Having children and NFP

[JMJ01]

Hello all. My fiancee and I will be getting married in a month. We’ve talked about having kids but we really would like to wait a few years. We are taking NFP classes at the moment. They are going well. Her and I are scared to have kids right away because we are still fairly young (mid 20’s). We are scared because we know it is such a huge responsibility and we want to raise them to be good human beings in a world that isn’t exactly a nice world anymore. There is so much evil today it seems. Also, we want to be able to provide a comfortable life for them. Financially, that might be tough at times. As far as NFP goes, what if on our wedding nite, her charts are reading that she is in a fertile state and we just are not ready to have children yet? We have to obviously consummate our marriage. That might sound bad as far as waiting to have kids but that is the way we feel. Well, thanks for reading and any suggestions or comments are appreciated. Have a good day.

 

[duskyjewel]

Nothing says you have to consummate it that very night. Lots of couples are so worn out from their weddings that they just fall asleep! When you consummate your marriage is totally up to you!

As for having kids young… there will always be financial stresses, no lie. But young people can be good parents. I was two weeks shy of 23 when I had my first. Last year, at 32, I gave birth to number 5. I am a good mom, nurturing, caring, firm, and generally tough in expectations of my children. Most people who know me think I am a good mom. Don’t let an arbitrary age dictate when it’s right to be a parent. Love them, do the best you can for them, and you learn the rest!

 

[monicatholic]

We have to obviously consummate our marriage.

there’s nothing like a honeymoon baby to make good catholic couple grow up fast. there’s nothing like a honeymoon baby to get a good catholic newlywed couple to open the door for God’s plan to unfold. (if mid 20’s isn’t too young to be married, it’s not too young to have babies. i promise.)

but if that sounds bad to you all, you certainly don’t want to begin your sacramental marriage with the grave sin of ABC use. so, you abstain from sexual relations until she appears to be infertile.

 

[thenewmrssears]

May I ask what you are considering mid-20s?

I am 24, and if God gave us a baby tomorrow we would be so glad! Sure it would be a little stressful, but eh. It is going to be stressful whenever, right? It isn’t really the perfect time right now, but obligations can be moved or cancelled, changes can be made, the budget can be reworked.

Honeymoon babies make the world go 'round. If it is that big of a deal then just wait to consummate. Honestly, I was “fertile” [you’d have to chase my posts to really understand my situation] on our honeymoon, and I was out of my dress before my husband even had his jacket off!!!.

Nothing says you have to consummate on your wedding day. Absolutely nothing. However, it is all in God’s hands at the end of the day. Trying to avoid is fine, but please make sure it is for a good reason in the Church’s eyes. Also know that even when you are trying to avoid there is always a chance God will give you a baby.

Congratulations!

 

[1ke]

Her and I are scared to have kids right away because we are still fairly young (mid 20’s). We are scared because we know it is such a huge responsibility and we want to raise them to be good human beings in a world that isn’t exactly a nice world anymore. There is so much evil today it seems.

All of the things you list are age-old problems. You are not the first couple to realize the enormity of childrearing. Yes, it is scary. But, it’s part of marriage and part of life.

Also, we want to be able to provide a comfortable life for them. Financially, that might be tough at times.

No matter how much money you have, it never seems to be enough. So don’t focus on that. What you should focus on providing your children is the gift of life and love. The gift of God’s grace and the opportunity to be with God in Heaven. Material things do not compare.

As far as NFP goes, what if on our wedding nite, her charts are reading that she is in a fertile state and we just are not ready to have children yet?

If you have discerned a just reason to postpone pregnancy, then you simply abstain until she is no longer fertile.

We have to obviously consummate our marriage.

Consummation does not have to take place on the wedding night.

That might sound bad as far as waiting to have kids but that is the way we feel. Well, thanks for reading and any suggestions or comments are appreciated. Have a good day.

Keep praying and discerning.

