hatred....

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shelly5254

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I need an answer asap as i will be going to church in 9 hours…
Tonight my oldest son went to prom. He lives with his dad and his dads current wife. The current wife has been pretty rude to my son. They are controlling of him in a major way. They get in the way of my son amd i spending time together even only allowing him a time limit of phone talks with me. My son wants to come back to live with me. He and i have always been very close and talk aboit everything. I think they dont want him moving back because they think i will want child support. I dont want my ex husbands money. I want only for my son to be happy. It seems every time he calls he has a problem with his dad and his wife. I have tried talking to his dad and get no where. Here is the big problem. We all were together tonight to take pictures before my son went to prom. I felt so much hatred and fury being around those two! I am in no way a violent person but this woman has made it so that my son is unhappy and i cant even talk to my ex withoit it being an arguement. I seriously wanted to punch her! For three years she has done nothing but fill my sons head full of **** about me and has tried to sever our ties. I honestly hate her! Can i recieve holy communion in the morning knowing i hate some one with such intensity? I have only ever felt this rage one other time in my life. That time too involved children, my step children. But that is a whole nother ball of chaos
 
I am so sorry for your current situation. Just letting you know I will pray about it. I’ll try to answer to the best of my knowledge. It’s somewhat normal to feel hatred in a situation like this. “Feeling angry” persay is not directly a sin, dwelling on it, feeding into it, and allowing it to direct your behavior is. The good thing here is that you recognize that this is not ideal and you are trying to forgive. I would recommend, in prayer, that you tell the Lord you are trying to forgive and that you’re sorry for feeling hateful, and receive communion. I hope that helps, just my two cents. It might be helpful to remember that the Divine Physician came to heal the sick not call the righteous to repentance. 🙂
 
Thank you! I plan to talk with Father asap aboit how to get passed this. My ex husband and i have two fabulous sons. We will all have to be together at times in the future…one day our sons will get married and have babies. I can not harbor this hate towards them. I had no idea how intense it was until i was face to face with them today. The feeling of rage felt horrible! Wanting to punch her in the throat for the things she has done felt horrible! Please please do pray for me! This has me in tears for feeling so much resentment towards them. I am a “baby” Catholic, just was confirmed at Easter. I did not want to take Holy Comminuon in a state of mortal sin and was very worried that rage like this was mortal sin.
 
shelly5254 said:
I need an answer asap as i will be going to church in 9 hours…
Can i recieve holy communion in the morning knowing i hate some one with such intensity?
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It could be a mortal sin if you are not trying to stop the hateful thoughts, but there is no way for any of us to tell you for sure. If it were me, I would do one of two things:
  1. Make an act of contrition immediately and then before receiving Communion tomorrow, but only if you intend to make it to confession Monday morning (or as soon as it’s available for your). This is considering you didn’t have a chance to go to confession after your hateful thoughts because it’s already almost Sunday.
  2. If you really think you may have committed a mortal sin or if you just aren’t comfortable with receiving Communion yet, just don’t receive it tomorrow and get to confession ASAP.
Either way, I would recommend talking about this with your pastor outside of confession in a Spiritual Direction setting or even just a 10 minute chat.
 
shelly5254 said:
I am a “baby” Catholic, just was confirmed at Easter. I did not want to take Holy Comminuon in a state of mortal sin and was very worried that rage like this was mortal sin.
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Christ wants us to love Him like children. You are on the right track as a new Catholic. Welcome home!
 
None of us can tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I have done in a similar situation. If I am feeling great anger and toward someone during Mass (and it has happened) I do not approach for communion. The sign of peace that we exchange is symbolic peace. We offer it to those surrounding us to symbolize that we have made peace with our enemies. If you have not made such peace, to the ability that you can, you should not approach for communion.
 
Feelings are an odd thing. I think it’s been standard advice that just having the meanest feelings in itself is not sinful. Feelings are just so much of who we are… if you’ve experienced hate and anger, it’s very likely you’ve experienced love and kindness. I guess what I want to say here is having some capacity to be the feeling human person you are.

I know somebody mentioned that in a similar situation, he/she decided not to go to communion. I’m kind of inclined to do the opposite. All the best.
 
shelly5254 said:
I need an answer asap as i will be going to church in 9 hours…
Tonight my oldest son went to prom. He lives with his dad and his dads current wife. The current wife has been pretty rude to my son. They are controlling of him in a major way. They get in the way of my son amd i spending time together even only allowing him a time limit of phone talks with me. My son wants to come back to live with me. He and i have always been very close and talk aboit everything. I think they dont want him moving back because they think i will want child support. I dont want my ex husbands money. I want only for my son to be happy. It seems every time he calls he has a problem with his dad and his wife. I have tried talking to his dad and get no where. Here is the big problem. We all were together tonight to take pictures before my son went to prom. I felt so much hatred and fury being around those two! I am in no way a violent person but this woman has made it so that my son is unhappy and i cant even talk to my ex withoit it being an arguement. I seriously wanted to punch her! For three years she has done nothing but fill my sons head full of **** about me and has tried to sever our ties. I honestly hate her! Can i recieve holy communion in the morning knowing i hate some one with such intensity? I have only ever felt this rage one other time in my life. That time too involved children, my step children. But that is a whole nother ball of chaos
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I don’t have much time to write a thorough response at the moment. When I have a chance later this afternoon or tomorrow I will give you a thorough reply on this thread. I think the thread linked below will help you. I strongly recommend reading through it because forgiveness is just so important.

