Have you "accidentally" gotten rid of or lost something your spouse owned?

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Sometimes, much as we love our spouses, we hate their taste. Or maybe DH/DW has the ugliest rattiest most horrible Hawaiian shirt ever seen and refuses to get rid of it. So, have you ever, in a desperate moment, conspired for something your beloved owns to have an “accident” or be “lost”?

I’ll admit it. I have arranged for the DH’s t-shirts to go bye-bye. That man will keep a shirt that is stained and has frayed edges along with holes in his dresser forever. And he’ll wear it! We don’t have the space. I’m not letting him out of the house in that lest the boss or other truck drivers think his wife is slacking, and he has plenty of more gently used shirts that are fine to wear to work. I chuck the work shirts when they are too pitiful to wear to work and he gets all grumpy about it. So, now those shirts just quietly…disappear.

I just started wondering hoow common things like that are among marrieds. I was talking to a few women on Facebook and it turns out a lot of them sneakily get rid of horrible old husband clothes or the super tacky bachelor furniture and decoration they brought into the house.
 
I control all laundry and clothes-arranging in our marriage. My husband buys his own clothes in the main (although this is also changing), but he always wears what I put out each day and if we go away, I pack for both of us.

Some things never see the light of day and he doesn’t remember what he’s got, so it’s all good. 😃
 
I don’t throw out my husband’s stuff as I would be really mad if he did that to me.
 
I have considered it my job as a wife to keep an eye on the condition of my husband’s clothing, and throw out ratty and torn clothing and replace it whenever necessary. I also let him know when frayed pants or faded or stained shirts need to be relegated to home use only. I have a better sense about such things, and he seems appreciative of my consideration for him to appear at his best for the betterment of his career. The only thing that ever seems to annoy him is my insistence that tucked-in shirts require a belt. :D:shrug:

So to answer your question, yes, I do make tattered or ugly clothing disappear, but overall I accept his sense of style is his own and if any particular item of clothing is still in good condition but is just not my favorite, I hold my tongue. But then again, most of my own wardrobe has been purchased for me by my husband, who likes to shop for pretty maxi dresses or blouses for me online and surprise me. So we really work together to keep each other presentable.
 
No, but I will let him know if I think something needs tossing, etc. I wouldn’t like for him to throw away anything that is mine “accidentally”. I like for him to know I wouldn’t be sneaky with his things, but I have no problem letting him know if I think his clothes etc look ratty (he is good about taking care of his appearance, though, and prolly wouldn’t wear anything ratty/tacky.)
 
I guess my husband is just pretty good about getting rid of things that are old and aren’t used anymore.

But, no I don’t make things disappear in our house.

90% of the things he owns are things that I’ve picked out for him. Either I’d buy it or we’d go shopping together and I’d approve it. If he comes out of our room wearing something seriously questionable, I’ll say “no, don’t wear that, wear this instead” and he will change into what I suggest.

What has annoyed me over the years we’ve been together is that his family has serious issues with keeping loads of things over the years. His sister, his mom, his dad, his aunts, his grandparents, great aunts…the list goes on and on. They all like to give him things that we don’t need and we don’t want. I can’t stand clutter and I can’t stand acquiring loads of useless and ugly decorative items.
His dad gave us beer cozies when we rarely, if ever, drink and a poker set when we never play cards or gamble and have never expressed any interest in doing so. His great aunts have given him a huge plastic bin filled with old campaign buttons, stickers, pamphlets all from the 60s and 70s. Seriously, what am I going to do with that? His mom has given us decorative items I will never display.

At first, I never said anything and let some of the stuff collect dust on the mantle or shelf. But, when the stuff kept coming, I grew a backbone and said no more. I can’t stop you from being “nice” and accepting this stuff but it’s going right out the door to salvation army the second it comes in.
My husband gets it, mainly because he doesn’t like clutter either and regularly gets rid of things we don’t use or need anymore.
But, no, I don’t make things disappear, it’s just expected that everything we get from his family will go out the door if I don’t like it and we don’t have room for it.
 
mommamaree said:
So to answer your question, yes, I do make tattered or ugly clothing disappear, but overall I accept his sense of style is his own and if any particular item of clothing is still in good condition but is just not my favorite, I hold my tongue. But then again, most of my own wardrobe has been purchased for me by my husband, who likes to shop for pretty maxi dresses or blouses for me online and surprise me. So we really work together to keep each other presentable.
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I do all the clothes shopping. All he buys are his shoes. So, I know and respect his style even if I don’t like it. But the super ugly things that are old enough to drive or the “What color was that 10 years ago?” clothes MUST go, lol. I will hold my tongue on the good condition and not too old ugly clothes, but I won’t be seen with him outside of the house in those things. He can wear that when he’s hanging out with the guys. 😃

