Have Questions, Need Help

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InTheWilderness

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I am going to tell you a bit about myself, and perhaps that will help when I reach the actual questions I have.

I have recently begun a journey out of the darkness that has been my life of recent years and toward a deeper and better faith. In the past I had always gone to mass on Sundays and holy days of obligation, and I would go to communal penance services at Advent and Lent, but that was basically it. When I was much younger I was an altar boy. Later I was occasionally would do a reading for mass, but nothing more.

I was waiting on God to send me a fax or an engraved invitation. I kept expecting some sort of easy and clear answer about what to do with life. It never came. So I sort of went on auto-pilot for a while. After high school I went off to a major metropolitan university, and that was a disaster. I did find a great Catholic campus community, and that is part of what kept me going. However, I slipped into a deep, dark depression. I think what little faith I was able to hold on to helped me live through that. In any case, I eventually had to leave the university because of the poor performance that accompanied all that.

So, after taking a year off from school, and basically sitting around in a pool of self pity, remorse, regret, etc… I realized I had to move on in some way. So I took classes at the local community college and finished an associates degree at the same time I should have been earning a bachelors degree.

Now I am working on a bachelor’s degree at a regional state university. I recently went to a theology of the body retreat, and it has turned my outlook on faith around in many ways. Several hours spent in Eucharistic Adoration and perhaps my first real true Confession had a huge impact. I now pray daily, more when I can remember to. I have been making daily mass about half the time for the last month or so. I have been making confession about once a week. I am working on making a certain serious sin, and the things that go with it, a part of my past.

To be honest, my biggest problem now is probably that I am lazy. I am almost afraid to put a real effort into anything, because I am afraid of failure. After all, if I just give up, then I wasn’t really beaten…

So, that is sort of where I am, I will pose some questions and ask for some advice in the next post.
 
I am starting to understand that I was right to think that God has a plan for me, but I was wrong about what that really means. So, I am starting to work on figuring out what my vocation may be.

I find the idea of married life to be appealing in many ways. The idea of raising children seems great. There is also a part of me that feels almost obligated to keep the family line going, that sort of thing. My deep appreciation for history (and recent interest in genealogy) only makes that seem more pressing. My family seems to expect me to take that path.

On the other hand, I have long felt, quite deeply, that my calling in life was related to service. I don’t really know in what way. Obviously, it could involve a career that serves others, or being a leader in volunteer service, or it could be something more. I don’t know. I do know that I am almost always happier, and more productive, working for someone else’s good than for my own.

Lately, I have also been wondering about the priesthood or religious life. I had thought about this before, but never really given it serious consideration. Now suddenly it seems there is at least a possibility of it being the right answer. There have been several people in my life who may have thought I was heading that way, now that I look back on it. I wonder if they knew something I didn’t.

So, how do you know a real calling from simply a passing interest? I have taken up so many paths only to discard them, I really don’t know that I trust myself on this. On the other hand, all of the paths I left, I left because they didn’t seem to hold the sort of real meaning I was looking for.

I usually include a request for guidance in my daily prayers. Are there any prayers or spiritual exercises that are particularly helpful?

Any suggestion you might provide would be great. I could use whatever sort of help you can provide.

Oh, I want to keep this low key for a while. I know vocations directors can be very helpful, but I think I may need to make a bit more of a private journey before I involve someone else.

Also, any ideas on finding a good spiritual director would be appreciated. I could use one of those no matter what happens. Though I really don’t know what a spiritual director does, so thoughts would be useful.
 
InTheWilderness said:
So, how do you know a real calling from simply a passing interest? I have taken up so many paths only to discard them, I really don’t know that I trust myself on this. On the other hand, all of the paths I left, I left because they didn’t seem to hold the sort of real meaning I was looking for.
Click to expand...
Well at least for myself it was by divine intervention that the Lord himself, God the Father, decided to speak to me at a retreat I went for. Putting it in context it was about the ordained priesthood and not just the general call to holiness. Yet I can only speak for myself.
 
