Having a wedding in the Catholic church

[Augustinian]

Well, honestly, some of those parishes simply no longer have many people living in the parish boundaries. Some of those parishes were built when there were houses in the neighborhoods, which have since changed to businesses, etc.

I live in Philadelphia, and I can think of one parish specifically in the downtown area, that used to be surrounded by homes in the 1800s, but today is surrounded by businesses and next door to a skyscraper and across the street from a Macy’s.

Same here in Pittsburgh. St. Boniface, where Latin Mass is said, had the entire neighborhood except for a dozen homes ripped down for the Interstate highway.

Disappearing residential neighborhoods is the number one cause for church buildings to close.

 

[Irishmom2]

I had often wondered who attended the church (whose name escapes me) near the Pens arena. Lots of business there, not too many residential buildings.

 

[Allegra]

His baptismal record isn’t at that particular parish. They attended another parish when he was born. It wasn’t very hard to get it though.

 

[dochawk]

Because everyone lives inside a parish. It is like a country or a state or a county. That IS your home parish. We tend to forget that and parish hop, but, when it comes to things like marriage your actual home parish is what it is.

I think that’s true in most of the US, and the world, but there are areas that were settled with “national churches”, which were sometimes built a few hundred feet apart and cover the same regions. These parishes still exist.

hawk

 

[TC3033]

Which is true, we (she) was not registered there…but…we told the church we are moving within the parish boundary prior to our wedding, this making that parish her home parish before the wedding…they didn’t care. I found out some years after that some of the issue was the priest didn’t really want to do our wedding all that much either because I’m not Catholic. Like I said, it’s too bad, we really would have loved to get married there. Her “home” parish didn’t want the wedding either. They just didn’t have the facilities to facilitate it, thus we ended up some 25 min down the road at a church that was tough to get to, tough to find, and 25-30 min away from ANY accomodations. I feel for the OP, if we would have been able to get married really close to our house, it would have been so much easier on us and out of town guests…which was 75% of our guest list and almost all of the wedding party.

 

[Augustinian]

I had often wondered who attended the church (whose name escapes me) near the Pens arena. Lots of business there, not too many residential buildings.

That used to be quite a crowded neighborhood 60 years ago, Epiphany was built for the former St. Paul Cathedral parishioners when that building was razed for Frick’s Union Trust. I know people who went to Epiphany School.

They also served the employees of newspapers printed in the area back in the day. They used to have a 2:30 a.m. “Printers Mass” on Sunday morning for those men getting off work.

 

[Irishmom2]

I found out some years after that some of the issue was the priest didn’t really want to do our wedding all that much either because I’m not Catholic.

Okay, well that just was not right. I am sorry that happened to you.

 

[Irishmom2]

My daughter went to Duquesne and she said she sometimes attended mass over there. She liked it.

 

[Dlee]

When a person outside goes to such a parish and asks to be married there, they’re asking the parishioners to pay for their wedding by providing the church.

Do Catholic churches charge a rental fee for weddings? I believe mine does for non-parishioners. I know protestant churches usually do. Minimally, to cover utilities, custodial, etc.

 

[Phemie]

TheLittleLady:

Because everyone lives inside a parish. It is like a country or a state or a county. That IS your home parish. We tend to forget that and parish hop, but, when it comes to things like marriage your actual home parish is what it is.

I think that’s true in most of the US, and the world, but there are areas that were settled with “national churches”, which were sometimes built a few hundred feet apart and cover the same regions. These parishes still exist.

hawk

Yes, personal parishes. When my husband was still in the military our parish was officially the parish on the military base where we lived but during one posting the kids and I attended a French parish several miles away, rather than the military parish. We weren’t the only ones to do so, many people came from different towns to attend that French parish, the only one within several hundred square miles.

 

[dochawk]

I think that the national and personal are separate, although similar, things.

When I was in DuBois, PA, all of the parishes had been built as national churches; there was no geographic parish (and the next nearest parish was 25 miles away).hawk

 

[Tis_Bearself]

hate the bash the Church, but why no make it easier for those who want to be married in the Church? So there would be some paperwork involved. Blah, blah. Come on, let’s help those who want to be married in the Church.

Many of us managed to get married in the Church with no problem, because we weren’t trying to get married in some city that neither one of the couple had any ties to.

It’s standard operating practice in the Church that when you want some sacrament done, you generally go to either your registered parish or to a parish to which you have a tie. Example would be if you were registered in one parish but you wanted to have a wedding or funeral in another parish where your parents lived, or in your college Catholic chapel. This makes sense to the parish.

If you think you’re going to be wanting a wedding in some particular Catholic church in a year, the smart thing to do would be to go there, get to know people, contribute to the collection in an identifiable way (envelope or check), etc. and keep this up for the year so when it is time to go ask for something like a wedding, the response is not “who are you?”

