Have you ever felt that you are sick & tired of been sick & tired

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RobaynneM

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I am at a point whereby I am sick and tired of been sick and tired. Your friends and family are tired of you complaining about the same things over and over again.:mad:

I have just found out a month ago that my divorce was final. My ex had the divorce decree for months and never said anything. I am sure there are a few of you that remember me was married for 10 years and together for 15 years have two kids and my ex left me for a 19 year old. Anyway now according to the settlement agreement the house is to be given to me even though for the past 9 years I have been the one paying as I get a subsidy from my work.

Now I have decided to register the house in my name and my ex is refusing to sign the document. He is avoiding and not responding to the lawyers as he needs to come in and sign. But as usual he is refusing. I just do not know what to do anymore. He is hurting my kids he promises to fetch them for the weekend and he does not pitch up. He never calls to see if they are okay. He does not pay towards their school fees, school transport, nanny etc. He tells the court that he cannot avoid to pay anymore than the amount he is paying. But the mistress who has a two year old son with him (the 19 year old got herself pregnant) he does not want her to work. But he cannot afford to pay the maintenance. And I do not have the energy to fight about that.

The part that is hurting the most my kids are boy 10 and girl 8 and even though this man disappoints them and makes empty promises to them they still love him and want to go with him for weekends when he decides he wants to see them. Even though he does not pick up the phone to call them they secretly phone him behind my back. I don’t want them to get hurt. It is enough that my son is giving me problems. For example he promises to fetch them and never does then my son phones him to find out what is happening and he tells them some sad story and now it takes a whole week for my son to come right again. He gets naughty and does not want to listen to me. It hurts me to see him suffering and there is nothing I can do about it. I am in the process of getting counselling for them my daughter is okay she understands and she is so young where as my son I feel as if he blames me.

I am so angry right now. I just feel that I have come so far and finally I am coming right. My ex was abusive emotionally and physically towards me. And life with him was not easy. But now he is using the house against me. He tells the kids that the reason he does not have money is becoz he is saving money to buy a car and furniture. Hello he does not want his mistress to work. And she took great pleasure in tellling me that the reason he hit me was becoz something was wrong with me. And he will never ever do those things to her.

I have prayed about this asking God to show me the way. And instead of getting answers things are getting worse. We have been apart for 2 years now and during that time I have not been with another man. I have tried so hard to follow the straight and narrow path and still I feel as if God has forsaken me. That he is not listening to my prayers. And here is my ex living in sin and after all the things that he has done to me God has blessed him. He is not suffering he does not need to worry about the cupboards been empty with no food he is a food manager at a shop called Woolworths and they get food on staff discount. He has someone to go home to every night. He has someone to love me and take care of him. I love my kids very much but I would also like to feel loved and wanted by a man. But Men have never worried with me and anyway who is going to want a divorced 34 year old women with 2 kids. I have excepted that I am going to be alone for the rest of my life that is just how life is.

I know that we should not look at other people’s lives and envy them. But I never thought that my life would turn out this way. I never thought that I would be divorced today (he divorced me). Even though my marriage was not the best one but I still stayed in it. I went to Retrouvaille (it never worked) we went for couselling it never worked. He did not want to stop the things that he was doing. He was addicted to porn, was abusive, cheated on me with other women. I am not perfect and I know that I made alot of mistakes but I feel as if I am the only one that is suffering and paying today for what happened.

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My ex and I were together for 15 years. For 10 of those years I was in and out of hospital for depression was on medication and under Psychiatric supervision. I tolerated so much from my ex that most women would not. Things with my family suffered as we were not on speaking terms for such a long time. About 4 years ago I made the mistake of falling for a man who made me feel like I was beautiful, sexy and attractive. He made me feel like I was a women. When my ex met me I was not slim or trim. He never made me feel like I was beautiful, sexy and attractive. And with a result I thought that he was the one. He was involved with someone also but never married her. So with a result I was ready to end my marriage to be with this guy. But I changed my mind and me and my ex tried to make things work. He suspected that there was a man but never had proof. I regret the mistake that I made and asked for forgiveness. About a year later my ex met this young girl and left. Once I became available I met up with this guy again and guess what now that I was available he was not interested. He left both me and his partner of 6 years (that he got two kids with) for another young women of 22 years old.

So now I feel so alone and abandoned. I have repent and still I am suffering. There was a time when I felt that finally I had a break through but I was wrong. I try to pray, people have come to pray, I read the bible. And still nothing has changed in my life. The last time I felt like this was when I found out about my ex and his teenager and I decided to take an overdose (which landed me in hospital). I feel defeated and alone. Like I am never ever going to get out of this misery.

I give up there is nothing left for me to do anymore. Please pray for me to get a break through. I know that I will never take my own life as I cannot leave my kids alone. They have already been abandoned by 1 parent they cannot be abandoned by both.

