Have you been celibate for a LONG time?

[Day_Planner]

Sorry, wrong thread.

 

[MFTM]

I have been celibate the entire 51 years of my life and have found my vocation as an aspiring Consecrated Virgin Living in the World after many years of discernment. I find celibacy to to be a very loving, joyful and peaceful way of life.

BTW Distracted if your only “experience” was by assault either by rape or incest then you are indeed still a virgin in the eyes of God and the Church. You did not give up your virignity of your own free will. **No one **can take your virginity from you. Please be at peace about that.You could even become a consecrated virgin if that is the vocation to which God calls you.

 

[distracted]

I have been celibate the entire 51 years
It is odd that the only ones responding to this thread are those who are virgins (except me, of course)… I knew America was sex-obsessed but i didn’t think it was this bad…

BTW Distracted if your only “experience” was by assault either by rape or incest then you are indeed still a virgin in the eyes of God and the Church.

No, that was not the only experience i had, unfortunately. At the time, the whole thing messed me up, sent me some messages about myself…and men that i thankfully no longer believe (consciuosly)… When a person goes through a trauma like that, gets sent distorted messages about sex/ opp sex, etc… well, i was young and naive and made bad choices… To compound the whole thing, my family of origin… well, they are cold and uncaring and were never there for me… (which is probably how i ended up having such low self-esteem as to be alone w/ that rapist in the 1st place…)… Anyway then i found Jesus (again) and through the rosary (etc), began to take my power back from the devil… so i have been celibate, with His help :hug3: for many years now… The Holy spirit showed me, along the way, who was not a good man for me & the strength to say No to temptations (and there were many )… I have this weakness for men… but now i no longer have a weakness that involves physical intimacy… I am not even tempted by THAT anymore… thank you Jesus…
Anyway, thanks for your encouraging comments… God bless…

 

[catharina]

Celibacy does not mean you have to be alone. Man is meant to live in community–whether it be a marriage household, a religious order, a diocese, etc. Even the “hermits” and stylites had a structured community–they just got together in intervals.

For me, it used to seem like an impossibility, but the more mature (physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally) I become and the more self-discipline I acquire, the more I have been able to relate to St. Paul’s praise of the celibate life.

Congratulations to you. I believe you truly “get it.”

 

[bilop]

Yes of course I have been in love, when I was discerning to the Priesthood there was a young lady that I had very strong feelings for. She is a wonderful Catholic woman. The ideal Catholic Woman I would say. However after much discernment and asking the question of pristhood or marriage repeatedly in front of the blessed sacrament. God answered my prayers and called me to the Priesthood. She is a teacher in Peru with a religious order so it worked out well for both of us. I love the Church and obey her rules. Whatever God calls me to do in the end, I will natually accept. His will be done.

Aquinas 74,

It sounds like you would be a wonderful priest. I will say a prayer for your discernment. I hope you find a diocese or order that suits you. Don’t be afraid to “shop around” for a good one!

May God Bless you adundantly in your vocation (whatever it may be).

 

[GraceDK]

Anyway then i found Jesus (again) and through the rosary (etc), began to take my power back from the devil… so i have been celibate, with His help :hug3: for many years now… The Holy spirit showed me, along the way, who was not a good man for me & **the strength to say No to temptations (and there were many )… I have this weakness for men… but now i no longer have a weakness that involves physical intimacy… I am not even tempted by THAT anymore… thank you Jesus… ** Anyway, thanks for your encouraging comments… God bless…

Oh yes! Thank you Jesus… what a wonderful testimony. I think I must start to word the prayer my self… that I may get the help never to fall again.
When I fell into sexual sin one year ago I also said to the guy I was with: “if a certain line is crossed I will die”.
He crossed it anyway and since that moment I have been in some kind of irrational darkness that was lately diagnosed as depression…
I don’t blame him… when you play with fire you get burned. I just felt like a walking dead for a loooong time after that and am still sad about it…
I sometimes panic at the thought that I might meet another man, fall for him and then fall again in the same way… I know I am weak in this area also because I am very passionate and not very disciplined and at the same time I dont think I could handle to “die” one more time.
It would surely also mess up the relationship that I long to have with a good and godly man as well as taking away my last peice of self respect.
I just want to say… if you have any advice at how to calm sexual passion that arises when you are in love with someone then please tell me. You have gone through this.
I feel like I have one more chance at getting it right…
Ps. do you think this “weakness” has something to do with the absense of a father-figure while growing up?

