Have I committed the Unforgivable Sin?

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Absinthinia

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This is my first post, so forgive me if it’s a little long. I’m very upset at the moment because as the title of this post suggests, I’m fearful that I’ve committed the unforgivable. This is why:

In my attempt to rationalize the Bible and its teachings, and how Jesus fits in as the Son of God, I had the fleeting thought that what if we’re wrong as human beings and really just angering God. That after all this time, Jesus wasn’t who He said He was, that instead it was the devil pretending, and that the works done were done by the devil. These were passing thoughts, I may have held on to for five minutes, but they were disturbing and I let them go. But then I read about the unforgivable sin, and am terrified that these thoughts have damned me. I love God, and Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, and I don’t prescribe to those horrible thoughts as truth.

I also have read the unforgivable is the act of not repenting sins, and not accepting the forgiveness given. When I went to Confession, or when I go, I don’t feel forgiven. I want to feel forgiven, and I don’t doubt God’s power to forgive me, which I know is at the essence of the unforgivable – the belief that one’s sin is too much for the Almighty to forgive, but I just don’t feel it. Instead, I feel like that there were perhaps things that I forgot to say, and that because I didn’t say them, it was not a good enough Confession. I’ve read that if one withholds sins knowingly or not, that one must re-repent in another Confession for the Confession to count as a good one.

And further, about repenting sins – I’ve committed acts that are considered sins, but that I don’t feel repentant for. For instance, I have had sexual relations with my boyfriend. Someday, I hope that he and I marry. I love him and it feels more wrong in my gut to call our relationship sinful than not to. I know that this is against Catholic teachings, but God knows that I don’t subscribe to this particular teaching. So, I feel that if I repent for this, I will be lying to God and that is worse. But, because I don’t feel bad for it and am thus not repenting, that I am damned.

I don’t want to offend God. I want to be good. I want to please Him, and I want to love and pray freely and have a peaceful mind. But I live in fear because of these thoughts saying that I am damned because I commit sins and don’t feel sorry, and that when I confess I don’t feel forgiven. Above all, I’ve had these thoughts about Jesus that I know to be wrong, but that I have actually questioned. I tend to have an anxious mind in general - I have a heart valve condition which is linked to increased anxiety - so when I start thinking about Heaven and hell, my thoughts and mind in general begin to rapidly spiral downward. I do intend to go to Confession this week, but I thought that if I were to get some insight here first, I’d be better prepared with my thoughts. Please help.
 
You sound scrupulous, so I empathize with you, absolutely. Others will be able to give you a better, more concise response, so let me just say this:You are NOT lost. No sin you could ever commit would be greater than God’s mercy, provided you’re sorry. Look at the context of those passages. Those that were saying such things about Jesus couldn’t be forgiven because they were rejecting there only means of forgiveness. If one were to turn Our Father and ask for forgiveness, do you really think he’d say “Nope, not good enough”? Of course not. Don’t underestimate Jesus’ death on the Cross for us, God knew about any and every conceivable sin possible. As long as you’re alive, you can find forgiveness for anything.

Thoughts are just that: thoughts. We all have fleeting thoughts contrary to our beliefs or who we are. It’s a natural part of being Christian. It’s only when we deliberately entertain these thoughts that sin arises. The Lord knows what you want and don’t want, what you believe and don’t believe. The best thing to do when an evil thought occurs is to immediately dismiss it and PRAY. Don’t underestimate the power of prayer.

Feelings aren’t a good indicator. If you’ve made the best confession you could, rest assured, you ARE forgiven, regardless of what your gut is telling you. Do your best and don’t intentionally leave anything out, and you’ll be fine. God isn’t looking for the slightest mistake to say “Gotcha!”.

I know it’s sometimes hard to remember all this. I’m painfully scrupulous, so believe me, I know how you feel. Always, ALWAYS remember, God is infinitely merciful. Strive for Him and you’ll be fine. You are in my prayers!
 
