Having children 15 months apart - worried

[Corki]

Congratualations!

My aunt had five - the first two were 19 months apart, then a gap of three years, the next three were thirteen months apart(between the first and second AND between the second and third). She said the three closer together were easier than the two that were a year and a half apart.

As for those who want to offer their unsolicited advice - you can always ask them if they are offering free babysitting.

 

[Stumblesalot]

Hi,
I have been a lurker for a while. This weekend I took a PG test and it was positive. I am waiting to get in with my doctor for the official.

I have a busy 8 month old at home and am very worried that I won’t be able to give all the love and attention my 8 month old will need and the new baby. My first was a surprise and this one will be too. We do NFP but obviously I haven’t got it all figured out.

I am just wondering if there are any families/members out there with children close together, how you manage and I guess some encouragement from anyone that’s been there.

I am also worried some of my friends and family will look upon us as unrespsonsible since with our first some thought we were crazy for having kids this early. I am also worried for my sanity.

Edit- I guess I should have put this in Parenting sect. sorry.

Hi,

We had three children close together, none of which were planned. I was terrified at the prospect! However, I really wouldn’t change a thing; they truly are three little gifts from God. Just try not to worry and trust in God, everything will turn out fine.

God bless

 

[shainski]

Well we have four children - first two are 15 months apart, then 14 months, and 23 months. (Our oldest is 7.5…our youngest just turned 3)

We were older when we got married, so we didn’t try to space our children.

But i will say this. Having had our children this close has been a blessing to us. The kids have built-in playmates. When we have traveled - they are on the same page - for museums or zoos or whatever. They are consecutive years in school - and the younger ones see what they will be doing next year, and the older relive their experiences. They play with many of the same toys - they are pretty good at sharing because they have had it reinforced so many times. They are close enough together, that when the oldest learned to ride a two-wheeler he was almost 6. His 4.5 year old brother learned a week later - and then their sister learned a few months after turning 4.

Yes, when there was a newborn around, the toddlers had to learn some patience. All of ours were out of a crib by 11 months to make room for the next. We never had the issues of transferring to other beds that some have. our kids easily accepted the new born - because at 15 months, they are so young, they don’t remember life before the baby. Once they get to about 2, the jealousy can be much greater.

Oh, it can be exhausting - but i don’t know what wouldn’t be exhausting. When i hear of other families that have bigger spacing, that seems exhausting to me.

Whatever you are blessed with - there are advantages and disadvantages.

enjoy the journey

 

[MidnightSun12]

Congratulations to you! This is absolutely joyous news. You have nothing whatsoever to worry about. Remember, God NEVER gives us more then we can handle.

Remember, though, that satan works through fear in people’s hearts. So when you feel other people’s dissapproval disguised as “concern” for your pregnancy, it is actually a reflection of their own fear of having a large number of children (or a regret of not being open to life when they were younger). As a catholic you have to be strong for these people and live a life of positive example. Maybe when your friends see how joyous you are it might just a start a conversation about just how beautiful the catholic faith is and how much happier they will be if they embrace Christ!

My prayers are with you for a healthy pregnancy!

 

[Brightest_Star]

Look at the benefits!

• They’ll both be out of diapers in a two year span, instead of having one get out of diapers and then a two years of more diapers and another year of toilet training - a five year span…
• The hand me downs (if they’re the same sex) will still be fashionable
• They’ll be interested in the same games and toys at the same time, so they’ll enjoy playing together more and they can share toys.
• They’ll look super sweet in Christmas card photos etc
• When they’re older, they’ll both be driving around the same time - less work for you!
• They’ll always really ‘feel’ like siblings, since they’ll never be able to remember a time when the other wasn’t there. A lot of kids who are far apart say they didn’t feel like brothers/sisters because just as one was going to kindergarten the other was moving on to middle school etc.
• If they’re the same sex when they get to be 3 and 2 respectively you can have a little fun and dress them as twins
• Equipment (strollers, bikes, jolly jumpers etc) can be handed down directly and you won’t have to store it for years on end and risk it being expired/rusted out or otherwise unusable when you finally do dig it out.
• Equipment can be handed down directly and you won’t have to sell it and buy it all over again later.

I know a LOT of people who have their kids that close together or closer, and I know a lot of people with twins. My cousin had twins 18 years ago and then had a baby boy and another little girl just a few months ago that are 12 months apart!

