Has Retrouvaille Helped Anybody?

  • Thread starter Thread starter sparkle
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

sparkle

Guest
How is the emphasis of Retrouvaille geared differently than Marriage Encounter. I know Retrouvaille is for “troubled marriages”, but what do they do differently in the weekend? Can anyone tell me. I know they both stress communication of feelings, but any more specific info would be helpful.

Thanks.
Sparkle
 
I haven’t been to marriage encounter, but I have been to Retrouvaille.

Maybe the difference is in the dialogue topics. In the letter writing you’re trying to express your feelings without blaming your spouse for your feelings, being judgemental and critical. There might be more of a focus on these because when a marriage is really in trouble these things are more evident. So these things have to be weeded out of your dialogue before you can get to the real matters.

I don’t know about Marriage encounter at all.
 
I have been to both. Wisdom is right the dialogue question are different and the topics the presenting couples and priest cover are different. It’s been several years since we’ve been to either but I believe they are more centered toward forgiveness and healing. Plus there is a follow up for sevearl weeks afterward that I believe you are supposed to commit to before the weekend. It is different from the follow up from ME weekend(in ME the follow up is really optional). The ME weekend had one couple leading the followup. In retrouvaille it much more an extension of the weekend with severel couples presenting.

For a marriage in serious trouble I would recommend retrouvaille over marriage encounter. Marriage encounter is really directed toward good to average marriage relationships. Retrouvaille is directed toward struggling relationships.
 
And in answer to the title of your thread. I believe Retrouvaille was instrumental in saving my marriage.
 
40.png
rayne89:
And in answer to the title of your thread. I believe Retrouvaille was instrumental in saving my marriage.
Click to expand...
Thank you for sharing rayne. As good as ME was for us in every way, I still felt I was not ready for the “renewing the vows” gig–not quite yet. I think we need more work on the forgiveness and healing aspect. Will look into this in the very near future. Before the year is up for sure.
 
About 15 years ago, my parents went to Retrouvaille. They were separated at the time after about 25 years of marriage. They are still married and seem to communicate much better. I feel sure Retrouvaille was instrumental in saving their marriage.
 
40.png
acadian:
About 15 years ago, my parents went to Retrouvaille. They were separated at the time after about 25 years of marriage. They are still married and seem to communicate much better. I feel sure Retrouvaille was instrumental in saving their marriage.
Click to expand...
WOW Praise the Lord! That’s just awesome acadian!
 
My very good friend was close to filing for divorce. As a last resort, she and her husband went to retrouville. They are still married, have a new baby, and he came into the Catholic Church. I pray that my husband and I will never have to go, but I definetly would do the retrouville program. I have heard a lot of good things about it.
 
My husband and I went to Retrouvaille as a last resort, both of us practically hoping it wouldn’t work for us. My husband insisted on going in a separate car in case he wanted to leave before the weekend was over. We both fell in love again on that weekend, whereas before, each of us thought we were hated by the other. I am convinced that God saved our marriage through Retrouvaille. Through it He also nudged me toward the Catholic Church, which I never before would have considered joining. That was about 12 years ago, and we’re still married.

But now I’m Catholic and he’s not, which also has its problems. We went to Marriage Encounter a few years back, and also both loved it. My husband refuses to do the follow through talks and meetings, though. I think that would be very helpful to us. My help is in prayer and daily Mass. I don’t know how my husband copes with life without it.
 
Hi

Just came back from Retrouvaille. WOW. 👍

I highly recommend this to anyone seeking to heal their marriage. Even if only one of you wants it - or if each of you are going just to ‘shut the other one up’ about it 😛 .

The presenting couples are very open and honest about ther marriages, before and after. The dialog questions are pointed and make you think - and relate to your spouse things you probably haven’t talked about in years in the safest possible way. By the end of the weekend you will be sharing things with each other you never thought you would be able to tell them. The key to the weekend dialog, I feel, is safety. The stress is on emotions and being able to share them in a non-threatening way, without fear of recrimination, which opens up a channel to be able to experience your emotion as well as those of your spouse, and find a means to resolve these emotions and draw closer to one another.

