Having lots of kids when poor

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scarbar

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I just found out I’m pregnant with my fourth child.I have never used birth control and considered tying my tubes after the last baby,but backed out at the last minute.I just could’t stomach the idea of purposefully making myself barren.I was away from the church until recently,but somehow I retained that irish-catholic ‘sensibility’ when it comes to my fertility;it drives my mother crazy!The problem is I’m poor.I have stayed at home since my first child was born 9 years ago,each new child coming before the oldest was ready for school,thus,I continued to stay home.I got married when I was 18, with little education,so there was no sense in working to pay the babysitter.My husband works hard,he’s a truck driver,but we only make about 22k a year. I was looking forward to going back to work next year when my youngest startts school,but now I can’t.Everyone in my family says I have to get my tubes tied after this baby.I came back to the Church with the intention of being obedient to her teachings,but this is hard.I am scared and don’t know how we can go on without a second income.What am I supposed to do?
 
Are you good with children? Do you truly enjoy being with them?
You might try opening a daycare in your home. There are other things that women do to make extra money like ironing, baking bread and selling it at a farmer’s market, house cleaning (after you have the baby.) Is there something you have a talent or knack for making? Some type of craft? Can you sew? All of these things can be turned into a home business to earn a little extra cash. You can make things and sell them on e-bay. There’s an on-line store in our town where you can drop off a box of soap or candles or whatever you want to sell. They’ll put in e-bay or wherever you want, then when an order comes in they box and ship it for you. They take a percentage of the prophets. There are all different types of things you can do from you home to make a little extra money.

Also, no matter what pressure you receive from friends and family, don’t go against the teachings of the church. If you are feeling overwhelmed, just remember that God wont give you more than you can handle. I turn all my cares and worries over to Jesus. Just say Jesus I trust in You throughout the day when you are feeling stressed.

Good luck. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
 
Hi Scarbar, I think it is so awesome that you are willing to be open to God’s blessing of children in the face of your hardship. Do you know about Natural Family Planning? This is a method of spacing children that involves you observing your signs of fertility and then abstaining from relations during the fertile time. It is approved by the Church and has been shown to be 98% effective in highly motivated couples, which sounds like you and your DH. There are several methods, including Billings, Creighton, and Sympto-Thermal, but all are based on the principle of observing your fertility signs. It is very cheap to learn - I paid $30 for my Billings Methods instruction which included the initial instruction, follow-up sessions, charts and stickers. Look for a class in your parish or a neighboring one.

If you do already use NFP…I’m sorry for having rambled on! 😊
 
Hi Scarlett. Welcome home to the Church.Congratulations on the pregnancy! I understand how you feel about the lots of kids. Some people/family/friends can be less than kind. We have six so far. God is blessing you with those children. My advice to you is to trust God. He doesn’t want us to make a lot of money, he wants us to be faithful.

Are you having trouble financially? The state of Texas has lots of help for low-income families. You can check out this site:
yourtexasbenefits.com/wps/portal

I also would advise you to consider a job that you could stay at home with your kids. I do home daycare. My kids love it. Plus my older ones learn responsibility. I don’t make a lot of money but I really believe God wants us home with our kids if at all possible.

You mentioned being stressed out with your other kids on another post, so I would also like to offer this bit of encouragement:
Your kids are good in school because there they have a routine, they know it, and they are kept occupied. If the teacher at school let them run-around and do whatever, they would soon be bored and get into trouble at school too. Kids like routine and they like to know where their limits with you are. (Lots of parents don’t seem to know this.) Plan a few activities for your kids. There are lots of free ideas online. (Do a search on school or daycare activities or games.) If you don’t set any limits, they will drive you crazy trying to find it.

I am praying for you.
 
The Good Lord will provide what He wants you to have if you do what He wants. just pray on it and do the right thing. if others dont like it thats their loss.

whats more likely and old person to say"i iwsh i hadnt had so many children" or"i wish i wasnt dying alone"
 
Your mom is blessed to have a daughter so faithful to the Church’s teachings. Other people should keep their noses out of YOUR business. Like someone else mentioned, you can make some decent $ doing childcare. Four on 22K is hard. I will pray for you. :o
 
thank you all for your kind replies and thank you for not attacking me for being poor and having kids,it’s a welcome change from everyone else.The home daycare idea will probably suit me best and it might be necessary.I just startred hearing about nfp since coming back to the church.I hope my husband will be willing to learn more about it.There are also some changes that we need to make in the way we spend money,changes that I think only another pregnancy will force us to make.Maybe God knows what he’s doing aftre all.
 
Hi,

Don’t let people make you feel guilty about the gifts (children) God has given you.

