Have you ever had your priest over for dinner?

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As it happens, our pastor has never been to my house, but we’ve gone to dinner many times and catch breakfast regularly. Two of us couples went over a few weeks ago to the rectory and brought the entire dinner already BBQ’d. Just had to warm up the baked beans on his stove. Turned out both priests sat down for dinner. We had a blast.

The occasion was actually that the four of us had to go over to bag up cookies our pastor baked for the bake sale (over 600 and he does this regularly and they are the BOMB!). We simply used it as a pretense to bring him dinner. He is up to his eyeballs, always on the run pastoring/ministering. We know he doesn’t eat right and I run into him at the grocery store sometimes and see (in his cart) he eats junk. He does not have a cook so he fends for himself and he’s a typical guy so it ain’t good.

We started out over a year ago going to breakfast every few weeks primarily cuz I took over leadership of Stewardship and wanted to get to know my pastor better to do a better job of carrying out his pastoral agenda. We have become good friends and I’ve become a sounding board and an ear to bend for him. He is relatively isolated and 95% of the time relates to us parishioners in only his official capacity as pastor.

It’s clear to me from the things he tells me about his work, his frustrations, etc., that he longs for a friend that he can talk to, confide in, unload on. Someone he can trust to keep confidence and someone who can have a laugh with him as well. He’s very much not the person I imagined him to be a few years ago. He’s a real guy with all the same frustrations as anyone else, overworked like all of us. He’s also lonely sometimes for friendship on a level other than as a priest, and rightly so, as he is a guy just like me. My wife is very understanding and sensitive about this as well.

I’ve learned a great deal from him and value and treasure our relationship. We ended up traveling together to Europe last summer (actually about 40 of us, wives and all). I’m WAY more understanding and compassionate toward all priests now just because of how I’ve come to know my pastor. I pray for him and all priests now as I never did before. I also volunteer more because he’s helped me become more cognizant of the need (he rarely asks me to do anything. I just step up as I should).

DO NOT HESITATE. Take your priest to dinner. Heck, a few months ago, I took our pastor to see Spiderman 3. I can’t believe he ate an entire bucket of popcorn on his own.:eek: You feel embarrassed or self-concious of your home, go to breakfast, or a restaurant. Offer to bring over a meal. And don’t talk parish stuff unless he initiates it (mine usually does). I’m in the Diaconate program and in my 2nd year in Pastoral Ministry School and frankly rarely bring it up with him (I have plenty others to talk to about these things). He does ask me how I’m coming along from time to time.

Just do it!👍
 
blessedstar said:
No and I don’t think it is right for a Priest to have partiality like that. A Priest is a shepherd over all of the people and he must not go to one above another and as he cannot go to all places he should not go to one.

Alot of jealousy exists in parishes and this kind of thing can only add to it.

Now a Priest may find good friendship with a male parishioner and this is a good and whole thing but the Priest must be careful not to show favour.

It happens that someone with money and good standing in a place may be favoured by the Priest, this happens often whilst someone with no money and no standing is less favoured, you see the troubles it may cause.

Unless the Priest can go all places, then the Priest should not favour any place, though indeed a Priest may have those in a Parish he favours because he likes them and who can help having those they like more than others, still for the sake of the flock it is better to keep impartiality.

In my Living Prayer of life.
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the husband and i are not rich by any means, and yet the priest came over for dinner and he ate with us. he showed no favoritism at all. he never has with any other parishioner either. he is friends with my husband.
 
Then why in my country are Priests the way they are? I don’t understand. Priests never socialise like this with us, they do at big functions within the Church where anyone can go, but they don’t do anything like this like you people are saying happens in your country.
 
Yep, but it was a long time ago. My father was boyhood friends with our priest, who then got promoted to Bishop, so it was fairly easy to invite him over and to go out with us a lot of times. We’d go for steak at restaurants, etc., and he was a really fun person to go out with.
 
blessedstar,
The only way you will know is to ask. Maybe you could start a new tradition. Or maybe they have been told no by the Bishop. You never know.
 
blessedstar said:
Then why in my country are Priests the way they are? I don’t understand. Priests never socialise like this with us, they do at big functions within the Church where anyone can go, but they don’t do anything like this like you people are saying happens in your country.
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What country do you live in? Is it customary to invite people to your home for dinner?

In the US, we are invited to dinner at the home of our bosses, our subordinates, our neighbors, etc. Dinner in the home is basically traditional hospitality. Also, in the US, there is no class system or heirarchies that preclude people regardless of position to share meals with others.