As for what people will say - I had my kids 7 years apart and people make comments on it, but it’s no big deal. What are you going to do “oh,* sorry*, I didn’t realize it wasn’t done… here let me just drop this one off at the orphanage.There, problem solved… do you approve of me now??”

Nevermind them. Congrats!

 

[Eleanor61]

My two oldest were 15 months apart, next one 22 months later. So we had 3 under 4 years old when we were 25. It was lovely. We were young, had lots of energy, they had each other to play with, trips to the zoo, museums, vacations, all were better because they wanted to do the same things at the same time. None of mine were great nappers, but it all worked out.
The only really rough days were when I was sick. Some help on those days would have made a lot of difference.

I beg you not to listen to any criticism from family members or friends. It is not their business, they are not considering God’s will, and if you listen to them you may end up ruining your life. All of our relatives were harshly condemnatory and my mother convinced my husband that my health was in danger. I had rough pregnancies, but nothing life threatening. We were afraid to have more children and then unable to when we came to our senses.

Our two youngest were 7 and 11 years later, adopted as infants, and 4 years apart. They are very close and get along great, but it was harder keeping them occupied then the three oldest. Homeschooling the three close in age was especially easy and enjoyable.

 

[MaryHelene]

People had this problem regularly until about, oh, forty years ago.
My brothers and sisters are all clumped together pretty close, and after a few years respite, I was born. My closest sister always tells me I was a mistake. One day my Mom heard her and said, “You were all mistakes! We didn’t have a choice back then! You all just happened!”

I have two cousins who are “Irish Twins” - 10 months apart.

Past generations survived, you’ll survive.

Actually, this “problem” was not very common at all before the widespread use of infant formula. For most women, ecological breastfeeding spaces children appropriately.

 

[trials]

Yes, it’s hard work initially adjusting to 2 that are that small, my first two are 19 months apart, but believe me when I say it is SO worth it.

As they grow up together, they will be the best gift for each other you can ever get. Seriously, toys come and go, but their companionship, which will have the occasional squabble too of course, will make it all worthwhile. Mine are now 3 and 5, and have such a close bond it is joyful to watch. I recently had my third, and my only regret is that she wasn’t closer in age to the other 2.
(I had to space them a little because they were all sections.)

My only advice is to relax about it. There will be times when both have dirty diapers, when both are crying, etc. but try not to stress. Kids will be kids.

On your worrying about not giving your first enough attention, I also was worried about this too, since I doted so much on my first born son. However, he accepted the new arrival with even more serenity than I did. She had colic and roared non stop but it didn’t bother him at all.

it may be hard in the adjustment phase, as in, how do I juggle 2 babies, but you will figure it out, there will be failures and tough days, but I would be popping babies out like Michelle Duggar if I knew then what I know now. That’s the truth.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Congratulations, Anemone1!!! How wonderful!!!

My daughter has 3 children, each 18 apart (in fact, for 5 days last April she was the mother of 3 children under the age of 3). In addition the first was born 10 months after the wedding; at one stage there was the very real chance that the first would be born early and my son-in-law was very anxious about the maths people would then be doing.

Lol, we can relate to that, our first was a honeymoon baby. I was induced at 38 weeks so she was born a little *before *our 9 mo anniversary. On top of that, she weighed 9.5 lbs and so it looked more like an overdue baby being induced past her due date rather than a baby being induced early.

I don’t have much time to respond but I wanted to add two things:

1. Young or old, doesn’t matter, as long as you are open to life/God’s will. Any time is great for kids if God decides to bless you with them! Same goes for distance between kids!
2. I can add more about it later, but I love the 15 mo “distance” between my two oldest children. Great friends (right now 5 and 6, boy/girl). Oldest was born around our 9 mo anniversary, our second was born around our 2 yr anniversary. The rest have been around 18 mo apart each (one almost 19 mo). This is the first time a little one celebrates a 1 yr birthday without us being pregnant! Our kids are 1,2,4,5, and 6, and I wouldn’t change anything.
   We have gotten everything from comments about having them to soon, too close together, etc, to congratulations for being so smart to have them all at once so we can be done sooner/young ( we are not done unless God is done, and if God wants us to have children when older they are just as welcome ).

 

[Anemone1]

Hi,
I have been a lurker for a while. This weekend I took a PG test and it was positive. I am waiting to get in with my doctor for the official.

