Have you consulted with a priest/spiritual adviser re: NFP use?

[kristacecilia]

I am really curious. How many people here are using NFP/complete abstinence in consultation with their spiritual adviser or priest?

Since the Church allows for the use of complete abstinence or periodic abstinence (aka NFP) if you have a serious/just reason… are you consulting with a spiritual adviser about your reasons to make sure they are serious/just?

Are you praying about it on a cycle by cycle basis with your spouse?

 

[Corki]

I can’t vote because I’m too old. But back in the day, when I first wanted to use NFP, it was after consulting with my pastor as to the reasons.

 

[kristacecilia]

Feel free to vote reflecting that you did in the past. I could have worded the answers better.

 

[GracedUpon]

I voted that we use abstinence w/o consulting a priest, since there wasn’t an accurate response for me. We sort of use NFP, but only really abstain when I get a + OPK, which isn’t a terribly reliable method. We do have serious reasons to avoid right now, but not serious enough to abstain for several weeks at a time (since my cycles are all wonky with breastfeeding). I do believe that we are somewhat less fertile than other couples, so we are comfortable with this method for now and would be ok with an unplanned (though not really a “surprise”) pregnancy.

I also don’t know if DH may have discussed this with his spiritual adviser, but it’s possible since he’s been suffering with scruples for a while.

 

[kristacecilia]

I voted that we use abstinence w/o consulting a priest, since there wasn’t an accurate response for me. We sort of use NFP, but only really abstain when I get a + OPK, which isn’t a terribly reliable method. We do have serious reasons to avoid right now, but not serious enough to abstain for several weeks at a time (since my cycles are all wonky with breastfeeding). I do believe that we are somewhat less fertile than other couples, so we are comfortable with this method for now and would be ok with an unplanned (though not really a “surprise”) pregnancy.

I also don’t know if DH may have discussed this with his spiritual adviser, but it’s possible since he’s been suffering with scruples for a while.

Do you think that a couple discussing their reasons for being abstinent (either temporarily or permanently) is a sign of being scrupulous?

 

[LittleDeb]

Yup. I met with her 2 weeks ago. We were commended for leaving the door open in our fairly grave circumstances, and asking God for His will each, and every, time we have relations, whether fertile or not. But I only meet with her yearly. Our circumstances haven’t changed in regards to my health, so we continue to periodically abstain. I wish our circumstances were different. I celebrate all of my friends who were called to a big family and I try to celebrate my 2 for the gifts they are to us.

 

[MooCowSteph]

I always wanted to talk to my priest but never have. DH and I both felt like we had more than adequate reasons to postpone pregnancy for the short term.

 

[GracedUpon]

Do you think that a couple discussing their reasons for being abstinent (either temporarily or permanently) is a sign of being scrupulous?

Not necessarily. I was just saying that my DH may have discussed it with this priest since he has been meeting with him for spiritual guidance. He doesn’t usually talk much about their discussions, and I try not to pry since it’s not really my business.

 

[puzzleannie]

Do you think that a couple discussing their reasons for being abstinent (either temporarily or permanently) is a sign of being scrupulous?

discussing it with whom? it should be a matter of no interest to anyone other than their priest or doctor. and no it is not necessary to get the priest’s permission unless you yourself suspect your reasons are not justified. This is a matter of ordinary prudential judgment made mutually by the husband and wife. For the life of me I am clueless about this generation’s need to discuss these intimate details with their family and friends.

 

[kristacecilia]

discussing it with whom? it should be a matter of no interest to anyone other than their priest or doctor. and no it is not necessary to get the priest’s permission unless you yourself suspect your reasons are not justified. This is a matter of ordinary prudential judgment made mutually by the husband and wife. For the life of me I am clueless about this generation’s need to discuss these intimate details with their family and friends.

I did not mean with just anyone, but specifically with a priest or spiritual adviser, as per the original post.

 

[Katie966]

discussing it with whom? it should be a matter of no interest to anyone other than their priest or doctor. and no it is not necessary to get the priest’s permission unless you yourself suspect your reasons are not justified. This is a matter of ordinary prudential judgment made mutually by the husband and wife. For the life of me I am clueless about this generation’s need to discuss these intimate details with their family and friends.

This is what I thought, too- I read the title of this thread and thought “Should I be discussing this with someone other than my fiance?”

 

[Em_in_FL]

I would definitely say a combination of consulting with different people at different times (priests and spiritual advisers) as well as personal/marital reflection between the two of us.

Either way - it was highly scrutinized from a prayer standpoint… on a cycle-by-cycle basis, which is think is the only requirement. I don’t think it’s “required” to consult with a priest or spiritual adviser - just that our motives are scrutinized regularly.

 

[maryjk]

I am really curious. How many people here are using NFP/complete abstinence in consultation with their spiritual adviser or priest?

