Hate

[Nemorivaga]

It’s written in Albert Camus’s Caligula: “I can’t hate you because I don’t think you’re happy.” I subscribe to this totally. I can’t hate someone who is unhappy, no matter what they did to me or to my loved ones, no matter what they are as a person. When I see them suffer, I simply have to forgive them, and I don’t want them to suffer anymore. But if they’re happy it’s different. Then, I hate frightfully. I hate people who have hurt me, and I hate people who are cruel. Nobody who is happy has an excuse for being cruel to anybody, ever. I know that a Christian must forgive everyone, but I just can’t. What can I do about it?

 

[Jelrak_TB]

The first question that comes to mind is: “Are you happy?”

 

[Christy_Beth]

Forgiveness doesn’t come automatically. Yes, we are called to forgive. Jesus forgave those who crucified him while he was on the cross. We are asked to be like him. But, I’ll be the first to admit, I have much the same problem. I don’t want to make excuses, but we are human. It’s a learning process. Work on forgiveness a little each day. Sometimes little steps help. An example? I was divorced in 1987 from a very abusive man. I became Catholic in 1997. About a year after that, I started the annulment process. It was, for me, another step away from him. I haven’t forgotten it, and probably never will. But he is out of my life, and I’m all the better for it. Make any sense?

 

[PolarGuy]

As the great philosopher Roy Campanella said, “hate don’t do good.”

I’ve been wronged by some people who actually profited from their wrongs. Forgiving them is hard. That said, hating them not only does nothing to them, but eventually it destroys the hater. Hate is just a bad bad emotion: understandable, but still bad.

 

[littlestsouls2]

Here is a relevant anecdote from Ven. Louis de Blois that I find particularly moving:

"The divine Dionysius the Areopagite, in the Epistle which he wrote to Demophilus, pointing out how great is the goodness and clemency of God towards sinners, and how much our good Lord desires their salvation, relates a beautiful vision shown to St. Carpus, a Bishop to whom many things were divinely revealed, which was narrated to him by Carpus himself.

A certain infidel having led away a Christian from the faith of the Church, Carpus, who ought to have had compassion on them both, and to have most pitifully prayed for them, conceived an inordinate anger and bitterness against both of them. Wherefore he prayed to God to end their lives at once; not being able to endure that impious men who perverted the right ways of the Lord, should be allowed to live. And, behold, looking up, he saw the heavens opened, and Jesus sitting on a throne, with innumerable Angels standing round Him. But, when he turned his eyes downwards, he beheld a deep abyss, in which were a multitude of serpents. At the mouth of this abyss, as it were on the slippery edge, stood the two men, on whom he had wished to bring evil, trembling and exceedingly miserable. And, when he was angry that they were not instantly swallowed up, looking up again to Heaven, he saw the most merciful Jesus, moved with pity, arise from His heavenly seat, and descending, stretch forth to them His most benignant Hand, the Angels at the same time assisting them.

Then the Lord Jesus, turning to Carpus, said, “I am ready, Carpus, to suffer again for the salvation of these men; and it would be pleasing to Me, provided other men would not therefrom take occasion to sin. Do thou consider whether it would be well for thee to
prefer that dwelling full of serpents to the company of God and his good and merciful Angels.”

 

[Boy_Wonder]

It’s written in Albert Camus’s Caligula: “I can’t hate you because I don’t think you’re happy.” I subscribe to this totally. I can’t hate someone who is unhappy, no matter what they did to me or to my loved ones, no matter what they are as a person. When I see them suffer, I simply have to forgive them, and I don’t want them to suffer anymore. But if they’re happy it’s different. Then, I hate frightfully. I hate people who have hurt me, and I hate people who are cruel. Nobody who is happy has an excuse for being cruel to anybody, ever. I know that a Christian must forgive everyone, but I just can’t. What can I do about it?

How to forgive? Start by praying for this grace. Continue by making mental lists of all the ways God has forgiven you and spared you when you did not deserve to be spared and blessed you generously when you did little or nothing to merit it. But action is also key. So do things in addition to praying. We don’t think our way into right acting, we act our way into right thinking. Forgive little slights without resentment. Start small, like when another driver cuts you off, or someone is treating you rudely. It’s a good way to conquer self. One great saint tells us that doing so is the path to perfect joy: ccel.org/ccel/ugolino/flowers.iii.viii.html

Oh and, by the way, Albert Camus is probably not the best spiritual or moral reading. Decent novelist, but hardly uplifting. By choice, his worldview has no God within it, so he describes beautifully, the squalor and ugliness of the human heart devoid of God’s love. His novels caused me a great deal of trouble when I was 19 and 20.

 

[Nemorivaga]

Forgiveness doesn’t come automatically. Yes, we are called to forgive. Jesus forgave those who crucified him while he was on the cross. We are asked to be like him. But, I’ll be the first to admit, I have much the same problem. I don’t want to make excuses, but we are human. It’s a learning process. Work on forgiveness a little each day. Sometimes little steps help. An example? I was divorced in 1987 from a very abusive man. I became Catholic in 1997. About a year after that, I started the annulment process. It was, for me, another step away from him. I haven’t forgotten it, and probably never will. But he is out of my life, and I’m all the better for it. Make any sense?

My father was abusive, too, and he really scr*wed up my entire life. But it’s actually not hard for me to forgive him, because he is so pitiful - old, sick, mentally ill, completely alone. Similarly, there have been people who have been let’s say, less than nice to me. For example, recently I went for a swim and fainted in the water - and the person who was with me left me there! As a result, I spent 5 hours unconscious in cold water and only by miracle didn’t drown or die from hypothermia. And guess what? I’m not angry at him at all any more. Because he has cancer. But I’m angry at other people, who may have not done anything to me personally…

 

[AKDee]

Then, I hate frightfully. I hate people who have hurt me, and I hate people who are cruel. Nobody who is happy has an excuse for being cruel to anybody, ever. I know that a Christian must forgive everyone, but I just can’t. What can I do about it?

When I find myself being resentful, or thinking badly about someone else, I pray for them. I have found, at least for me, that it is impossible for me to hang on to my negative feelings for someone and also actively pray for God to bless them. This doesn’t happen overnight, but with constant prayer for the other person, I find my negative feelings for them dissipate.