 

[daeve]

May God richly bless your perserverance. Your Dad sounds like a great guy. Have a blessed day.

Thanks. I’m always amazed at how many practicing (or at least going to Mass) Catholics ask me when I’m going to start dating again. After 20 years (this month we’ll have separated 20 years ago), you’d think they’d get the picture.

My dad is terrific. I had no idea how cool he was.

 

[daeve]

I’ve been celebate all of my life. Though when I was in my teens and twenties I dated (no sex though). I’m prepared to be celebate for the rest of my life though I haven’t really decerned my vocation yet so I’m not sure if that is what’s in the cards for me.

Sometimes I want to be with someone but to be honest I find that often times that has more to do with having kids and not being alone than anything else. That comes and goes though.

What you might find strange is that I’ve always been a kind of popular person. I realize that sounds arrogant but I’ve always found it odd that I’ve never really had a problem meeting people, making friends and talking to women but in the end I’ve never got together with anybody. I think that a lot of that has to do with the fact that I believe in waiting until married to have a sexual relationship with someone. Today that doesn’t win you any points.

My extended family I’m pretty sure think I’m gay. Mom and dad have given up on any grandkids from me lol (though I do at times feel guilty for that). Some of my friends are starting to think I’m gay now to. Celebacy is apparently so difficult to believe that they’re more comfortable with the idea that I’m gay than just “doing without”. Kind of funny and sad at the same time.

General observations. When I was in my teens and early twenties I had zero problems with celebacy. Mid-to late twenties I had a lot or problems with my sexual urges. At time I felt like I was going to explode. I was not fun to be around during those years . Still when I hit my 30’s that cooled down quiet a bit. Now I’ve entered a “free zone” as I call it. Sex has lost a lot of hold on me. I don’t think about it as much and usually I’m always surprised by how much everyone is obsessed by it.

Honestly, I usually feel sorry for most people. They seem like they spend 80 percent of lives worried about hooking up. Its like sex is their master. Something else I find funny is that most of married and dating friends male of female always come to me for relationship and romantic advice. All the while I’m thinking: “have you forgot who you’re talking to?”

I’m OK, with whatever God has in store for me in terms of celebacy but I do wish my vocation would become clear to me soon. Not that I’m wanting to rush God, but I don’t have many young years left and if I’m supposed to get married I’d like to get started on that lol.

One of my neighbors was telling other neighbors that she didn’t approve of my new “lifestyle”. Lifestyle? What lifestyle? She assumed that since I’m not dating men, and go out with some girlfriends once in a while (mostly to scrapbook and make greeting cards) that I must be a Lesbian.

People do seem to think YOU have a problem if you’re not in a sexual relationship, or at least getting an occassional one-nighter. But from what you see on TV, even ‘nice’ shows indicate that unmarried people will have multiple partners until they find The One. The characters on Friends are every bit as footloose and fancy free (euphemism alert) as the tramps on Sex in the City. I guess they’ve all forgotten what their mommies taught them.

 

[Aquinas74]

Aquinas 74,

It sounds like you would be a wonderful priest. I will say a prayer for your discernment. I hope you find a diocese or order that suits you. Don’t be afraid to “shop around” for a good one!

May God Bless you adundantly in your vocation (whatever it may be).

Thanks very much. Right now he wants me to teach Theology at the local Catholic High School here in town. Thanks much for your prayers. Be assured that you are in mine as well.

 

[rtconstant]

this is really weird… It seems that most people who respond here are virgins… I guess that shouldn’t surprise me, considring the way this world is so sex-obsessed… (TV )… meaning: Where are all the people who are not virgins, but have been alone/celibate for a long time??

I think that is probably more unusual. I think that when people are used to being with someone both emotionally and physically they find it really hard to consider a celebate life. I have married friends who seem to find it hard to cope without their spouse for a few hours much less years. Also I have several friends who’s wives left them and they seem almost desperate to be in a relationship again.

Yeah, for sure… but it makes points with me. I appreciate hearing about people waiting for marriage… such stories may even help to eradicate some of my deeply-entrenched cynicism…

Hey I understand the cynicism.

How do you mean? did you try to lose your virginity?? You don’t have to say if it is too personal, but you got me curious…

I don’t mind talking about it all. No I didn’t try to lose my virginity per se. I went through a period where that I actually resented my virginity. Everyone, seemed to be doing their thing and then still getting married to great spouses and going on with their lives. It seemed like there really was not reason or point to my virginity at all. All it did was ruin relationships not enrich them.

