Having a Hard Time

[gatewood1988]

Hello everyone. I came back to the Church a few months ago after being involved with the occult and immoral living. When I came back, I got my marriage blessed and have been going to mass at least every Sunday. I have been avidly saying my prayers and getting involved in church. Lately though, I have been plagued in my mind about my past mistakes and desires (sometimes in the middle of Mass) I have started having immoral thoughts about others who remind me of people in my past. Also it seems that every time I turn on the television, something reminds me of my past. I find it hard to keep my lust and thoughts under control and I feel overwhelmed at times. It’s getting so bad, that I cannot go to certain masses during the week because the monsignor or priest remind me of someone in my past and these thoughts arise and I cannot concentrate at Mass. Any ideas on Saints that I can ask for help from or any books that I can read? Any help will be appreciated. I would finally like to be at peace and not be reminded of my past.

 

[coachkfan1]

Friend, our past is one the devil’s strongest tools to try and derail our path to salvation. He can use it to reinforce the idea that you are not good enough for God’s grace and that you never will be. What you have to remember is that the Precious Blood of Jesus Christ and the grace of God the Father are more powerful than any sin. His capacity for forgiveness is unlimited. Jesus said that he came to restore that which was lost, meaning you and me! Sometimes when I have those thoughts, I just say, “I know that’s you talking Satan, and God’s Word tells me that you are a liar and a murderer.” And then I focus my eyes and my thoughts on the crucifix and think on what was accomplished at Calvary that day. As far as certain Saints, Saint Michael is the one who by the power of God will cast Satan into hell and there are several prayers to him which you can find. I am now this minute going to say and Our Father and a Hail Mary for you and for your continued Spiritual growth. God bless.

 

[fide]

Hello everyone. I came back to the Church a few months ago after being involved with the occult and immoral living. When I came back, I got my marriage blessed and have been going to mass at least every Sunday. I have been avidly saying my prayers and getting involved in church. Lately though, I have been plagued in my mind about my past mistakes and desires (sometimes in the middle of Mass) I have started having immoral thoughts about others who remind me of people in my past. Also it seems that every time I turn on the television, something reminds me of my past. I find it hard to keep my lust and thoughts under control and I feel overwhelmed at times. It’s getting so bad, that I cannot go to certain masses during the week because the monsignor or priest remind me of someone in my past and these thoughts arise and I cannot concentrate at Mass. Any ideas on Saints that I can ask for help from or any books that I can read? Any help will be appreciated. I would finally like to be at peace and not be reminded of my past.

Hello gatewood.

Your post is a sobering one to read. The evil one will always try to discourage and obstruct souls from their call into Christ, and it sounds as though you are meeting your share of his assault. I don’t think of a saint to recommend - maybe someone else can suggest one in particular. I do think of Mary, ever virgin, who was able to find in God and God alone her fulfillment. Perhaps she can be a comfort and a strength for you.

Have you received the Sacrament of Confession since your return, and do you receive that sacrament regularly? It is very important to receive the forgiveness of God, through the Sacrament, for mortal sin especially but great graces can be received in the Sacrament for our struggles against imperfections and temptations to venial sins as well. Your journey is to Christ and to real, personal holiness in Him. On this journey we must develop a strong sense of the danger, the ugliness, the enemy of sin of any kind. We must hate sin, and seek wholeheartedly the holiness of our vocation in Christ. Sin is death to us; Christ and His life is our life.

So I would encourage you to avoid sin, obviously, but also temptations to sin, and occasions of temptation to sin. Can you attend Mass somewhere else? Or at a time not offered by someone who becomes a source of inner conflict for you? Receiving Communion, and participation in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass are both important, of course! Gazing at the Crucifix during Mass might help you offer your own body “a living sacrifice” (Rom 12:1-2) in union with Jesus, during the Mass. This can help you replace the temptations and memories with moments of true worship - the true worship that the Father seeks. (Jn 4:23)

Blessings and grace to you.

 

[gatewood1988]

I have been to confession and I go weekly. I am just very concerned because it’s at every parish I go to, there is a priest or someone there that reminds me of my past. I don’t want to avoid priests at all. Here where I live, there aren’t that many priests offering Mass and I have only a few parishes to choose from to go to daily mass. Also our parish doesn’t have a large crucifix for me to focus on ( I wish we did) we have a figure of the Risen Christ though. I haven’t told my husband about this, I am afraid of him worrying about me or thinking I am nuts. I am hoping this is just a case of Spiritual Warfare rather than a mental issue.

