Have I sinned?

[foundmyfaith]

My son was killed by the driver of a truck 10 weeks ago. I have to force myself to Pray for this man. I am occasionally feeling hatred toward him. I try not to, but it keeps rearing its ugly head. Am I sinning?

 

[JRKH]

My son was killed by the driver of a truck 10 weeks ago. I have to force myself to Pray for this man. I am occasionally feeling hatred toward him. I try not to, but it keeps rearing its ugly head. Am I sinning?

Please speak to your priest about this. We are unqualified to advise you here.

My personal opinion is no you are not since you desire to forgive and pray for this man. Most likely what you are experiencing is simply an emotional response and part of the grief process. Your confessor will be able to give you better guidance.

Peace
James

 

[mcrow]

I would guess that you are not trying or intending to hate but it gets the better of you even though you are fighting that you are not sinning.

However, as the poster above says you should check with a priest. Or the next time you go to confession, just confess it and the priest will probably tell if it was a sin or not.

 

[LPS]

My son was killed by the driver of a truck 10 weeks ago. I have to force myself to Pray for this man. I am occasionally feeling hatred toward him. I try not to, but it keeps rearing its ugly head. Am I sinning?

Oh bless your heart - an earlier post from you touched my heart and here you are again, touching it anew.

My advice is to first, pray for yourself. The LORD already knows your struggle; ask Him for strength and courage to forgive this man. It won’t happen in an instant; it will take time so be gentle with yourself and forgiving to yourself … if you can’t be those with yourself, you can’t extend it to another.

“Patience” and “perseverence” are only learned by practicing them, and it can be oh, so difficult sometimes. Be patient with yourself; persevere in prayer and know that God is walking with you through this dark valley. And please know you have a sister in Christ who will be praying for you. :grouphug:

 

[wild_thing]

Forgiveness is an act of the will, not the emotions. Continue to pray for the person who has hurt your family deeply, but also give yourself some slack. You have suffered a great loss and you are human. The biggest test of our love for our neighbor is forgiving someone who has done a wrong against us. Ask God for the courage to live out His commandment, and eventually your emotions will follow. God bless you.

 

[raaucoin]

You force yourself to pray for this man. Sin? Are you kidding me? In spite of your tragic loss you are able to force yourself to pray for him. You perform an act of Mercy. No not a sin.
We have in Jesus a God who cries with us in our suffering. He suffers with us. That you would even consider to try and pray for him not only benefits him, but I’m sure has given comfort to the Lord who is suffering with you.

Absolutely speak to your priest. But also cut yourself some slack. You’ve managed to do for this man in 10 weeks what some people wouldn’t be able to think of doing in 10, 50 or 100years.
Feeling a whole range of emotions is normal. Even hatred. Feelings are not sinful, but what we do with them.I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it-No I don’t think you are sinning unless you’re enjoying the feeling of hate and have no intention of moving beyond that. But your actions certainly don’t give any indication of that.

I’m going to be praying for you. And know this- when you just can’t bring yourself to pray for the man who killed your son, I’ll be praying for him on your behalf.
May you find again the Joy of the Ressurection and peace.–Raa

 

[AnneTeresa]

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I’m sure you have all kinds of extreme emotions at this time of your life. Emotions are just emotions and they need to be felt and given over to God to heal. The fact that you can pray for the driver shows you are living the love and forgiveness of Christ. May God help you through this difficult time.

 

[Barbkw]

Sending continual prayers for you and your family. We all are so sorry that this happened. You’ve suffered a great loss.

Please continue moment by moment, as the pain surfaces, to forgive.

 

[foundmyfaith]

Thank you for all the replies. I have been including the driver in my prayer intentions. I just seem to nearly explode with hate for this man at times. I keep praying for God to help me to forgive this man, but I am apparently not doing so well. I will go to my confessor this weekend and see what he thinks.

 

[Ponyguy]

My son was killed by the driver of a truck 10 weeks ago. I have to force myself to Pray for this man. I am occasionally feeling hatred toward him. I try not to, but it keeps rearing its ugly head. Am I sinning?

May I ask what the circumstances were concerning this tragedy? Was it purely an accident that the driver couldn’t help, or were there “other circumstances” (alcohol, drugs, rage, negligence, etc.) involved? Like earlier replies have mentioned, your emotions are difficult to control, but they certainly persist.

In any case, I admire you for even thinking about praying for this driver; I doubt if I could ever bring myself to pray for someone who was responsible for the death of one of my family.

 

[JRKH]

May I ask what the circumstances were concerning this tragedy? Was it purely an accident that the driver couldn’t help, or were there “other circumstances” (alcohol, drugs, rage, negligence, etc.) involved? Like earlier replies have mentioned, your emotions are difficult to control, but they certainly persist.

In any case, I admire you for even thinking about praying for this driver; I doubt if I could ever bring myself to pray for someone who was responsible for the death of one of my family.

