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Irishmom2
Guest
Why would the parish you are registered at 8 blocks from your home not marry you?
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1ke
Guest
TC is not Catholic. Sounds like he lived near a Catholic Church but his now-wife lived in a different parish boundary so they directed the couple to her parish. Which, based on canon law was what they needed to do.Why would the parish you are registered at 8 blocks from your home not marry you?
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Allegra
Guest
My husband wanted our wedding in the parish where he grew up, even though neither of us lived in that town. The priest who did our marriage prep agreed to marry us there if we paid for his travel and to stay the night in a hotel that had a hot tub. The priest at the actual church we got married at barely spoke English and seemed fine with the plan, since he didn’t need to do anything except make sure the doors were unlocked. Your daughter might get a little further if the priest who does their precana would be willing to travel.
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PaulfromIowa
Guest
A very dangerous attitude problem. We should never demand that Christ or His Church do want we want.She is getting frustrated and is ready to have a nondenominational wedding.
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Mtatum1958
Guest
My son hand his now wife had no real difficulty. He wanted to be married in the parish where he received his other Sacraments, but was a new grad and lived three states away. His fiancé was finishing her Masters’ degree on the other side of the world (Australia). They had friends and family attending from 6 continents and it was not a very travel friendly city.
They talked to the priest at his new parish, and the priest at his parish where he grew up. Yes, the needs of current parishioners would have come first, and yes there was a fee for the use of the church. The pre-cana or wedding preparation instruction was a little obstacle. We helped out a bit and the found a couple to mentor them while they completed online work. Met with the priest at his new parish two or three times during the nine months prior to the wedding.
I don’t thing the church made it difficult at all. They were very accommodating, but absolutely wanted to make sure its responsibilities were met.
They talked to the priest at his new parish, and the priest at his parish where he grew up. Yes, the needs of current parishioners would have come first, and yes there was a fee for the use of the church. The pre-cana or wedding preparation instruction was a little obstacle. We helped out a bit and the found a couple to mentor them while they completed online work. Met with the priest at his new parish two or three times during the nine months prior to the wedding.
I don’t thing the church made it difficult at all. They were very accommodating, but absolutely wanted to make sure its responsibilities were met.
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TC3033
Guest
Honestly, we think it came down to me not being Catholic.
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phil19034
Guest
I do hear you on this.
My wife and I tried to get married at the Catholic church 8 blocks from our house and they refused. They said we needed to go to her “home” parish. We ended up having to go 20 min down the road to a much smaller church that was much more difficult to get to.
However, for a minimal donation of $1,800, they would have performed the wedding.
Where did she live at the time? In the parish where you did get married? Or was she living 8 blocks away from the Church that turned you down? If she was living eight blocks away with you, did she ever register at that Church?Honestly, we think it came down to me not being Catholic.
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phil19034
Guest
When it comes to weddings, many Catholic Churches (for better or worse) use a similar criteria as they do to figuring out who is eligible for Catholic School tuition discount.I do hear you on this.
My wife and I tried to get married at the Catholic church 8 blocks from our house and they refused. They said we needed to go to her “home” parish. We ended up having to go 20 min down the road to a much smaller church that was much more difficult to get to.
However, for a minimal donation of $1,800, they would have performed the wedding.
If you would be eligible for the Catholic School tuition discount, then you would be eligible to get married there for free or cheap.
If you are not eligible for the Catholic School tuition discount, then you are not guaranteed to get married there.
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phil19034
Guest
There is one key point here though… it’s where your husband grew up. So that parish is where is baptismal certificate is already kept. His parish would have to involved one way or another anyway because that parish would have to record the wedding into their records.My husband wanted our wedding in the parish where he grew up, even though neither of us lived in that town. The priest who did our marriage prep agreed to marry us there if we paid for his travel and to stay the night in a hotel that had a hot tub. The priest at the actual church we got married at barely spoke English and seemed fine with the plan, since he didn’t need to do anything except make sure the doors were unlocked. Your daughter might get a little further if the priest who does their precana would be willing to travel.
When I received a Radical Sanation in my current parish, they had to file the record in both my current parish and at the parish I was baptized in (which is in another diocese).
My current priest suggested that I call the parish I was baptized in after a few weeks to make sure they received my marriage information and updated my file. I did, and everything was good.
So my point is, your husband’s parish would already have to be involved (even if it was just the parish admin updating the Baptismal records), so that’s why those parishes are often willing to marry former children of their parish (assuming that current pastor vouches for them)
God Bless
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phil19034
Guest
Correct.Beautiful older churches in large cities often allow non-parishioners to marry in their church, provided the appropriate canonical steps are taken and documentation is in order. For example, the Basilica in St Louis has the following guidelines for weddings: http://cathedralstl.org/parish/sacramental-life/wedding-preparation/#ConfirmingCathedral
However, this is typically because many of them no longer have a lot of resident parishioners, and depend on expensive non-parishioner wedding fees to keep the lights on.
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phil19034
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Yeap, and as I mentioned to another poster, MOST priests will do this if it is the parish where the bride or groom were baptized / confirmed in.My son hand his now wife had no real difficulty. He wanted to be married in the parish where he received his other Sacraments, but was a new grad and lived three states away. His fiancé was finishing her Masters’ degree on the other side of the world (Australia). They had friends and family attending from 6 continents and it was not a very travel friendly city.