 

[JohnMPhilomena]

I have been to confession and I go weekly. I am just very concerned because it’s at every parish I go to, there is a priest or someone there that reminds me of my past. I don’t want to avoid priests at all. Here where I live, there aren’t that many priests offering Mass and I have only a few parishes to choose from to go to daily mass. Also our parish doesn’t have a large crucifix for me to focus on ( I wish we did) we have a figure of the Risen Christ though. I haven’t told my husband about this, I am afraid of him worrying about me or thinking I am nuts. I am hoping this is just a case of Spiritual Warfare rather than a mental issue.

You are under attack. But you don’t need to run to this parish or avoid that priest. You are not responsible if a thought pops into your head. You are only responsible if you entertain those thoughts.

So don’t worry about it so much. When bad thoughts pop into your head, then appeal to the Blessed Virgin to pray for you.

Do you know the Divine Mercy image? (red and white rays eminating from Jesus Heart with the words “Jesus, I Trust In You” at the bottom?). You could try to picture that image whenever these thoughts pop into your head.

Peace,
John Marie Philomena

 

[Barbkw]

As with any behavioral habit, our compulsions always search for moments of weakness attempting to locate a way back. They just do.

In AA, OA, NA, etc there is a saying. "“My addiction is always patiently waiting for me, doing push ups in the corner.”

I remember when I first came back to Church, I’d see the entire Church stand up to receive the Eucharist (not something I’d ever experienced before). I was thinking to myself, “I’ve possibly committed 3 mental sins against God within the last 30 minutes.”

I frequently experienced times (still do at times) when my negative inner nature makes it’s way back in.

Conversion of the heart mind and soul is lifelong -smooth sailing at times really rough at others - but its all a search for God, Christ and the Holy Spirit - and finding His beauty, His good and His Truth.

There’s a priest who converted out of the occult and he wrote a recent book. He was on EWTN (Dish Channel 261). I’ll do a search and see if I can locate him and his book.

 

[catharina]

Hello everyone. I came back to the Church a few months ago after being involved with the occult and immoral living. When I came back, I got my marriage blessed and have been going to mass at least every Sunday. I have been avidly saying my prayers and getting involved in church. Lately though, I have been plagued in my mind about my past mistakes and desires (sometimes in the middle of Mass) I have started having immoral thoughts about others who remind me of people in my past. Also it seems that every time I turn on the television, something reminds me of my past. I find it hard to keep my lust and thoughts under control and I feel overwhelmed at times. It’s getting so bad, that I cannot go to certain masses during the week because the monsignor or priest remind me of someone in my past and these thoughts arise and I cannot concentrate at Mass. Any ideas on Saints that I can ask for help from or any books that I can read? Any help will be appreciated. I would finally like to be at peace and not be reminded of my past.

My best advice: say a prayer.
When such temptations strike,
simply say a prayer.

Maybe:
“Oh God, come to my assistance.
Oh Lord, make haste to help me.”

Any simple prayer can distract you and give you “grace” in the moment.

 

[pablope]

Hello everyone. I came back to the Church a few months ago after being involved with the occult and immoral living. When I came back, I got my marriage blessed and have been going to mass at least every Sunday. I have been avidly saying my prayers and getting involved in church. Lately though, I have been plagued in my mind about my past mistakes and desires (sometimes in the middle of Mass) I have started having immoral thoughts about others who remind me of people in my past. Also it seems that every time I turn on the television, something reminds me of my past. I find it hard to keep my lust and thoughts under control and I feel overwhelmed at times. It’s getting so bad, that I cannot go to certain masses during the week because the monsignor or priest remind me of someone in my past and these thoughts arise and I cannot concentrate at Mass. Any ideas on Saints that I can ask for help from or any books that I can read? Any help will be appreciated. I would finally like to be at peace and not be reminded of my past.

Book I would recommend: Scott Hahn’s Lord Have Mercy-the Healing power of Confession.

And do not stop praying, especially to the BVM, pray the rosary or Divine Mercy.

 

[Barbkw]

I also agree that these short prayers for help work. I’d suggest making up your own to suit your needs.

When a negative thought pops into your mind, replace it with an immediate prayer and picture Jesus in your mind.

“Jesus, I Trust In You”
“Jesus I believe, help my unbelief”
“Jesus protect your mind and fill it with your grace”
“Jesus give me the courage to be your disciple”

etc.

I found a couple of book titles that you might explore:

Fr. Donald Calloway - No Turning Back

amazon.com/No-Turning-Back-Witness-Mercy/dp/1596142103

Moira Noonan: Ransomed from Darkness: The New Age …

spiritbattleforsouls.org/ransomed.html

 

[KristinVT]

Hi gatewood1988,

What you describe sounds like it involves spiritual warfare.

I can picture you sitting there at mass, trying to focus, while a demon lobs impure thoughts into your head, and snickers while he watches you squirm. “Look at her!” he says with glee. “I can keep her from worshipping God!”

Your best defense against spiritual attack is prayer. Plan ahead for the next attack.