I became more and more cynical which bothered me and I pretty much blamed my virginity with messing with my head. So I got to a point where that I really considered just going out and “hooking up” with someone just to be done with it. The only that saved me during that period was that little voice telling me I’d regret it. So I didn’t and I made it through.

Also as in addition I’m still a red blooded human and get urges like everyone else but that is the typical stuff.

Yeah… me too. I appreciate the gift that sex is (from God) but i don’t understand how, like on TV, that is ALL anyone talks about… Really super weird…

Yeah sex has been twisted in today’s media.

If you have read any of my posts on other forums, u may accuse me of the same thing… but really… I am not as worried about finding someone as i sometimes sound… If i was, i would have “hooked up” already… Instead, i have been alone for many years and probably will be for many more… if i can’t find Mr. Right… (someone who loves Jesus and is pretty fanatical about it )…

Yeah, I think this can be very tough especially for those that don’t necessarily feel called to a religious vocation.

Me too… I thought i was supposed to get married, even heard that word in my head when i prayed once… but so far… well, i haven’t found anyone (?) but i have learned an awful lot about marriage (in the eyes of God) and maybe that was what i was supposed to do - learn… Marriage in His eyes is NOT the same as in teh eyes of the world…

That’s the truth. Honestly to me right now there isn’t much to recommend marriage but I’m open to it for the right person.

I totally understand… but maybe marriage (as we know it) isn’t all its cracked up to be… I get scared when i think of having to give up all my privacy… being able to do what i want when i want…
The only reason i thought of marriage at all was because i htought that was what God wnated… I could get married or not get married… wouldn’t bother me a bit (except that , frankly, i wouldn’t mind having someone tobe physical with… not sexual… althought that would be nice… but just someone to lie next to at night… and tlak to… I used to have a male friend i did that with… some of the best times of my life… He was very intelligent & we coiuld talk about all kidns of different things and he never pressured me for sex… (too intellecutal for that )… The only reason i broke away was 'cause he wasn’t into Jesus…
Anyway… thanks for sharing and God bless. Praying for you…

 

[wjp984]

I think the statistics might be skewed a little in regards to who is a virgin and who is not. Society says how very few people are virigns but since people think it has a negative cannotation to it I wouldn’t be surprised if many of them lie about it. I’m not saying that there are a lot of people who still are virgins but there are probably more than we might be led to believe.

 

[Salonika]

I can’t see me changing my situation – I’ve been celibate now for about 15 years – because I don’t think my basic personality is likely to change. From a young child I liked my privacy and the freedom to pursue my interests and I recognise that there are limits to my ability to live with other people.

Some one once asked me why I wasn’t married and I said as a joke “because I have never met a man who would add more to my lifestyle than he would take away”. As I said it I realised it was true and I later realised that I do not like to flat/live with other people for the same reason. Also think it is not fair on them as I am told I get edgy when I have to live closely with people for more than a few days.

So for me celibacy is less than a challenge than marriage!

 

[distracted]

. Whatever God calls me to do in the end, I will natually accept. His will be done.

Amen… that is wht is importnat, doing what God wants, not what I or others “want”… think they want…

 

[distracted]

even though i am not one myself (i had it forced on me years ago… )(distracted)

You are still virginal if someone raped you.

Well, i had a few “worldly” relationships after the initial rape… but i was so messed up, i couldn’t really be held accountable for… well, for one thing, i was never catechized and once believed the osas thing… didn’t think fornication was that big a deal as long as you love someone… boy was i WRONG!! I am still paying for - and reeling from - the consequences… and i know that in some ways, i will be paying for the rest of my earthly life (and possibly beyond). Sin has terrible, terrible consequences, as i am sure you know… (would prefer not to talk about al that, though .)
But all the time i am being “purged”, I have Jesus to help me thruogh it… i can go through anything if i just have Him… SO thankful i found Him… :console: :hug3:

 

[distracted]

I liked my privacy and the freedom to pursue my interests and I recognise that there are limits to my ability to live with other people.

Amen… I could SO totally say the same thing… I don’t know if i could adjust to marriage… it would have to be one heck of a special person…

Some one once asked me why I wasn’t married and I said as a joke “because I have never met a man who would add more to my lifestyle than he would take away”.

Those are the words i have been looking for for so long… all i have ever had was men who “took away from”…

I get edgy when I have to live closely with people for more than a few days.