I’d love a husband that would shop for maxi dresses or something online for me. My poor DH doesn’t even know what a maxi dress is or what size I wear. He wouldn’t recognize something currently in if it bit him in the hind end. sigh

The only stuff he owns that I have chucked mercilessly were some old stuffed toys his ex gave him because she thought that men want collections of stuffed bunnies, a couple of pictures, and some books/manuals/old role playing game books and that bunch of junk he said “Just get rid of what I don’t need and don’t tell me.” I was in the basement with garbage bins before the last word was out of his mouth!

ETA: In case anyone wonders, the stuffed bunnies went to my much younger cousins. Some were played with and others were used by the dog as chewies. But they weren’t tossed in the trash. I hate waste.
 
To my thinking, none of what you describe sounds sneaky or selfish, but rather helpful. It is not easy to run a household if the clutter takes over, and romantic gifts from exes really should not be kept (unless we are taking about a widow or widower, or something otherwise very valuable). At least, that is the way my husband and I operate.🙂
 
mommamaree said:
To my thinking, none of what you describe sounds sneaky or selfish, but rather helpful. It is not easy to run a household if the clutter takes over, and romantic gifts from exes really should not be kept (unless we are taking about a widow or widower, or something otherwise very valuable). At least, that is the way my husband and I operate.🙂
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He totally forgot he had the boxes of the ex stuff until we’d been living in the same house for a few months. I said “You know that stuffs gonna go, right?” He was fine with that. He was a bit more emotional over losing the gamer stuff from his single hang out with the guys days.
 
When we were dating, my husband wore the most awful leather jacket. It went all the way down to his shins, and it didn’t have any buttons or a zipper–just a leather tie. It looked like a ratty leather bathrobe. It was awful. I never got rid of it, per ce… but I did buy him a new winter jacket as a Christmas present, and I made sure it would be something really in line with his tastes (not necessarily mine) but something that I wouldn’t mind looking at. I never told him the reason for the gift choice, because he really liked the new coat and started wearing it. Score. 🙂
 
I tried to get rid of a CD mix that my husband had for years, but every time I put it in the trash, it cropped up again. He was on to me, and it became a running joke.

Honestly, that CD was SOOOO terrible, though. The first song on it was “I Need a Hero” by Bonnie Tyler. I’d rather listen to nails on a chalkboard.

I don’t get rid of any of hubby’s clothes, but I do request that some not be worn out of the house. He has one shirt from junior high that he still wears around the house. Yes, junior high–and he’s 33.
 
MJJean said:
Sometimes, much as we love our spouses, we hate their taste. Or maybe DH/DW has the ugliest rattiest most horrible Hawaiian shirt ever seen and refuses to get rid of it. So, have you ever, in a desperate moment, conspired for something your beloved owns to have an “accident” or be “lost”?

I’ll admit it. I have arranged for the DH’s t-shirts to go bye-bye. That man will keep a shirt that is stained and has frayed edges along with holes in his dresser forever. And he’ll wear it! We don’t have the space. I’m not letting him out of the house in that lest the boss or other truck drivers think his wife is slacking, and he has plenty of more gently used shirts that are fine to wear to work. I chuck the work shirts when they are too pitiful to wear to work and he gets all grumpy about it. So, now those shirts just quietly…disappear.

I just started wondering hoow common things like that are among marrieds. I was talking to a few women on Facebook and it turns out a lot of them sneakily get rid of horrible old husband clothes or the super tacky bachelor furniture and decoration they brought into the house.
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Lots of stuff never makes it out of the laundry room. Both my husbands and my teenage daughters! Every once in a while they try to find something and find the hidden stash…

I especially loved the part of the wife slacking. My son tells me that (in jest). It always makes me laugh! The last time was when I was taking the crew in for confession. We only go once a year and when he asked be the last time he had gone I said one year. He thought for a minute before he came back with “I think I’ll tell father 51 weeks, it sounds shorter”. Then he told me I was slacking in my parenting duties…he is such a prize.
 
Not so much with clothes but the weird random **** my husband brings home. If he sees a toy soldier on the ground in a parking lot it comes home with us. Cruddy lighter? Home! Discarded bullet cases? Home!