It is useful to imagine what you can best do to frustrate the demon that is tempting you. For example, if you are plagued with impure thoughts during mass, refuse to let them disturb your peace of mind. Just mentally reject them, say a quick prayer and then do your best to calmly return to worshipping God as best as you can. An appropriate prayer might be a simple, “Jesus, make my thoughts pure” or a Hail Mary. Probably the impure thoughts will come right back. If they do, repeat what you just did. 72 times in a row if you have to. Any demon who sees that he is only driving you to that kind of calm trusting faith in God will have to give up eventually.

When you are tempted to despair over your past, remember that you are forgiven. Pray something along the lines of “Thank you, God, for your infinite mercy and forgiveness.” Memorize a Bible verse along those lines (something like Ephesians 2:4-5) and recite it to yourself. Repeat as necessary.

In similar situations, I have received much help by praying to the Blessed Virgin Mary, St. Augustine, St. Dominic, and St. Francis de Sales. On the other hand, they’re my go-to people for everything. If you have a devotion to a particular saint, ask him or her for help.

Recommended reading would be the short chapters on resisting temptation in St. Francis de Sales’ “Introduction to the Devout Life.” It’s available free online.

Have patience, perseverance, and trust in God. This will not last. He will bring you through this.

 

[fide]

I have been to confession and I go weekly. I am just very concerned because it’s at every parish I go to, there is a priest or someone there that reminds me of my past. I don’t want to avoid priests at all. Here where I live, there aren’t that many priests offering Mass and I have only a few parishes to choose from to go to daily mass. Also our parish doesn’t have a large crucifix for me to focus on ( I wish we did) we have a figure of the Risen Christ though. I haven’t told my husband about this, I am afraid of him worrying about me or thinking I am nuts. I am hoping this is just a case of Spiritual Warfare rather than a mental issue.

I am sorry you don’t have a large crucifix to focus on, to gaze upon. That horrible and beautiful physical presentation of God’s sufferings on our behalf, and His great and merciful love for us, is a powerful sacramental, and a great help for me and many others. I wear a crucifix around my neck now - I used to carry a larger one in my pocket - and either one has been a help for me in times of spiritual struggle. Just to hold it, and to pray with it, is a comfort and a strength.

Have you confessed this struggle, and has the priest offered you any helpful advice? (I’m not asking you to write any specifics given in the confidentiality of the confessional - I’m only asking if you have spoken of this and if he has given any helpful advice.)

 

[MtnDwellar]

I am hoping this is just a case of Spiritual Warfare rather than a mental issue.

Spiritual warfare can be a bigger battle than any mental issue and the stakes are higher.

Clearing your memory is a blessing that you can pray for. Ask The Holy Mother to help. She knows what you are talking about.

I am glad that you are back in Church. Sacramental grace is huge in spiritual battles. It is God’s power. Frequent Confession and Eucharist will be very helpful. Don’t worry about the thoughts, especially those in church. Just recognize their source and try to move your mind away from them. If the devil is trying to lead you to sin, he picked the wrong battlefield. You have a whole army in the church to defend you. NO PROBLEM.

It is said that one cannot say a daily rosary and also sin. Give the rosary a try. It takes a bit of practice so don’t give up after the first try.

If you get a chance, read St. Thomas Aquinas, or better yet - go to this website and listen to Fr. Ripperger’s homilies on spiritual warfare: sensustraditionis.org/multimedia.html Don’t forget that it is penance ware. You will need to say a prayer for each file that you listen to.

God bless you.

 

[Bob_Crowley]

Hello everyone. I came back to the Church a few months ago after being involved with the occult and immoral living. When I came back, I got my marriage blessed and have been going to mass at least every Sunday. I have been avidly saying my prayers and getting involved in church. Lately though, I have been plagued in my mind about my past mistakes and desires (sometimes in the middle of Mass) I have started having immoral thoughts about others who remind me of people in my past. Also it seems that every time I turn on the television, something reminds me of my past. I find it hard to keep my lust and thoughts under control and I feel overwhelmed at times. It’s getting so bad, that I cannot go to certain masses during the week because the monsignor or priest remind me of someone in my past and these thoughts arise and I cannot concentrate at Mass. Any ideas on Saints that I can ask for help from or any books that I can read? Any help will be appreciated. I would finally like to be at peace and not be reminded of my past.

I think you might have to go to confession if you haven’t already done so. If you haven’t, it would be easy for the devil to keep reminding you of your past. If he can even use the priest as a reminder, then obviously you’ve got a few issues in the past.

But sometimes you’ve just got to tough it out. We can give you book recommendation, saints etc, but in the end it’s a case of endurance. You just have to keep going through this dry gully. Sometimes it’s just a case of going through the motions even when you don’t feel like it - turn up to mass each Sunday, keep on fighting the temptations and so on. That’s also when you find out just how strong the other side is.