I know where you are coming from. I have always waited for that answer to be called out from the clouds and then I just do what I am told. However, God didn’t create us that way. We are blessed with Free Will, which is awesome, but sometimes annoying. I am finally graduating with a bachelors degree next weekend after 5 and a half years! I thought I was going to medical school but now I am dropping everything and starting the application process for seminary. My thinking is that if I don’t like it, I will leave. No harm done. At least I checked it out.

The main issue I am trying to deal with right now is my family. I really am in to history as well. I have maps and family trees, pictures of graves, and all of the research stuff that comes along with geneology. It is kind of a bummer that I won’t be able add much to my branch. However, those are just my thoughts.

My parents are still reeling from my decision to not go to medical school. I had a full paid scholarship for medical school and everything was set. When I made my decision, I withheld it from parents for over four months. My priest finally said I should talk to my parents. He said I would be surprised by their reaction. Unfortunately, I was not surprised. They are always saying little comments about how their oldest son will not be married. Even worse, most of my extended family is not Catholic and they just think I am nuts for turning down a free ride to medical school. One of my aunts even told me that she thought I should be the person to overturn the priestly celibacy tradition. She didn’t realize it, but it hurt my feelings that she wasn’t very supportive. Even now, my mother just tells people who ask that I am taking a short break from medical school to work on a Master’s of Theology. I guess that is her way of dealing with it. Everyone is going to be really surprised when they run into me at family reunions and I have a roman collar!

If I were you, I would not worry about all of the external pressures against becoming a priest. I know what will make me happy and help me be a productive member of society. I also know that there is going to be a big decline in the numbers of Catholics in the US, but those whom are left will be REAL Catholics not just “Mass at Easter” Catholics. If possible, I want to curb that trend and bring the awesome Truths of the Catholic Church to the people who don’t take the time to do so.

I hope this nonsense rambling helped a little. We are both going through the same thing. And we are not alone!
 
I appreciate both of your responses.

I don’t expect to receive an obvious sign, though I believe that is a real possibility. I spent a long time waiting for the easy answer, and I don’t really expect to get an email from heaven with vocational instructions.

I intend to take my time in figuring things out, but yet I am not very patient. The other day I even was looking into to how long it would probably take to be ordained, thinking about what I could do to make the process easier and smoother. At first a saw the 4 years of major seminary and thought, eh no problem. Then I realized there was at least a year of pre-theology for someone like me. Now I hear about some new requirement coming along that requires 42 credit hours in philosophy and theology before entering major seminary, I and I think gosh, I would probably be at least 30 before I even could be ordained. To someone my age, who already wasted a chunk of my life, I feel like that is a long time.

Ultimately though, my biggest concern is going on another wild goose chase. That is part of why I am not eager to talk to a vocations director. I talked to one priest about the issue of a vocation (not to be a priest, just discerning in general) during confession, and from the look on the old guys face you would think I was Santa Clause on Christmas. The last thing I want to do is get up the hopes of a bunch of people, only to discover it was just a crazy notion. I have let down too many people already in life, I am in no hurry to add more to the list.

I don’t know, part of me thinks the idea of me being called to either the priesthood, religious life, or even marriage is crazy. If someone came to me seeking advices, and I knew all about them that I know about myself, I don’t think I would want them making any sort of permanent commitment to anyone. Yet no idea seems less appealing than being a celibate lay person for life, which would be the other option.

I am trying to surrender my will to God, and say yes to him, no matter what direction that may lead. I am, however, afraid of where I may need to go. I am also afraid of going the wrong way.

I can tell I am rambling a bit, but there is so much I want to say, and I don’t really have anyone to say it to. People on the other end of the Internet are poor substitutes for friends and confidants, but I don’t really have much choice right now.

