Celia:
Ever since my “reversion” as I like to refer to it to the Catholic faith, I haven’t felt anything but peace and contentment that I was doing the right thing. Now all of a sudden I’m finding myself having doubts about certain things. I don’t know why they’ve suddenly came about, perhaps now that I am to be joining a parish and seeking the sacraments fully I am realizing the enormity of religion in and of itself. I mean, being Catholic is not something you can take lightly. It is truly a way of life. And this is great, but how do you know that it is right? I feel as though my faith is waning and I don’t know why. Lately I’ve been feeling just…uncomfortable about saying a prayer to a saint or Mary. Like I’m not focusing on what I really should be. It’s wonderful that Our Lady can intercess for us…but why is it necessary? Or a saint for that matter, who I imagine is far less perfect than Mary. Or the medals and the statues and whatnot. They are 'graven images" aren’t they? ( I am wearing a Miraculous Medal around my neck right now, so please don’t take offense…I’m just curious.) It is entirely possible that I don’t know what I’m talking about and I need someone to set me straight, which, by all means, please do. I’ve never felt his way about the church before. Distant, perhaps, but never that it was wrong. If anyone has any advice, comments, stuff I should read, whatever - it is more than welcome. Thanks
-Celia
Dear Celia,
I’m a “revert” too by about 3 years after 34 years away. I hear what you’re saying…Y’know, for all the years that I was outta the church and tried to live as a Prot or Evangelical, there were just so many unanswered questions that they never really deal with. I mean, now that I’m home, that passage in Hebrews 12:1 about the great cloud of witnesses just makes a lot more sense now. When I read about the position of the Queen Mother (“Giberah”) in the kingdom of Israel, it all began to make sense, because Mary is truly the queen mother of the kingdom of God simply because she bore Jesus in her womb. Sure it’s more involved than that, but I don’t care…I know the truth when I hear it from the Holy Spirit because my very soul responds to Him.
Complicated…yeah. Serious…indeed. But beautiful; like the facets of a huge diamond, and wondrous as I study and discover more and more about this faith that God graced me with at birth.
Consider the Eucharist. To me, if all else about Catholicism were to be proved false, (which it won’t!) that would still make me a Catholic, because it’s real, it’s scriptural, and it blows me away every time I go to that altar to receive Him again. How wonderful to have that intimate relationship with my Lord and my God! That’s why when the priest raises that host and that cup at the consecration I focus my eyes on my risen Lord and recite the words of St.Thomas. “My Lord and my God”.
Try not to freak when the doubts come. We all have 'em because the enemy cannot stand for us to be unassailed now that we are “hooked up” with the real, live, New Testament Christianity. We are a greater threat to his evil kingdom than ever before, so count yourself as one in the front lines of the spiritual battle…because it’s a spiritual reality. Y’know, a very wise non-catholic friend once pointed out to me that the enemy never attacks a useless target, so, when you come under attack with doubt, temptation, or whatever, just remember that even though we are pretty lamely human sometimes, God in his wisdom and powerful mercy has chosen us to be the instruments of grace for others…to be the fishers of men…who desperately need the good news of the Gospel, and that He doesn’t chose us without giving us the graces we’ll need to do what He wants of us. All we gotta do is cooperate with Him. He really does it all…he just uses us because like with me and you right now, we can relate to each other’s weaknesses and difficulties.
I hope all that helps you. Know that you are remembered in all my prayers.
Pax vobiscum,