This is perhaps one of the best things about this thread. It is an opportunity for us to examine how we might react. As you say above, you doubt if you could pray for this person, and yet as Christians we are called to.
One of the small blessings that comes out of this tragedy is that we are able to offer comfort to our dear friend in Christ, but another is to examine our own conscience and perhaps pray for ourselves that we have the courage, strength, and faith to pray for those who hurt us or someone we love.

Peace
James

 

[marica_mandic]

My son was killed by the driver of a truck 10 weeks ago. I have to force myself to Pray for this man. I am occasionally feeling hatred toward him. I try not to, but it keeps rearing its ugly head. Am I sinning?

You have brought very hard cross.
You need strange and you need maybe to speak with women with similar life .

 

[qOcOp]

My son was killed by the driver of a truck 10 weeks ago. I have to force myself to Pray for this man. I am occasionally feeling hatred toward him. I try not to, but it keeps rearing its ugly head. Am I sinning?

If your fighting the urge to have hatred toward this man then no. Temptations can last a long time and as long as your putting up the good fight and not entertaining them your not sining. However because of the nature of the situation and the indescribable pain you are being subjected to it would be my conclusion that your will has been effected and when that happens it greatly reduces the gravity of sin if any sin exists at all in your anger.

You are an inspiration to me foundmyfaith. My father died last August and because of the suspecious circumstances surrounding his death I suspected that he was murdered. I had such anger for the person I believed was responcible that at times I couldn’t think straight. Yet God has been my refuge and has given me the graces to let go of my anger and he will give them to you too! One thing that helped me a lot was when God gave me the grace to think compassionatly for the person I was angry with. I began to think about the pain they might be suffering and the torment they might be going through on account of the guilt they feel. This helped me continue praying for them and myself.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers as well as the truck driver so now if you ever feel you need to take a little break from praying for him you can do so knowing that the driver is still being prayed for. Keep up the good fight.

 

[qOcOp]

I would like to share a prayer taken from Psalm 24:15-22. In the office I’m praying (The Psalter) they sometimes divide the individual Pslams into sections. This section is used as a prayer for help in times of need.

** My eyes are ever turned towards the Lord, for he will draw my feet out of the snare. Look upon me and pity me, for I am alone and afflicted. Relieve the anguish of my heart, and free me from my worries. Behold my misery and my pain, and forgive me all my sins. Look at my foes: for they are many, and they hate me vehemently. Guard my life and rescue me, lest I be put to shame for having sought refuge in thee. May innocence and goodness guard me, for I hope in thee, O Lord. Deliver Israel, O God, from all its troubles. **

 

[foundmyfaith]

May I ask what the circumstances were concerning this tragedy? Was it purely an accident that the driver couldn’t help, or were there “other circumstances” (alcohol, drugs, rage, negligence, etc.) involved? Like earlier replies have mentioned, your emotions are difficult to control, but they certainly persist.

In any case, I admire you for even thinking about praying for this driver; I doubt if I could ever bring myself to pray for someone who was responsible for the death of one of my family.

There was negligence involved.

I am not to be admired, my friend. I spent the first week vilely cursing God for this. I spent the second week denying His existence. the third week, I received the Eucharist without Confession because I thought i was going to commit a more Grave sin if i did not. Suicide. Then I Confessed and spoke with a Priest.

I feel like God started to heal me when He invited me to his banquet, while I was obviously in a state of mortal sin. I made what I hope was an Act of Perfect Contrition, but still.

It felt like He said to me, “foundmyfaith, give Me this burden, eat at My table. I will take care of him for You, now live the life I want you to live.”

Then I could pray for the driver.

Technically, because of a (completely invalid) first marriage, I should not receive Him at all. I am, and I will continue to. I am now working on sending it before the proper Church authorities, and I have asked St Felicity of Rome to intercede for me if I have somehow misunderstood God’s message to me.

Thanks to all. :hug1:

 

[Suspicious_Mind]

I think many of the mixed feelings you are going to get is quite natural. You shouldn’t be so concerned about trying to repress your negative feelings which happens to everyone, especially in such a horrible situation. You can’t immediately forgive which is made obvious by the recurring negative feelings. Give it time, don’t focus on that for now.

You aren’t sinning. I’m sorry for your loss, and I hope you find the comfort that you need to get through it mate.

 

[caoindealbhan]

Heavens no! I can’t fathom the anguish you are experiencing. I am so sorry for your loss. If it were me I would want that driver to suffer. I would want him charged to the full extent of the law. I would want it so that he would never drive again.

In time, I would come to a place of peace. I would talk to my son in Heaven and ask him to take my prayers to God, to help me forgive that driver. I might join MADD to hear others and how they came to terms with such a travesty.

Eventually, I might be able to visit that driver in jail. And as he cried and told me how sorry he was, I would look him straight in the eye and say, " I forgive you, because if I don’t, I won’t be able to go on."

Some people even arrange a correspondence with the person who caused so much pain. They say, in caring for the killer, it is as if they are caring for their child.
God bless you as you walk this path towards peace

 

[Siochan_Leat]

I’m so very sorry for your loss. Please know that I’ll pray for you.

As for sinning, I really think you are doing all that is humanly possible to refrain from sinning.