They talked to the priest at his new parish, and the priest at his parish where he grew up. Yes, the needs of current parishioners would have come first, and yes there was a fee for the use of the church. The pre-cana or wedding preparation instruction was a little obstacle. We helped out a bit and the found a couple to mentor them while they completed online work. Met with the priest at his new parish two or three times during the nine months prior to the wedding.
I don’t thing the church made it difficult at all. They were very accommodating, but absolutely wanted to make sure its responsibilities were met.
However, I believe @Kenny1943’s daughter is trying to get married in a parish where they have no connection.
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Mtatum1958
Guest
Yes that is a big difference. I still think communicating the reasons and working with the parishes has much to do with the outcome. The situation the OP mentioned (neither being a member of the parish where the wedding is desired, was one my wife and I faced with ease. However, I will note that was 35 years ago.I believe the OP’s child is trying to get married in a parish where they have no connection to.
Thank you!
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phil19034
Guest
Yeah… one of the things @Kenny1943 is not telling us is where her daughter is trying to get married? If it’s in a location where church attendance and church weddings are high, and the number of priests is low, then there really could be a priest shortage issue.Yes that is a big difference. I still think communicating the reasons and working with the parishes has much to do with the outcome. The situation the OP mentioned (neither being a member of the parish where the wedding is desired, was one my wife and I faced with ease. However, I will note that was 35 years ago.
Thank you!
There could also be scheduling issues.
Kenny also, hasn’t told us whether the daughter ever went to her pastor first.
And finally, Kenny hasn’t mentioned whether some parishes have said yes, but are requiring fees that the daughter isn’t happy about.
Regardless, Kenny’s daughter needs to speak to her priest if she hasn’t.
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phil19034
Guest
@Kenny1943 – I’m sure you are digesting a lot of these posts…
One more suggestion. If you tell us which city your daughter wants to get married in, MAYBE someone might be able to provide more suggestions (assuming that your daughter has already spoken to her priest).
For example, you never know… a Catholic from that diocese or city might read this thread.
God Bless, good luck, and PLEASE DO NOT let your daughter get married in a nondenominational church.
One more suggestion. If you tell us which city your daughter wants to get married in, MAYBE someone might be able to provide more suggestions (assuming that your daughter has already spoken to her priest).
For example, you never know… a Catholic from that diocese or city might read this thread.
God Bless, good luck, and PLEASE DO NOT let your daughter get married in a nondenominational church.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
Because everyone lives inside a parish. It is like a country or a state or a county. That IS your home parish. We tend to forget that and parish hop, but, when it comes to things like marriage your actual home parish is what it is.
There might be a parish boundary 5 feet from your door, just like the county line may be 5 feet from your door, that does not mean you can assess in that county.
There might be a parish boundary 5 feet from your door, just like the county line may be 5 feet from your door, that does not mean you can assess in that county.
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TC3033
Guest
Not really. When we were getting ready to start the wedding process neither of us lived here, but were in the process of buying a home. The church pushed us out to the parish she grew up in. We actually had to go another 15 min down the road to find a church big enough that would take us and fit our wedding (her home church might have sat 100 people…tops). We closed on our house 8 blocks from the church about 3 and a half months before our wedding date.
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Irishmom2
Guest
I don’t understand what you are saying. I was asking the TC why a church he was registered at would not marry them.
Since my post, TC has clarified that they were not yet registered at that parish.
Since my post, TC has clarified that they were not yet registered at that parish.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
I live in a “wedding destination” tourist town.
If your daughter called tomorrow, I could tell her if the Church is booked on that date and what the non-parishioner rate is to rent the facilities. Then, I would tell her that nothing else can happen until she begins the process with her pastor.
After that, yes, it does make scheduling a bit easier if you are going to “bring your own priest/deacon”. We have to get visiting clergy permission at the Diocese level, but, that is easy. If you have a family friend who is a priest, ask him about celebrating the wedding.
Tomorrow, your daughter needs to make an appointment with her pastor.
We parishes do this stuff ALL THE TIME. There is a process, just follow that process.
If your daughter called tomorrow, I could tell her if the Church is booked on that date and what the non-parishioner rate is to rent the facilities. Then, I would tell her that nothing else can happen until she begins the process with her pastor.
After that, yes, it does make scheduling a bit easier if you are going to “bring your own priest/deacon”. We have to get visiting clergy permission at the Diocese level, but, that is easy. If you have a family friend who is a priest, ask him about celebrating the wedding.
Tomorrow, your daughter needs to make an appointment with her pastor.
We parishes do this stuff ALL THE TIME. There is a process, just follow that process.
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Mtatum1958
Guest
Yep. Come to think of it, we just followed what the parish said to do.
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phil19034
Guest
Well, honestly, some of those parishes simply no longer have many people living in the parish boundaries. Some of those parishes were built when there were houses in the neighborhoods, which have since changed to businesses, etc.Yes. Those wedding fees are often what really helps keep the churches running and the diocese from closing them. So many glorious churches that people want to get married in, but sadly, don’t want to invest the time or energy to help them grow and flourish.
I live in Philadelphia, and I can think of one parish specifically in the downtown area, that used to be surrounded by homes in the 1800s, but today is surrounded by businesses and next door to a skyscraper and across the street from a Macy’s.
The problem with urban parishes is shifting demographics and shifting zoning. What used to be residential in the 1800s might be commercial today.
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