I will post another message explaining some of what leads me to think I should consider the priesthood or religious life, and perhaps also some of what makes me doubt. Hopefully I can compose my thoughts a bit more carefully.
 
It is an incredible gift it is to be called to the priesthood. The very idea that God might be calling seems wonderful! If you trust God (who knows the number of the hairs on your head) to lead you where you should go, even if it might not ultimately lead to ordination, you absolutely can’t go wrong. He knows your heart and will show you…just let Him lead you. God is the author of time, so don’t worry about it. All things are accomplished according to His timetable, which doesn’t match our own in so many cases, because we want instant results.
Trust, trust, trust. He will show you the way.

I’m praying for you.
 
When I was very young, and people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I answered that I wanted to be either an astronaut or a garbage man. The reason for being an astronaut should be obvious to any red blooded American male with a mind for science. (As a young child, the children’s books I insisted my mother read to me, repeatedly, were the ones from the library about how lasers work, or how the pyramids were built.) On the other hand, being a garbage man seems less obvious. The reason was they always seemed happy. It could be counted on that the garbage men were always smiling and laughing, and they were very polite and friendly. At the time there was no other person or group of people that always seemed so jovial at every encounter. Hopefully that should give you a tiny insight into the strange inner workings of my mind.

Now, on to why I may be called to serve the Church.

I have long felt a very strong desire to serve others. Maybe this is a calling from God, maybe a product of my life experiences. I work harder, longer, and better when doing something for others. When it comes to my own concerns I am quite lazy. Like many people I find happiness in helping others rather than myself.

I have a very high regard for many of the priests in my life. (Though I should say I don’t really like all the priests I have known. Of late I have made an effort to see them as working on behalf of Christ, which helps.) I can’t tell you the amount of time I will spend rambling on about what Fr. Whoever said in his homily, or what was talked about in a theology discussion. This has long been the case, though it has certainly become more acute in recent years.

I like the mass. I like the bells. I like the smells. I like all the shiny things. I like the old and traditional things, and all the weird quirks (not the modern novelties, though some of what is recent can be good).

The Church is the one anchor in my life I have never been able to do without. I have been parted from friends, family, and familiar circumstances. Yet, even in my darkest moments, when I cut myself off from all else, I knew I couldn’t leave the Church or neglect the mass. It was, I think, key to my being able to come through the darkness alive (though not quite unscathed).

I had for a while been considering that I might could be a priest, but realized I could not unless I thought I could really accept Church teachings and the discipline of celibacy. Now I think that is in fact possible, in part thanks to a good retreat by a good priest.

Obviously, scripture says that those that can accept celibacy for the sake of the kingdom, should do so. I now am thinking I may be able to. If that is the case, it seems celibate life of some sort is likely the way. And if I can manage celibacy (with God’s grace), then it would seem one of the largest arguments against priesthood and religious life is out of the way.

Also, some others in my life have given me reason to think they believe I am being called to be a priest. The boss from my recurring summer job, who is a mother, was a special ed teacher, and now a Catholic school teacher, has told people (and me) that she thinks I am going to be a priest. My 7th and 8th grade religion teacher upon my asking her, “guess what I have decided to do?”, immediately assumed I was about to tell her I was going to be a priest. (It was nothing of the sort, and in fact that actually sort of took me completely off guard.)

I hesitate to mention this, but I had a dream during Pope John Paul II’s funeral. (I fell asleep with the TV. I don’t claim any divine revelation in this dream, just an odd coincidence… except I don’t really believe in coincidence.) It involved being in a church. There was a door to another part of the church, and everyone on that side was dressed as a priest. One person said good bye to everyone in this part of the church, and went through the door, to be with the priests. This dream had (and still has, in my memory) a sense of beauty, awe, and wonder to it, but also a very real fear. In a way that is sort of my reaction to the idea of the priesthood or religious life.

Any thoughts would be appreciated. I don’t think what I have described constitutes a call to a vocation, but I think it could indicate that just maybe I might ought to give it more serious consideration.
 
