Have I cut myself off?

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felicity1984

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I am really at a point where I don’t know what step to take next.

Almost 2 years ago, out of nowhere I started to develop something of an interest in the Catholic Church. (Whilst I was baptised and received sacraments when I was young, my family did not practice the faith.) I started to research a lot of the catholic faith. I have read a lot about the faith and more importantly I started to attend Mass. I summoned up the courage to speak to a priest at my local church; it was a helpful conversation. I must mention that I am married (very happily) to a non-catholic, (we had a civil marriage several years ago) and we have a little baby girl.

I can not help but go over and over the wrong way in which I have lived my life, go over and over the fact that I don’t really allow a space for God in my life. I realise that I have made my situation worse; that I have alienated myself from the church, and really my marriage isn’t even going to be considered as being done in the correct manner.

Since giving birth to my beautiful little baby, I am sure that God is tugging at me again. But I cannot bring myself to go Mass again, and I find prayer very difficult. All I get is a feeling of guilt and hypocrisy. It feels wrong to even consider taking my daughter into a church; I am struggling to understand where I stand with God and if there is a way back to him for me??
Have I cut myself off completely??

To be honest, I have tried to put all these thoughts to the back of my mind, and to get on with ‘living my life’ but I can no longer ignore these thoughts and recently I have been having dreams almost all of these relating to me not being able to receive communion.

My little one is very young and sometimes before she sleeps at night I have found myself saying a little prayer as I cuddle her and lay her down, only now am I starting to understand how much God must love us. I think my little girl is helping me to see that, and I would really like to be able to teach her about God but my husband doesn’t want her raised catholic and doesn’t feel the need for faith/God to be part of our lives.

I know that I have a lot of things to work through, and that there isn’t a quick fix. I desire to let God into my life somehow and I am not sure where to go now, what my next step will be? What direction should I take?

Sometimes writing things down helps, hence this long story.
Any advice that you have would be appreciated but more than anything would it be ok to ask you to say a little prayer for us? especially for my little girl?

Thank you. 🙂
 
Please do not despair. I was in a very similar situation just a few years ago. Now my family and I are faithful Catholics. It all begins with prayer, and the realization that God is drawing you back to His church.

You may not get overnight results, but with God’s help and some patience, you will get there.

NM Native
 
Go to an adoration chapel, if there is one within your vicinity. Just sit there in the presence of Jesus. You don’t have to say a word, just stay there quietly. He will speak to you through the Holy Spirit. The alienation is all in your head, there is no problem between you and God, He loves you as He always has. Just talk to Jesus as you would your best friend, that is a prayer. You can also learn the rosary if you don’t already know it. I find that praying the rosary when I am troubled is one of the best things I can do. I always receive grace from it.

You can make an appointment to speak with a priest about getting your marriage convalidated and having your baby baptized. One step at a time though. Understand that the only obstacles between you and God are those Satan places in front of you.

Welcome Home!!!

:console::grouphug:
 
Felicity, you are a child of God just as any of us other Catholics who go to Mass.

There are two ways that an invalid marriage can be made valid.
Convalidation, or Sanation.
The latter you can apply for if the spouse is reluctant to cooperate. Sanation is retrospective thus makes the marriage valid from the beginning.
For advice and to begin the process, you need to speak to your priest.
However the difficulty in all this is your husband’s unwillingness to have your daughter raised as Catholic. As Catholics, when we marry we must promise to raise our children as Catholics.
I hope that he will have a change of heart, knowing how important it is to you to have a valid Catholic marriage and to raise your daughter as Catholic.
Prayers for you all
 
Sounds like the Holy Spirit is really working in you. Plese release yourself from the guilt your having, it has no useful purpose, the past is the past.

Is there any Chrisitan faith your husband is willing to get involved in or at least attend service, I mean if it just Catholic he doesn’t want to be involved in.

Main thing is your marriage, a civil marriage is still a marriage, God was there. Also your child should be raised learing about God, so is there any Chritian Church he’d be willing for your daughter to be part of? Even if just you and your dtr go to service? Never having been to anther church I don’t bellieve they make you make vows how to raise your children and like the Church of God down the street from me , you don’t even have to join, that way your dtr could go to church and you as well, without your husband making a false commitment.
 
felicity1984 said:
I am really at a point where I don’t know what step to take next.