Sorry this was such a long one. But I needed to get this all out once and for all. It was killing me slowly inside.
 
I have to go someplace, so I will respond. But right now, you need a big hug.:hug1:

I have been sick and tired of being sick and tired. It is often when this happens that I do my best work. It’s always darkest before the dawn.

Back later. Hang in the meantime…
 
I’m so sorry for all that you’re going through right now. I pray that you can find some comfort in God. :gopray:
 
RobaynneM

You need to see a doctor immediately for your health and the health of your children. I too suffer from depression and you need to seek medical attention to get on top of it before it takes over. Know that you are loved and that all of us here are praying for you.:signofcross:
 
Dear RobaynneM

No wonder you constantly feel sick and tired with all you have been through and are going through. Your stress levels must be on an all time high especially as you see your children let down again and again by their father. You wouldn’t be normal if you were all cool, calm and collected after all you are have gone/are going through.

Agree that if you do not have medical help at the moment you need to get it and if you do have such help you need to go back as your needs may have changed . You need to do this for yourself not only for your children. You are valuable for yourself as well as the mother of your children. No mistakes you have made cancel this out. One thing you can be very thankful of is that you are now free from being attacked in your own home and so are your children from witnessing it.

In addition appropriate counselling should help - either with added insights into how you tick, your vulnerability and new ways of reacting. This should help as it sounds sounds as if your ex knows how to “push your buttons”. It’s good that you are getting counselling for your children.

Hang in there, try to see the good things you are doing and the good things in your life and get the help you need to get through your current “dark night of the soul”.
 
We do live in a “valley of tears.” Mother Mary, pray for us.
 
RobaynneM said:
I have just found out a month ago that my divorce was final. My ex had the divorce decree for months and never said anything. Why didn’t your barrister/ attorney say anything to you?

I am sure there are a few of you that remember me was married for 10 years and together for 15 years have two kids and my ex left me for a 19 year old. Anyway now according to the settlement agreement the house is to be given to me even though for the past 9 years I have been the one paying as I get a subsidy from my work.

Now I have decided to register the house in my name and my ex is refusing to sign the document. He is avoiding and not responding to the lawyers as he needs to come in and sign. But as usual he is refusing. Ask your attorney if you can just go to court and get it done.

I just do not know what to do anymore. He is hurting my kids he promises to fetch them for the weekend and he does not pitch up. He never calls to see if they are okay. He does not pay towards their school fees, school transport, nanny etc. He tells the court that he cannot avoid to pay anymore than the amount he is paying. But the mistress who has a two year old son with him (the 19 year old got herself pregnant) he does not want her to work. But he cannot afford to pay the maintenance. And I do not have the energy to fight about that. You can’t change him. If you could have changed him, you would have stayed married to him, right?

The part that is hurting the most my kids are boy 10 and girl 8 and even though this man disappoints them and makes empty promises to them they still love him and want to go with him for weekends when he decides he wants to see them. Not unusual. He is their dad. Even though he does not pick up the phone to call them they secretly phone him behind my back.Probably because they are afraid of hurting you. I’d let the kids know it doesn’t bother me when they talk to their father, not at all, and they can call him how often they like- provided they do not sneak the phone. I don’t want them to get hurt. I understand. But you can’t change your ex, and the kids apparently want to see him. Kids are smart. They will eventually get the message, as much as it will break their hearts. It is enough that my son is giving me problems. For example he promises to fetch them and never does then my son phones him to find out what is happening and he tells them some sad story and now it takes a whole week for my son to come right again. He gets naughty and does not want to listen to me. It hurts me to see him suffering and there is nothing I can do about it. I am in the process of getting counselling for them my daughter is okay she understands and she is so young where as my son I feel as if he blames me. He might blame you. That’s why getting the couselling is important, not just for them but for you, too.

I am so angry right now. I just feel that I have come so far and finally I am coming right. My ex was abusive emotionally and physically towards me. And life with him was not easy. But now he is using the house against me. He tells the kids that the reason he does not have money is becoz he is saving money to buy a car and furniture. You are allowed to say to the kids, “Gee, I don’t know if that’s true or not. Really, kids, I know you miss your dad, but this isn’t a matter that concerns you. It’s for the courts to decide. The court decided that your father needed to take care of you, and that you needed a place to live.”
…And here is my ex living in sin and after all the things that he has done to me God has blessed him. The rain falls on the just and the unjust. You know what he is doing is wrong. Think God doesn’t know? But Men have never worried with me and anyway who is going to want a divorced 34 year old women with 2 kids.You’d be surprised. Probably a good man who wants a home and family. But for now, you are better off without one until you square away your life a little better.