 

[JMJ01]

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has replied. I am sure everything will be just fine. I am just a worrier. Always have been. Thanks again. Have a great day.

 

[ChristinaM]

As far as NFP goes, what if on our wedding nite, her charts are reading that she is in a fertile state and we just are not ready to have children yet? We have to obviously consummate our marriage.

It happened to me and DH. We survived. But be prepared for the possibility that you won’t be able to wait and will have a honeymoon baby. It’s not the end of the world…plans can be readjusted but babies are always a blessing! Just keep praying and keep that openness to live.

As far as everything else you’ve said, remember our dear JPII always said “Be not afraid!” Certainly this is something that’s between you and wife-to-be, but I’ve read tons of stories on here about raising kids on a tight budget. A baby needs only a few very basic things, and breastmilk is free.

 

[Alix1912]

As embarassing as this is to admit…my husband and I did not consumate our marriage until almost two months after our marriage. (I had to go through Physical Therapy, because I aparently have the worlds strongest vaginal muscles).

Anyway, we had both waited and were very excited, and we survived. My husband was an amazing trooper through the whole thing. Remeber that there are many, many, many ways to express your love for each other. Some of the most amazing parts of our honeymoon were when we were just holding each other in bed, and waking up next to each other in the morning.

That and the fact we honeymooned in Italy and the bed was actually two beds pushed together with a flat sheet on the top. Combined with wheeled bedframes and a tile floor, it made for a couple entertaining mornings when my husband fell through the crack between the beds.

Good Luck,

 

[dixieagle]

As embarassing as this is to admit…my husband and I did not consumate our marriage until almost two months after our marriage. (I had to go through Physical Therapy, because I aparently have the worlds strongest vaginal muscles).

Anyway, we had both waited and were very excited, and we survived. My husband was an amazing trooper through the whole thing. Remeber that there are many, many, many ways to express your love for each other. Some of the most amazing parts of our honeymoon were when we were just holding each other in bed, and waking up next to each other in the morning.

That and the fact we honeymooned in Italy and the bed was actually two beds pushed together with a flat sheet on the top. Combined with wheeled bedframes and a tile floor, it made for a couple entertaining mornings when my husband fell through the crack between the beds.

Good Luck,

It’s probably just as well I can’t imagine what kind of “physical therapy” one would use in this situation!

 

[BlestOne]

As embarassing as this is to admit…my husband and I did not consumate our marriage until almost two months after our marriage. (I had to go through Physical Therapy, because I aparently have the worlds strongest vaginal muscles).

Anyway, we had both waited and were very excited, and we survived. My husband was an amazing trooper through the whole thing. Remeber that there are many, many, many ways to express your love for each other. Some of the most amazing parts of our honeymoon were when we were just holding each other in bed, and waking up next to each other in the morning.

That and the fact we honeymooned in Italy and the bed was actually two beds pushed together with a flat sheet on the top. Combined with wheeled bedframes and a tile floor, it made for a couple entertaining mornings when my husband fell through the crack between the beds.

Good Luck,

Don’t feel embarrassed or alone, my best friend went through this and went on to have 10 babies.

 

[Alix1912]

It’s probably just as well I can’t imagine what kind of “physical therapy” one would use in this situation!

It is trust me…as I said my husband was a trooper.

Don’t feel embarrassed or alone, my best friend went through this and went on to have 10 babies.

That is so good to here as I truely thought I was the only one or one of very few.

Point is that we survived the first two and a half months without sex. We went through a really weird situation and dealt with it and came out stronger. Waiting a couple nights is really not to big a deal. At least you won;t be on your wedding night trying to figure out how 15 year olds get pregnant, and two adults with masters degrees can’t figure out how to make it work.

At least we can look back and laugh at it now. Anyway, just wait a few days realx and enjoy your honeymoon.