I have a busy 8 month old at home and am very worried that I won’t be able to give all the love and attention my 8 month old will need and the new baby. My first was a surprise and this one will be too. We do NFP but obviously I haven’t got it all figured out.

I am just wondering if there are any families/members out there with children close together, how you manage and I guess some encouragement from anyone that’s been there.

I am also worried some of my friends and family will look upon us as unrespsonsible since with our first some thought we were crazy for having kids this early. I am also worried for my sanity.

Edit- I guess I should have put this in Parenting sect. sorry.

Thank you for all the comments and encouragement.

I did get in with the Dr. today, and they did a urine test that came back negative. I am pretty shocked… I am waiting to get the blood test to confirm tomorrow. I feel pregnant, how I did with my first. Either way, if I am not this has certainly been a test to see if I am open to God’s will and if I will say yes to it. A few days ago when I took the test that came back positive (actually two Positives) I flung open my bible - and it opened right to Mark chapter 9, the new Revelation & this verse.

‘Anyone who welcomes a little child such as this in my name, welcomes me; and anyone who welcomes me, welcomes not me but the one who sent me.’

My husband is especially discouraged by NFP now and I am sure he will want to go to birth control after this… He is non-catholic. This makes me sad, discouraged and confused- I don’t think it’s what GOd meant for this “test” if I am not pregnant…

 

[SamH]

Hi,

I am just wondering if there are any families/members out there with children close together, how you manage and I guess some encouragement from anyone that’s been there.

I am also worried some of my friends and family will look upon us as unrespsonsible since with our first some thought we were crazy for having kids this early. I am also worried for my sanity.

Edit- I guess I should have put this in Parenting sect. sorry.

My mom had two sets of twins about 18 months apart. I don’t think they suffered for anything.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Congratulations!!! What a blessing.

I had two–5 months apart–how did I do this you ask–fostermom here. I had little hannah arrive on the scene at almost 2 months old with her 3yo sister, then 3 months later another call it’s a boy 1 week old and crazy me said yes, what was I thinking??? I have to say that the first year is a blur, I had formula everywhere since nursing was not an option. We made it, though it was tough(this is where your youth will be a good thing!!). After they started moving around and playing it was great they kept each other busy!! They played really well together and with the exception of a few fights here and there over toys it was great. Little Hannah(and her sister) left us about two months ago(she was 3years 7months). We adopted the little guy and he is keeping us busier than ever now that he is alone!!

As far as what others think, just let them know you’re just getting started…. It is really none of thier business. It is between God, you, and your husband. Fertiltiy is a gift.

Just wanted to say you are wonderful for being foster parents!!! I would be doing that now, but…well, hubby’s not interested.

Sorry you lost the 2 little girls, though. That must be really difficult. But glad you were able to adopt your son!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Thank you for all the comments and encouragement.

I did get in with the Dr. today, and they did a urine test that came back negative. I am pretty shocked… I am waiting to get the blood test to confirm tomorrow. I feel pregnant, how I did with my first. Either way, if I am not this has certainly been a test to see if I am open to God’s will and if I will say yes to it. A few days ago when I took the test that came back positive (actually two Positives) I flung open my bible - and it opened right to Mark chapter 9, the new Revelation & this verse.

‘Anyone who welcomes a little child such as this in my name, welcomes me; and anyone who welcomes me, welcomes not me but the one who sent me.’

My husband is especially discouraged by NFP now and I am sure he will want to go to birth control after this… He is non-catholic. This makes me sad, discouraged and confused- I don’t think it’s what God meant for this “test” if I am not pregnant…

Praying for you, Anemone. Try not to anticipate your husband’s reaction, it might not happen that way.

 

[Keegan524]

First off, congratulations on your 2nd baby!!

Mine are 20 months apart and to be honest, I used to wish they were closer. My brother & I are 11 months apart, so 20 months apart felt like a big distance!

But when they were both really little it was hard. My husband was military and gone a whole lot, about 7 months a year. So, the first year and a half having 2 was a blur. Then we were stationed with much less travel and things settled down very nicely. And the kids growing a little older helped, too.

