Have you changed after Parents' death?

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BlueKumul

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If your parents’ have passed away, have it changed you?

My father’s death 6 years ago probably changed me for some time. I became more tolerant of cynicism and authoritarianism, especially cynical and authoritarian men. Earlier I sincerely despised such attitudes. But now the effect has declined and I’m back to normal.
 
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My father died when I was in my 20’s.

He died suddenly.

It changed me.

It didn’t make sense that he died the way he did. He was always strong and healthy. I felt angry and robbed for a long time.

Like holidays, and becoming a parent. He would have been the best grandpa.

I recently lost my mom.

So I’ve got no parents.

It’s weird.
 
I lost both my parents at age 30 just 3 months apart.

It was a shock. I was angry and have felt robbed the last 38 years.

It was a huge loss, that I never really recovered from.
 
Y E S ! ! My dad died 2 years ago and my mom died two years before that. Neither of them were Christians so it’s been super hard for me not knowing where their souls are. I wish I had other relatives who could share in my grief, but they were both only children. It’s changed me in other ways too. I was really close to my parents. They were my friends and advisors, and I feel somewhat lost without them. It seems like I’ve lost some of my resilience too, and my mom enjoyed life so much, her effusiveness added something wonderful to my life that is gone now. I’m thankful that I was able to care for them both when they were dying, and that I didn’t have to put them in a nursing home. I will always be grateful for that.
 
I lost both my parents at age 30 just 3 months apart.

It was a shock. I was angry and have felt robbed the last 38 years.

It was a huge loss, that I never really recovered from.
I’m so sorry for your loss.

My mom and dad are both gone. After mom died from cancer and Alzheimers, we were mostly worried about dad. He did okay, although was sad sometimes and missed mom, which was to be expected. After he died, there was a hole. It’s weird.

Sometimes I miss having them to talk to.
 
I lost my dad 27 years ago. The last event he had attended was my son’s baptism. He always said he wanted to live long enough to see all his grandchildren. My son was his last grandchild.

I think losing a parent or both parents really brings adulthood home. You are no longer the child in a relationship.

My mother passed last August. I’m coming up on the 1st anniversary of her passing. I was with her for the last 8 years of her life. I still haven’t cleaned out her room. Everyone grieves differently.

Now I’m the matriarch of the family. It doesn’t feel real to me.
 
Now I’m the matriarch of the family. It doesn’t feel real to me.
Yes, it is a strange feeling knowing you are now “it.” There is no one above you and that makes it all very real. It is a lonely feeling sometimes, but then, almost everyone experiences it at some point.

My dad died when I was 21. I have been married to my husband longer than I had my dad in my life.
 
My mother died 22 years ago and my dad just two years ago. I wasn’t especially close to either one of them, so I can’t say that it has affected me very much.
 
My mother died in 2000, and my dad died in 2013. Both of them had “good deaths.” I feel incredibly blessed that they were my parents.

Since they died, I have been more aware of the need to listen to older people because they have so much history, and once they’re gone, we’ve lost the history. When we understand history, we are less likely to despair when things aren’t going well in our times.
 
Years ago, I was speaking to a priest friend who was in his 50s and had just lost his mother. His father had died some years previous. He said, “I’'m having trouble accepting the fact that I’m now an orphan.”

I always remembered that conversation. Even the most devoted and faith-filled people suffer a sense of loss when their loved ones die.

When I became an orphan three years ago in my 50s, I too found it difficult to accept the fact that I’m an orphan. It’s making me face my own mortality in a way that I don’t necessarily like!
 
Absolutely. It’s like my mom’s death (which occurred several years ago) broke a kind of internal barrier in me. I used to be able be sad or upset without breaking down, but there are rare occasions now where I’ll read or hear something and it hits me. It’s not a fault that needs to be fixed or a lingering bit of psyche that I’m ignoring, it’s just an alteration in me and who I am and that will never change.
 
My father died last March. When he died it was like getting hit by a truck. I was 27 and didn’t expect to lose either of my parents for many more years, but clearly God had other plans.

I pray for his soul with my prayers each evening and likely will forever.

Since my father died I am much more forgiving. I was taught a valuable lesson that you never know when will be the last time you see someone, so always better to forgive and charitably say anything that needs to be said instead of “waiting for the right time”.
 
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7_Sorrows:
I lost both my parents at age 30 just 3 months apart.

It was a shock. I was angry and have felt robbed the last 38 years.

It was a huge loss, that I never really recovered from.
I’m so sorry for your loss.

My mom and dad are both gone. After mom died from cancer and Alzheimers, we were mostly worried about dad. He did okay, although was sad sometimes and missed mom, which was to be expected. After he died, there was a hole. It’s weird.

Sometimes I miss having them to talk to.
Yes, I can think now of so many questions I would have asked them both. They never discussed politics or said who they voted for. I have no idea if they were
democrat or republican for example.