The focus is NOT problem solving, problem solving comes later - the emphasis is on emotional release in a non-threatening way, opening the door to a free exchange - which naturally leads to problem solving.

I have not gone to marriage encounter, but I did hear while at our weekend that a lot of couples who started in Marriage encounter are now very deeply involved in Retrouvaille.

my :twocents: …if your marriage is in trouble - GO. You will not regret it. These people have an 80% + success rate for couples who complete the weekend, and do the followup sessions. My understanding is that this program started out [and remains] a grass roots effort for failing mariages somewhere in the U.S. 20 years ago, now it is worldwide - still grassroots, and comes as a pre-requisite to divorce in many states/countries, or as a pre-requisite to counseling by many agencies.

My Prayers are with you and your spouse, much peace and love…
 
40.png
PraRFLEsEkHm:
Hi

Just came back from Retrouvaille. WOW. 👍

I highly recommend this to anyone seeking to heal their marriage. Even if only one of you wants it - or if each of you are going just to ‘shut the other one up’ about it 😛 .

The presenting couples are very open and honest about ther marriages, before and after. The dialog questions are pointed and make you think - and relate to your spouse things you probably haven’t talked about in years in the safest possible way. By the end of the weekend you will be sharing things with each other you never thought you would be able to tell them. The key to the weekend dialog, I feel, is safety. The stress is on emotions and being able to share them in a non-threatening way, without fear of recrimination, which opens up a channel to be able to experience your emotion as well as those of your spouse, and find a means to resolve these emotions and draw closer to one another.

The focus is NOT problem solving, problem solving comes later - the emphasis is on emotional release in a non-threatening way, opening the door to a free exchange - which naturally leads to problem solving.

I have not gone to marriage encounter, but I did hear while at our weekend that a lot of couples who started in Marriage encounter are now very deeply involved in Retrouvaille.

my :twocents: …if your marriage is in trouble - GO. You will not regret it. These people have an 80% + success rate for couples who complete the weekend, and do the followup sessions. My understanding is that this program started out [and remains] a grass roots effort for failing mariages somewhere in the U.S. 20 years ago, now it is worldwide - still grassroots, and comes as a pre-requisite to divorce in many states/countries, or as a pre-requisite to counseling by many agencies.

My Prayers are with you and your spouse, much peace and love…
Click to expand...
Thank you friend. How awesome for you and your spouse!!! I am so happy for you. Yes, there is sometimes ALOT of water under the bridge in marriages, and you find yourself thinkin “how do I clear it all out and start anew”? These weekends are the start, IMO. PTL (Praise the Lord) ----for all it has meant for you friend and your marriage. We just went to a ME, but I think we should have gone to a Retrou instead. All in all, communication is probably the key and the major instrument for better communication and reconciliation, and we have been doing that, all systems a go. 😃
Thank you for sharing and may God bestow His richest blessings on your marriage and your family. I’ll be praying for You.
Luv,
Sparkle
 
I have been wondering if it did. I heard of it years ago on Focus on the Family. At that time I was on my first marriage and we had done a ME and let’s just say he skated thru the weekend with an empty notebook. I was so frustrated, I thought it was hopeless. Well a few years later I thought maybe we could do Retrouvaille and it would save our marriage. He wouldn’t go. So eventually after 21 years of marriage we dissolved. I am now on my second marriage and converting to Catholicism. My current husband agreed to go to a ME weekend. We just came back two days ago. The weekend was a roller coaster of emotions. We cried, we laughed, we loved and we prayed together. And several times we wanted to walk out before it was over. Finally at the last meeting we all recommitted ourselves to our spouses. When we left there my husband and I were looking forward to some snuggly time at home together. But by the time we were home, we were fighting and we ended up separating that night!. I wonder if Retrouvaille would help us? Those emotional doors opening were powerful! But we did and do need to find some problem solving skills! This was highlighted on the weekend in our minds. But we don’t know where to go to get those. We first thought ME would do it. And other people on here say Retrouvaille doesn’t do it initially. We love each other very much but we have some “step-family issues” we cannot seem to get beyond.
 
We just went to Retrouvaille this past weekend as well. We still need to do the post sessions, but the weekend was very fruitful for me. Even my husband, who I don’t think would ever admit it, seemed to be enjoying our time together.

