Has anyone noticed how in contemporary culture

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Benjinho

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Having children, unless it’s very few and at a very particular age, is viewed as a burden, and even sometimes as really disgusting/low class or a sign of poor upbringing?

I mean, I know children are a lot of work, but I find it disturbing how children are viewed in our culture. It’s like we value careers, animals and possessions, things that are much more transient, than in raising people who literally are our very legacy.
 
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Benjinho said:
Having children, unless it’s very few and at a very particular age, is viewed as a burden, and even sometimes as really disgusting/low class or a sign of poor upbringing?
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It is a shame, yes. That said, I do think there are benefits to encouraging people to be prudent about how many children they have and at what age. If you bring a bunch of children into the world that you’re unable to properly care for, you’re just being irresponsible.

We don’t want people to wait until they’re forty to have kids, but its also not great if they start cranking out a brood at 19.

But generally, yeah, our culture has a dysfunctional attitude towards kids, I agree.
 
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LawyersGunsAndMoney said:
But generally, yeah, our culture has a dysfunctional attitude towards kids, I agree.
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Yep…it’s basically have a boy and a girl and you’re done.

Honestly though, what bothers me more is that the concept of “it takes a village to raise a child” is gone. We (mostly moms, but dads also) are expected to do it alone and not just that, but be superparent while we’re at it. Sorry but I don’t buy that…I love my kids but I admit that it would have been so much better for me and for them if I would have had more extended family involvement. My parents just don’t seem to want to be that involved which is sad. I honestly wonder if it’s a generation thing though…they are baby boomers and I wonder if the dysfunctional childhoods they had played a role in that??? At any rate, I think being a parent today is 10x harder than it was in previous times and I think a lot of young people see that and don’t’ want anything to do with it.
 
I think that’s also partially a result of the increasingly mobile economy. I have no data to back this up, but I’m guessing it’s much more common to have extended families geographically separated. When you have the parents living in Houston, the aunt and uncle living in Wisconsin, and the grandparents in Connecticut, you can’t just call someone on short notice to watch the kids when something comes up.
 
Benjinho said:
Having children, unless it’s very few and at a very particular age, is viewed as a burden, and even sometimes as really disgusting/low class or a sign of poor upbringing?
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In many areas of society now, the unwritten rule is that raising a family is a kind of drudgery that we have freed ourselves from. Either that or it’s “sinful”, as another thread suggested recently:
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Is it sinful to have a child knowing it will grow up during global warming catastrophes? Moral Theology
Scientists almost unanimously agree that global warming is real. The effects of this will be catastrophic in the next couple of decades and natural resources will be very scarce. I was wondering if it was sinful or even imprudent to bring a child into this world knowing that they will suffer immensely in the future?
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Angel_Gabriel said:
Honestly though, what bothers me more is that the concept of “it takes a village to raise a child” is gone.
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Well… look at the “villages” we’d be raising our children in. The culture is toxic, and unless I am very familiar with a person I don’t really want them having any kind of influence over my son.
 
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Oh yeah I’ve noticed. When I’m out and about with my boys I get comments like “I know you were glad to be done with kids in one shot”. They are twins.

No, actually, I’m not glad to be “done”, and I’d like to have a lot more. God seems to have other plans…
 
We live close to my in-laws and I think my kids(almost 7) have stayed one night with their grandparents; well two if you count the one night we stayed in the hospital for their little brother’s birth.

they are boomers, but they seem pro family, but never volunteer. No apologies here, but if you do not want to eagerly watch my children I am not asking you to do it.

I have a lot of sisters(my mom is a bit crazy) but they have never offered to come to town and watch them at least not seriously; never, “I’ll come there and watch them for the night, yall go to the big city and see a show…”

I have offered my nephews and nieces to come to town for a while for Christmas break and spring break with their kids. Not exactly baby sitting but somewhat of a break for the parents.
 
yes, I was meaning more extended family help…grandparents, aunts uncles etc…I do see that in some large catholic families at my kids’ schools…
 
hoping4more said:
We live close to my in-laws and I think my kids(almost 7) have stayed one night with their grandparents; well two if you count the one night we stayed in the hospital for their little brother’s birth.

they are boomers, but they seem pro family, but never volunteer. No apologies here, but if you do not want to eagerly watch my children I am not asking you to do it.

I have a lot of sisters(my mom is a bit crazy) but they have never offered to come to town and watch them at least not seriously; never, “I’ll come there and watch them for the night, yall go to the big city and see a show…”

I have offered my nephews and nieces to come to town for a while for Christmas break and spring break with their kids. Not exactly baby sitting but somewhat of a break for the parents.
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i understand this exactly! sometimes it;s just nice to be able to be around another adult while you are watching the kids…it’s nice to have the pressure taken off I guess.
 
mrsdizzyd said:
No, actually, I’m not glad to be “done”, and I’d like to have a lot more.
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I think it’s super rude for people to make comments like that…I’ve had people ask me if I was getting fixed…or if I was having my husband get fixed…like he’s a dog…it’s disgusting!
 
