Has anyone ever cared for foster children?

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Anyone who’s either fostered or worked in social services caring for children who have been taken away from their biological parents… do you have any advice for someone new to this type of work?
 
I have an Aunt that was very involved with the state foster program. She took on many of the older children so her experience may differ from what you will experience.

From what I saw:
  • All too often the foster program is dealing with children from unstable home situations and many of them have been psychologically and/or physically abused and or neglected. Many of these children may have been bounced thru different programs and foster homes - many of which only cared about the money.
  • Be genuine - most foster kids have experienced a lot of “fake” love and concern and they can tell an insincere complement.
  • Don’t take insults personally - often they’ve been hurt very deeply and very often; thus, many will lash out or be distant as an effort in self protection.
  • MAKE SURE YOU GET THEIR ENTIRE CASE HISTORY! my Aunt was blind-sided by one placement where the child had a history of being molested, drugs, and run-away. If you get such a high risk placement make sure you have resources to counseling for you, the child, and your family!
  • If there is a restraining order against the parents - CALL THE POLICE - if they show up on your door step, some can be very nice people in a bad situation and others will have a baseball bat in their hands (yes, this happened to my Aunt, thankfully we were living across the street at the time and my Dad was there to help her - scary! This may never happen to you; however, do not take the chance, the restraining order is in place for a good reason) .
If there is a restraining order, be upfront with your child about this possibility that you might need to call the police (for younger children the police are there to help you talk with Mommy and/or Daddy - no need to scare them). By discussing this up front, you have a chance to setup a coping mechanism for the child should the worse case develop by helping them to understand that the parent chose to break the rules and that as adults there are consequences for breaking the rules.
  • REALLY LISTEN to their concerns, fears, and needs - even if what they are asking for is against the rules, listen. Then, rules are rules and they need to understand that too. If there’s a Win-Win great; however, you are the “parent” and they need that advocate, not another “friend;” however, an advocate will listen and take into account reasonable needs and concerns of the child.
  • YOU ARE THE PARENT! They do not need another friend, they need an advocate that is looking out for their best interests - even if they hate you for it at the moment. Do what has to be done in the moment. If you can explain the choice at the time, great, if not, then tell them, “I’ll explain later” - and do so. If it’s a “because I’m the Adult” moment - then that’s the way it is - you are the parent.
  • Treat them as your own - even if they break your heart. There was one placement with my Aunt that broke all of our hearts, more than once, but none more so than my Aunt. Sometimes, they are so broken inside that we just cannot help them at that point in time. Do the best you can in these situations, ask God for mercy and strength.
  • Patience
  • Prayer
  • Patience
  • Prayer
Go to Mass. Take them, even if they cannot receive communion, take them!
 
We fostered for a few years and eventually adopted. What specifically are you wanting to know more about?
 
I am a foster, adoptive and biological mama.🙂 I work in child welfare. Are you considering fostering or have specific questions that I may be able to answer for you?
 
I’m going into a job in youth crisis care and I work where they will be living, the kids will stay at our care home for a few months to a year and I will usually have about 4 to look after by myself.
It’s a new role to me and I’m not a mother so I was just looking for any tips from anyone who has cared for foster children or worked in a similar role. I dont have any specific questions, I just don’t know what to expect. I want to be able to give them the best care and be considerate regarding their rough start in life.
 
This is a good snapshot. We use This in our training. Also research trauma informed care. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. (Just a note, if you have children, it is not appropriate viewing for them.)

ReMoved part 1
youtube.com/watch?v=lOeQUwdAjE0
 
Catholic_Mama_6 said:
This is a good snapshot. We use This in our training. Also research trauma informed care. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. (Just a note, if you have children, it is not appropriate viewing for them.)

ReMoved part 1
youtube.com/watch?v=lOeQUwdAjE0
Click to expand...
Thank you, just watched both films. I’m doing the trauma informed care training soon and I’ve heard it’s been affective.
 
As you are probably already aware, many children who enter foster care are developmentally behind . Recent research has also shown that many children that may have been previously diagnosed with attention disorders or bipolar have symptoms that mimic these disorders but are a direct result of neglect and trauma.Your trauma training will prepare you even more with specifics. You obviously have a heart for children and desire to truly meet their needs when you are working with them.You will learn along the way as we all do in this area 🙂 Keeping you in my prayers.
 
It is the most wonderful experience in the world and yet can also be the hardest. You need to prepare for both.

It sounds like you have developed a great understanding of children from trauma and a lot of great resources have been shared here. I know every time I watch Removed, I cry. It is the story of my oldest.

My wife and I adopted 5 children, 3 half sisters and a brother/sister pair. All wonderful, but all with special needs.

Get support! From a group or Mental Health professional, it will benefit you greatly. It is very difficulty to go from Highs to Lows on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. Our oldest had Reactive Attention Disordered and she caused most of the heart ache. I would love to share more as I have learned a lot from mistakes. You can private message me for more if you would like.

God Bless
 
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