Having two total strangers show up and say they want to have a wedding in your church out of convenience doesn’t make much sense. In these days of limited resources, the parish may want to focus on its own parishioners. Also, if two people would go to a non-denominational church out of sheer convenience, that to me suggests they are not committed Catholics when they could easily go to one or the other of their parish churches, or maybe a parent’s church, etc.

It just sounds like these people are more hung up on the destination of their wedding than the church aspect. It would turn me off if I were a priest.

 

[Phemie]

Having two total strangers show up and say they want to have a wedding in your church out of convenience doesn’t make much sense. In these days of limited resources, the parish may want to focus on its own parishioners.

Explained the way the OP did, it makes perfect sense, but it may just not be convenient for the parish they chose. Maybe they need to look at another parish in a nearby town.

A couple from my parish opted to marry in another province, in a parish they had absolutely no connection to. The bride had received all her sacraments in our parish and her family was one of the founding families of our town so it’s not like there was no deep connection to our parish. But the groom’s parents were flying in from the Netherlands and flying the extra leg from Halifax to our town would have cost them about two grand more than simply staying in Halifax. If you had the option of a week in Halifax and a week in our town, well, I’d pick Halifax.

I’m not sure how difficult it was for them to find a parish in Halifax where they could get married but I know they had several to choose from. Once they had secured a date with that parish, our Pastor worked with them to prepare them and do all the paperwork that goes with a parishioner wanting to marry outside the parish, something that priests deal with all the time.

 

[Clementine14]

She is getting frustrated and is ready to have a nondenominational wedding.

This is a little bit disturbing. She is Catholic but would prefer an invalid marriage over one in a church that isn’t the one she wants?

I wanted to get married in the church I was baptized in. (The priest also knew my family.) Though I wasn’t living in that city, I asked the priest if it was okay with him, and he agreed to it because we were planning to marry in the winter, and the date wasn’t booked. It was a kindness on his part, not some kind of right we had. There was also a separate fee schedule for non-parishioners. If he had declined, we would have just gotten married in my parish.

If a couple truly wants a Catholic marriage, they won’t give that up simply because the destination they want can’t accommodate them. If they want the wedding in their home state, can’t they just have it at your parish?

 

[DisorientingSneeze]

There are so many decisions to be made in the planning of a wedding that even the most low-key, low-maintenance couple can lose focus.

Perhaps they are trying to be too accomodating of their guests. There are advantages in having it be somebody’s homebase so they know the town. You know where to run to buy things when some vendor botches something or what doc to hit up if the bride gets ill and people can run home if needed.

Sneaky plan: Give them an engagement gift of a 2 part date night in an envelope. Say you know they are getting frustrated with all this and could use a night out to refocus. In an envelope are the 2 parts of the date. Part one: spend an hour in adoration of the blessed sacrament together bringing their wedding worries to our Lord. Part two: giftcard to a restaurant where they can enjoy eachother and discuss what clarity they hopefully found in adoration.

Considerations: what type of relationship you have with her and if it would be better recieved if it came from you or someone else.

To everyone who thinks the Church makes it too hard to get married, you don’t survive 2000 years without a little red tape.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Once again, I wish I knew you in real life. I’d hug you and apologize that you have encountered the most outrageously un-Christian Catholics. Know that the people who have been so cruel are not representative of the Church

 

[YourNameHere]

Sorry this was your experience. Getting married is stressful enough.

 

[TC3033]

Eh, it is what it is.

Our wedding went off without a hitch, everyone had fun, and we all just barely fit in the other little country church.

Logistics were a bit of a nightmare due to that church’s location, so getting married in town would have been wayyy easier on us and everyone traveling. We also would have fit much more comfortably at the church in town.

I actually didn’t really find out much about lining up the church until sitting down with my in-laws for a quick bite and a beer after one of my son’s hockey games last winter. I wasn’t really all that involved in lining up the church, not being Catholic and at the time being in the military at the height of Operation Iraqi Freedom. It sounded like the in-town vs country churches were going back and forth over who would actually take it. I guess that the in-town church played the card that she should get married in the parish she grew up in, not where we’re moving to (or pay $1,800) and ended up winning out. Then sometime after that, I guess it came out that some of the reason in-town didn’t want it was the priest wasn’t a fan of “Mixed” marriage weddings/couples. As you know, I have some enjoyable stories since my wife has joined there now .

Editing to add, since we had to have a wedding that was terrible logistically…I totally get where the OP is coming from.

 

[YourNameHere]

On the other hand, if the Catholic Church wants to keep people from leaving the Church and to get more people to become Catholics, the Church might trying being a little more user-friendly?!!

 

[TheLittleLady]

And if the government wants to keep everyone happy, they should eliminate their laws? I mean, that would be more user-friendly, right?