Having a Roomate of opposite sex

[KendraDZ1902]

As a catholic or christian its a mortal sin

Co habitation even if nothing happens is ALWAYS a mortal sin, because its also a sin of scandal
(bad example, rumours, other people gossipping)

Also, the bad spirit can interfere

Cohabitation is living like you are married, when you aren’t. “Playing house”
It is NOT a roommate situation. Heck, women can marry women. Better not get a female roommate, either. Would hate for someone to think you are a lesbian.

 

[twf]

For those of you who say it will be scandal as everyone will assume they are sleeping together…I feel that we are living in two different societies. Perhaps this is a regional or generational thing? In my experience as a Canadian male in my late 20s, it is VERY NORMAL for young people of the opposite sex to be platonic roommates and no one in the secular culture around me assumes this equates to sex. If a boyfriend and girlfriend live together, then yes it is assumed they are sleeping together, and thus I could see scandal in that situation. But if you introduce a member of the opposite sex as your roommate, there is no assumption of sex…any secular person I know in my society would say “oh they’re just friends then…” If a sexual relationship is implied you will say that so and so is your partner or your girlfriend / boyfriend. Roommate always implies platonic.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

For those of you who say it will be scandal as everyone will assume they are sleeping together…I feel that we are living in two different societies. Perhaps this is a regional or generational thing? In my experience as a Canadian male in my late 20s, it is VERY NORMAL for young people of the opposite sex to be platonic roommates and no one in the secular culture around me assumes this equates to sex. If a boyfriend and girlfriend live together, then yes it is assumed they are sleeping together, and thus I could see scandal in that situation. But if you introduce a member of the opposite sex as your roommate, there is no assumption of sex…any secular person I know in my society would say “oh they’re just friends then…” If a sexual relationship is implied you will say that so and so is your partner or your girlfriend / boyfriend. Roommate always implies platonic.

:yup: I’m mid20s and in the USA.

 

[mdgspencer]

When I was single, I never would have considering marrying a woman who did this. I would have assumed they had a sexual relationship. I you ever want to get married, you should consider this chance of rejection from a man you might marry.

 

[edwest2]

For those of you who say it will be scandal as everyone will assume they are sleeping together…I feel that we are living in two different societies. Perhaps this is a regional or generational thing? In my experience as a Canadian male in my late 20s, it is VERY NORMAL for young people of the opposite sex to be platonic roommates and no one in the secular culture around me assumes this equates to sex. If a boyfriend and girlfriend live together, then yes it is assumed they are sleeping together, and thus I could see scandal in that situation. But if you introduce a member of the opposite sex as your roommate, there is no assumption of sex…any secular person I know in my society would say “oh they’re just friends then…” If a sexual relationship is implied you will say that so and so is your partner or your girlfriend / boyfriend. Roommate always implies platonic.

Opinions don’t matter. It’s not a good idea. Roommate always implies? Nope. Not always.

Peace,
Ed

 

[truetofaith]

Hi Everyone,

Just wondering what your thoughts are on this? Is there a church teaching on this topic? I have a best friend of 15 years who has invited me to stay as roomates with him for as long as I want. I can’t afford to live alone and as he is my best friend this seems like a good option to me. There would be nothing sexual in the relationship. We love eachother as friends, family, and we love each others company. I know he would never try anything on me, etc. He is an agnostic but very respectful of my Catholic faith.

You’re asking for trouble…1. placing yourself in the midst of temptation. 2. you’re giving bad example to others who assume you’re living together sexually. 3. being agnostic, when he’s feeling lonely & unloved he may not abide by your Catholic morals.
Get a cheap apartment instead!

 

[808Catholic]

As long as it’s non-sexual, I believe it would be OK, and I do not think there is a Church teaching on this. Christ certainly had no trouble interacting with the opposite sex, and so it seems just a matter of degree. I also have to wonder where Christ slept when He visited Mary and Martha.

There is the sin of scandal which is just a perception of sin that we must avoid. Please review your CCC on this topic because, from your other postings, you seem to need a refresher. God bless you and have a Blessed Lent.