I know that we should not look at other people’s lives and envy them. But I never thought that my life would turn out this way.Crystal balls are fake. Nobody can see ahead to the past. We do the best we can. He was addicted to porn, was abusive, cheated on me with other women. I am not perfect and I know that I made alot of mistakes but I feel as if I am the only one that is suffering and paying today for what happened. It’s not unusual to feel that way in your situation.
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RobaynneM said:
My ex and I were together for 15 years. For 10 of those years I was in and out of hospital for depression was on medication and under Psychiatric supervision. …About a year later my ex met this young girl and left. Once I became available I met up with this guy again and guess what now that I was available he was not interested. He left both me and his partner of 6 years (that he got two kids with) for another young women of 22 years old. That’s sad, but it is done, and there’s nothign you can do about it.

I feel defeated and alone. Like I am never ever going to get out of this misery. Do not waste time. YOU need counselling TODAY.

I give up there is nothing left for me to do anymore. Please pray for me to get a break through. I know that I will never take my own life as I cannot leave my kids alone. They have already been abandoned by 1 parent they cannot be abandoned by both. YOU need counselling TODAY. This minute. Quickly!!

Sorry this was such a long one. But I needed to get this all out once and for all. It was killing me slowly inside.
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My heart breaks for you. Robaynne. you need to see somebody before the kids need to see somebody. Don’t put it off.

And we are all right here if you just need to vent, or a hug.
 
RobaynneM said:
I am at a point whereby I am sick and tired of been sick and tired. Your friends and family are tired of you complaining about the same things over and over again.:mad:

I have just found out a month ago that my divorce was final. My ex had the divorce decree for months and never said anything. I am sure there are a few of you that remember me was married for 10 years and together for 15 years have two kids and my ex left me for a 19 year old. Anyway now according to the settlement agreement the house is to be given to me even though for the past 9 years I have been the one paying as I get a subsidy from my work.

Now I have decided to register the house in my name and my ex is refusing to sign the document. He is avoiding and not responding to the lawyers as he needs to come in and sign. But as usual he is refusing. I just do not know what to do anymore. He is hurting my kids he promises to fetch them for the weekend and he does not pitch up. He never calls to see if they are okay. He does not pay towards their school fees, school transport, nanny etc. He tells the court that he cannot avoid to pay anymore than the amount he is paying. But the mistress who has a two year old son with him (the 19 year old got herself pregnant) he does not want her to work. But he cannot afford to pay the maintenance. And I do not have the energy to fight about that.

The part that is hurting the most my kids are boy 10 and girl 8 and even though this man disappoints them and makes empty promises to them they still love him and want to go with him for weekends when he decides he wants to see them. Even though he does not pick up the phone to call them they secretly phone him behind my back. I don’t want them to get hurt. It is enough that my son is giving me problems. For example he promises to fetch them and never does then my son phones him to find out what is happening and he tells them some sad story and now it takes a whole week for my son to come right again. He gets naughty and does not want to listen to me. It hurts me to see him suffering and there is nothing I can do about it. I am in the process of getting counselling for them my daughter is okay she understands and she is so young where as my son I feel as if he blames me.

I am so angry right now. I just feel that I have come so far and finally I am coming right. My ex was abusive emotionally and physically towards me. And life with him was not easy. But now he is using the house against me. He tells the kids that the reason he does not have money is becoz he is saving money to buy a car and furniture. Hello he does not want his mistress to work. And she took great pleasure in tellling me that the reason he hit me was becoz something was wrong with me. And he will never ever do those things to her.

I have prayed about this asking God to show me the way. And instead of getting answers things are getting worse. We have been apart for 2 years now and during that time I have not been with another man. I have tried so hard to follow the straight and narrow path and still I feel as if God has forsaken me. That he is not listening to my prayers. And here is my ex living in sin and after all the things that he has done to me God has blessed him. He is not suffering he does not need to worry about the cupboards been empty with no food he is a food manager at a shop called Woolworths and they get food on staff discount. He has someone to go home to every night. He has someone to love me and take care of him. I love my kids very much but I would also like to feel loved and wanted by a man. But Men have never worried with me and anyway who is going to want a divorced 34 year old women with 2 kids. I have excepted that I am going to be alone for the rest of my life that is just how life is.

I know that we should not look at other people’s lives and envy them. But I never thought that my life would turn out this way. I never thought that I would be divorced today (he divorced me). Even though my marriage was not the best one but I still stayed in it. I went to Retrouvaille (it never worked) we went for couselling it never worked. He did not want to stop the things that he was doing. He was addicted to porn, was abusive, cheated on me with other women. I am not perfect and I know that I made alot of mistakes but I feel as if I am the only one that is suffering and paying today for what happened.

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The sad reality is that much of life involves suffering. Somehow we have to find the strength to carry on, in silent resignation. This is where the ‘bravery’ of persistent cheefulness, that which Mother Theresa often spoke about, comes into play. People are often horrible to each other, as they were with Christ, as they conspired against Him and then sadistically murdered Him. Through self-mortification, we unite ourselves with Him, and transcend the miseries of human weakness and corruption. Hang in there. God is with you.
 