Almost 2 years ago, out of nowhere I started to develop something of an interest in the Catholic Church. (Whilst I was baptised and received sacraments when I was young, my family did not practice the faith.) I started to research a lot of the catholic faith. I have read a lot about the faith and more importantly I started to attend Mass. I summoned up the courage to speak to a priest at my local church; it was a helpful conversation. I must mention that I am married (very happily) to a non-catholic, (we had a civil marriage several years ago) and we have a little baby girl.

I can not help but go over and over the wrong way in which I have lived my life, go over and over the fact that I don’t really allow a space for God in my life. I realise that I have made my situation worse; that I have alienated myself from the church, and really my marriage isn’t even going to be considered as being done in the correct manner.

Since giving birth to my beautiful little baby, I am sure that God is tugging at me again. But I cannot bring myself to go Mass again, and I find prayer very difficult. All I get is a feeling of guilt and hypocrisy. It feels wrong to even consider taking my daughter into a church; I am struggling to understand where I stand with God and if there is a way back to him for me??
Have I cut myself off completely??

To be honest, I have tried to put all these thoughts to the back of my mind, and to get on with ‘living my life’ but I can no longer ignore these thoughts and recently I have been having dreams almost all of these relating to me not being able to receive communion.

My little one is very young and sometimes before she sleeps at night I have found myself saying a little prayer as I cuddle her and lay her down, only now am I starting to understand how much God must love us. I think my little girl is helping me to see that, and I would really like to be able to teach her about God but my husband doesn’t want her raised catholic and doesn’t feel the need for faith/God to be part of our lives.

I know that I have a lot of things to work through, and that there isn’t a quick fix. I desire to let God into my life somehow and I am not sure where to go now, what my next step will be? What direction should I take?

Sometimes writing things down helps, hence this long story.
Any advice that you have would be appreciated but more than anything would it be ok to ask you to say a little prayer for us? especially for my little girl?

Thank you. 🙂
Click to expand...
We share several similarities. I went to confession about 5 months ago for the first time in 17 years. I did it face to face and did quite a bit of contemplating all of the sins I committed over those years and wrote them down (as well as the aprox number of times I committed each sin). It was a wonderful and freeing experience. After that, the next time I went to Church (the 2 times previous were for my nephews baptism and then just me going on my own sort of feeling drawn there- that time it was a negative experience- I was criticizing in my mind the priest, the people there, the singing, the rituals, etc.

The time I went to church after my confession I really enjoyed it. I heard the word of God and found myself seeking the word of God in what the priest said, in the songs sang, and I heard good messages. At times negative thoughts slipped into my head, I quickly recognized this and prayed that they stop, and they did. And I felt really good after church as well.

Maybe there is something you can take from my experience?

God Bless,
Bill
 
Luvtosew, I think you missed an important point in Felicity’s post.
Felicity’s husband does not want God or faith brought into the family at all,
and…a reminder that it’s not the purpose of this Catholic forum to send Catholic persons away from the fullness of truth.
Let us hope and pray and trust in God.
 
TriciaF said:
Luvtosew, I think you missed an important point in Felicity’s post.
Felicity’s husband does not want God or faith brought into the family at all,
and…a reminder that it’s not the purpose of this Catholic forum to send Catholic persons away from the fullness of truth.
Let us hope and pray and trust in God.
Click to expand...
No I didn’t miss that fact, the point is her husband not willing to go the RCC and vow to raise his dtr RC is the issue.

I would like to see this woman and her dtr attend a Christian Church , and if need be one her husband doesn’t need to go in and make a false vow, maybe that time will come when he will.

Yes I’m aware this is a RC forum, but are you saying that only a RCC is the only Christian Church that can teach about Christ and someone can have relationship with Christ in one of those,

Like well if you can’t attend a Catholic church , best not to attend one at all. I feel your missing the point, with all due respect. I’m not leading her away from the RCC , her husband is the one that is. So instead of waiting on him, if he should ever change his mind, should she and her dtr just not attend any church.

