Have the wake in Church instead of funeral home

[CatholicCajun]

Does your church do this? Is’t very common here and I was just wondering how common it was in the rest of the country. The Priest at our former parish does not allow this and people are having to wake their dead in surrounding Parishes which puts an extra burden on those Priests who have to not only bury their own parishoners, but those of EDIT our parish. So your take on this please. God Bless.

 

[Light_Seeker]

I worked in a funeral home for several years not long ago. I’d guesstimate about 20% of all Christian memorial services were done at the Church. Catholic memorial services at the Church were higher, probably 30%. Smaller funeral homes had higher percentages, as their chapels were not as large as the one I worked at. Also, the home I worked at was in the cemetery, stand-alone funeral homes not being adjacent or in a cemetery had more church memorial services.

It wasn’t unheard of, particularly at some of the larger churches, for the pastor to refuse, or the Church having a policy prohibiting this. Could be wrong, but I don’t think many churches would have memorial services if the deceased was not a member.

 

[brotherhrolf]

Very common here in Baton Rouge. In NO most of the funeral parlors have chapels and Mass is usually said in the chapel rather than going back to the parish. It makes sense since the custom of long wakes the night before seems to be a thing of the past.

 

[SMHW]

Unless the wake is expected to attract a large crowd it will usually be at the funeral home rather than at our church.

I think it’s very much a matter of cost. We have a big church with an unusual design and my pastor would rather not pay the expense of lights and heat/air conditioning if unnecessary. And most people seem to want a more intimate setting for the wake anyways.

 

[CatholicCajun]

Thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut. I was just wondering how it was done in the rest of the world.

 

[Genesis315]

The only time I have seen a wake in a church was for a bishop.

At all the other Catholic funerals and wakes I have been to, the wake is at the funeral parlor–the priest will come towards the end and there is prayers and the Rosary for the repose of the deceased’s soul. Then the next day their is Mass at the church.

 

[lak611]

My family said that up until the 1930’s, the wake used to be held in the home of the deceased, then the funeral Mass was at the church. Funeral parlours used to be just for preparing the body, which was laid out in the home. If I look at old death notices from the newspaper, I see this. My mom told me that she was really scared as a child because she had to sleep upstairs in a house that had a dead body in the parlour downstairs. Her family rented a house from her uncle. The uncle decided to have the wake for his mother (my mom’s great aunt) in that house, rather than the one he lived in because the parlour was larger.

 

[CatholicCajun]

Down here too they used to have the wakes in homes, never saw that, but remember hearing the “old people” talk about it as a child.

 

[Light_Seeker]

Still remember vividly, 45 years ago, how my grandmother was laid out in the house in her casket. Homes had formal ‘parlors’ for this purpose. Customs have changed, those parlors are now referred to as formal living rooms. Also remember up to about 10 or 15 years ago that the funeral home would take a picture of the deceased in the casket, then present it to the widow or widower after the funeral. Glad thats changed, I really don’t want to remember my loved one from a picture of a corpse in a casket .

Also have run across some different customs still being practiced. In parts of Russia, the old country, a family would use a mortician, but then the entire family would dig the grave, then fill it. Watched this several years ago here in the US, it was actually quite touching, even the children would help out. Also, I always assumed all Hindus were cremated, turns out children (under 7 I believe) are not cremated, but buried. Their graveside service is unlike anything I have ever seen.

 

[lak611]

Still remember vividly, 45 years ago, how my grandmother was laid out in the house in her casket. Homes had formal ‘parlors’ for this purpose. Customs have changed, those parlors are now referred to as formal living rooms. Also remember up to about 10 or 15 years ago that the funeral home would take a picture of the deceased in the casket, then present it to the widow or widower after the funeral. Glad thats changed, I really don’t want to remember my loved one from a picture of a corpse in a casket .