I repeat everyone’s advice to seek counseling and a doctor’s help today, right this minute. You and your children need it. They, especially, need to learn how to balance Daddy’s rudeness with their love for him. You don’t want them to grow up thinking his behavior is OK, do you?

Your ex is a jerk. :mad: Reminds me of my sister’s ex. He never paid his child support; she went on welfare with their 4 kids, and the state took him to court every month to be reimbursed. He also would routinely break dates with the kids. I have seen how this damaged them.

I would suggest to your lawyers that they try to collect 1/2 the mortgage payment from your husband for every month he refuses to sign the house over. That might get his cooperation.

In the mean time, BIG HUGS to you - and get to the doctor today!

God bless you and your children,

Ruthie
 
Thank you all for your wonderful responses.

From 1998 to 2006 I was seen a Psychiatrist. I was on medication for all that time. And after my overdose episode the Psychiatrist did Shock Treatment to get me out of the Depression I was in. I have not seen that doctor for 2 years and have not been on medication all this time. And I have been okay and not having any episodes.

I finally thought that once the divorce was final things would be okay. I do not understand why he wants to still hold on to the house he has made no contribution towards the payments. And he is aware that he will never ever live in that house again. So I would think that he would do anything to not be linked to me in anyway. As he was the one that divorced me (but he tells everyone that I divorced him). I never call him unless he has not paid the child support.

What is the hardest part to understand is that my ex grew up without a father his father died when he was young. His mother really struggled to make a good life for him and his brothers & sisters. And he hated to see his mother struggle to put a plate of food on the table for them . And there he goes and does the same thing to his own kids. I said to him once that he was such a selfish and spiteful person that he would stand by and let his kids live his childhood. It is as if he does not care about his own kids. But cares more about the 2 year old and mistress that he is living with. He tells his mother that he is a bad father but he is doing nothing to right the wrong.

So if this man wants to have nothing to do with us then why is he holding onto the house. Why does he not just let it go.

I never stop him from coming to take the children. The reason why I did not want the kids calling him is because it upsets them so much. The only reason they are calling him is to find out when is he coming to fetch them. Then he tells them that he is busy working he will come for them the end of the month. The end of the month comes and goes and he does not pitch up.

The 21 year old does not want my kids there. She has made it very clear by her actions. When she and I last had words she made it very clear that I must not send my kids there to spy on her. All I said to her is that she as a women and mother why does she not make sure that this man pays for his children. I said her cupboards are full and her son has warm clothes to wear during winter. As the agreement was he would buy clothes twice a year. Is that spying by saying that the father has lots of food in his house. She is still a child that is why she is so gullible and listens to what his says. That is why she can say I made him beat me up, I made him cheat on me, I made him leave me. Forgetting that he can do the same to her one day. She says that will never happen as God sent this man to her and she to him. That he has blessed them by putting them together. That he makes sure that she and her child is taken care of. So I said to her at the expense of his own children. That he would rather have other people taking care of his responsibilities. And that he does not care whether his kids live or die but to his family he tells them that he loves his kids so much.

I am just so tired of this man. And regret the day that I ever met him and married him. And I have tired of going to court and taking off days at work as that is a long process.

I just wish that this house story was sorted out. Yes, my ex is very aware of what buttons to press. I do not understand how a 35 year old man still carries on like a teenager. He always wanted to control me where I went, who I spoke to, he wanted to control me 101%. But he could never do that as I was a very strong and independent women and he tried to break me so many times. He tried to take my family away from me. I was never good enough for him and wanted to mold me into what he wanted. I was never slim and trim and still he would buy me clothes that never fitted (He buys her clothes). He never wanted me to wear makeup and lipstick (He buys the mistress makeup). I was never allowed to answer his cell phone or to look through it (She keeps his phone and answers it). He was addicted to porn and even used to mark in the newspapers call girls. (Never knew if he went ahead and called or not).

Even talk about it brings up all wounds that I thought was dead and buried. I just wish that things would finally come right for me. But it seems that they are getting worse. Here am I following the right path and still my life is not right. And there are other people out there including my ex who are been blessed abundantly. I know that I should not question God and not look at what other people have. But it hurts so much that instead of taking 10 steps forward I have taking 10 steps backwards. And I promised myself that I was not going to go into a depression again. As I had believed that my life was finally coming right. And then this house story comes up and the fact that my ex is not even trying to be a good father to his kids. He never offers to pay half the school fees, or half school transport, he never wants to go the extra mile for his kids. It is as if he does not want to make things easy for me. But the people that are suffering the most is the kids. And the people that he is spiting the most are the kids.

I hate to see my kids suffer they are still so young to be living like this.
 
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