However forgiveness doesn’t mean doing nothing. It means whatever you do, make sure it’s not out of hatred, anger or resentment. Nobody gains anything from such ugly emotions.

Feelings of hatred, anger and resentment towards someone are absolutly incompatible with Christ’s love and thus why it is only through forgiving that we ourselves are forgiven.

Anyway I strongly urge you and anyone else who has any feelings of hatred, anger or resentment towards anyone to please read through it.

Do you struggle with forgiveness? - forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=780473&page=2

Thank you for reading
Josh
 
I guess like someone else said if you played with the hateful thoughts and kept dwelling on the hate feelings then that is a cause for concern, but if it was something you could not help and it just came and then went, you should be fine.
One of the indicators of whether something is a mortal sin is if you are aware that you are doing it and are doing it on purpose. I try to remind myself of that indicator now.

Only you and God know what state your soul is in so I guess pray about it.
 
Shelly,

If you think the reason for their bad feelings is that you will ask for money, and you say that is not the reason, perhaps this needs to be made clear in some way?

Prayers for this situation. May the grace of the Lord prevail!
 
I have made it clear to them. My oldest son is now 18 and is planning on moving back with me after graduation until he gets done with college or can afford to live on his own which ever happens first. I am not sure how to forgive some one when they continually do these things 😦
 
shelly5254 said:
I have made it clear to them. My oldest son is now 18 and is planning on moving back with me after graduation until he gets done with college or can afford to live on his own which ever happens first. I am not sure how to forgive some one when they continually do these things 😦
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Your son understands your love for him and obviously respects you!

By an act of the will you can focus on the Lord when you are tempted to be angry. You don’t have to have good feelings toward the person who antagonizes you…just leave them to the Lord and say a prayer that they will be enlightened by His grace.

I understand, as I have to do that many times when I am tempted to dwell on anger towards someone. We can grow in the Lord’s strength when we practice this. He accepts our good will. That is the way we prove that we are putting Him first.
 
I won’t pretend to know what you’re going through, as where we are in our respective lives is apparently very different. But I do know what it is like to be as angry as you describe. This happened to me last summer. I was spitting nails. The Husband says it is the angriest he has ever seen me, and among the most intense occurrences of anger he has ever seen in anyone. (This hatred and fury was not directed at him, BTW.) To be on the safe side, I did confess it and I did not take Communion until I had confessed. My priest told me that he could see I was beside myself with rage, but no matter how difficult it is I had to forgive the person who wronged me or I will never be happy because hatred doesn’t hurt the person it’s directed at anywhere near as much as it hurts the person experiencing it.

Long story short, Father was absolutely right. It took a long time and a lot of grace, but I finally forgave the person in question. Don’t get me wrong—that person hasn’t changed at all. But because I’m no longer dragging around the weight of my hatred and fury towards him, I now have the clarity and energy to manage our relationship in a way that brings me more peace.

I will be praying for you and your son :console:, but also for your ex and his wife. May the Lord grant you the grace to forgive and the peace that comes with forgiveness. May He also soften the hearts of your ex and his wife with regards to you!
 
Thank you all for such wonderful advice 🙂 i fell asleep last night praying about this. I prayed while getting ready for church this morning. I prayed at church. Mass today seemed to be just for me! The songs were all about letting go of hatred and loving instead. Parts of the homily seemed to have been spoken directly to me. 🙂 i know i can not do any of this on my own. The pain and anger are just to deep. So i have left it all at tue feet of Jesus. I even prayed for those who have hurt my sons and myself. It was a short prayer but i figure its at least a start 😉 thank you all so much for the support youve given to me. God bless you all.
 
shelly5254 said:
Thank you all for such wonderful advice 🙂 i fell asleep last night praying about this. I prayed while getting ready for church this morning. I prayed at church. Mass today seemed to be just for me! The songs were all about letting go of hatred and loving instead. Parts of the homily seemed to have been spoken directly to me. 🙂 i know i can not do any of this on my own. The pain and anger are just to deep. So i have left it all at tue feet of Jesus. I even prayed for those who have hurt my sons and myself. It was a short prayer but i figure its at least a start 😉 thank you all so much for the support youve given to me. God bless you all.
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You have been opened to many blessings! May the Lord guide you with His grace.
 
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