Also have run across some different customs still being practiced. In parts of Russia, the old country, a family would use a mortician, but then the entire family would dig the grave, then fill it. Watched this several years ago here in the US, it was actually quite touching, even the children would help out. Also, I always assumed all Hindus were cremated, turns out children (under 7 I believe) are not cremated, but buried. Their graveside service is unlike anything I have ever seen.

The strangest picture I have ever seen from a funeral is from my step-grandfather’s mother’s funeral. His mother lived in Poland. When she died, he was unable to go. His family sent him a letter and a picture from the funeral. Her casket was open and suspended on a type of scaffold hanging from the ceiling in the church.

 

[THurifer2]

I have been to a wake twice in the Home of the deceased. This has happened twoce, One time in 1989 and again in 1996. It is uncommon but it does happen. It was a small island town in michigan that had a very large number of cultural irish.

 

[mary_bobo]

I have been to a wake twice in the Home of the deceased. This has happened twoce, One time in 1989 and again in 1996. It is uncommon but it does happen. It was a small island town in michigan that had a very large number of cultural irish.

I can remember when my great grandmother, from Ireland, died the wake was in the front parlor of her home. The party was in the kitchen. Scads of food and drink were brought by fellow parishoners and as herself used to say “a good time was had by all”. Good Irish custom.

 

[MSJoan]

My father died when we were very young children (10 months to 9 years) and I remember the wake in our home. We could feel at home and when we needed a break from all the people, we could just go to our rooms or outside to play. No one had to worry about packing food, toys, or diapers. It was much easier on the family - at least until my Italian aunt started making that wailing noise, but she would have done that anywhere.

Even though we live in a very populated suburban area, we still wake our dead at home. We also do 4-8p viewing instead of the typical in this area of 2-4 and 7-9. On the day of the funeral, we process behind the hearse to the church.

I know it’s not for everyone, but with all the other stressors, especially when the death is sudden, to be able to go to your own refrigerator for something to drink, or sit on your own couch is such a comfort - just remember to turn the cell phones and house phone ringers off if there’s a memorial service or your praying the rosary.

 

[chicago]

I haven’t seen wakes at Catholic parishes around here much. Mostly for priests when they are “lying in state”. Occasionally for a parishioner who can’t afford the funeral home fees and has some special attachment of involvement for the parish. And, in the latter case, the whole thing is kept quiet so not everyone will ask for the privilege.

Nowadays, it seems that most people are heading to big “megaparlors” (corporately owned and expensive) rather than using the neighborhood funeral home. What you do still occasionally see is the small parlor across the street or down the block from the Catholic Church. These were the hallmark back in the day which were so commonplace. Just walk the casket there after the wake for the funeral. And where these old parlors no longer exist, sometimes the architecture remains such that you can spot them easily.

 

[jmcrae]

I’m not sure what a “wake” is - maybe it is an American custom?

We have an hour or so of prayers in the Church the night before the funeral - sometimes this also includes a eulogy (I went to one prayer night where there were several eulogies given - it seemed as though every member of the person’s family gave one) - and then the funeral takes place the next morning, followed by internment and then a social gathering afterwards in the hall of the Church.

Usually there is no social gathering in the Church after the prayers the night before, although sometimes the family will invite everyone to their home for coffee and dessert.

Eulogies are not allowed at the funeral itself in our Diocese; the funeral itself is always in the form of a Mass, and the topic of the homily is the promise of Christ for life everlasting for those who are faithful to Him. Typically, no mention is made of the deceased during the homily, although sometimes they will make some passing reference to the example of the person’s faith in Christ.

 

[chicago]

I’m not sure what a “wake” is - maybe it is an American custom?

The tradition of a “wake” comes from the idea of keeping watch over the body to make sure that it is really dead. You remain with the deceased in vigil, prayer, and family/community support/grieving while ensuring that he doesn’t “wake” up.

This has evolved into merely a period of last visitation with the loved one along with an opportunity for family and friends to come together for mutual support and expression of sympathy. Often, there is also some sort of prayer service like a rosary or vespers. (The Church actually has prescribed prayer for the evening before the funeral.)