For me, the best thing about Retrouvaille was that it served as a “clearing of the air” in our relationship. It gave me an opportunity to discuss many of the emotions and events that have occurred in our marriage that have bothered or hurt me. I had never been able to work up the nerve or find the right time to bring up those things before. But with Retrouvaille, I could get them out in the open and work to put them behind me. It was neat that by the last day, we were discussing normally heated topics completely calmly and rationally.

My husband and I have been working quite a bit in the last year to straighten out our marriage. I guess I always visualize it like when my kids make a mess in our unfinished basement. Sometimes, they get downstairs and cause havoc, pulling out all the puzzles, playdough and crayons. I might tidy up the largest part of the mess, but there is still playdough bits on the floor or crayon on the wall and everytime I see those, it reminds me that the kids made a mess and how angry I was about it. I think that my husband and I cleaned up the biggest part of the mess in our relationship over the past year. But Retrouvaille helped me see the bits and pieces that were still lingering and that prevented me from moving on from those bad times.

Anyways, that was my experience. If you get a chance, it is a very powerful weekend.
 
40.png
maryalene:
We just went to Retrouvaille this past weekend as well. We still need to do the post sessions, but the weekend was very fruitful for me. Even my husband, who I don’t think would ever admit it, seemed to be enjoying our time together.

For me, the best thing about Retrouvaille was that it served as a “clearing of the air” in our relationship. It gave me an opportunity to discuss many of the emotions and events that have occurred in our marriage that have bothered or hurt me. I had never been able to work up the nerve or find the right time to bring up those things before. But with Retrouvaille, I could get them out in the open and work to put them behind me. It was neat that by the last day, we were discussing normally heated topics completely calmly and rationally.

My husband and I have been working quite a bit in the last year to straighten out our marriage. I guess I always visualize it like when my kids make a mess in our unfinished basement. Sometimes, they get downstairs and cause havoc, pulling out all the puzzles, playdough and crayons. I might tidy up the largest part of the mess, but there is still playdough bits on the floor or crayon on the wall and everytime I see those, it reminds me that the kids made a mess and how angry I was about it. I think that my husband and I cleaned up the biggest part of the mess in our relationship over the past year. But Retrouvaille helped me see the bits and pieces that were still lingering and that prevented me from moving on from those bad times.

Anyways, that was my experience. If you get a chance, it is a very powerful weekend.
Click to expand...
What did they say to do with those “bits and pieces”? That’s what I’m trying to find out presently. With the hurts and disappointments. Sure it’s easy to say just “let it go”, but there must be some techniques and helpful concrete things one can do. Could you share what you have found for these “bits and pieces”, a good analogy!
 
40.png
sparkle:
What did they say to do with those “bits and pieces”? That’s what I’m trying to find out presently. With the hurts and disappointments. Sure it’s easy to say just “let it go”, but there must be some techniques and helpful concrete things one can do. Could you share what you have found for these “bits and pieces”, a good analogy!
Click to expand...
They really take you through a number of steps as far as looking at yourself and at your spouse. But what really helped me was the talks and excerises that dealt with forgiveness and trust. They made me realize that I had never forgiven him. I thought I had, but in reality, I had just thought I had and assumed that time would heal that pain. Actually, I discovered that I really have been holding onto those bad times, and I think that I have used them to punish my DH by making sure that he never forgot he hurt me. Practically speaking, I think what was most healing was being able to say I felt crushed and anger and resentful when x was happening in our relationship. And my DH who normally, it seems, has excuses or replies that “well you do xyz so you can’t talk” was able to say, you’re right, I was wrong and I’m sorry. I think that’s what I needed him to do more than anything - to own his actions and take responsibility for them.
 