I appreciate the prayers. I know I need them, no matter what comes about.

As to why I perhaps shouldn’t be a priest, that is a far more extensive list, so it seems to me.

I have had a very hard time trying to figure out what to do with my life. I can’t help but think that perhaps this is just another bad idea, or worse that I am looking at it as an option of last resort.

Another issue is sexuality. I think, with Divine assistance, I could perhaps handle celibacy. The problem comes in the area of dating and what not. The only date I ever have been on (yes, this is somewhat pathetic, in a way) was for senior prom, and that was arranged by a friend. I haven’t ever really had any female friends, which seems a bit less than ideal. To make things worse, at some point when young I got worried about lusting after the girls or objectifying them, and sort of put up a massive mental block to this. Well, young minds full of hormones try to find some outlet, and when the “normal” path is partially obstructed, all sorts of crazy ideas can come up. This is only further complicated by a long history of using the sexual function as a means of self satisfaction, but I am working to put that in my past, and mostly succeeding (with God’s help). It would be fair to say that my relationships with females, and my sexual history, are a bit less than ideal. I suppose that is a mixed bag. The lack of positive relationships is problem. Alternatively, lack of prior sexual experience with anyone else is probably a benefit, one less attachment.

Another major problem, is my lack of an ability to stick to any particular path. I seem to eventually find that what I am doing is somewhat hollow, and that I need something greater. I once thought I would be an engineer, but real purpose does engineering or science serve? I then thought about being a politician, but too many politicians seem corrupt and fake. Then I thought perhaps I can work in a government agency, serve the people as a humble public servant, but that doesn’t really have real appeal. At some point I was also serious enough about being a military officer that while in university I did three semesters with the Army ROTC. Heck, I even had a major convinced I was going to be a great officer someday, wanted to make sure I invited him to my commissioning when the time came. (Oddly, this particular major, who I got along with quite well, had a theology degree and had thought he was discerning a call to be a protestant chaplain, but did not in the end.) I still wonder about the military at times, and perhaps I will always wonder what could have been.

I also realize that while I am a “cradle Catholic”, in many ways I am experiencing the faith for the first time now. So, I wonder how mature I can really be about all of this. I also wonder if this isn’t something of a “honeymoon” period regarding the faith, where anything related to the Church seems new, exciting, and wonderful.

Then there is the fact that already my devotion to daily prayer isn’t quite as strong as a month ago. If something so wonderful can begin to fade so quickly, what chance is there of a life long vocation involving prayer?

Finally, I have a few troubling tendencies. I tend toward legalistic views. I am proud, arrogant, and judgmental at times. I seem to find a dark cloud for any silver lining that comes along (negative/pessimistic outlook). I have in the past been outwardly very religious without being inwardly spiritual. I can be very self-congratulatory at one moment (ya! I said a prayer) and at the next can be a merciless critic of myself. I have had a serious battle with depression, and I still have difficulty managing stress. I can easily see myself as one of the Pharisees or a Roman official in the story of Jesus. I do have a somewhat ruthlessly practical streak.

So, clearly there are some road blocks and hurdles. Obviously, anything is possible with God. Yet, I wonder why in the world He would choose me. Perhaps I am lacking in appreciation for His love and mercy.
 
Clearly my ramblings went a bit long. I guess I needed to vent a bit, and to put my thoughts into words. Sorry if I wasted anyone’s time. My thanks to any who are actually reading this.

I hope someone has some advice that would be useful. Don’t be afraid of telling me the wrong thing or offending me. I am quite good at taking others opinions with a grain of salt when needed.

So, how about finding a spiritual director? Anyone have any suggestions for that? I don’t think either of my parish’s priests would be a good fit for me. Fortunately, where I go to school there are a great many other parishes, so a lot of priests potentially to choose from. What does a spiritual director do? I know I need someone to turn to for guidance on faith matters, and it seems a spiritual director would be that.