I get edgy even being around people for more than 1/2 an hour… (of course, i realize it has more to do with me than with them … or just as much @ least… )…

So for me celibacy is less than a challenge than marriage!

I could say the exact same thing… I never wanted to get married, at least i haven’t for many years… but when i asked God what vocation He wanted for me, i distinctly heard the word “marriage”… however this was years ago & i still haven’t found Mr. Right (as if there is such a thing… ). I began to wonder (and a friend also suggested) that maybe the word “marriage” meant that i should be married to Jesus… I thoguht i already was married to Him… but maybe i wasn’t as close to Him as I should be (and who ever is?? until we get to Heaven… ).

God bless…

 

[distracted]

I Society says how very few people are virigns but since people think it has a negative cannotation to it I wouldn’t be surprised if many of them lie about it. I’m not saying that there are a lot of people who still are virgins but there are probably more than we might be led to believe.

that’s weird… that there would be a negative connotation to being a virgin… when it should be the other way around… Shows how messed up and sinful this world is… (all over again)…

There is a somewhat lesser negative connotation to being celibate for long periods of time… (assuming people even believe you )

 

[Flopfoot]

22 and a half years and counting. It’s not hard for me because I’ve never known any other kind of life. And I am used to being alone due to being isolated at school most of the time. So I can deal with it. I doubt (but can’t completely rule out) that I’ll ever get married.

 

[Salonika]

that’s weird… that there would be a negative connotation to being a virgin… when it should be the other way around… (all over again)…

Also some people think that the reasons for celibacy are all external - not met the person who would change your mind, too busy in your job, looking after elderly parents, being told to do so. They overlook that some of us are making the decision for positive reasons, including being true to ourselves as we are now.
distracted;3781738:

There is a somewhat lesser negative connotation to being celibate for long periods of time… (assuming people even believe you QUOTE]

but they still sometimes think they have the right to ask you why.

Also “Distracted” thanks for your comments in reply to my recent post, especially for endorsing the comment about not marrying because I have never met a man who would add more to my lifelstyle than he took away. Some men I have met would have added to my lifestyle but being me I would probably have stopped feeling that way, if they were around all the time.

 

[distracted]

They overlook that some of us are making the decision for positive reasons, including being true to ourselves as we are now.

Yes… being true to ourselves… That rings a bell with me… It seems that all the men i have been attracted to (which is probably the biggest problem… ) are, well… selfish, think every problem in the relationship is the woman’s fault (or come across that way), have to have virtually everything their way, don’t really listen, etc… To be true to oneself is to make a list of qualities you need in a spouse and never deviate from it… Of course, it is true that Jesus wants us to pick up our crosses and carry them… Yet, I don’t believe He would want us to marry someone who is nothing BUT a cross…

Some men I have met would have added to my lifestyle but being me I would probably have stopped feeling that way, if they were around all the time.

Yes, i understand… I am not sure this thought that just came to me fits in with your comment… but it seems to me that people just get tired of each other. HOneymoons are over more quickly than one ever expects…
It is very important to get to know a person fairly well before jumping into marriage…(I know -
DUH ) and that takes some time (and effort)… something a lot of Americans, it seems, don’t always want to bother with… I hate TV because it goes SO against this principle… All i see (if i bother to watch even fragments of shows…) is people hopping into bed on the first date… I saw a small piece of that stupid show 2 1/2 Men (I know which one is the 1/2 )… This woman was in bed with him, ready to “do it”… and they were talking about how there didn’t have to be a commitment, she didn’t have to like him to “want him”… etc… that she could lose her job over sleeping w/ him… (a real turn on for him )… I mean, it was disgusting! I had been trying to find a station that had news on it… or wouldn’t have seen this nonsense…
Who writes this *^%##@?? Well, no need to ask… You know them by their fruits…
Anyway… thanks for sharing… nice to know i am not the only one who feels this way…
About being attracted… and how that is probably the biggest problem… I have psychological issues that apparently make me always pick a certain type of person… I see this pattern but it is very hard to break…

 

[MarcoPolo]

Hmmm… wanna get together?? Just kidding… butcool that you are a virgin… I always thought it would such a gift to marry one… even though i am not one myself (i had it forced on me years ago… )

Spiritual virginity is a higher state than a physical virginity. Even those who lived “Augustinian” lives and then repented and confessed, they are made whiter than snow in the spiritual realm, which is what counts.