 

[truetofaith]

As long as it’s non-sexual, I believe it would be OK, and I do not think there is a Church teaching on this. Christ certainly had no trouble interacting with the opposite sex, and so it seems just a matter of degree. I also have to wonder where Christ slept when He visited Mary and Martha.

He slept in the basement.

 

[GEddie]

He slept in the basement.

Or on the roof, Mebbe. This was common in that place and time.

ICXC NIKA

 

[truetofaith]

In our world today, people don’t care what others think about them as to living together with a boyfriend or even having children, without any intentions of getting married. “It’s none of their business,” they will say. But this attitude is causing havoc in our country. Single parent homes & the heartache of divorce is at its highest. All this may have started innocently like sharing a place with a friend of the opposite sex.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

In our world today, people don’t care what others think about them as to living together with a boyfriend or even having children, without any intentions of getting married. “It’s none of their business,” they will say. But this attitude is causing havoc in our country. Single parent homes & the heartache of divorce is at its highest. All this may have started innocently like sharing a place with a friend of the opposite sex.

Everyone that I have known to cohabitate did so on purpose. Like, they were bf/Gf and moved in together OR they ended up with a baby on the way and moved in together. I personally do not/have not heard of a strictly roommate situation turn into what you have said. Do you have statistics about strictly roommates ending up having children together and end up with single parent homes?

 

[truetofaith]

Everyone that I have known to cohabitate did so on purpose. Like, they were bf/Gf and moved in together OR they ended up with a baby on the way and moved in together. I personally do not/have not heard of a strictly roommate situation turn into what you have said. Do you have statistics about strictly roommates ending up having children together and end up with single parent homes?

No…that’s why I said it, MAY have started as an innocent roommate situation.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

No…that’s why I said it, MAY have started as an innocent roommate situation.

Don’t be a lone with a person of the opposite sex, it MAY lead to single family homes.

I’m sorry, maybe it’s because I was the girl who went mud riding with all of the guys, I went hunting, I was alone with guys ALL THE TIME. They would get me all dirty, drop me off and go pick up their skanks for a “date.” I totally think that girls and guys can be friends. And that’s it. Period.

It’s like some of you think that when 2 people of the opposite sex are alone they must be having sex. Was that because that’s what y’all did when you were young? You couldn’t keep it in your britches so you assume everyone else can’t? Serious question. Because I seriously don’t get this concept. I’d much rather hang out with guys, build a bonfire, and have a couple of beers than sit with all of the girls who are complaining about everything under the sun and gossiping. I have a short limit when it comes to same sex interaction, because girls annoy me to death. Guys? Nope. And they don’t have sex with me. And all the girls are jealous because guys will carry on a conversation with me, which is totally a bonus.

 

[Bookcat]

“Having a Roomate of opposite sex?”

Tis called* Marriage.*

But one needs the preparation etc for such …and then there are children who will need their rooms

 

[phil19034]

Someone can see me at a bar, see that I have a beer and ASSUME that it’s fine for Catholics to get drunk. I didn’t get drunk, but my innocent beer at the bar could possibly lead someone to drink more than what they are supposed to. Not my fault someone is stupid and didn’t learn on their own.

It isn’t like this person would be showing her new house to Suzie and her girl Sally and say, “This is mine and my boyfriend’s room.” She would say, “that’s Jack’s room on the left. Oh and come look at this super new comforter I just bought for my bed!”
If Sally thinks that it’s OK for her to sleep at her boyfriend’s house in his bed because of this, then she’s messed up, not the OP.

But hopefully there are not kids at the bar during prime drinking hours. Also getting drunk usually isn’t a mortal sin.

I’m going to address your 2nd paragraph regarding the generational comment else where.

 

[OurLadysServant]

Mortal sin of scandal and putting oneself in danger of mortal sin/ temptations.

God’s Law is always the same.
The church has currently stated Cohabitation is always a mortal sin. Doesnt matter what is or isnt happening. Its mortal sin and scandal.

Commonplace and sinful can very easily go together.

Forgetting about scandal for the moment, a young man and woman living together place each other in a near occasion of sin. This is a sin in itself.

ICXC NIKA

 

[KendraDZ1902]

But hopefully there are not kids at the bar during prime drinking hours. Also getting drunk usually isn’t a mortal sin.