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

there’s nothing like a honeymoon baby to make good catholic couple grow up fast. there’s nothing like a honeymoon baby to get a good catholic newlywed couple to open the door for God’s plan to unfold. (if mid 20’s isn’t too young to be married, it’s not too young to have babies. i promise.)

but if that sounds bad to you all, you certainly don’t want to begin your sacramental marriage with the grave sin of ABC use. so, you abstain from sexual relations until she appears to be infertile.

BTW, congratulations on your upcoming wedding!!!

 

[maria29]

We got pregnant on our honeymoon and while I dearly love our ds who is now 4, I wish I’d gotten to enjoy his babyhood more. Because we did get pregnant on our honeymoon we weren’t in a place that we could actually afford for me to stay home. We’ve been digging ourselves out of a hole that has caused me to work for the last 3 1/2 years just in order to eat and a place to live.

At the same time not every woman is called to be a stay at home mom no matter how much they want it. Sometimes God’s plan differs from ours and I think its sad that many couples have a hard time recognizing this.

 

[AnnaTherese]

As far as evil in the world, there has always been evil in the world, so don’t let that stop you. If that was a reason to postpone having kids, there wouldn’t be any people in this world now. There is evil but there is also Christ. Christ has overcome the world. Remember that. And He will provide the grace and the resources for you to bring your child up the way He wishes. So don’t worry about that stuff.

I think it makes perfect sense to be married for at least a few months before diving into parenthood. Get to know your spouse in a marriage relationship. But don’t wait too long. Mid-twenties is actually, from a historic perspective, pretty late to be getting married. Prior to this century, people married much earlier, and with good reason, I believe. Now that we have greater demand for higher education, people are more inclined to wait longer, bypassing their most fertile years in the process. I’m not suggesting that everyone should marry in their teens, for some that might be really unwise, although for many that might be just what they need to do. But if you wait too long you’ll be nearing thirty, and then having kids will likely become progressively more difficult. Infertility is on the rise in this country. So are miscarriages and all kinds of difficulties associated with pregnancy and birth. I don’t know one mother in my parish church who hasn’t had at least one problem in this area. Some of it has to do with food and environmental toxins and so forth. Some of it, I believe, has to do with waiting too long. It’s not normal to wait until you’re thirty to start having kids. It could be God’s will for some couples to do that, but it’s not the norm. There’s a reason why a normal, healthy young girl starts her period in her teens, and not in her mid-twenties. God is all-wise and we have to trust his wisdom, which He reveals to some extent in nature.

A “comfortable lifestyle” is a vague term that you should perhaps re-evaluate. What does that mean for you? The necessities of life or a certain degree of modern luxuries? Deciding how many kids to have and when to have them is a special privelege which belongs only to the married couple. Don’t let anyone else tell you you must or must not have kids right now. But you must pray about it and ask God what He wants. Examine your life and make sure you aren’t being selfish. You don’t need an earth-shattering reason to avoid having kids, but you do need an authentically good, unselfish reason. And then go forward in faith, knowing that God is with you and will not abandon you.

 

[Jen731]

I was pregnant with my first when 9/11 happened. The only thing that got me through was the hope that maybe my child would be a peacemaker, that my child might be the one to stop the terror in the future. You never know what God has planned!!!

And yes, your wedding night may not be ‘the night’. Enjoy your honeymoon and remember that you will have plenty of time for sex.

 

[Island_Oak]

You don’t owe anyone an apology or explanation for wanting to delay starting your family for a few years. I wholeheartedly agree with your approach as that is what we did when we married in our mid-twenties. I had my first baby when I was 29 1/2 and went on to have two more after her.

The only “perfect” time to have a baby is when you and your spouse are in agreement and ready to start your family. Yes, there are many surprises that can be wonderful, but well-laid plans can also be a good thing, especially when you read the posts from families caught in the terrible stress of the current financial and economic trauma with bad jobs, late bills and many mouths to feed.

 

[FrenchGwen]

At least you won;t be on your wedding night trying to figure out how 15 year olds get pregnant, and two adults with masters degrees can’t figure out how to make it work.

sorts of reminds me of something, not so long ago…