40.png
maryalene:
They really take you through a number of steps as far as looking at yourself and at your spouse. But what really helped me was the talks and excerises that dealt with forgiveness and trust. They made me realize that I had never forgiven him. I thought I had, but in reality, I had just thought I had and assumed that time would heal that pain. Actually, I discovered that I really have been holding onto those bad times, and I think that I have used them to punish my DH by making sure that he never forgot he hurt me. Practically speaking, I think what was most healing was being able to say I felt crushed and anger and resentful when x was happening in our relationship. And my DH who normally, it seems, has excuses or replies that “well you do xyz so you can’t talk” was able to say, you’re right, I was wrong and I’m sorry. I think that’s what I needed him to do more than anything - to own his actions and take responsibility for them.
Click to expand...
WOW! That’s awesome. Thx for sharing:)
 
40.png
WannaBCatholic:
I have been wondering if it did. I heard of it years ago on Focus on the Family. At that time I was on my first marriage and we had done a ME and let’s just say he skated thru the weekend with an empty notebook. I was so frustrated, I thought it was hopeless. Well a few years later I thought maybe we could do Retrouvaille and it would save our marriage. He wouldn’t go. So eventually after 21 years of marriage we dissolved. I am now on my second marriage and converting to Catholicism. My current husband agreed to go to a ME weekend. We just came back two days ago. The weekend was a roller coaster of emotions. We cried, we laughed, we loved and we prayed together. And several times we wanted to walk out before it was over. Finally at the last meeting we all recommitted ourselves to our spouses. When we left there my husband and I were looking forward to some snuggly time at home together. But by the time we were home, we were fighting and we ended up separating that night!. I wonder if Retrouvaille would help us? Those emotional doors opening were powerful! But we did and do need to find some problem solving skills! This was highlighted on the weekend in our minds. But we don’t know where to go to get those. We first thought ME would do it. And other people on here say Retrouvaille doesn’t do it initially. We love each other very much but we have some “step-family issues” we cannot seem to get beyond.
Click to expand...
Hi - Sorry to hear all of that. Peace and Love to you.

Retrouvaille might help you to put all of that behind you, but BOTH of you must become willing to DO THE EXCERCISES. Otherwise - it is a waste of time. Now, my wife went, for the most part, unwillingly. By the close of the weekend - we were crying together, talking, and actually discussing things. Hearing the stories from the presenting couples gave her, and I , hope. They were just as bad off as we were - and then some sometimes. But - look at them now! The key to the whole thing is, honest sharing, following the guidelines set out for you, and willingness to ‘put yourself out there’ to get hurt - and see what happens. One of you trying it, actually sharing what is going on with you - is sometimes enough to get the other person also working on things. Love is very powerful…it is also a CHOICE. As for ‘issues’ and ‘loose ends’…or ‘bits and pieces’ as someone else put it * that comes later on - after you are close again. That is a ‘closed subject’ while you re-discover yourselves. Naturally it IS covered in the followup sessions…but they feel - and I agree, what is most important right now is getting close to one another again. Problem solving comes after the initial emotional release concerning the issue. Then you both have a clear head - the emotional issues are understood by both parties, and accepted as NOT the issue any longer - and the problem is then clearly stated…after that I don’t know - we didn’t get that far yet! I am sure there MUST be some very good tools to use regarding this phase of things however - considering everything I heard at our weekend…so…I will keep you posted! Otherwise - if you want to - the website is www.retrouvaille.org there are phone #'s listed there - call and ask one of them concerning your problems…all I can offer. Hope this helps!

Peace and all good.*
 
Yes!!! Millions of people. There are weekends offered somewhere in all 50 states and beyond virtually every weekend! It was amazing. It works if you are willing to work it!
 
Great comments - Been to Marriage Encounter and I think its best for those starting out. Retrov is the single best thing in our 39 yr marriage that we’ve accomplished except getting married & kids & g-kids. Only recommend it for folks on the edge of the abyss - the follow on sessions & core meetings are invaluable. Dialogue from the heart, people! (-*
 
Faber said:
Great comments - Been to Marriage Encounter and I think its best for those starting out. Retrov is the single best thing in our 39 yr marriage that we’ve accomplished except getting married & kids & g-kids. Only recommend it for folks on the edge of the abyss - the follow on sessions & core meetings are invaluable. Dialogue from the heart, people! (-*
Click to expand...
Faber, hello and welcome!!!

Just to let you know, CAF has a rule against threads older than a year being bumped, but feel free to start a new thread on this topic, as it is a great topic of discussion!! :)🙂
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top