Having close friends that are homosexual

[Gamera]

This won’t help the OP and I’m not minimizing his plight, but just to keep things in perspective … try having your best friend from high school marry an abortionist. Then, when you go back to town to visit, the abortionist asks to hold your baby.

At that moment, I gladluy would’ve traded the “abortionist marriage” dilemma for the “gay marriage” dilemma.

 

[rinnie]

I like you dont know how to react sometimes. I feel that if i would attend this I would be choosing the devil instead of God. I know that sounds crazy to alot of people but that is just how i feel in my heart. Its so hard when you love a person who is doing such a horrible sin. It is so hard to not do the easy thing and go with the flow. I have a family member that is gay. My family condems me, i am the one who should turn the other cheek and accept this. I have been called the worst names. Do the right thing and choose God. You have to choose God no matter how hard it is.

 

[Other_Eric]

I don’t think anybody responding to this post would agree with this statement. Eveybody is worthy of Christian friendship.

And exactly why is it that everyone, irrespective of their behavior, is worthy of Christian friendship? Even the saints withheld their friendship at times. If the Church herself can banish individuals from God’s sacramental graces through excommunication, it follows that those serious about following in the path of Christ condition association with themselves on correct behavior. Being friendly with those who possess same-sex attractions without constantly admonishing their sick depravity runs the very real risk of lulling them into presumption. Then end result might very well be that their soul will be lost and you would have endangered your own for nothing more than a few warm feelings.

 

[Kevin42]

You know, as someone who was in an active sexual relationship with another man (although now we are still very good friends, both of us have decided to live chaste lives), it amazed me that only one of all my friends even asked me how my relationship fit into my Catholic beliefs. None of my Catholic friends said anything, most of my Protestant friends didn’t say anything either, except for one Baptist girl. Having no one question what I was doing sure did make it easier. I am not blaming my friends for my sins, but I am merely suggesting the appropriate thing for you to do in your situation. Do not be an enabler, and do not go to this “wedding”.

 

[rusty20]

You know, as someone who was in an active sexual relationship with another man (although now we are still very good friends, both of us have decided to live chaste lives), it amazed me that only one of all my friends even asked me how my relationship fit into my Catholic beliefs. None of my Catholic friends said anything, most of my Protestant friends didn’t say anything either, except for one Baptist girl. Having no one question what I was doing sure did make it easier. I am not blaming my friends for my sins, but I am merely suggesting the appropriate thing for you to do in your situation. Do not be an enabler, and do not go to this “wedding”.

I think this was the most useful thing in this thread so far. A formerly practicing homosexual says he wished people would have helped him walk away from his actions. If you truly care about your friend, and his soul, you will warn him against his sinful actions and politely decline attendance to his ceremony.

 

[omegabane]

You know, as someone who was in an active sexual relationship with another man (although now we are still very good friends, both of us have decided to live chaste lives), it amazed me that only one of all my friends even asked me how my relationship fit into my Catholic beliefs. None of my Catholic friends said anything, most of my Protestant friends didn’t say anything either, except for one Baptist girl. Having no one question what I was doing sure did make it easier. I am not blaming my friends for my sins, but I am merely suggesting the appropriate thing for you to do in your situation. Do not be an enabler, and do not go to this “wedding”.

Kevin - thank you for your witness!

 

[Kevin42]

Thank you, however I still struggle. Please pray for my continued conversion. Pax et bonum .

 

[Image_of_God]

Not necessarily. The citation which Allhers gave listed the Yahwist as one of four interpretations given to of Sodom and Gomorrah. I am not sure that Yahwist is conclusive.

I believe that all of the interpretations are right. I was saying that the source that the only reason was because of a lack of hospitality.