They are 16 and 14 1/2 now, in 10th & 8th grade. I’m GLAD that I had my kids that close together and so soon after our marriage. Our 1st was born 9 months and a few days after our wedding and then I was pregnant again by his 1st birthday. I’m sure a lot of people thought we were crazy to have one so soon after the wedding and the other so soon after the first, but I’m so glad I didn’t listen to them because we were never able to have any more and have had 3 miscarriages (of 4 babies, one was a twin pg.) along the way. Had we listened and put off having children and then tried to space them “perfectly”, we might’ve never had either of them or any children at all.

I agree with those who say babyproof like mad! Yes, babyproof! Another thing we did was lower the expectations for everyone. Once you have that new baby, your older baby will seem HUGE, but he/she is still just a baby. I treated both of mine like babies and my older one certainly let me know when he was ready to move on to something “bigger” without me having to push him too early to grow up simply because there was a baby brother in the house.

Again, congratulations! If I could have another baby (not likely, but not impossible, I guess), I would wish for 2 close in age again. In a heartbeat.

 

[monicabay]

Hi,
I have been a lurker for a while. This weekend I took a PG test and it was positive. I am waiting to get in with my doctor for the official.

I have a busy 8 month old at home and am very worried that I won’t be able to give all the love and attention my 8 month old will need and the new baby. My first was a surprise and this one will be too. We do NFP but obviously I haven’t got it all figured out.

I am just wondering if there are any families/members out there with children close together, how you manage and I guess some encouragement from anyone that’s been there.

I am also worried some of my friends and family will look upon us as unrespsonsible since with our first some thought we were crazy for having kids this early. I am also worried for my sanity.

Well, that’s what happened to us, 2 little accidents. Best accidents that ever happened. Now they are 16 and 17. Time flies. Really, I guess it was hard, I was busy and tired. What do I remember? Get up.eat, park, snack, nap, lunch, swim (in the summer) or a walk, reading books, tv.

The best part is now, that they are close. I always included my daughter, so she never felt like brother took her place. She was very accepting.

I hope this time with your kids is as precious as mine was.

 

[kristacecilia]

I have sisters who are 16 months apart. They are in their twenties now and both turned out fine.

I am sure the first year will be hard. It’s hard having a baby and a toddler, no matter what the ages. My first two were 22 months apart and it was hard.

As for not having enough love, that’s impossible. You don’t divide your love. You will still love your firstborn as much as you do now. You will also love your second born that much.

 

[1inICXC]

Congratulations to you! This is absolutely joyous news. You have nothing whatsoever to worry about. Remember, God NEVER gives us more then we can handle.

Remember, though, that satan works through fear in people’s hearts. So when you feel other people’s dissapproval disguised as “concern” for your pregnancy, it is actually a reflection of their own fear of having a large number of children (or a regret of not being open to life when they were younger). As a catholic you have to be strong for these people and live a life of positive example. Maybe when your friends see how joyous you are it might just a start a conversation about just how beautiful the catholic faith is and how much happier they will be if they embrace Christ!

My prayers are with you for a healthy pregnancy!

Great post!!! Everytime God sends us this wonderful blessing, Satan is right there instilling fear, anxiety anger to turn us away! Don’t allow him amd open yourself to God’s joy and love instead.

Look at the benefits!

• They’ll both be out of diapers in a two year span, instead of having one get out of diapers and then a two years of more diapers and another year of toilet training - a five year span…
• The hand me downs (if they’re the same sex) will still be fashionable
• They’ll be interested in the same games and toys at the same time, so they’ll enjoy playing together more and they can share toys.
• They’ll look super sweet in Christmas card photos etc
• When they’re older, they’ll both be driving around the same time - less work for you!
• They’ll always really ‘feel’ like siblings, since they’ll never be able to remember a time when the other wasn’t there. A lot of kids who are far apart say they didn’t feel like brothers/sisters because just as one was going to kindergarten the other was moving on to middle school etc.
• If they’re the same sex when they get to be 3 and 2 respectively you can have a little fun and dress them as twins
• Equipment (strollers, bikes, jolly jumpers etc) can be handed down directly and you won’t have to store it for years on end and risk it being expired/rusted out or otherwise unusable when you finally do dig it out.
• Equipment can be handed down directly and you won’t have to sell it and buy it all over again later.

I know a LOT of people who have their kids that close together or closer, and I know a lot of people with twins. My cousin had twins 18 years ago and then had a baby boy and another little girl just a few months ago that are 12 months apart!

