I think you completely overstate the practice. Divorce simply was NOT nearly as common before the no fault rules…for ANY reason. Further there is a huge difference between very limited restrictions on granting divorces and requiring NO reason whatsoever. Realize that being able to get out of something easily makes entering the state a lot easier as well. The attitude “well if it doesn’t work out we can always divorce” spawned a generation who did not go into marriage with the right intent.
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Again don’t make the exception the rule. Yes there are marriages that must come apart due to “The Three A’s” Adultery, Abuse, Addiction. But for many marriages, I truly believe that they are entered into too casually and without believing that sometimes love is an act of will not just a funny feeling in your tummy when he walks in the room.
Lisa
Well said, Lisa. In the past, divorce was rare. One reason was there were standard, socially accepted steps a couple had to go through.
- You dated. NO sexual intercourse. It was meant to mean you met different people and got your feet wet.
- You went steady. This meant both of you wanted to get to know each other a little bit more, and AGAIN, zero time in the sack. You went out, had fun, talked about the future and were an exclusive couple. Because in your late teens and early 20’s, that’s all you were looking at.
- If both of you were still getting along, you went to courtship. This wasn’t just dating. You met her family, she met your family, because your family was part of what made you, you.
- Engagement. Now, in 1963 or 2013, if a guy wanted to marry a girl, he went to her father and said, “I want permission to marry your daughter” - after all, her dad would ‘give her away’ if they got married.
The really, really important reason was that her dad was in his late teens or 20’s once and knew exactly what it felt like. He would ask you what you needed to find out. “How will you take care of my daughter? Where will you live? Transportation? What kind of job do you have?” He would see past all the puppy-love and raging hormones and make the guy realize - “Hey, me and your daughter had better talk about all that.”
Now it didn’t matter if hers was a bad family, or you were raised by your aunt. You respected somebody and you went to that somebody to get clear-headed advice BEFORE the ceremony.
During the engagement period, you would spend time together doing things other than just dating, like shopping, watching TV, or failing that, and you should, going to the park or visiting with friends together. That way, you can see each other in different situations and start to get a feel for daily life together.
Does he go to the bar a lot, the races? Do illegal drugs? Time to find out - now.
AND YOU MUST, MUST ask the other person: “So, if we got married, what do you expect?”
I got my answer in the mid 1980s when things were still halfway normal: “I want money for clothes, jewelry and trips, and a big house by the water…” in an expensive part of town. Well, that was the end of that. You see, when I first met her, I thought she came from a working-class background like me. I mean, her family lived in Detroit when it was still halfway livable. Uh Uh. Her parents had divorced in her mid-teens and mom got the kids, and some money. My sweetheart was raised in Grosse Pointe, and she wanted to get back to her old life, plus perks.
But the family haters were on a mission.
- FORGET mom and dad. We’re old enough. We’ll do what we want.
- Movies started coming out about divorce where the guy would stop in at the local bar to tell his buddies. Were his buddies sad? No. They were happy. They were supportive. “You’ll find someone better.” What? He was a stupid idiot to marry the girl in the first place?
- Radical Feminists insisted all men were the enemy for all of the 1970s, which, I think, helped to add some fertilizer, in the form of fear, in some women’s heads – “They’re right. He’s probably having an affair with his secretary right now. Well I’ll show him! I’ll get one of those No–Fault Divorce things. He won’t take advantage of me. That liar!” And they told women to hate being stay at home moms. “Get a career! Get out of the house!! Drop those things off at day care!”
It was very gradual Lisa, and it was painful to watch it unfold. Divorce just got too easy and few people know how we got from point A to point B. No, the past was not perfect, but it was definitely better. And we had GOD in our lives and in our marriages. Now, as then, men and women had weaknesses and problems that would or could make marriage difficult, but you had relatives you could turn to. You could forgive each other and really try to make it work. But the marriage haters wanted families to be torn apart. The movies portrayed in-laws as nothing but busybodies who never really cared, who only wanted to control or manipulate the couple. That was not reality for most people. We had families and relatives and in-laws. That began to stop when we were told to distrust each other, to try other, better ways of living. What a bunch of lies.
And yes, for those who found themselves in bad marriages, priests were there to say that this cannot go on for the life and health of the wife/mother and children, if any.
We had this really big Catholic safety net, until the society/marriage wrecking crew came at us. “LISTEN TO US AND ONLY US.” We hate the family, God and the Church. We want it all to die. We heard parts of that before, and today, we’re hearing exactly what they wanted all along. Exactly like that.
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