Its sounds to me like this is your anxiety acting up. When you go to confession, mention you have anxiety troubles and ask for advice. The priest will be able to help you 🙂
 
Absinthinia said:
This is my first post, so forgive me if it’s a little long. I’m very upset at the moment because as the title of this post suggests, I’m fearful that I’ve committed the unforgivable. This is why:

In my attempt to rationalize the Bible and its teachings, and how Jesus fits in as the Son of God, I had the fleeting thought that what if we’re wrong as human beings and really just angering God. That after all this time, Jesus wasn’t who He said He was, that instead it was the devil pretending, and that the works done were done by the devil. These were passing thoughts, I may have held on to for five minutes, but they were disturbing and I let them go. But then I read about the unforgivable sin, and am terrified that these thoughts have damned me. I love God, and Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, and I don’t prescribe to those horrible thoughts as truth.

I also have read the unforgivable is the act of not repenting sins, and not accepting the forgiveness given. When I went to Confession, or when I go, I don’t feel forgiven. I want to feel forgiven, and I don’t doubt God’s power to forgive me, which I know is at the essence of the unforgivable – the belief that one’s sin is too much for the Almighty to forgive, but I just don’t feel it. Instead, I feel like that there were perhaps things that I forgot to say, and that because I didn’t say them, it was not a good enough Confession. I’ve read that if one withholds sins knowingly or not, that one must re-repent in another Confession for the Confession to count as a good one.

And further, about repenting sins – I’ve committed acts that are considered sins, but that I don’t feel repentant for. For instance, I have had sexual relations with my boyfriend. Someday, I hope that he and I marry. I love him and it feels more wrong in my gut to call our relationship sinful than not to. I know that this is against Catholic teachings, but God knows that I don’t subscribe to this particular teaching. So, I feel that if I repent for this, I will be lying to God and that is worse. But, because I don’t feel bad for it and am thus not repenting, that I am damned.

I don’t want to offend God. I want to be good. I want to please Him, and I want to love and pray freely and have a peaceful mind. But I live in fear because of these thoughts saying that I am damned because I commit sins and don’t feel sorry, and that when I confess I don’t feel forgiven. Above all, I’ve had these thoughts about Jesus that I know to be wrong, but that I have actually questioned. I tend to have an anxious mind in general - I have a heart valve condition which is linked to increased anxiety - so when I start thinking about Heaven and hell, my thoughts and mind in general begin to rapidly spiral downward. I do intend to go to Confession this week, but I thought that if I were to get some insight here first, I’d be better prepared with my thoughts. Please help.
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You are about to cross a major milestone in your salvation journey; persevere and be assured of our Lord’s continual support and help. Don’t delay confession during these days. My prayers for you
 
Thank you all for your answers. LP4H, thank you. I am sort of OCD with my thought patterns and the anxiety that arises from them, specifically in regards to matters of religion. I don’t necessarily think God is “out to get me” or anything, but I do have a hard time believing in being forgiven when I have forgotten to mention a sin. I’ll try to remember all of your advice.
 
I have worried about the unforgiveable sin a lot too… I was told that the unforgivaeble sin includes unrepentance. So if you don’t want these thoughts anymore and you are repentant for them, that is what counts. If you had truly done this sin, I was told that - the person wouldn’t have repentance… because repentance is from the Holy Spirit. 🙂 so it shows the Holy Spirit is working in you, imo.

As for the other things you mentioned… when we go to Confession, in order for it to be a valid Confession, we must be truly repentant for our mortal sin. If not in feeling, then in the will. If you don’t regret premarital sex, then you are not ready to confess it and receive absolution before you repent of it… it’s important to have this, to have a valid Confession. Maybe this is why you felt like you still need to say more in Confession?

I think it might help to meditate on points such as these… we need to love God first. Christ was scourged (have you ever seen the movie ‘the Passion’?) - to atone for sins of impurity. No matter how much we love another human being, or human beings, we need to always love Him first, - this is the first Commandment: to love God with all our heart, mind, and strength. Sexual relations can only be within marriage, this is the way God planned it to be… when a man and a woman get married, God blesses their union and it is blessed by the Church. If you are having trouble repenting of this, I really recommend praying the Seven Sorrows chaplet and meditating on Mary’s sorrows, - it is very good for repentance if prayed with openness and humility. catholicdoors.com/prayers/chaplets/chap18.htm Pray to the Holy Spirit for light. Pray to Our Lady. And about the “unforgiveable sin”, repent and trust God - remember repentance is a gift from Him; from the Holy Spirit. If you don’t believe these thoughts now, then you have turned away from that sin and rejected the temptation, but I would confess dwelling on it and maybe accepting it at that time.