Or maybe divource the guy? I don’t want to keep them from God and you don’t want to keep them from the Catholic Church.:🤷
 
Recommend you first and always…pray to the Holy Spirit to let you hear God speaking to your heart…and let you listen with that…“EAR” (h-EAR-t)…then pray/meditate on this Scripture passage…read it…say 25 times slowly.
Isaiah 43: 1-5a
New International Version (NIV)
Israel’s Only Savior
Click to expand...
43
1 But now, this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
** I will be with you;**
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3** For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;**
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush[a] and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
nations in exchange for your life.
5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
Click to expand...
IMHO…there are only three reasons to belong to The Catholic Church and practice the Catholic Faith:
  1. You believe it is Christ’s Church founded on the Rock…Peter and that It is and has the fullness of Truth…(Pope B-XI–Truth is not something but someone…Our Lord Jesus Christ – John 14:6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and** the truth **and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.)…in all matters of Faith and Morals.
  2. You want your sins forgiven and intimate union/communion with Christ (in the Sacrament of Reconciliation and in Holy Communion (Blessed Sacrament) in the Holy Sacrifice of Mass)
  3. You want to show God The Father that you really believe in Him by believing in the One whom He sent…Our Lord Jesus Christ…and through Him (Our Lord Jesus)…show The Father by your acts of Charity…your Love for Him, in (the power and graces of the Holy Spirit)…by Obeying Him and those he sent…Peter and apostles (Pope and bishops)…and by fulfilling your vows in your state of life (wife and mother…and disciple – a member of The Body of Christ…The Church).
You sound like your heart and conscience are trying to acknowledge all three of these elements…maybe in somewhat fragile and partial ways now…but God loves you and will meet you where you are…which is where he is calling you from right now.

Any other voices, sentiments or feelings of unworthiness… un-lovableness…unable-ness…are voices of the Father of Lies…not The Father of Love.
“A Catholic may sin and sin as badly as anyone else,” wrote Archbishop Fulton Sheen, “but no genuine Catholic ever denies he is a sinner. A Catholic wants his sins forgiven—not excused or sublimated.” One of Sheen’s heroes, G. K. Chesterton, put it very directly when asked why he became Catholic: “To get my sins forgiven.”
Click to expand...
Pax Christi
 
Welcome home!
I know people who have prayed for decades so that others might come into the Church. You would make them have tears of joy to come into the doors!
The Prodigal Son is such a story of a son who came back and the Father was there with open arms. Try to think about that story and know you give God joy when you pray privately and when you come into the Church. No one entering the Church comes clean and white as snow. We are all on a journey, as you are. Baby steps.
God bless and keep you.
 
Luvtosew said:
I don’t want to keep them from God and you don’t want to keep them from the Catholic Church.:🤷
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To take this stand seems to rule out the possibility of faith in God’s grace for this family.
I also as a Catholic had a secular wedding as I’d lost faith.
My husband ridiculed religion routinely. His parents were lapsed Protestants who were unsympathetic to the Church and the father hostile.

I had no idea how I could prevail upon my husband for our children to be baptised and raised Catholic. It seemed impossible.

Prayer and God’s grace, and he allowed our children to be baptised. Our marriage received a sanation that made it retrospectively valid, and my husband respectfully gave up ridiculing religion though still an unbeliever.

Instead of giving up, there also is trust in God for what God can achieve in our lives.

P.S. Luvtosew, you said " Like well if you can’t attend a Catholic church , best not to attend one at all." That assumption isn’t accurate.
There is no reason why she cannot attend the Catholic Church if that is her desire as a baptised Catholic.

At this stage her husband does not approve of her attending any church/involvement with God and faith, including the protestant churches you suggest.

The most helpful thing we can do is pray, because our OP needs to work this out between God, herself and her husband. She came, seeking reassurance that she is not cut off from the Catholic Church. It is her husband’s wish to have a completely secular family that needs our loving prayers. This is a shock for him. It wasn’t part of his marriage contract and expectations for his family to be religious. He has to process this unwelcome news…and we cannot be certain of which outcome.
 
Thank you for your responses and helpful suggestions.

TriciaF, you really seem to understand my situation and where I am coming from- that has given me some encouragement! Thank you!

Felicity 🙂
 
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