I’m so sorry to hear of your anxiety. I’ve felt it myself before and know how very real and devastating it can be.:console: (and yes, pregnancy and hormones can make you crazy!)
One thing that has helped me to better understand and cope with my fears, is something a priest explained when I was on a retreat.
That being Jesus words that to whom much is given, much will be expected. (paraphrased from Luke 12:48)
He said that we will probably be very surprised when we see who is in Heaven. Some folks that you wouldn’t expect at all will be welcomed with a “Come on in…we sure didn’t expect much out of you!”
The verse in Luke also describes the amount of punishment doled out in relation to this
And that slave who knew his master’s will and did not get ready or act in accord with his will, will receive many lashes, 48but the one who did not know it, and committed deeds worthy of a flogging, will receive but few. From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more.
…so remember that Purgatory is a wonderful mercy for us all!
It helps me to try to look at people’s lives from that perspective, as many people have been given so very little love or formation and have grown up with abuse of every kind.
I see people who are living worldly lives, because they only have a small portion of the truth and no religion to speak of, but who are trying their best to make the most of that small portion they have been given such as some Hollywood stars, or people who are purely secular missionaries.
I believe many of these people will enter before me because I have been given so much in terms of faith formation. Indeed many very pious souls will be chastised because God will see into their hearts and not just their outwardly actions.
He is kind and merciful and will recognize when people are trying their best to find Him by trying to find what is good and true to the best of their abilities, despite poor formation or scandal which has set them off course.
The parable of the Good Samaritan is an example of this. I mean, the guy was in the wrong religion after all.
Peace be with you!