Maybe in your country there are customs that would make such an invitation inappropriate. If so, disregard what we are saying as local customs are what they are, local customs for social behaviour. I can see why it would be inappropriate to ask your Pastor to violate local customs of proper protocol.
 
blessedstar said:
Priests here have always refused attending homes this way unless there is a reason to visit for this reason I stated earlier in my last post and I can see the reasoning.
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I think it could be a few different reasons. Some view their vocation as more of a job, unfortunately. This would manifest itself in a lack of interest or avoidance of interacting with their parishioners on anything other than a ministerial level. They stay away on their days off or don’t come out of the rectory. In my opinion, these are priests who are burning out and or have become callous. Maybe they feel isolated (just read the press the last few years). I say this not as a criticism or even an excuse, but actually a simple observance of human behavior and an understanding of how thankless the vocation of the diocean priesth can often be. My pastor tells me of letters sometimes a few times a year going to the bishop to complain about him regarding this that or the other and it’s the first he hears of the “problem” (not really a problem except in the mind of the disgruntled, intrinsically unhappy parishioner).

When you remember that priests are human too, and obviously relatively social animals - they became diocean priests, for goodness sake - then you remember that humans naturally socialize. If a priest doesn’t do what comes naturally, it’s a concern, or should be for the caring, loving, grateful parishioner.

Reach out. 🙂
 
Getting back to the original question. Yes.

Priests are human, too, and enjoy a break from the routine, and a home-cooked meal with a family is a welcome change. We had a priest in our parish in México whose favorite meal was fried fish. When he accepted an invitation to a family dinner, we went out of our way to get the best and freshest fish available.

My mother gladly welcomed a Benedictine monk passing through, she cooked the same meals as she might any time, and made certain everything was provided in our spare bedroom for the night. I don’t know who enjoyed it more, the good father, or my non-Catholic mother.
 
I’m a single woman, so I’ve never had a priest to my home. However, I have enjoyed dinner with a priest by having my Bible study group invite the priests when we have a group meal planned at a large home. We also hosted a little going away potluck for our last visiting priest and presented him with a group (monetary) gift to asssist with his ministry back home in Nigeria.

Our priests have let us know that they love getting to eat and socialize a bit. They are always invited when groups have meals at the church such as a dinner/dance or the RCIA social dinners. The teens love having the priests drop in for hot dogs or pizza with them on their social nights or even to go down the giant inflatable slide with them to celebrate the end of school. We had one priest who had a regular “date” for breakfast with all of the teens who came to daily mass before school. Every priest is different and has different comfort levels, but they are human beings. We had one who rode Harleys and our current pastor loves camping and his annual ski trip.

One thing that I would say to anyone who has thought of possibly inviting a priest and didn’t, is to at least ask them. We found out after the fact that our visiting priest from Nigeria spent Christmas alone in the rectory due to the failure of all of us in the parish. He was so humble and gentle that he would have never invited himself anywhere or even brought it up on his own. We all assumed that he was with someone else. What a horrible assumption. It made me cry when I found out!
 
I have never invited a priest to my home for dinner – as I am a single woman, living alone, it would be inappropriate. But the priests at my Franciscan parish are always welcome to attend any of our SFO gatherings, including the ones where meals are served. 🙂
 
jc-servant said:
I’m a single woman, so I’ve never had a priest to my home.

snip

One thing that I would say to anyone who has thought of possibly inviting a priest and didn’t, is to at least ask them. We found out after the fact that our visiting priest from Nigeria spent Christmas alone in the rectory due to the failure of all of us in the parish. He was so humble and gentle that he would have never invited himself anywhere or even brought it up on his own. We all assumed that he was with someone else. What a horrible assumption. It made me cry when I found out!
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JC, I understand why you haven’t had a Priest in your home and you are correct it may not be appropriate. However, if you and a friend hosted him, I think it would be appropriate. When we think about the spotlight on our Priests (esp. after the scandal), I fear that in reaction too often our Priests are rightfully concerned about the appearance being alone w/ people in private. And this concern will lead to more nights alone. Do we want this for our Priests?

As two females hosting a dinner, I suspect it will be a nice change of pace and a guarantee of good food!

Regarding your story of your visiting Nigerian associate, it made me cry too. But it goes to the matter of this thread: We need to be as welcoming to our Priests as we expect them to be to us. We are all in this together.
 
jc-servant said:
I’m a single woman, so I’ve never had a priest to my home.
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When I planned to have my house blessed about 3 years ago, it was supposed to be a family thing with my dad and his wife, and other family and friends present. Well, that didn’t work out, so Father ended up coming by on the date we scheduled, and I was there alone. I was single at the time, he was an extremely attractive priest of my own age - it was beyond akward for both of us!!! 😊

So we did the blessing, which was sooo wonderful, and then he sat and chatted for about 10 minutes and left. I was so sad that it didn’t turn out as I had planned, with others there to entertain, but oh well, what can you do. I was glad that he did still come, even though he knew the event had changed. But I totally understand what you mean about it being inappropriate. In retrospect, I should have rescheduled till I could have had at least a couple friends over.