Also, as I previously asked, if anyone could suggests any prayers, spiritual exercises, or even books to read, that would be appreciated. Since Christmas break is coming up that should give me a couple of weeks to try to do some thinking and praying. Maybe even establish a better routine for daily prayer and what not before the next semester starts.

I am open to any suggestions or comments you may have. If there are questions you think someone needs to be asking me, go ahead and pose them.

I will hence forth be patient and wait for a response, instead of continuing my misguided rambling.

Prayers are of coarse greatly appreciated.
 
I’ve read your posts and will say a prayer for you.

My only specific advice is to say that because you haven’t followed through with things in the past is no reason to think that you won’t follow through when you find the right path. In fact, maybe the reason you haven’t committed to these things is because it wasn’t right for you.

My analogy would be that none of my relationships with women between age 20 and 33 worked out, and many caused me a lot of pain. Then I met my wife 🙂 I had often prayed for one of those past relationships to work. Thankfully, God doesn’t answer prayers that are not good for us. 😉

Keep discerning, and when you find the right thing, you will follow through.

God Bless.
 
So, after taking a year off from school, and basically sitting around in a pool of self pity, remorse, regret, etc… I realized I had to move on in some way. So I took classes at the local community college and finished an associates degree at the same time I should have been earning a bachelors degree.

Now I am working on a bachelor’s degree at a regional state university.​

Why are you so hard on yourself!?
Some folks never even get thru high school! I think that you’re accomplishing a lot with your life!
So what if you got associates degree instead of a bachelor’s!
It’s still a degree and reflects work and perseverance.
I admire you.
You may have some chemical imbalance and need meds for depression.
That might address a lot of your issues, but I still think that you’re doing very well.
 
InTheWilderness said:
I appreciate the prayers. I know I need them, no matter what comes about.

As to why I perhaps shouldn’t be a priest, that is a far more extensive list, so it seems to me.

I have had a very hard time trying to figure out what to do with my life. I can’t help but think that perhaps this is just another bad idea, or worse that I am looking at it as an option of last resort.

Another issue is sexuality. I think, with Divine assistance, I could perhaps handle celibacy. The problem comes in the area of dating and what not. The only date I ever have been on (yes, this is somewhat pathetic, in a way) was for senior prom, and that was arranged by a friend. I haven’t ever really had any female friends, which seems a bit less than ideal. To make things worse, at some point when young I got worried about lusting after the girls or objectifying them, and sort of put up a massive mental block to this. Well, young minds full of hormones try to find some outlet, and when the “normal” path is partially obstructed, all sorts of crazy ideas can come up. This is only further complicated by a long history of using the sexual function as a means of self satisfaction, but I am working to put that in my past, and mostly succeeding (with God’s help). It would be fair to say that my relationships with females, and my sexual history, are a bit less than ideal. I suppose that is a mixed bag. The lack of positive relationships is problem. Alternatively, lack of prior sexual experience with anyone else is probably a benefit, one less attachment.

Another major problem, is my lack of an ability to stick to any particular path. I seem to eventually find that what I am doing is somewhat hollow, and that I need something greater. I once thought I would be an engineer, but real purpose does engineering or science serve? I then thought about being a politician, but too many politicians seem corrupt and fake. Then I thought perhaps I can work in a government agency, serve the people as a humble public servant, but that doesn’t really have real appeal. At some point I was also serious enough about being a military officer that while in university I did three semesters with the Army ROTC. Heck, I even had a major convinced I was going to be a great officer someday, wanted to make sure I invited him to my commissioning when the time came. (Oddly, this particular major, who I got along with quite well, had a theology degree and had thought he was discerning a call to be a protestant chaplain, but did not in the end.) I still wonder about the military at times, and perhaps I will always wonder what could have been.

I also realize that while I am a “cradle Catholic”, in many ways I am experiencing the faith for the first time now. So, I wonder how mature I can really be about all of this. I also wonder if this isn’t something of a “honeymoon” period regarding the faith, where anything related to the Church seems new, exciting, and wonderful.