Since the Church allows for the use of complete abstinence or periodic abstinence (aka NFP) if you have a serious/just reason… are you consulting with a spiritual adviser about your reasons to make sure they are serious/just?

Are you praying about it on a cycle by cycle basis with your spouse?

If you have a reason for long term NFP use or abstinence, I don’t see a reason for praying about it each month. Kind of like, yep a pregnancy will still kill me, nope, don’t want to get pregnant. What is there to pray about?

I am not in quite that situation, but we are in a long term situation, with no end. We know the only two options open to us is long term total abstinence or long term use of NFP. Other than praying for a medical cure, what would my prayer be about?

 

[Em_in_FL]

If you have a reason for long term NFP use or abstinence, I don’t see a reason for praying about it each month. Kind of like, yep a pregnancy will still kill me, nope, don’t want to get pregnant. What is there to pray about?

I am not in quite that situation, but we are in a long term situation, with no end. We know the only two options open to us is long term total abstinence or long term use of NFP. Other than praying for a medical cure, what would my prayer be about?

That’s a *really *great point…
Maybe for these “bigger picture” (longer-term) issues an *initial *discussion with a priest or spiritual adviser would be prudent.

Obviously a good continual prayer would be for this “bigger” issue/burden to be lifted from your life (miracles can always happen!), but you’re right - the cycle-by-cycle discernment about whether *pregnancy *is prudent isn’t necessarily needed.

 

[silicasandra]

We are using ecological breastfeeding (haven’t had any signs that my cycles are returning), but haven’t consulted with a priest or spiritual advisor about it, nor did we when I first began charting before I got pregnant (we weren’t trying to avoid when we conceived.)

I suppose if one of us was having an issue with the way we were doing things, we might consult our priest. The growth and wellbeing of our family is a major part of my prayer life, though.

 

[maryjk]

That’s a *really *great point…
Maybe for these “bigger picture” (longer-term) issues an *initial *discussion with a priest or spiritual adviser would be prudent.

Obviously a good continual prayer would be for this “bigger” issue/burden to be lifted from your life (miracles can always happen!), but you’re right - the cycle-by-cycle discernment about whether *pregnancy *is prudent isn’t necessarily needed.

But we can read in the CCC that our reasons are serious/just and even grave. What would a priest tell us?

Honestly, the last thing I want to do is to explain the ins and outs of female embryonic development with a priest or have to explain what a congenital uterine malformation is. I end up saving that for the gossipy women that want to know why I don’t have a van full of children.

 

[Em_in_FL]

But we can read in the CCC that our reasons are serious/just and even grave. What would a priest tell us?

Honestly, the last thing I want to do is to explain the ins and outs of female embryonic development with a priest or have to explain what a congenital uterine malformation is. I end up saving that for the gossipy women that want to know why I don’t have a van full of children.

Hence - the “maybe”… I’m with you on the need to discuss the “details” - really!
Some things are pretty cut/dry… others (even long term ones) are not - those that are questionable may be helped through consultation…

 

[Corki]

Hence - the “maybe”… I’m with you on the need to discuss the “details” - really!
Some things are pretty cut/dry… others (even long term ones) are not - those that are questionable may be helped through consultation…

I can only speak of my own case. My husband and I did not agree whether our situation was serious enough to avoid having another child. Talking it out with our pastor really helped.

As a general rule, I think that when the serious reasons are health related, it’s easier to determine. After all, you already have the (name removed by moderator)ut of a third party - the doctor.

When the serious reasons are more economic, it’s less cut and dried. When are you being prudent vs. being selfish? Where do you draw the line between being trusting in God providing and being careless or reckless with His provision? You don’t find those answers in the CCC.

 

[maryjk]

I can only speak of my own case. My husband and I did not agree whether our situation was serious enough to avoid having another child. Talking it out with our pastor really helped.

As a general rule,** I think that when the serious reasons are health related, it’s easier to determine. ** After all, you already have the (name removed by moderator)ut of a third party - the doctor.
**
When the serious reasons are more economic, it’s less cut and dried. ** When are you being prudent vs. being selfish? Where do you draw the line between being trusting in God providing and being careless or reckless with His provision? You don’t find those answers in the CCC.

Very true.

 

[LittleDeb]

I can only speak of my own case. My husband and I did not agree whether our situation was serious enough to avoid having another child. Talking it out with our pastor really helped.

As a general rule, I think that when the serious reasons are health related, it’s easier to determine. After all, you already have the (name removed by moderator)ut of a third party - the doctor.

When the serious reasons are more economic, it’s less cut and dried. When are you being prudent vs. being selfish? Where do you draw the line between being trusting in God providing and being careless or reckless with His provision? You don’t find those answers in the CCC.

Well put!