God bless! 🙂
 
LP4H said:
You sound scrupulous, so I empathize with you, absolutely!
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I don’t want to be a jerk here, but I’m afraid that’s going to be how I come across anyway. I can’t agree that you’re merely suffering from scrupulosity, Absinthinia. You’re having premarital sex with your boyfriend. This is a gravely disordered use of your sexuality and a serious sin. It could easily lead you down the road to Hell. Your relationship itself is not sinful, and it sounds like it could be your vocation, but this aspect of it is toxic.

I understand your feelings. I myself am a young man deeply involved with a young woman whom I intend to marry. We have been together for a number of years, we are not able or quite ready to marry (and won’t be for at least another six months), and I would very much like to fornicate with her. When I consider only my feelings, I can’t imagine how this could possibly be wrong: we love each other more than some married people I know, and we are both young and terrifically horny. From this perspective, it almost seems wrong that God has commanded us to keep our genitalia apart.

But I don’t get to decide what God has commanded; I don’t get to “subscribe” to some of His teachings and ignore the ones that don’t immediately make sense to me. He is the Lord; He is Truth. If God and I disagree, I’m wrong. If I reject His commandments, I reject Truth and choose to live a lie. That’s when evil, which is founded on falsehood, gains a foothold in the spirit. That’s how Hell is born: in a “gut feeling” that I am right, and God is wrong; that His Commandments to His beloved people are somehow less true than my ephemeral emotions.

So I don’t think you’re being scrupulous. You are on a deadly path. Repent! and believe in the Gospel!

…and that’s about the most evangelical-sounding post I’ve ever written in my life. Not sure how I feel about that.

I think your confusion about some of these issues comes from your emphasis on feelings, rather than truth and will. Feelings are ephemeral. You do not choose them; you are not responsible for them. They are fickle and often misdirected. Yes, they are of great value, and they are among humanity’s great, unique treasures, but they are neither to be entirely trusted nor can they be blameworthy in and of themselves.

As C.S. Lewis wrote in Mere Christianity:
Love, in the Christian sense, does not mean an emotion. It is a state not of the feelings but of the will …
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Do not waste time bothering whether you ‘love’ your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him. …
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This same spiritual law works terribly in the opposite direction. … The more cruel you are, the more you will hate; and the more you hate, the more cruel you will become — and so on in a vicious circle for ever.
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Good and evil both increase at compound interest. That is why the little decisions you and I make every day are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which, a few months later, you may be able to go on to victories you never dreamed of. An apparently trivial indulgence in lust or anger today is the loss of a ridge or railway line or bridgehead from which the enemy may launch an attack otherwise impossible. …
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On the whole, God’s love for us is a much safer subject to think about than our love for Him. Nobody can always have devout feelings: and even if we could, feelings are not what God principally cares about. Christian Love, either towards God or towards man, is an affair of the will. If we are trying to do His will we are obeying the commandment, ‘Thou shalt love the Lord thy God’, He will give us feelings of love if He pleases. We cannot create them for ourselves, and we must not demand them as a right. But the great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, His love for us does not. It is not wearied by our sins, or our indifference; and, therefore, it is quite relentless in its determination that we shall be cured of those sins, at whatever cost to us, at whatever cost to Him.
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So our feelings don’t really make a difference in our salvation. What matters is our choices, and a feeling can be both a guide and a trickster in the world of choices; a help and a hindrance to doing the right thing. I know how you feel about your boyfriend because I feel the same way about my girlfriend – but my gut feeling is incorrect. My mind knows better, and my mind embraces the teachings of Christ the Son, of God the Father through Moses, and the Holy Spirit through the Catholic Church. Our choice, then, is to practice abstinence. We will be judged on that choice, not on the fact that there’s a large part in both of us that would prefer not to practice abstinence.
 