Then there is the fact that already my devotion to daily prayer isn’t quite as strong as a month ago. If something so wonderful can begin to fade so quickly, what chance is there of a life long vocation involving prayer?

Finally, I have a few troubling tendencies. I tend toward legalistic views. I am proud, arrogant, and judgmental at times. I seem to find a dark cloud for any silver lining that comes along (negative/pessimistic outlook). I have in the past been outwardly very religious without being inwardly spiritual. I can be very self-congratulatory at one moment (ya! I said a prayer) and at the next can be a merciless critic of myself. I have had a serious battle with depression, and I still have difficulty managing stress. I can easily see myself as one of the Pharisees or a Roman official in the story of Jesus. I do have a somewhat ruthlessly practical streak.

So, clearly there are some road blocks and hurdles. Obviously, anything is possible with God. Yet, I wonder why in the world He would choose me. Perhaps I am lacking in appreciation for His love and mercy.
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Do you think that you may have a calling to the priesthood that you don’t want to answer?
 
Firstly, (is that a word??), I think spiritual direction would be a good idea for you. You mentioned you know many priests but there are a few you don’t care for. You may find the same thing with trying to find a spiritual director. I would ask several priests to sit down with you for 20 minutes and just talk back and forth. Nothing too deep but get to know how they issue advice or listen to your thoughts, concerns, etc. One of them will click and then you can ask them if they would mind being your spiritual director. Also, keep in mind that not all spiritual directors are priests. Some lay people that have a strong theological background may be trained to be spiritual directors, (I would prefer a priest).

Secondly, I want you to know that you are not alone. I have had many of the same struggles through my life. I have also been trying to figure out where God wants me to be now and in the future. I haven’t been on many dates. The dates I have been on haven’t been horrible (but maybe I should have put on some deodorant) just kidding. I told me priest about my experiences (or lack thereof) and he suggested that for being in my mid-twenties and being able to function without a significant other is another sign that I may have the Grace to live a celibate life. In a way that is comforting…but what does he know? I think I need to stop over-analyzing everything that is said to me?!

I finally came to the decision of dropping everything to pursue the priesthood after YEARS of internal debating. I also made the decision without the support of my family and even some of my friends. Everyone thinks I am nuts! (Let’s see if they feel the same when they want a priest to bless their marriages or baptize their babies!)

At some point you need to quit putting excuses and barriers between God. It sounds like you are already trying to rip down the blockades between you and the Father and perhaps His Will for you will become more apparent. I just want you to know that you are not alone, even if you feel that way. The best thing I have done is find other people on this forum who are in the same stage in life as me.

Have faith in God but also in yourself. You know what you should do. “Be not afraid” - Pope John Paul II
 
Two book recommendations:
  1. The Unchanging Heart of the Priesthood, A Faith Perspective on the Mystery and the Reality of Priesthood in the Church.
by Fr. Thomas Acklin, OSB
published in 2005 by Emmaus Road Publishing

emmausroad.org/product1.aspx?SID=8&Product_ID=3396&SKU=960&ReturnURL=search.aspx%3f%3fSID%3d8%26SearchCriteria%3dpriesthood

amazon.com/Unchanging-Priesthood-Father-Thomas-O-S-B/dp/1931018294/sr=11-1/qid=1166239539/ref=sr_11_1/104-5315322-2750334
  1. Priests for the Third Millennium
by Archbishop Timothy Dolan
published in 2000 by Our Sunday Visitor Publishing

amazon.com/Priests-Third-Millennium-Timothy-Dolan/dp/0879733195/sr=8-1/qid=1166239472/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-5315322-2750334?ie=UTF8&s=books
 
InTheWilderness said:
At some point I was also serious enough about being a military officer that while in university I did three semesters with the Army ROTC. Heck, I even had a major convinced I was going to be a great officer someday, wanted to make sure I invited him to my commissioning when the time came. (Oddly, this particular major, who I got along with quite well, had a theology degree and had thought he was discerning a call to be a protestant chaplain, but did not in the end.) I still wonder about the military at times, and perhaps I will always wonder what could have been.
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How about becoming a military chaplain?

