A response to reen12:
When you “turn to the mercy and compassion of the God of Israel,” you are indeed turning to the mercy and compassion of the God of Christianity. It is the same God. Everything in the Old Testament is fulfilled in Jesus Christ.
Whether Jesus’ descriptions of hell are literal or figurative (I don’t know for sure, and I hope I never experience it firsthand), the one, true, Trinitarian God is indeed merciful. Perhaps the reason Jesus gives us such vivid descriptions of hell is that He is so merciful and wants us to avoid going there! (What good parent would not sternly warn his children against danger?) God wants all of us to be saved. Indeed, He Himself became a man and suffered a cruel death to obtain pardon for our sins so that we might have eternal life with Him! He, the innocent one, humbled Himself and shared our humanity and death so that we, the sinful ones, might share in His eternal life. I urge you to read the description of Jesus’ death in the Gospels, and gaze at a crucifix, and open yourself up to this evidence that God is indeed merciful.
If we are eternally damned, it is something we freely choose, by persistent rejection of God that lasts until our death. God gives us many opportunities to repent of our sinfulness, but He respects our freedom and will not force us to love Him.
Hebrew Scripture (the Old Testament) gives a hint, although incomplete, of God’s justice for those who reject Him. Some examples:
Job 10:21 ff (“Before I go whence I shall not return, to the land of darkness and of gloom, The black, disordered land where darkness is the only light”)
Psalm 6:6 (“For who among the dead remembers you? Who praises you in Sheol?”)
Psalm 88:13 (“Are your marvels declared in the darkness, your righteous deeds in the land of oblivion?”)
Isaiah 38:18 (“For it is not the nether world that gives you thanks, nor death that praises you; Neither do those who go down into the pit await your kindness.”)
I urge you to read this address
vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/audiences/documents/hf_jp-ii_aud_28071999_en.html by the late Pope John Paul II. It reconciles the ideas of God’s justice and His mercy. In it Pope John Paul says the following:
“Eternal damnation”, therefore, is not attributed to God’s initiative because in his merciful love he can only desire the salvation of the beings he created. In reality, it is the creature who closes himself to his love. Damnation consists precisely in definitive separation from God, freely chosen by the human person and confirmed with death that seals his choice for ever. God’s judgement ratifies this state.
I see from your profile that you describe your religion as “working on it.” I urge you to continue to do so. Pray to God for His light. I hope and pray that your journey will lead you to the Church where you will find not what seems most “comfortable” to you, but the Truth, which is not a thing or an idea, but a Person — Jesus Christ Himself, who said: “I am the Way, and the Truth, and the Life.”
God bless you!