I checked online and also found this…
afsp.org/coping-with-suicide-loss/find-support/find-a-support-group
I haven’t actually suffered a suicide of a family member, but I’ve had family members who have felt suicidal.
For years, I have felt that way, as well. Now, suicide may be selfish. I don´t know. I just know that I had felt I was in so much pain, emotionally, that I wanted it to stop. I was thinking that if I took my life, nobody would care, anyway, that it might even be a kind of relief to some. I had a kind of tunnel vision, I think, for the most part.
Some people say suicide is anger which we direct, inward.
I try not judge people, even ones who want to, or have, committed suicide. I can´t find it in my heart to do that.
Now, maybe the case in point is that he was quite miserable, to a point he would rather die than go on, made everyone else around him miserable.
I don´t think suicidal people are normally thinking clearly, that they are in a state of utter despair, feel hopeless, helpless. Indeed, they may actually blame everyone else for what is their problems, project it onto them. That’s possible, even probable.
I think many are quite mentally ill, and I feel, also, as a result of that, I have even less right to judge. They say not to judge someone until we have walked a mile in his/her moccasins.
Well, we don´t know if we, in their places, would not have done the same, or even worse!
Though, it must be awful in the extreme to try to survive that, to have a loved one commit suicide, try to blame others for it.
I just think the thinking becomes so depressed, negative that they feel they have nothing to live for, that they can´t feel any joy in anything, often feel unloved (whether they are or not is another issue…they FEEL unloved). Some feel alone, lonely, even when surrounded by people.
I didn´t take my life, didn´t attempt it even, but if I had, I guess I would have wanted people to realize that I felt like it was more than I could handle, that I didn´t know what else to do, that this seemed the only way out, that I didn´t know of anything else left to try.
It felt like a great effort to resist the urge, actually. I felt strongly compelled to act on this. It felt like I was quite strong, not to give in. At some times, it felt like it would have been, in some ways, easier to have taken my life than to go on living, since my life seemed SO hard.
I talked to someone within the last year or so who wanted to commit suicide and have his wife commit suicide, too…go together. His wife had been bedridden with arthritis for…I guess 4 years, and he had been messed over by people when she had fallen, wouldn´t heal. They kept making them go back, and back, and back, paying the ambulance to take her around each time. Neither of them had much of a life. She used a diaper, was in chronic pain which she referred to as “purgatory”. It was awful.
He had said to some people at the hospital, “I am taking all your pictures, and if you don´t resolve this (issue), YOU will have it on your consciences when I commit suicide!”
I’ve talked to others who were in relationships, some abusive, who wanted to commit suicide. One wanted to drown, make it look like an accident.
I had a classmate who survived a suicide attempt, talked about that in class, once, what it was like…what had driven her to do it. In her case, I think she had been sexually abused, as well.
I hope I will never have to go through the pain of having a family member commit suicide. It must be heartbreaking.