Ok if that’s so then what the heck did gomorrah do wrong? No mention of sexual proclivities. what did the women and children do in Sodom do? There is much more to the story then that.The Lot’s visitors story comes after God has decided to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah- not before it. Primary reason was an “outcry” from the people., Hebrew meaning - poverty and injustice. check Isaiah and Ezekiel’s take n it. Ezekiel says that the arrogance and lack of concern for the downtrodden was the main cause of the destruction. Attempted rape was punished also- but that was not the primary focus . You gotta love Lot willing to send his virgin daughters to assuage the sexual depravity of his neighbors.-what a guy!

Yes, but the Yahwist says that another reason was because of their sodomy. They don’t have to be in contradiction with each other. Both can be right and as someone mentioned above, the Catholic Church uses this scenario to defend her teachings.

 

[Image_of_God]

You know, as someone who was in an active sexual relationship with another man (although now we are still very good friends, both of us have decided to live chaste lives), it amazed me that only one of all my friends even asked me how my relationship fit into my Catholic beliefs. None of my Catholic friends said anything, most of my Protestant friends didn’t say anything either, except for one Baptist girl. Having no one question what I was doing sure did make it easier. I am not blaming my friends for my sins, but I am merely suggesting the appropriate thing for you to do in your situation. Do not be an enabler, and do not go to this “wedding”.

I am really glad you typed this. Thank you. I hope everyone on this thread will see this.

 

[Wollie]

I want to thank everyone for their posts. Also I guess I should have said that my homosexual friend is Catholic. We sometimes go to mass together. He knows what the Churches teaching on the sin of the homosexual act is. I don’t know exactly what he thinks, but I think he believes he can be a practicing homosexual and a practicing Catholic. He is not as “Super Catholic” (this is what my non-Catholic friends have dubbed me) as I am.

To the people that have said things like, “Homosexuals are not worthy of Christian friendship,” and “Vomititous act.” I would ask you refrain from these hateful sentiments. My friend is no more a sinner than I. Both premarital and homosexual sex are mortal sins. Judge not lest ye be judged, pick the plank out of your own eye and all that.

By the way didn’t Jesus hang out with prostitutes? And actually stop one from being stoned? Didn’t he tell us to adhere to the Spirit of the Law not the letter?

All that being said, I know what the Church teaches on this matter. And I will most likely not attend the ceremony (as it is not valid), but attend the reception.

To the person who’s father married the divorced Catholic: I feel your pain. My grandfather is a Catholic who has been divorced four times. I have not attended his marriages. But you can lose friends, family is harder to lose.

I thank everyone for their prayer and support

 

[Image_of_God]

I want to thank everyone for their posts. Also I guess I should have said that my homosexual friend is Catholic. We sometimes go to mass together. He knows what the Churches teaching on the sin of the homosexual act is. I don’t know exactly what he thinks, but I think he believes he can be a practicing homosexual and a practicing Catholic. He is not as “Super Catholic” (this is what my non-Catholic friends have dubbed me) as I am.

To the people that have said things like, “Homosexuals are not worthy of Christian friendship,” and “Vomititous act.” I would ask you refrain from these hateful sentiments. My friend is no more a sinner than I. Both premarital and homosexual sex are mortal sins. Judge not lest ye be judged, pick the plank out of your own eye and all that.

By the way didn’t Jesus hang out with prostitutes? And actually stop one from being stoned? Didn’t he tell us to adhere to the Spirit of the Law not the letter?

All that being said, I know what the Church teaches on this matter. And I will most likely not attend the ceremony (as it is not valid), but attend the reception.

To the person who’s father married the divorced Catholic: I feel your pain. My grandfather is a Catholic who has been divorced four times. I have not attended his marriages. But you can lose friends, family is harder to lose.

I thank everyone for their prayer and support

I am sorry if I said anything unkind about anyone…although I don’t think I did. I only suggest that your friendship should not be above the one you have with Christ.

 

[onetimeposter]

This is a very interesting thread and I’m going to make an observation.

I am amazed at the number of Catholics who either don’t know what the teaching of the Church is in regards to this answer, or quite frankly don’t care what the Church says.

It begs the question…when you find out that the Church will not condone in any way a person attending a homosexual wedding…what will you do about it?

