They say that problems have two causes: a primary cause and a precipitating cause. The primary cause is the root, the thing that is ultimately responsible for the problem. The precipitating cause is the trigger, the thing that makes the problem manifest at a particular time.
I suspect from your description of your problem that your brother becoming a priest is the precipitating cause, the trigger, but not the primary cause of what you are going through. The primary cause has to do with how equipped you are to cope with the accusers of this world, not to mention the nature of how accusation is part of your family’s habits.
Convince yourself first that these accusations are entirely inappropriate. Remember this passage from Revelations, and look at the footnote:
The huge dragon, the ancient serpent, who is called the Devil and Satan, who deceived the whole world, was thrown down to earth, and its angels were thrown down with it. Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: "Now have salvation and power come, and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Anointed. For the accuser of our brothers is cast out, who accuses them before our God day and night. They conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; love for life did not deter them from death. Therefore, rejoice, you heavens, and you who dwell in them.
But woe to you, earth and sea, for the Devil has come down to you in great fury, for he knows he has but a short time." *
Rev. 12:9-12
- *The accuser: * the meaning of the Hebrew word “Satan,” found in ⇒ Rev 12:9; Job 1-2; ⇒ Zechariah 3:1; ⇒ 1 Chron 21:1; he continues to accuse Christ’s disciples.
Accusation is the work of Satan, then. Contrast this to what St. Paul told us about God:
Hence, now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus…What then shall we say to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but handed him over for us all, how will he not also give us everything else along with him? Who will bring a charge against God’s chosen ones? It is God who acquits us. Who will condemn? It is Christ (Jesus) who died, rather, was raised, who also is at the right hand of God, who indeed intercedes for us. What will separate us from the love of Christ? Will anguish, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or the sword? As it is written: “For your sake we are being slain all the day; we are looked upon as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we conquer overwhelmingly through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom 12:1,31-39
So you see, while it is the work of the holy ones to instruct and admonish each other, none of us may condemn. Rather, we are told
*"But since we are of the day, let us be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love and the helmet that is hope for salvation. For God did not destine us for wrath, but to gain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep we may live together with him.
Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, as indeed you do. We ask you, brothers, to respect those who are laboring among you and who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you, and to show esteem for them with special love on account of their work. Be at peace among yourselves.
We urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, cheer the fainthearted, support the weak, be patient with all. See that no one returns evil for evil; rather, always seek what is good (both) for each other and for all.
Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus." *
1 Thes. 5:8-18
Do not try to cope with this alone, but get help in developing the skills to deal with these perhaps-well-meant but totally mis-aimed accusations. You’ll need those skills, because of course stopping the accusations themselves is outside your control and you will want to be able to enjoy your family in spite of this habitual fault. (It can be done, yes!
)
Find a priest to talk to, an Indian priest, if you can. I think he will know very well what you are going through. I don’t just mean that he will have gotten much of the same expectations, because of course since his ordination he himself became
The Priest, a heavy role if ever there was one, but that his siblings may well have shared with him how they have coped with exactly what you are going through. He’ll help you to find guidance to come out of this with the skills you need to concern yourself only with pleasing God, your Advocate. That will not be a one-day thing. That will take some work. You’ll be a better husband, a better father, and a better Christian for having done it, though. God does not bring suffering on us, but God can take any attack of the devil and make a victory out of it!
That concern will give you joy, not what you’re going through now. Dare to believe that!
