Julia,
It is possible your grandmother did raise her children according to Catholic tradition, but your parents left the Catholic church on their own. I assume since you mentioned only your grandmother, that her husband was not Catholic.
Yes. Her husband was Presbyterian. A mixed marriage, as it is called, can be beautiful and successful, but only when the two partners respect and support each other’s faith. If your grandfather did not support her faith, it is possible that this attitude contributed to your parent leaving Catholicism. Or, if your grandparents got married in
his church and it was not a Catholic wedding, your grandparents may not have made that commitment.
I’ll check on where they got married. I never thought about that before. Just speculation, but this might also explain your parents’ disapproval of Catholicism.
I’m sorry. I don’t quite understand how this would contribute to my parents’ disapproval of Catholicism. Could you please clarity? Converts are special because they are filled with the zeal and inspiration that moved them to join, unlike cradle-Catholics who might go through the motions, like habit, but not always feel it in their hearts. This is true of every religion. Converts generally have truth-searching hearts, or undergo dramatic, life-changing experiences that drive them to seek God. People who leave a religion, however, do so because they are looking at all the things they think are wrong with it, so their outlook will forever be negative toward that cause.
Unfortunately, I don’t think anyone can advise you when to join without knowing your family personally. Yes, it can be more than awkward if you join now. The moment you convert, you will experience tremendous pressure – you would have to be strong enough to withstand that pressure for five more years. Depending on how adamant or controlling your relatives are, they may even contemplate something drastic, like moving, to remove you from Catholic influences. If you join now, steel yourself to be strong. If not now, fortify yourself to be patient.
I didn’t realize that they might do something like that. Thanks for pointing that out. I will be prepared if something like that does happen. Hopefully it won’t.
This is paramount. Two of my aunts, at age ten, told my grandpa (not the minister, the other one) they wanted to be baptized, after attending several Sunday school services. My grandfather refused, saying they were too young to decide: he exploded at the minister and stopped letting my aunts attend services. Now, at age 50-ish, my aunts are part of no religion whatsoever and are very dark personalities. I had never dreamed they had ever wanted to join a church, until my mother told me a couple of years ago. Because they waited, they fell away and never picked themselves back up.
On the other hand, if you read the life story of Mother Angelica, you will read how she planned secretly to join a Catholic convent against her mother’s wishes, planning for several years with the support of a local priest. The important connection here is that, whichever route you choose, you must be
absolutely sure that if you want to become Catholic, you either have an iron will, or you have a firm support network to keep you strong in your determination. As long as you do that, you should be successful either way.
I am fairly stubborn and I don’t give up very easily. I do have Catholic relatives who would support me in this. And my Catholic friends would be there for me as well.
As to when to tell your parents, now or after joining, you must use your knowledge of yourself and your parents to decide. When I began learning about Catholicism, I knew my parents would disapprove. I also knew that I was not strong enough to stand up to that pressure until I had reached a firm decision in my own heart, so I waited. However, my parents felt enormously hurt I had kept things to myself, and chose to view it as a form of deception. In reality, as an adult, I had no obligation to tell them – but they felt that it was. Since you are 13, you will not be able to argue that they had no need to know. You can expect them to be hurt. However, if you announce your intentions beforehand, it is possible that you may be hampered from being able to complete your resolution, since – again, as a minor – they have the ability to decide your transportation, your place of school, your internet time. You may find it difficult to attend mass to receive your first communion, or subsequent Sunday communions.
I will keep that in mind. I will tell them about my interest in becoming Catholic first then. If they want to prevent me from doing so then I will wait until I am 18. That way then I will not run into a situation where I can’t go to Mass after conversion.
I advise that before saying anything, you talk to a priest or Catholic relative and find out whether he can help you complete your decision if things become difficult. You must have a support base, someone who can physically help you. If this person knows your parents, and how they may respond, even better. Most of all, you must know yourself and your own strengths and weaknesses. Do some soul-searching, and pray. I think you’ll find the answer. Finally, never allow yourself to regret: remember, Jesus said his disciples must leave their parents and follow him. Few things are more important than family, but GOD IS ONE OF THEM.
I will talk to a Catholic priest about this. Thank you for all the great advice.
I would appreciate it if you could pray for me. Thanks.
My apologies, all, for such a long post.
No problem at all. You explained many things.
Faith
Cinette