Realizing this, some other pieces fall into place. God does not give a fig how you feel when you go into the confessional. What is important is your choice. Repentance is not a feeling; it is a decision to “go and sin no more.” The test of a Christian life is not whether we can make ourselves permanently feel good about doing good and bad about doing bad. We are incapable of that, and many good Christians have exhausted themselves trying, falling away from the church in despair. The test is whether we will continue to do good even when it feels bad, and reject evil even when it feels (to our foolish gut instincts) right and good. That’s faith.

So you don’t need to feel bad about having sex with your boyfriend when you go to confession. What you need to do is stop having sex with your boyfriend, ask forgiveness for having done so in the past, pray an act of contrition, and don’t do it again (until, of course, you’ve taken those vows, at which time have at it!). The feeling that you did the wrong thing may not form for a long time (weeks, decades, who knows), but it will come as you grow in virtue and as God wills it.

The feeling that you have been forgiven may come then, or at a completely different time. Nevertheless, you are forgiven as soon as you truthfully choose to ask for it, even if your repentance isn’t backed up by emotions. So you also don’t need to worry that you haven’t been forgiven just because you don’t feel it.

Break for an illustrative anecdote: I knew a priest – a very good, very loyal Jesuit, with a prestigious position in Rome, who loved God very much. He once went on a silent retreat for 28 days (as Jesuits often do). During this retreat, he was instructed to choose one grace he hoped to grow in during that month. He chose “the grace of tears.” He hoped to have a profound emotional experience of God’s presence in his life. So he prayed the whole 28 days and felt nothing. There was no sense of God’s presence in his life. This was a great disappointment to him, but he saw that God had, for His own reasons, not deigned to grant him this grace, so he went back to work and continued doing acts of Christian service and love every day, despite the fact that these were not backed by emotions. Nine months later, during a newspaper interview (of all places), my acquaintance was suddenly struck, mid-sentence, by a wave of love the likes of which he had never felt, and he broke down sobbing for joy on the spot. (The interviewer found this entirely disconcerting.) Why then? Who knows? The Holy Spirit works in its own time, and rewards steady faith.

So don’t worry so much about your feelings. Worry about what you deliberately choose. Everything else is in God’s hands, and they are kind and loving hands.

There I go again on an evangelical bent, so I’m going to cut off that train of thought there. A couple further random thoughts you might find helpful:

It is a little-known fact these days, but still a fact: the only sins you have to confess in confession are mortal sins. If somehow you honestly forget one, it is nevertheless forgiven: the prayer of absolution does not say, “I absolve you from the sins you have presented here today,” but, “I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.” Just don’t deliberately leave out mortal sins (like your situation with your bf) and you’ll be fine.

To entertain a hypothesis is very different from embracing it. A good apologist must constantly ask questions like, “What if Jesus was masquerading as the devil?” If we don’t ask these questions ourselves, and even build cases for these wrong opinions, we won’t be able to respond to atheists when the time comes, and our own faith will not be able to withstand even slight examination. It is healthy to consider wrong ideas; it’s just not a good idea to embrace them. Which you didn’t do.

Incidentally – circling back around to sex – the Lord’s teaching on fornication is not a cruel one. It makes sense, when you think about it. Sex is the one act where you give yourself completely, heart and body, to another human being. It is an act of profound love – it is a solemn, wordless vow to be faithful to one another for the rest of your lives. It is a promise to take mutual responsibility for the very possible consequence: new life. What is the sacrament of marriage? Well, when you boil away all the non-essential elements – the reception, the gowns, the crowds, even the Mass that surrounds the actual act – we find that marriage is simply the moment where you vow to one another, with words, before the community, to be faithful to one another for the rest of your lives, to give yourselves wholly to one another in all things, and to take responsibility for the new life you hope to create. In other words, sex is just a physical expression of the wedding vows, and wedding vows are a verbal expression of what transpires during sex. If you aren’t ready for one, you have no business doing the other, and you are only setting yourself to harm yourself, your lover, and your children. When I gave this serious thought, it made good sense to me, and living in accordance with Jesus’s teachings became much easier.

