.

I also suffered for years from deviant thoughts. I’d confess them, and I’d get worn down by temptation and entertain them. Now, I feel like a veil has been lifted from my eyes and I feel like I am about to embark on a life without them, after much prayer and conversation with Christ. I still get them popping in, but they aren’t consuming me like they used to…I think it was a result of depression, feeling sorry for myself, and victimizing myself that allowed me to sink so sinfully low to begin with.

Yet, I feel terrible now that I had experienced and participated in such sinful thoughts and images and actions and yet went on outwardly as a “good Catholic.” Was it God’s way of keeping me close to Him, despite my faults?

Has anyone else undergone a change in perceptive of their private life like this? I feel like I want to go through counseling of some sort; I feel happy that I see things and myself like never before, but I also feel that I’m a terrible person for ever having such deviant thoughts to begin with.

When I look at others, I see happy, joyous people who have lasting relationships. I want that terribly, but I feel trapped by my past and fearful of judgment and rejection should I ever admit it, if I was to marry, for example.

Has anyone else worked their way past deviant thoughts and sins before? I feel just unworthy now after reviewing my past.
 
It happened to me too… Cured a year and a half ago… Still have troubles… Trying to make sure I have everything confessed properly… I’m confident, though, that we’ll both get past this.
 
I am in the process of the struggle (I hope on the way out, because where I have been was much worse!) and a Freshman in college. I hope I make it out with my soul intact.

Part of my process got so bad, the local court had to be dragged in, I had to get counseling and was placed on antidepressants. Certain bad, destructive habits entered my life during this time, and I am still struggling with them. I go to Mass weekly and try to go to Confession weekly, but every week I fall, even though for a time I honestly and truly struggle against my failings, after a while I fall despite my struggle.

I try remain pious because I want to overcome my sins.
 
First of all, if you want counciling, you should go get it. But from what you have listed here, personally, I see no reason whatsoever to do so.

Oh my goodness.

Look at Paul’s letters … all of them talk about sin and how we are sinners. We just are. We are fallen people in a very fallen world. Bad thoughts happen and if we’re weak for whatever reason, those thoughts can consume us.

Don’t sweat it. BUT.

I’m not judging mind you, but it almost sounds like the real sin you’re struggling with is pride. You took/take pride in your chastity, Mass attendance etc; so much pride that you didn’t seek help until you thought you had everything fixed, only it isn’t fixed because you have failed to begin to address your pride.

I know this “demon” well. Pride has been a lifelong companion for me… especially at my lowest points. Try rebuking pride (in Jesus’ name) and praying for humility, charity and discernment. Don’t fail to confess (if I’m not completely missing the mark here).

Most importantly, start praying for strangers or acquaintances; “lowly” people who you see in passing. Eventually, you will feel spirit lead towards these “lost” souls. Once you have a better level of empathy for others, that door to self-loathing surreptitiously closes and pride gets shut out firmly and forever as long as we maintain our vigilance.

But I could be totally off on this. lol Please don’t be offended if I am… Actually, please don’t be offended if I’m not too. 🙂
 
Yes and worse; though i drifted away from Church; its satan that keeps you from moving on so in the same way as you don’t entertain immoral thoughts and so doing have lessened them you need not entertain uneccessary guilt or shame; if you have confessed and have repented then trust in God.

Don’t go looking for a partner etc just pray for God to send what you need and then get on with your normal life and what you need will come.

Love and Respect
 
Thank you, everyone, for all the replies.

I’ve begun to realize that we’re all sinners. I used to go around thinking my sinful side was just another part of my personality, and that I was “The Good Catholic.” I never felt much pride in my chastity or participation in Church, though. In fact, I’d feel even further “left out” because of my thoughts and then quietly participating in my faith, even though I’d been laughed at for being a “goody goody.”

I’ve often wondered what can cause such deviant thinking…if it’s a demonic presence, or a mental weakness that we feed into in times of distress, or both.
 
I’ve also noticed the more I’ve tried to renounce these deviant thoughts, the more stronger they become at that very moment they occur…😦
 
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