I think we are fortunate to live in a time where we can do a better job of designing our families than we ever were able to in times before. Unfortunately, I think many people fail to remember we aren’t all the same. What seems like a horrible existence to some, is not for others.

When I look at a big family, my first reaction is to have thoughts like “those poor parents”, or “Don’t they know where babies come from?”. Then I always remind myself they are able to choose for themselves just like my husband and I chose for our family. That really is where the beauty lies.

With all that said, let me be clear, I don’t dislike children. I am just not crazy about them (except for my own of course. She is fabulous 🙂)
 
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We have access to amazing medical care that people did not in the past. Myself and two of my children have survived cancers that would have killed all of us 50 years ago or less. So in many ways we have it easier than families in the past.

However I do agree that lacking family involvement is a challenge and the need to be a “superparent” is very well said. It is such a challenge to know that I am personally responsible for EVERYTHING that my children need to know, to keep them healthy, to teach them the faith, morality, you name it. Unfortunately my mother died when I was 13 and my father was to ill to parent us so I definitely feel their loss and lack of emotional support. My in-laws on the other hand want to be over involved in our lives but don’t want to offer practical help, in fact they expect money and help from us so I can feel stretched pretty thin with a lack of support for myself and my husband.

It’s our faith that keeps us grounded and happy and at peace. I know I can’t do it all so I beg God to help me. My ideal fantasy would be to live in a devout Catholic village where I could walk to church. Maybe that exists in Africa and Asia but the lack of faith in Europe has killed those functional faithfilled villages and communities - I know as I have lived there.

On the other hand a best friend is one of 13 from Ireland. She said their small village had 5 pubs (bars) and not only was alcoholism rife but people were extremely over involved in your business which she couldn’t wait to escape from, so fantasies can just be that! 😂

In every generation there have been challenges, at least we are all thriving and all our kids are receiving a Catholic education so we are blessed. Last Saturday I was present at a beautiful wedding with an extremely devout bride and groom in their mid-twenties who both searched and prayed for a loving Catholic spouse, so God is still raising up His people!!!
 
Beware the rose tinted spectacles. Let’s not forget the concept of children/childhood has changed dramatically over the last couple of hundred years. It wasn’t until the Victorian era that children were really seen as, well, children (mainly thanks to the likes of Charles Dickens and others who celebrated the notion of an innocent childhood). Both World Wars made people re-evaluate ideas of children and childhood. Couple that with advances in medicine, education and economy - things are bound to change.
 
No, I have not noticed this.

From the culture around me, and from my “secular media” exposure, children are treated as princes and princesses. Parents are expected to not only have children but to spoil them, to into debt in order to provide the best.

People will go to the most extreme medical limits to have a child, they will hire a surrogate if they exhaust their own medical options.
 
Yes I’ve seen this also…you have to be your child’s buddy…have them enrolled in all sorts of outside activities, eat the healthiest foods, don’t feed them junk (EVER!) etc etc etc…

IVF also treats kids like commodities…ridiculous…my heart does break for people who can’t have kids and truly would love to be parents but is this really the way to go?
 
TheLittleLady said:
No, I have not noticed this.

From the culture around me, and from my “secular media” exposure, children are treated as princes and princesses. Parents are expected to not only have children but to spoil them, to into debt in order to provide the best.

People will go to the most extreme medical limits to have a child, they will hire a surrogate if they exhaust their own medical options.
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I’ve seen that too especially amongst affluent acquaintances.

I think it’s two ends of the same spectrum. Our society privileges control and selfishness. Control the size of your family by whatever means necessary. Control and orchestrate every little detail of your designer child’s life. Etc. It’s all about us.
 
yeah and if you didn’t control it you somehow failed at parenting…got a “problem child”? parenting fail! child with a disability? parenting fail! too many children? major parenting fail!!!

It’s never ending stress…
 
It actually seems to me that there is a great deal of societal pressure to want/have children, especially if you’re female. I am single and celibate (with no plans to or even the desire to marry) and one of my friends said that I should still have children - and could always adopt if I remained unmarried! The idea that if a woman isn’t called to marriage she probably isn’t called to have children doesn’t even seem to register…
 
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mrsdizzyd said:
Oh yeah I’ve noticed. When I’m out and about with my boys I get comments like “I know you were glad to be done with kids in one shot”. They are twins.
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It is better than “I’m glad it is you and not me,” which I thought was one of the rudest a thing one could say in front of a child. All I could think was, “Yes, for their sake I’m glad it wasn’t you, either.”
“Double trouble” isn’t a lot better, but at least it was said with a smile.
 
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