For more information, go to the webpage for the Archdiocese for the Military Services:

milarch.org/
 
I appreciate all of the responses thus far. I will take all comments and suggestions under consideration.

I don’t know where this process may take me, but I am determined to find out what it is I am called to do with my life. Priesthood, religious life, marriage, whatever the answer may be, I know it will be what is best for me. After all, what could be better than the will of God?

Feel free to keep the responses coming. I will keep checking back.
 
Minor update,

During individual confession at a recent communal penance service at my parish, something interesting happened. I happened to end up going to the pastor for confession. After I made my confession, he asked if I had ever considered the possibility of becoming a priest. I answered as honestly as I could, telling him that I had given the idea a small bit of thought recently. His response was that he thought I would make a good priest, and that I should come by and talk with him about it sometime.

I have never mentioned anything at all about this to either of the priests at our parish. In fact, I often go to mass with the local Newman ministry, and as often as not I go to confession at whatever parish seems most convenient. So, there isn’t really any way I could have been the source of the idea.

Anyone else have any sort of similar experience?
 
Dear InTheWilderness,

Do you visit Our Eucharistic Lord in a Perpetual Adoration Chapel? It is He whom you will serve should you become a priest … You may wish to spend some time with Him, and ask Him directly about your vocation.

Your dream during Pope John Paul II’s funeral is fascinating. You remember that he said, “Open wide the doors to Christ!” 🙂

So you say you’re not even 30 years old yet? You’re young! And even if you were 30 years old as of today … You’re still young! What is 30 years in the light of eternity, and how old will you be in eternity?

And what have you been doing with your time meanwhile? Sometimes learning what you are NOT called to do is just as valuable as learning what you ARE called to do … because you can grow into what you are meant to do, and have no regrets about leaving behind something you tried that wasn’t right.

If you have wasted any of that time, St. Teresa of Avila has composed a prayer for you:

(which comes from this website: catholic-forum.com/saints/pray0369.htm )
O my God! Source of all mercy! I acknowledge Your sovereign power. While recalling the wasted years that are past, I believe that You, Lord, can in an instant turn this loss to gain. Miserable as I am, yet I firmly believe that You can do all things. Please restore to me the time lost, giving me Your grace, both now and in the future, that I may appear before You in “wedding garments.” Amen.
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Saint Teresa of Avila
Click to expand...
Praying for you as you discern your vocation,

~~ the phoenix
 
From a different point of view, from a very early age I always wanted to get married and have a family. I love children and can not imagine being a priest. Although now, if (God forbid) anything happened to my spouse I might consider it. I could not imagine living with anyone else other than my wife.

IF I were in the same quandary, I would ask every priest I could find what their life style was like. I would try to find out how they spent their day, what interests they had, what they liked or disliked about the priesthood. What they had to give up or not give up. (if I had to give up golf or bowling, I might be totally against it - but luckily I know of many priests who bowl or play golf) How their lives changed or did not change. Basically I would try to get as much information as I could about what being a priest is all about.

IF the priesthood is what your path is meant to be, it should not matter how long it takes or how old you are. IF you are not sure, maybe the deaconate is the path for you or as someone else said becoming a military deacon or chaplain.

We definitely need more priests and clergy, my prayers are with you as well.
 
I think you should make a retreat at The Fransican Friars of the Immaculate retreat center in Bloomington, Indiana

maryschildren.com/MC-Friars-FRS.htm

They can give you spiritual direction. I’m told they also do spiritual direction by mail and phone, but I’m sure it would be more profitable to at least meet person to person the first time.

They are awesome!
 
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