Though I do have to say it was cool as beans to have a priest show up at my house, collar and all!! I loved that!! 👍

~Liza
 
May I share my expierance? You are bringing back a really funny memory for me.

A few years ago, I was going through a really weird period. My best friend had died. Then our stupid goat died. The “energy” (for lack of a better word) in my home just didn’t feel right. I got the bright idea of having my home blessed. I really don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it sooner. Our priest graciously accepted.

I ended up calling a friend who had much more expierance than I in these matters.

Me: Hey, Lori, am I supposed to off him some money or something? I don’t want to offend him either way.
Lori: You could offer him some gas money. Better yet, ask him to dinner.

Five minutes later…

Me: um, is it koosher to offer him a beer?
Lori: :rotfl: Sure. He likes beer.

The blessing was nice. Dinner was ok. We’re a big family in a small house, so sitting at one table was a rare, and akward sight:) With six kids, we couldn’t keep a matching set of dinner glasses to save our lives, and I had NO matching serving bowls. What a crazy mish-mash.

My then 5 y/o son was so cute. Every other sentence out of his mouth started with, “so Father Gerry…” I think Fr. Gerry got a kick out of him 😃 Dan was goggle-eyed at having a priest in our house. Maybe, he’ll think of that as a Vocation 🤷

BTW, he turned down the beer (Sam Adams for you beer connosours) because he was driving.

Kim
 
whatevergirl said:
My husband would like to have our home blessed by our parish priest…since we’re new in the area, etc…thought it would be a great idea as well, to invite him for dinner, or go out for breakfast. Something to get to know him, on a more intimate level. Anyone ever have his/her priest over for dinner? Take him out for a meal?

Could u share your stories…advice? Thank you.
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I just noticed this thread, but our priest has been over to the house several times. We’ve also been out to dinner with him, etc.

What I might suggest is that usually in a parish there are some people who are personal friends of the priest, if you know any of those folks then you may want to have some sort of a gathering at the house. The first time the priest was at our home was probably for a cook-out where we invited my daughter’s classmates and their parents (from the parish school). Within the group of people who were invited was a family that is close with the priest. He had “friends” among the parishoners who attended and obviously it helped us to develop our own relationship with our priest. I think it eliminated any awkward social moments for him and for us, since he had people there who were mutual friends of his/our.

We have plans to go out to dinner with him in early August. Not sure where we will go, but probably 20% of the conversation will be faith based and the remainder will be social conversation. . . priests need to have fun too 👍
 
We have had our Priest over for dinner once and out for lunch a couple of times.

He is really busy so it doesn’t happen very often. He is the only priest for our parish so keeping up with the sacraments for the parish takes a lot of time.

But he took time out of the busy Christmas schedule to have lunch with us, since my parents were in town.

mesquite magic
My son, the first time, was also googled eyed. It was funny to watch him since he sees the priest a couple of times a week at mass. 😃 I think Father got a kick out of it too.

Good idea to ask the priest about the call to his vocation. It never hurts to expose the kids to more information about vocations. 👍
 
KCT said:
Go ahead and invite him 🙂 . I’m sure he will appreciate it.
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Rest assured there is absolutely nothing wrong with inviting your parish priests over for dinner.
I have had many priests to my home for dinner and it was very nice and helps them connect to the families in the parish.
I see no reason for there to ever be jealousy about a priest going to someones home for dinner.(That has got to be one of the most ridiculous statements I have ever heard.
 
Toni said:
I see no reason for there to ever be jealousy about a priest going to someones home for dinner.(That has got to be one of the most ridiculous statements I have ever heard.)
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In defense of the woman who made the comment, she is from a different country, so customs are different.
 
We invited our priest to bless our new home. I was too nervous to cook a full meal, so I bought some cupcakes instead and offered them to him. After he blessed our home, we had a nice chat while our toddlers were busy colouring our brand new ceramic tiles (lol). I’d do it again if the house wasn’t already blessed.
 
We’ve entertained several priests in our home. They’re normal folk and need to eat too 😉

One of my wife’s classmates became a priest in Florida. He came to visit us a few years ago. His first dinner with us I asked him if he’d like a glass of wine with dinner. He replied, “No Thanks, I drink at work” 😃
 
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