As for what people will say - I had my kids 7 years apart and people make comments on it, but it’s no big deal. What are you going to do “oh,* sorry*, I didn’t realize it wasn’t done… here let me just drop this one off at the orphanage.There, problem solved… do you approve of me now??”

Nevermind them. Congrats!

Agreed!!! If i could have two of each it would be awesome, just not in the first year. Once they’re on their feet and weaned I’d gladly duplicate each baby!!

 

[1inICXC]

Thank you for all the comments and encouragement.

I did get in with the Dr. today, and they did a urine test that came back negative. I am pretty shocked… I am waiting to get the blood test to confirm tomorrow. I feel pregnant, how I did with my first. Either way, if I am not this has certainly been a test to see if I am open to God’s will and if I will say yes to it. A few days ago when I took the test that came back positive (actually two Positives) I flung open my bible - and it opened right to Mark chapter 9, the new Revelation & this verse.

‘Anyone who welcomes a little child such as this in my name, welcomes me; and anyone who welcomes me, welcomes not me but the one who sent me.’

My husband is especially discouraged by NFP now and I am sure he will want to go to birth control after this… He is non-catholic. This makes me sad, discouraged and confused- I don’t think it’s what GOd meant for this “test” if I am not pregnant…

Well, tgis may not necessarily be his reaction. But at any rate, don’t give him a chance to go in that direction, just say you know, let’s try to get a better understanding of NFP and then suggest aditional courses, materials, other methods etc. Personally, now, after my third, having seen some kind of pattern in my pp cycles, I MIGHT be comfortable using NFP but it’s definitely not a sure thing as it is during regular cycles.
I also think we, as human beings, should start understanding the benefits of abstinence. This sex on demand or semi-demand mentality is breaking us and our relationships down. Absence of sex=/= absence of love, affection etc… But then, Vatholics have a hard time understanding this, I guess it would be hard to exepct it from a non -Catholic.

 

[trials]

My husband is especially discouraged by NFP now and I am sure he will want to go to birth control after this… He is non-catholic. This makes me sad, discouraged and confused- I don’t think it’s what GOd meant for this “test” if I am not pregnant…

I love that you got such a beautiful Biblical quote. I know what you mean, you wondering about God’s plan for you. Whatever the outcome, know that if you submit to His will, He will hold you in the palm of His hand and look after you throughout. I had a miscarriage shortly after I married - it wasn’t a planned pregnancy and I was using contraception at the time I’ll admit - since then I haven’t though, I re-converted to my faith through the grace of God. But I remember thinking when I found out I was pregnant so early on in our marriage - ok God, this is the direction you want me to move in, I’ll be a mother - then I had the miscarraige and was devastated and argued with God - how dare He get me so excited about being pregnant and then take the little life inside me that I loved so much away from me. Now 6 years later, I thank God for that miscarriage - in a funny way it saved me. I started talking to God again, and realised that He is the Lord of life and also how precious and fragile life is, and what a privilege and responsibility He has given me to nurture and care for the 3 I have now. So whatever happens in your case, God will be looking ater you and spiritually forming you - trust Him completely.

As for the husband / NFP issue - I have that too. My husband is nominally Catholic, but was never nurtured in the faith, not his fault. Anyway when he married me, my faith was almost non-existent too, so we were on the same wavelength. Now I have reconverted and since my last baby (9wks ago) I have to use NFP for physical health reasons (3 sections) and I too am struggling with “converting” him to following NFP. All I am doing and all we can do is pray for God’s grace to guide us on this, to sin in this matter now to me would be unthinkable. I’m not saying it’s an easy path to follow but I could not ever use contraception again, knowing what I know now. How to get my husband to understand is another matter entirely. I know his opinions are just a result of his upbringing, I know my explaining things to him hasn’t changed his mind either, unless anyone else has a better idea - all I’m doing is praying and praying about it.

 

[The_Bucket]

We have two children who are a year and ten days apart. Very, very close to the old “Irish twins” moniker. It was crazy for awhile then it settled and now it’s crazy again because they are partners in crime when it comes to getting into trouble. But that’s the territory when you have any kids at all, so it really isn’t a huge deal.

You might get some looks and well, that’s other people’s problems. How is your love life or your choice to choose not to use artificial birth control any of their business? Rest assured you’d get the same looks from the same people if you had more than say, four kids, no matter how spaced they were. Again, that’s their problem.

Should YOU give sideways glances to people who only have one child? And if you do, is it their problem or yours?