I hope that I have spoken well and truly. If not, I invite the correction of others.
 
A wise pastor told me that the "sin without forgiveness " while mysterious a person Truly Concerned has not done it! I asked…why? He said it seems to be a Total Closing of heart mind and Spirit to the call of the Holy Spirit…( it may seem a simple answer but if you reflect as I did…it is not Simplistic) it should be of comfort that if your sins, heart , life all still concern you in regard to the Almighty …you have not “closed down”… Blessings.
 
I agree with Wowbagger… I also read in an article or book on purity, that when people have premarital sex, that is a level of intimacy that is appropriate only for marriage, because the level of intimacy in a relationship should not go beyond the commitment level. Sex is for the greatest commitment, marriage, because it’s a giving of self to the spouse.

I would also like to add, that - I agree that God looks at our choices, not feelings, and that the important thing in Confession is turning away from sin and not doing it any more… (even if we want to). It also means not putting ourselves into occasions of sin… so in this case, not putting yourself in situations where you even might have sex with your boyfriend. But - contrition is also part of it… that is sorrow for having offended God. We need to pray for this grace… to have sorrow not only because we have sinned and put our souls in danger or outside of God’s grace - but also because we have offended Him. This also helps to repent in a fuller way and persevere in repentance. Meditation on the Passion of Christ can really help here. (and asking for Our Lady’s prayers).

God bless 🙂
 
I am with Wowbagger on this one. I think your thoughts are natural and healthy. Everyone questions and has concerns. It is fair and I would say even wise to know why we believe what we believe and question things. I think you are being scrupulous about your thoughts.

However, the pre-marital sex and unreprentance is more representative of the unforgivable sin than your thoughts. The unforgivable sin is not being repentant of what you know to be sin. You basically throw God’s law in his face saying, “I know better than You do.” That’s the unforgivable sin. You need not feel guilty, although that would be an indicator that you truly understand the ramifications of your decision and would also provide a more true contriteness. However, it is not necessary. You do need to confess the sin and then trust in God’s plan and laws that he knows what is best for you. Sometimes you may not agree or understand why, but even in those circumstances we must obey Him.

You are in my prayers. God bless.
 
Wowbagger said:
Break for an illustrative anecdote: I knew a priest – a very good, very loyal Jesuit, with a prestigious position in Rome, who loved God very much. He once went on a silent retreat for 28 days (as Jesuits often do). During this retreat, he was instructed to choose one grace he hoped to grow in during that month. He chose “the grace of tears.” He hoped to have a profound emotional experience of God’s presence in his life. So he prayed the whole 28 days and felt nothing. There was no sense of God’s presence in his life. This was a great disappointment to him, but he saw that God had, for His own reasons, not deigned to grant him this grace, so he went back to work and continued doing acts of Christian service and love every day, despite the fact that these were not backed by emotions. Nine months later, during a newspaper interview (of all places), my acquaintance was suddenly struck, mid-sentence, by a wave of love the likes of which he had never felt, and he broke down sobbing for joy on the spot. (The interviewer found this entirely disconcerting.) Why then? Who knows? The Holy Spirit works in its own time, and rewards steady faith.
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I love this story! As far as the rest of what you said, you express yourself well. Thank you for your passion and for the truth you spoke here.
 
Wowbagger said:
I don’t want to be a jerk here, but I’m afraid that’s going to be how I come across anyway. I can’t agree that you’re merely suffering from scrupulosity, Absinthinia. You’re having premarital sex with your boyfriend. This is a gravely disordered use of your sexuality and a serious sin. It could easily lead you down the road to Hell. Your relationship itself is not sinful, and it sounds like it could be your vocation, but this aspect of it is toxic.
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I was referring to the unwanted thoughts and fears of unforgiveness, I apologize for not making that clear. Of course the pre-marital sex is a serious matter.
 
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