Typically, the wake is now a one (sometimes two) afternoon/evening affair directly preceeding the funeral and burial on the following morning. In previous decades, it was often longer, perhaps as much as 4 or 5 consecutive days.

Various cultural customs surround wakes which make their individual character distinct from family to family and among ethnicities.

 

[TAS2000]

Yes, years ago it was almost always in people’s homes. Then it seems it was always at funeral parlours. Then a few decades ago, I’d say around the 80’s, you’d start seeing comercials for these “discount” funeral homes like “Church and Chapel” and “Informed Choice” lamenting the high costs of traditional funerals, and saying how you could save thousands of dollars with them.

That is because they speciafically didn’t have funeral parlors; some are just strip mall offices with a desk. All services and vistation were foisted off onto the person’s church, so the funeral parlor no longer need to account for a large gathering space and all the associated costs. At the time, most churches didn’t have fees or charges for this stuff, so of course, this saved the funeral parlor money. However, at least in our area, most churches have come to realize that they are now paying for these costs, and have started asking for fees or donations, or whetever you want to call it to help the church offset the cost of heat, light, cleanup, etc that is associated with funerals and wakes.

The cost didn’t go anywhere, it just got shifted. And frankly a lot of pastors are really EDIT ticked off about the whole thing, since the only one who “saves” any money is the funeral parlor. Surely not the church, and not the deceased’s family. And now the church looks like a bad guy for having the audacity to ask for money when everyone knows the church should just provide it free 'casue its a church, isn’t that what they’re for?

 

[lak611]

Yes, years ago it was almost always in people’s homes. Then it seems it was always at funeral parlours. Then a few decades ago, I’d say around the 80’s, you’d start seeing comercials for these “discount” funeral homes like “Church and Chapel” and “Informed Choice” lamenting the high costs of traditional funerals, and saying how you could save thousands of dollars with them.

That is because they speciafically didn’t have funeral parlors; some are just strip mall offices with a desk. All services and vistation were foisted off onto the person’s church, so the funeral parlor no longer need to account for a large gathering space and all the associated costs. At the time, most churches didn’t have fees or charges for this stuff, so of course, this saved the funeral parlor money. However, at least in our area, most churches have come to realize that they are now paying for these costs, and have started asking for fees or donations, or whetever you want to call it to help the church offset the cost of heat, light, cleanup, etc that is associated with funerals and wakes.

The cost didn’t go anywhere, it just got shifted. And frankly a lot of pastors are really pissed off about the whole thing, since the only one who “saves” any money is the funeral parlor. Surely not the church, and not the deceased’s family. And now the church looks like a bad guy for having the audacity to ask for money when everyone knows the church should just provide it free 'casue its a church, isn’t that what they’re for?

From my experiences, when the wake is held in church, it is usually very short. For instance, a family may choose to have a wake at 10 a.m., followed by the funeral Mass at 11 a.m. When a family wants a long wake, it is still usually held in the funeral parlour the day before the funeral Mass.

 

[puzzleannie]

Does your church do this? Is’t very common here and I was just wondering how common it was in the rest of the country.

it is done here if the crowd expected is very large, esp. for the rosary (we still have rosaries here, much more commonly than wake service we have seen up north). For instance, rosary for beloved HS football coach was SRO in the largest church in town, which itself is much larger than the largest funeral home.

 

[porthos11]

The only time I have seen a wake in a church was for a bishop.

At all the other Catholic funerals and wakes I have been to, the wake is at the funeral parlor–the priest will come towards the end and there is prayers and the Rosary for the repose of the deceased’s soul. Then the next day their is Mass at the church.

Here in the Philippines, practices vary. In the highly urbanized cities, those who can afford it hold their wakes in the funeral home. However, churches are somewhat less expensive, and so most churches here have separate memorial chapels for the exclusive purpose of holding wakes. Those who are a bit more cash-strapped take this option.

Finally, for those who have little to no budget at all, and can only afford the cheapest services, they opt to hold the wake in their own homes, or in a small, general-purpose neighborhood chapel.