I’m going to address your 2nd paragraph regarding the generational comment else where.

You said children and young adults. Young adults would be at a bar. And from my understanding, becoming drunk is a mortal sin. You are allowed to drink, but becoming drunk isn’t OK.

 

[phil19034]

For those of you who say it will be scandal as everyone will assume they are sleeping together…I feel that we are living in two different societies. Perhaps this is a regional or generational thing? In my experience as a Canadian male in my late 20s, it is VERY NORMAL for young people of the opposite sex to be platonic roommates and no one in the secular culture around me assumes this equates to sex. If a boyfriend and girlfriend live together, then yes it is assumed they are sleeping together, and thus I could see scandal in that situation. But if you introduce a member of the opposite sex as your roommate, there is no assumption of sex…any secular person I know in my society would say “oh they’re just friends then…” If a sexual relationship is implied you will say that so and so is your partner or your girlfriend / boyfriend. Roommate always implies platonic.

I do think there is a generational difference.

I’m only 37, but when I was in my 20s, guys were not roommates with girls, unless they were sleeping with one of them. And I live in the Northeast. It just wasn’t something that typically happened. And the only time I’m aware of it, the guy turned out being gay.

Also, when I started college in 1995, college dorms being “coed by room” was still a newer concept. I remember my dad visiting and being floored by the fact that a girl was walking down the hall in just her towel on her way to/from the shower.

Today, the “coed by room” concept at colleges is considered normal and colleges are starting to adopt the “coed dorm rooms.”

college.usatoday.com/2014/02/07/are-coed-dorms-becoming-more-mainstream/

We also have to remember that even up to 1980, there were many women only apartment buildings in the US Cities, especially in New York. (Bosom Buddies anyone?) Actually, New York City still has a couple left. nytimes.com/2009/11/05/fashion/05webster.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

So even though only 10 years separates us, there is a major difference between our age groups. (NOTE: My sisters are 8 and 11 years younger than me, and I saw it big time when they were college age).

BTW - this idea of “coed dorm rooms” scares me. It will be interesting to see stats on thin in the next 10-15 years.

God Bless.

 

[OurLadysServant]

-]/-]To put yourself in danger of committing sin is a mortal sin itself.

We are supposed to live chastity according to our state in life. That would NOT be chaste for a single person.

Terrible temptations would come,
Also
What if his soul is lost because of impure thoughts he consents to because of that arrangement? And the apartment owners or his friends thought, if its scandal for.them (that it leads even one of them to sinful thoughts or life),

Church teaching from the cathechism on this;
Even if a couple does not engage in sexual relations for the entire time of cohabitation, their “shacking up” gives scandal and can be become an occassion of sin. For “the person who gives scandal becomes his neighbor’s tempter. He damages virtue and integrity; he may even draw his brother into spiritual death. Scandal is a grave offense if by deed or omission another is deliberately led into a grave offense"(CCC no. 2284).

 

[phil19034]

You said children and young adults. Young adults would be at a bar. And from my understanding, becoming drunk is a mortal sin. You are allowed to drink, but becoming drunk isn’t OK.

becoming drunk is a sin, and can be grave, but it often isn’t mortal unless your sole purpose is to binge drink. Most people don’t actually intend to drink until they pass out or lose total control. Typically, when most (again I say most, not all) drink they get truly drunk by misjudging the amount they are drinking. Even many college binge drinkers who claim that they want to get drunk are really only wanting to become legally drunk or buzzed. But they don’t want to puke or not be able to walk home or pass out.

The Scandal for drinking would be more akin to a 21+ year old buying a 17 year old or a college freshman a case of beer. Or encouraging kids to binge drink.

We also have to remember that typically, most (not all) scandal deals with sexual sin. We also have to remember what Our Lady said about sexual sin… that there are more souls in hell due to sexual sin than all the other sins put together.

BTW - the drinking comments reminds me of the time I was visiting Notre Dame for the Boston College game back in 1997… We were in the dorms drinking (all under 21) and the priest who lived on the floor walked in. Told us that “there is nothing wrong with drinking, but no drinking games because that’s a sin.” True story!