HATE my living situation..help

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Good advice Malia- except forty-ish is not aging. This person and her live-in can certainly go out and fend for themselves.

Oops, didn’t mean to imply the OP’s mom was old… just that our responsibility to honor our parents is to take care of their NEEDS (which usually doesn’t happen until they are aging except in the case of serious illness)

 

[Mr_Fausto]

In regards to to her being mentally ill, how could I do such legal stuff? How would I show her insanity? Its off and on and she’s VERY good at hiding her berzerk nature with others (I, it seems, am okay to to throw a schizoid fit around).

Well, now my mother suggested that we go back to my own house (that where there tax is, not her house) and we all live as one big joyful family…yeah right …she suggested me, her, my grandfather, the new baby…and someone else who is neither family nor even should be in the scene…and when I told her about that “even if I got drunk and allowed that” that is meaning letting the live-in tag alon too, I said they’d have to be in different rooms. Well, she threw a fit and said they NEEDED to be in the same room together, using the baby as a pretense. Well, from there is just went downhill and now she’s this crazy lady again who is going off my uncle’s house in Tucson because I’m so mean! I’m cruel, unforgiving, judgemental, vicious and a bad bad guy, even though she loves me (???) so much and I’m always first (oh definitely! That I know for sure! ). She throws these little infantile childish tantrums, I can hear her sniffling and feeling sorry for herself now in the other room. Well, if I am all “That’s a sin, this is a sin”, her answer is “I don’t have time for that…” and its such a grave necessity. In addition, they need to be in the same room for financial reasons (um, considering he also consumes water, food, etc., and he doesn’t exactly save or earn money by laying in her bed all day…I don’t know how she figured that), the Church is an evil insitution that is insensitive and is “so cruel for wanting to” remove cohabitators. So now she tells me “do whatever makes you happy”…which is BS because this isn’t about doing whatever I so well please to do but right and wrong. Now, normally, with anyone else I could argue with rationally…but rationality does not exist in this woman, and she feeds and only feeds on her emotions. The chemical reactions in brain are more important and they take absolute precedence over any sense of reason, rationale, argument, or spiritual thing. Later after our wonderful little discussion, :slapfight:, she came later, demanding I be ever so friendly with her live-in (whom I refuse to acknowledge, more because the hello I give might slip and miss the ‘o’) , and a plethora of other problems. I honestly don’t know what to do…but this is really ticking me off, I don’t feel like I can abandon her (like she just threatened to do to me if I don’t accept her living situation) but I can’t satisfy her own insane feelings, and my soul is not for sale. Help!

 

[Norseman82]

I’d love to tell the live-in that…but then I’d be the mean one (I’m already the judgemental, bitter evil one in my family…so she’d like me to be known as…she says she stills loves me but she is insane!)

So be the mean one. Big stinkin’ deal. Manipulative people will try to “guilt trip” you. Are they worth having a relationship with? Survival is job one for you so you can become a successful husband/father (or religious if you have a religious vocation). You need to develop a thick skin to survive. Trust me on this; when I was just a bit younger than you I had to deal with the family alcoholic.

If it’s your house, don’t you have the legal authority to throw the adultery partner out on the street?

 

[RubyT]

I honestly don’t know what to do…but this is really ticking me off, I don’t feel like I can abandon her (like she just threatened to do to me if I don’t accept her living situation) but I can’t satisfy her own insane feelings, and my soul is not for sale. Help!

They are using your love for your Mother to guilt trip you. Next time she says she is going to move tell her not to let the door hit her in the bum. I’ll bet it is just a ploy to keep you paying for her and her mans wayward ways. Why isn’t this man working? Is your Mom working?
Why in the world don’t you just move? You seem hurt by them calling you the mean one but that is just another guilt trip. You are 19 and your Mom is letting you support this man. This is wrong of her to do. You are not wrong for leaving. She is wrong for expecting you to support her man. She loves you but does she love the man more?? Question this my friend.

Get yourself out, now, get out. Let her and this man fend for themselves. I’ll bet they can feed themselves. If your worried about the child call child protection… then you will really be the mean one. So what, big deal it seems that nothing you do is good enough anyway. Its a no win situation. Isn’t your happiness important too. She raised you, she can raise this man and another child. Stop enabling her and this man. This is just as bad as giving an alcoholic a drink. Think of yourself and your survival. Someone in the family must be the sane one. Let it be you, get out and help them from a distance.

I wish you all the best through this turmoil. God is with you. We are with you. Keep us up on what is happening, as we are your family too.

May God Bless you and give you the wisdom to make the right choices in this situation. In Jesus name I pray for you to find the strength and wisdom you need to prevail. Please help this young person to remove himself from such a difficult situation. Thank you Lord for hearing this prayer. Amen

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

So be the mean one. Big stinkin’ deal. Manipulative people will try to “guilt trip” you. Are they worth having a relationship with? Survival is job one for you so you can become a successful husband/father (or religious if you have a religious vocation). You need to develop a thick skin to survive. Trust me on this; when I was just a bit younger than you I had to deal with the family alcoholic.