I stick them in the trash as soon as he loses sight of it. Not sure why he does these things but I hate for junk to keep piling in my house. He least collects enough stuff I have to look after I’m find taking care of his lost things too.
 
Kelfa28 said:
I guess my husband is just pretty good about getting rid of things that are old and aren’t used anymore.

But, no I don’t make things disappear in our house.

90% of the things he owns are things that I’ve picked out for him. Either I’d buy it or we’d go shopping together and I’d approve it. If he comes out of our room wearing something seriously questionable, I’ll say “no, don’t wear that, wear this instead” and he will change into what I suggest.

What has annoyed me over the years we’ve been together is that his family has serious issues with keeping loads of things over the years. His sister, his mom, his dad, his aunts, his grandparents, great aunts…the list goes on and on. They all like to give him things that we don’t need and we don’t want. I can’t stand clutter and I can’t stand acquiring loads of useless and ugly decorative items.
His dad gave us beer cozies when we rarely, if ever, drink and a poker set when we never play cards or gamble and have never expressed any interest in doing so. His great aunts have given him a huge plastic bin filled with old campaign buttons, stickers, pamphlets all from the 60s and 70s. Seriously, what am I going to do with that? His mom has given us decorative items I will never display.

At first, I never said anything and let some of the stuff collect dust on the mantle or shelf. But, when the stuff kept coming, I grew a backbone and said no more. I can’t stop you from being “nice” and accepting this stuff but it’s going right out the door to salvation army the second it comes in.
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The Salvation Army (or a Catholic group) is a good idea. It is batter idea then I had (a puppy/dog). 😃
 
This is really normal.

It’s not uncommon for an adult, gainfully employed male to still own and wear shirts he got in junior high.

I try to maintain a strict division between professional and home/garage/yardwork suitable clothes. In fact, they occupy entirely different closets at our house.

Keeping one’s husband presentable is a basic wifely duty.

Ooooh–I just realized that this is another example for the huge wifely submission thread.
 
I find coats a tough one, because nice ones are so expensive.

Where I draw the line is when we get to the point that I could not, with a straight face, donate the item to charity. Once it becomes something that a homeless guy might say “thanks, but no, thanks” to, it’s time for the trash. We’ve had this happen once or twice already.
 
I guess I’m the odd one out but I think it’s very controlling to do that. Your spouse is an adult and if he wants to keep something it should be his decision.
 
MJJean said:
…I chuck the work shirts when they are too pitiful to wear to work and he gets all grumpy about it…
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No, I have not had that problem. I have enough trouble throwing my own old stuff out.

Hmmm. I guess I’d replace the old stuff with the newer stuff, say nothing, and keep the old stuff around for a decent period. If he never asks for it, I’d take that as consent to get rid of most of it, with a little held back for the times he needs a shirt he can ruin (while doing home chores, that kind of thing). Since this is what people normally do, I wouldn’t think that it is some awful form of control.

They are his clothes, however. If a husband posted here saying he got rid of clothes of his wife’s that didn’t meet his standards, the howls would reach the moon! If he says, “quit throwing out my old shirts,” then it is time for a conversation. Keep talking until you work it out, but do not throw out that ratty shirt that he has specifically told you he wants to keep. You can protest if he ever tries to leave the house wearing it, but you can’t throw it out when he said not to do it. If you married a hoarder, well, that is something to work on.
 
My husband has drawers full of polo shirts and tee shirts for casual wear that I don’t mind seeing him wear. And yet, he wears the same things in rotation it seems. However… He has a few shirts I am just so sick of seeing that sometimes 😊 when I do the wash, the shirts go on vacation. 😉 I just leave them (ok, they are hidden) in the basement for a couple of months. 🤷 it’s not like he misses them and asks where they are. Eventually, I return them or he finds them and thinks I just forgot to bring them up.

Ok, and I may have made holes a tiny bit larger than they already were, knowing when it is bad enough, he will get rid of on his own. 👍

Honestly, if I knew my husband hated something I wore, I probably would get rid if it. Who wants to wear something you know your spouse hates?
 
Sunbreak said:
I guess I’m the odd one out but I think it’s very controlling to do that. Your spouse is an adult and if he wants to keep something it should be his decision.
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I’m with you.

Sorry, I wouldn’t want him throwing my stuff out “accidentally.”

Now, I used to do that to our son. When he was a little boy. But my husband isn’t a little boy. He is a full grown adult. And if I want him to get rid of something, I simply ask him.
 
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