I was married. My wife died suddenly, leaving me alone with two young children to raise, one with autism. Today they are 23 and 18. I was a young widower. I could have remarried, but my children needed me and my son who required special help in order to succeed was not in a position to transition into a new family with a new mother and maybe more brothers and sisters. So I decided to wait.
Today my daughter is a teacher and in graduate school at the same time. My son just finished his first year of college, thanks to the help of many people and the graces that the Lord has given my family to go forward.
As time moved forward and the kids grew I realized that soon they would move on with their lives and that I’m still relatively young and that I should find something for me, so as not to be dependent on them or a hindrance to their plans. I want them to live their lives as God leads them.
Having grown up around Capuchin-Franciscans all of my life and going to school under their direction, including graduate school, I became very familiar with the rule of St. Francis and Franciscan spirituality. The Lord blessed me with the opportunity to go to the missions with the friars and to live in their friary while I was in graduate school studying Mystical Theology and Philosophy. This was before I was married.
I realized that community life was not my calling, not that intense type of community living. But the Franciscan life is. I continued to live the Franciscan spirit and work in several parishes and dioceses in the USA and in other countries as well.
Now that my children are almost independent I have found my calling within a calling. I’m still a Dad, but I have committed my life to live as a Franciscan. With special permission from my spiritual director I made private vows of celibacy, poverty and obedience. I follow the rule of St. Francis in everything I do, including in my home life.
But celibacy has not confined me to a life of loneliness. On the contrary, I run a ministry to families who have members with disabilities. I work closely with people, especially parents and their children. I am very close to my own children and to my siblings. We have a wonderful relationship.
My celibate life allows me a great deal of freedom of mobility as well as opportunity to spend time in prayer. My day usually begins at 5:45 and goes until about midnight. I teach, listen to families, listen to kids with disabilities, run a ministry, and on top of that I spend time in prayer.
I have been blessed with the opportunity to pray the Franciscan Liturgy of the Hours every day, spend time in front of the Blessed Sacrament, pray the daily rosary, the daily chaplet of divine mercy, correspond with others on matters of faith and the spiritual life.
But not everything is “religion”. I have god friend who love me and appreciate my talents and my spirituality. Even though I don’t notice it, they claim that whatever it is that I believe and follow comes through in the way I deal with them and with the people whom I serve. I have discovered gentleness within me that I did not know was there. Every morning on my way to work I pray for the gift of silence, interior silence. My prayer is always answered. I seem to keep my calm in most situations. When I get flustered, I always come back to spend time in front of the Blessed Sacrament. I don’t always get my answers right away. Sometimes it’s a process.
The bottom line is that consecrated celibacy as a lay man has made these blessings possible in my life, without loneliness, but with the added grace of having time alone and periods of silence which I find most desirable. If anyone is thinking that celibacy is just for the religious or the diocesan priest, think again. There are many lay men and women who make vows of celibacy and live with productive and happy lives. I once met a young girl who introduced me to Madonna House founded by Catherine Doherty. Though I never joined them, I did a great deal of reading about them and Catherine’s spirituality. This led me to reflect on other celibate lay men and women such as Martin de Porres, Rose of Lima, and Catherine of Siena and the wonderful gifts that they were given to share with the world.
It’s a wonderful life, if it can be lived in prayer, sacrifice, without attachments and with a desire to replace the married life with service to God’s poorest of the poor.
I apologize if I’m rambling.
Fraternally,
JR
:hypno:
)if you are seriously devoted to Jesus…
:banghead: :hypno: 