If it’s your house, don’t you have the legal authority to throw the adultery partner out on the street?

Get yourself out, now, get out. Let her and this man fend for themselves. I’ll bet they can feed themselves. If your worried about the child call child protection… then you will really be the mean one. So what, big deal it seems that nothing you do is good enough anyway. Its a no win situation. Isn’t your happiness important too. She raised you, she can raise this man and another child. Stop enabling her and this man. This is just as bad as giving an alcoholic a drink. Think of yourself and your survival. Someone in the family must be the sane one. Let it be you, get out and help them from a distance.

 

[iluvmybabies]

I am very sorry to hear about your situation! As difficult as this must be for you continue praying and asking GOD for his divine intervention, may He help you through this situation and help your mother as well…

Did you say she has a baby???

Hm…May she be suffering from postpartum depression? Perhaps you should communicate this information with such family members that are trying to “make” you continuing paying her bills about how they should help…

Don’t feel bad, I am the ungrateful one in the family too…The best thing is to move out…I keep a nice distance away, cruel yes I hear it all the time, but it’s for your own peace and sanity.

Always keep in touch with her and try to help her as much as you can, but don’t jeapordize your life in return. You are a very responsible person and it’s understandable you feel overwhelmed, many would too maintaining a family at your age…

What you should do is try to find a doctor for her, get your priest involved maybe he can provide some kind of psychological and religious aid to you and your mother…

God bless and hope things get better!!!

 

[Galnextdoor]

You need to divorce yourself from this situation. Surround yourself with friends who treat you with respect.

What would happen if you tell her that if she doesn’t start acting responsible that you will have her declared mentally incompetent and make her a ward of the state? You don’t have to do it. It’s just sometimes when you give a child an ultimatum they straighten up.

As for what your family will say, with family like that who needs enemies.

Go to your own place and get a roommate to help you with the bills.

Offer up some masses for your mom. Offer the Eucharist up for her. Pray to the Holy Spirit to give you the wisdom and strength to deal with the situation.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

SO, are you just going to keep being miserable and letting yourself getting taken advantage of? Or have you made a decision on what you’re gonna do?

 

[Jacafamala]

You have every reason to move out. But continue to pray for your mother’s soul. These are horrible times, and many of our loved ones are caught in the confusion therein. Continue to be a faithful son to her and love her without supporting her sinful lifestyle.

 

[Mr_Fausto]

Well, I’m, because of the situation, in a mental mess right now and since we are both owners of the home, I don’t want the home to foreclose and the utilities are always outrageous at my house. I don’t know…it seems my staying here is really ticking the guy off (who is blind, doesn’t speak English, and is not a citizen) and things are cooling down (as in, not being warm anymore). I want to leave but at the same time this is my and my dad’s turf (God rest his soul)…I don’t know…I’ve often thought what if I just became a monk and ran away from all this.

I used to do just that, friends and good neighbours, but now that just doesn’t seem to happen anymore and it was a driving factor for this mess in the first place. I don’t want to stay but I don’t want to go. I am going nuts too…though thank God I know it…

 

[AHapka]

Help!

Perhaps that’s exactly what you need…help in standing up to your family and managing the feelings you feel when you think about how others might feel about you.

I’m suggesting a professional therapist. Not that I’m suggesting you are wrong here, but your family is controlling you and it seems to be tearing you apart.

You need a good third party that you can discuss things with and give details to that you probably won’t give out online. Not only that, you’ll be gaining someone professionally trained in dealing with these matters who will know what you are going through and help you in how to deal with it.

Also, kicking her out of the house is not the same as abandoning her. Her boyfriend also needs a job. Remember the words of St. Paul- if a man doesn’t work, let him not eat! Honoring your mom doesn’t mean supporting her and her boyfriend so that they can slouch and take advantage of you.

 

[Norseman82]

Well, I’m, because of the situation, in a mental mess right now and since we are both owners of the home, I don’t want the home to foreclose and the utilities are always outrageous at my house.

Yikes! I wasn’t aware that you were both owners of the house.

This is one of the worst-case scenarios out there. I think you may need to talk to a lawyer about this.

 

[Galnextdoor]

Her boyfriend also needs a job. Remember the words of St. Paul- if a man doesn’t work, let him not eat! Honoring your mom doesn’t mean supporting her and her boyfriend so that they can slouch and take advantage of you.

I thought he said the boyfriend was blind, does not speak English and is not an American citizen. If so, it would be extremely difficult for him to find a job.

 

[RubyT]

I thought he said the boyfriend was blind, does not speak English and is not an American citizen. If so, it would be extremely difficult for him to find a job.

So is this guy an illegal immigrant?

 

[AHapka]

I thought he said the boyfriend was blind, does not speak English and is not an American citizen. If so, it would be extremely difficult for him to find a job.

Good point. But he could at least hopefully be learning english while at home, and persuing citizenship.