Will you challenge your faith and honestly ask yourself if you can be in a Church with those views ( and many other views that you don’t agree with, but in the realm of morals, remember the Church claims to be inerrant)

Will you try to understand the position of the Church and then learn to accept it?

or

Will you simply ignore it and continue on your merry way, blissfully ignorant or willfully blind to the very real conflict?

Like I said, interesting responses indeed.

 

[SpiritMeadow]

Of all the advice I’ve read in this thread…this is the sanest and speaks from the Center of Truth.

Indeed I agree so very much. I would never ever ever send a non-Catholic to this forum. I have never seen or read such hardhearted mean spirited talk in all my days. If I had met Catholics who made these types of cold statements before I converted, I would surely not have. Instead I met literally dozens and even hundreds of warm loving and deeply compassionate people who were learned, thoughtful, well studied, and who practiced their faith in ways that drew people to them. " I want what you have."

Nobody including priests or sisters turns away anyone who is in need, nor refuses them help because their way of being is not dogmatically correct. Everything is lost when the only basic premise is admonishment. Jesus is forgotten in favor of Paul. How unspeakably sad.

 

[SpiritMeadow]

Because of their sodomy.

People who struggle with SSA deserve love and respect. The most loving thing you can do is not go.

Oh no, sadly it was not because of that. Not at all.

 

[SpiritMeadow]

They came to this forum for advice!

God comes before a friend and if a person was a real friend and already knew your views on homosexual activity they would understand why you could not attend.

Your advice is putting a friend before God. Where would we be if Abraham had told God he’s not prepared to sacrifice his son.

Your point would be well taken if we agreed that attending a wedding of a long time friend who is homosexual is against God. Many of do not think that it is. That is the issue before us.

 

[SirOscar]

I originally posted that I would attend the wedding. My brother is gay. While he lives in a state that does not allow gay marriages, who is to say where this nation will go.

In my heart, I believe homosexual acts are sinful. I believe a homosexual marriage is wrong. They both go against how God created us to be. I do not need a church for me to know this, just as I do not need the church to tell me abortion is wrong.

I cannot change my brother. He knew he was different at a very young age, but didn’t know why until puberty. I also have a nephew, who is 15, just announce he is gay. He too, knew he was different before puberty.

When my brother admitted that he was gay, I was angry at him. I wrote him off, shut him out of my life. For 10 years we did not communicate. My response of cutting him off did not make him change his behavior or make him question it.

When the time came in my life, when I needed someone…he was there, no questions, no reservations, just what do you need from me to help you along. In my opinion he was the one who was the example of being Christlike, unlike myself, who saw only his sin.

He is a gay man, he is my brother. I love him dearly. I love him, not his lifestyle. One can separate the two

Sorry for the long post. I don’t honestly know what I would do, whether I would go to his wedding, if one came to be, or not. This thread did, however, make me think.

 

[SpiritMeadow]

I was the one who didn’t go to my father’s wedding.

Here is the good that came of it:

1. I followed Jesus’ teachings even when they conflicted with the desires of my family and my desire to keep peace within my family.

I’m not sure Jesus actually addressed this issue.

1. I can sleep with a clear conscience, knowing I did not put my own selfish wishes and desires above that of Christ’s teachings

1. I witnessed to my family that I was serious about following my faith, and serious about following Christ’s teachings to the best of my ability.

You have certainly made it clear what your interpretation of how to practice your faith is. I’m sure your family is most appreciative of learning that.

1. I set a good example for my children, so they saw me actually practice what I preached even when it was difficult.

No doubt you did, but it is still not clear that this is Church teaching, insofar as supporting a loved, especially when they know your presence signfies not support of the underlying lifestyle. How difficult was this really? You seem extremely sure you were correct. Why don’t you share with us all the research, and discussions you had with Church clergy before coming to the unhappy decision that you could not attend?

In short, immeasurable good came of it – the salvation of my soul being the most important thing, of course, and worth it all by itself.