It’s a long walk, not a sprint. There’ll be times when it seems like its all uphill, and at other times it seems easy. You’re going through an uphill stage, but eventually, if you **persevere, **you’ll get to the top and then you’ll be able to have a break for a while.

Keep on going, and don’t stop. One of the devil’s favourite tactics is plain old discouragement, and that’s what he’s using on you right now.

 

[JRKH]

Hello everyone. I came back to the Church a few months ago after being involved with the occult and immoral living. When I came back, I got my marriage blessed and have been going to mass at least every Sunday. I have been avidly saying my prayers and getting involved in church. Lately though, I have been plagued in my mind about my past mistakes and desires (sometimes in the middle of Mass) I have started having immoral thoughts about others who remind me of people in my past. Also it seems that every time I turn on the television, something reminds me of my past. I find it hard to keep my lust and thoughts under control and I feel overwhelmed at times. It’s getting so bad, that I cannot go to certain masses during the week because the monsignor or priest remind me of someone in my past and these thoughts arise and I cannot concentrate at Mass. Any ideas on Saints that I can ask for help from or any books that I can read? Any help will be appreciated. I would finally like to be at peace and not be reminded of my past.

It is an unfortunate thing that we cannot forget the past…No wait… Taht is not true…It is a fortunate thing that we cannot forget the past…Because it reminds us of how much God has done for us in bringing us out of that sinful past.

It is unfortunate that you are undergoing these struggles but know that God, in his infinite mercy, will bring good from it. Remember that St Paul went from persecuting Christians to being one of the greats…

Peace
James

 

[PrayRosary]

Gatewood,

Please read this biography about St. Anthony of the desert. He has helped me tremendously with spiritual warfare. He battled countless temptations, and Im going to encourage as much people as I can to read about his life and to pray to him. Oh, and pray the Rosary of course.

Just remember that if you went to Confession and our truly sorry, then you are forgiven. Keep grasping forward. The devil is telling you all these negative things. You must be special, or else the devil wouldnt be trying to pull you back down. Our Lady and all the Angels and Saints are with you. God bless…

newadvent.org/fathers/2811.htm

 

[Silver_Spring]

You are not responsible if a thought pops into your head. You are only responsible if you entertain those thoughts.

This was very comforting to read. Thank you. I too have horrible thoughts that pop to mind, but I try to stamp them out immediately. I curse the thoughts as soon as they arrive, but I sometimes worry that just through something very bad popping into my head, I am sinning.

 

[JohnMPhilomena]

This was very comforting to read. Thank you. I too have horrible thoughts that pop to mind, but I try to stamp them out immediately. I curse the thoughts as soon as they arrive, but I sometimes worry that just through something very bad popping into my head, I am sinning.

It sounds like you are doing your best. Don’t worry about these un-solicited thoughts. Ask the blessed virgin for help. Say the St Michael prayer. Any of acts show God that you don’t want these thoughts / images. He understands. Go to confession weekly if you think you should.

Peace,
John Marie Philomena

 

[ctreftlin]

Hope you wll read this post as I have just read your…

From today’s readings…this has helped me in my current struggle. Never give up…

Ps 149:

….For the LORD loves his people,
and he adorns the lowly with victory……

Gospel

Mark 11: 20-26
Early in the morning, as they were walking along,
they saw the fig tree withered to its roots.
Peter remembered and said to him, “Rabbi, look!
The fig tree that you cursed has withered.”
Jesus said to them in reply, “Have faith in God.
Amen, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain,
‘Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’
and does not doubt in his heart
but believes that what he says will happen,
it shall be done for him.
Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer,
believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours.
When you stand to pray,
forgive anyone against whom you have a grievance,
so that your heavenly Father may in turn
forgive you your transgressions.”

 

[ready]

Hello everyone. I came back to the Church a few months ago after being involved with the occult and immoral living. When I came back, I got my marriage blessed and have been going to mass at least every Sunday. I have been avidly saying my prayers and getting involved in church. Lately though, I have been plagued in my mind about my past mistakes and desires (sometimes in the middle of Mass) I have started having immoral thoughts about others who remind me of people in my past. Also it seems that every time I turn on the television, something reminds me of my past. I find it hard to keep my lust and thoughts under control and I feel overwhelmed at times. It’s getting so bad, that I cannot go to certain masses during the week because the monsignor or priest remind me of someone in my past and these thoughts arise and I cannot concentrate at Mass. Any ideas on Saints that I can ask for help from or any books that I can read? Any help will be appreciated. I would finally like to be at peace and not be reminded of my past.

Pray to the Blessed Mother for a healing of memories. Avoid watching television and when you are at the Mass don’t look around, or at the priest. You can keep your focus on Jesus in the tabernacle or on something else, or even close your eyes altogether. You will be in my prayers.