@PaulinVA
 
Yes, I can think now of so many questions I would have asked them both. They never discussed politics or said who they voted for. I have no idea if they were
democrat or republican for example.
Once when I was a kid I was reading the comics, and I looked up and asked my mom what GOP meant, since it was in one of the cartoons. She looked at me and said, “Hells Bells, it means I have to go vote to cancel your father out!”.

She was the Democrat, he was the Republican. But we didn’t talk politics a lot.

As I get older, I wish I could thank them more for what they did, or share insights I’ve gained that I’m sure they had.
 
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It’s interesting to read about those here who never talked politics with their parents.

I grew up with lively discussion in our entire family regarding politics, and my brother and I talk politics all the time!

My parents were both born during the Depression and lived through it–it influenced every aspect of their lives until their deaths.

My dad also lived through Prohibition in Northern Illinois–to him, the Capone and O’Banion gangs were real people who sent their people to small cities around the state to “cool off”!

My mother grew up in the rural South, very poor/pickin’ cotton, and had 10 siblings, and during WWII, three of her beloved brothers were in the war in the Pacific theater. All three came back safely and one became a career Navy medic.

And of course, my parents lived through the McCarthy years and the fears of communism, and the fears of atomic war, and many other events which gave them a very well-rounded view of politics.

My dad not only farmed but worked in a factory and was active in the AFL-CIO. He fought in the Korean War.

They voted Democrat all their lives until the 1990s, mainly out of loyalty and love for Pres. Franklin Roosevelt, who they (correctly in my opinion) regarded as the savior of the United States. I’ve read books stating that the country was within a few weeks of becoming Communist (because of the Depression) and Pres. Roosevelt put an end to this with his humanitarian federal aide programs.

But as they got older, they started recognizing that the Democratic Party was headed in a very harmful direction. Abortion was just one issue. My dad’s factory shut down after the union demands grew so unreasonable that they owners simply gave up and moved the plant to the South–thousands of workers were out of work–this happened during the Reagan years, BTW–my parents’ city was tied with Flint, Michigan for the nation’s highest unemployment–25% of the people were out of work.

My mother was a voracious reader, not trash or romances, but ponderous books about history and world events. My dad didn’t read well, but he read the newspaper every day, and he and my mother talked all the time.

My parents came to realize that government handouts in modern times (not Depression times) were not helping poverty, racism, urban crime, etc. They also distrusted the Clintons, especially Hillary Clinton.

My dad lived until 2013, and he loved going to his favorite diners (including a McDonald’s in the small farming town where he lived!) and talking all this over with his many pals and with strangers, too. He was very personable–loved a good conversation. He understand economics, and argued that it was the wealthy who took the risks to start companies that gave regular folks like him and our family jobs.

He also understood the incredible opportunity of free public education, and said that anyone could succeed if they worked hard in school.

Anyway, in the last decade of his life, he was very Republican, but in a kindly way, and had almost 9 decades of American life under his belt with which to make his arguments in favor of the G.O.P.

I’m glad I grew up in a family that talked politics!
 
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Very interesting question, and all of the replies are as well. Yes, when my parents passed many years ago, it definitely changed me - I hope for the better. I was 37 when I lost both of them 5 months apart. As some others have mentioned, it does feel like you’re suddenly an orphan no matter how old you are, and it’s hard to fathom what the next step should be in your life. My heart literally felt like it had broken at one point, and then the pain became duller over the years. I became much more devoted to my faith which they instilled in me since I was a baby. They set a beautiful example of it all through their lives - and even at their deaths. I began only wearing my cross necklace rather than any other type of necklace - to remind me of how important God is in my life every time I looked in the mirror - and to show others how I felt, too. I also began going to Confession more often and trying to read up more regarding the beauties of Catholicism and more of the Bible, too. In addition, I began praying much, much more - especially for their souls - since I finally realized even more fully how much they had done for me all of my life. Now I try to be more like them in many ways and show much more patience to others than I used to.

We were given our parents by God to teach us many lessons in life, and if we think about it deeply, it can be inspiring and eye-opening if we allow it to be. Even the lessons we still find difficult to accept can be learned from. Our Lord’s blessings always to all of you!
 
I’m so glad to read others having the same feelings I went through.
My mother died of cancer when I was 24 and pregnant with my second and last child. She did get to enjoy my son but never met my daughter. I regret very much that I never really got a chance to transition into an adult relationship with her.

My father lived for a long time afterwards. He later remarried a woman I wasn’t particularly fond of but I kept my close relationship with him. I loved his wisdom and we’d talk about politics, finances (he was a CPA) and anything else going on in the world. He dies at 80. Of course, I miss them both very much…especially my father just because I had him so much longer.

Yes, I felt like an orphan, too! As an only child, I also realized how much I would have liked a sibling to at least share memories with. Now that I’m a senior, I’ve realized I’m the matriarch in our family now. I hold the family gatherings. We’re a small family and my husband only has one brother who fortunately lives in the same city. We may be a small bunch but we’re all close. That helps tremendously!
 
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