I suspect none of us can be so assured as you are, about whether any particular act saves our souls.

 

[SpiritMeadow]

Christ commands us to love one another, not to be friendly with anyone and everyone. A person who indulges same-sex attractions is not worthy of Christian friendship. Lose this misguided individual as it seems your passions regarding him are leading you off the path of Christ.

I guess Jesus had no point in the story of the good samaritan and numerous others. Why did he bother to speak to the woman at the well? Why did he accede to the request of the woman who told him that even dogs got the scraps from the table? You think Jesus was wrong I take it? These folks were unworthy of Christiann friendship by their sinful way. So was Mary Magdalene, and Matthew as well. Hmmmmm.

 

[wanner47]

I’m not sure Jesus actually addressed this issue.

He did, and so has His Church, to whom he gave the authority to teach on His behalf. See the verse that was posted earlier where Jesus said he did not come to bring peace, but a sword. He came to bring division between mother and daughter, father and son – and in my case, father and daughter.

You have certainly made it clear what your interpretation of how to practice your faith is. I’m sure your family is most appreciative of learning that.

It is not my interpretation. Prior to making my decision, I did a lot of reading, and a lot of praying. I discussed the situation on this forum and spoke to a family friend about the matter (he is the rector of the diocesan cathedral and a good friend of the Bishop of our diocese – a very holy and learned man). I spent time in front of the Eucharist praying about what I should do. I read numerous articles about the subject from Catholic Answers (most notably Jimmy Akin – he has several articles on the subject at his blog).

I also called my father’s pastor, a Lutheran woman who has been divorced twice, and spoke at length with her, so I could show to my father that I did not consult only Catholics in this matter. (FTR, she said that while she did not agree with me, I needed to do what I felt God was telling me to do, even if it hurt my father.)

All my prayer, discussion, and research led to the same conclusion – loving someone does not mean condoning them in their sinful actions. That is why Jesus said, “GO AND SIN NO MORE,” (emphasis mine) not “Go and keep doing what you’re doing as long as you’re happy and it makes you feel good.”

No doubt you did, but it is still not clear that this is Church teaching, insofar as supporting a loved, especially when they know your presence signfies not support of the underlying lifestyle. How difficult was this really? You seem extremely sure you were correct. Why don’t you share with us all the research, and discussions you had with Church clergy before coming to the unhappy decision that you could not attend?

See above. I believe it is clear Church teaching.

I suspect none of us can be so assured as you are, about whether any particular act saves our souls.

When I stand before the seat of judgment some day, I can honestly tell God that I was trying to follow his teachings, as entrusted and promulgated to and by the Catholic Church, to the best of my ability. If I am wrong, then it was not because I knew the teachings of the Church and rejected them. But I do not think I am wrong.

 

[LJN21]

I guess Jesus had no point in the story of the good samaritan and numerous others.

The Good Samaritan was in fact about hypocrisy. People claiming to be God fearing completely ignoring someone in need.

Why did he bother to speak to the woman at the well?

To try and convert her from her sinful ways.

Why did he accede to the request of the woman who told him that even dogs got the scraps from the table? You think Jesus was wrong I take it?

I think your idea of what Jesus is teaching is wrong. No where in any of these stories did He not follow the rules of God, which would be impossible for Him to do since he is God. No where did he stand by and watch someone make a mockery of God. (Money Changers in the temple come to mind.)

These folks were unworthy of Christiann friendship by their sinful way.

Wrong. No one is unworthy of Christian friendship, we are all sinners. That doesn’t mean if a friend is leading you away from you faith you should hold on to the friendship. If a friend becomes abusive you leave, and continue to love that person and pray for there soul, but you do not associate with them. This is very much the same thing on a spiritual level.

So was Mary Magdalene, and Matthew as well. Hmmmmm.

I don’t recall reading anywhere Jesus telling Mary Magdalene that it was “okay” to be a prostitute and you gotta make a buck somehow. Both repented of their past life and followed Jesus to there salvation.