If you are interested in setting up a daycare, check your area for the type of daycare that is most need. Some areas have many pre-schools, but not many places for babies or toddlers. For some reason, daycares charge more for babies. (It maybe that babies need more individual attention so some states limit the number of babies you can take care of.) Check out your local library for some great resources on how to set up and run a daycare. They also have great resources for doing things with children. I find having a book is more convenient than searching for each individual project on-line. If you set up a daycare, you might check with the library about taking the kids to Storytime at the library. You might also check out other home daycare providers to see if you can find some who would be willing to “network” with you. Some times you can find people who will be willing to meet once a month to talk about how they handle different situations and what things that are happening in the community that home daycares can attend for free or a small fee. They may also share little projects that they have done with their kids that have been big hits. If there is a group like this, it might also give you the opportunity to talk about things in the daycare business that are frustrating you.

Good luck in all your endeavors.
I’ll continue to pray for you.:hug3:
 
Scarbar, you have put yourself in a tough situation, and I wish you luck. However, this is where religion can become dangerous. It is making people feel morally obligated to struggle. Share your story. Keep others from putting themselves in the same situation.
 
If you’re going to do home daycare make sure you’ve got all the clearances needed to do so. Also make sure your setting aside a portion of the income that you gettting for taxes since you’ll have to claim any income you receiving. Unless you’re planning on taking cash under the table?

We use private daycare, and the most important thing to us was a low ratio of children to provider. We’ve actually lucked out with the one we have now. Our son is the only child she watches, and we pay $35 a day.

I’d check craigslist too and see what the going rate is in your area.
 
Et_Cetera said:
Scarbar, you have put yourself in a tough situation, and I wish you luck. However, this is where religion can become dangerous. It is making people feel morally obligated to struggle. Share your story. Keep others from putting themselves in the same situation.
Click to expand...
Are you saying that the Catholic religion is dangerous because it teaches us to be open to life and the will of God?

Do you not think that she has a moral obligation to have the child?
Are you saying she should have an abortion?
 
Hi Scarlett and Welcome to CAF!!! My SIL stayed home with her kids and started making crocheted puppets and other crafts and soon she was making more than her dh… and HE NEVER KNEW!!! He was a very proud man but didn’t make a whole lot either, so she started doing the crafts for flea markets and saving up for vacations and mad money… she couldn’t believe she ended up making more than her dh… all while staying home with her babies. It ended up paying for their schools when they went off to school.
 
God bless you and your family! Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I know it can be so scary to be pregnant when money is tight, but all we can do is trust in God. He will always take care of us. My favorite passage from the Gospels is when Jesus reminds us that the lilies of the field are clothed in splendor, the birds have their nests and their food… God provides for them, and how much more important are we, who are made in the image and likeness of God? Of course our Father will provide for us! Even more when we are doing His will!

Bless you for being obedient to the Church, especially when so many around you are telling you otherwise. It can be hard, but following the Church’s teaching is a sure way to know that you are doing the will of God. It is so comforting to me, to know that.

Just think about how much you will love this baby, and how much you already love her! Babies are such blessings. You will never regret having another one. 🙂
 
Et_Cetera said:
Scarbar, you have put yourself in a tough situation, and I wish you luck. However, this is where religion can become dangerous. It is making people feel morally obligated to struggle. Share your story. Keep others from putting themselves in the same situation.
Click to expand...
This poster makes comments like this frequently. He/she is not on this board with the intention of learning about Catholicism or spreading the word of his/her faith.

It is getting old. 🤷
 
It’s amazing that you are willing to be open to life this way. You will truly have your reward - not only in your children, but also in Heaven!
And your children are so lucky to grow up in a family that loves and cares for kids! Man, I wish I had more than one sib. It’s telling that my daydreams always had to do with having lots and lots of brothers and sisters …
God will provide. Keep praying. We’ll keep praying for you. Congrats on your pregnancy, and congrats on being one of the people out there that really have their values right!
There is NO SHAME in being “poor”.
I wish I was there in person so I could give you a hug - even though it maybe doesn’t seem that way, you’re doing great:hug1: .
 
scarbar said:
thank you all for your kind replies and thank you for not attacking me for being poor and having kids,it’s a welcome change from everyone else.The home daycare idea will probably suit me best and it might be necessary.I just startred hearing about nfp since coming back to the church.I hope my husband will be willing to learn more about it.There are also some changes that we need to make in the way we spend money,changes that I think only another pregnancy will force us to make.Maybe God knows what he’s doing aftre all.
Click to expand...
My family was really poor and so that my mom could stay home she watched a few extra kids during the day. It didn’t pay much but allowed her to stay at home with her youngest and provided that child with other children around to play with. It might be tough for a while but once you get used to get it’s not all bad I worked in child care for many years myself and would probably do the same thing my mom did if I had a child and husband but had to stay at home. Think of this too you would be saving a ton of money by providing your own childcare with might be eaten up if you did go back to work and had to pay someone else to watch your child. 🤷
 
scarbar said:
I just found out I’m pregnant with my fourth child.I have never used birth control and considered tying my tubes after the last baby,but backed out at the last minute.I just could’t stomach the idea of purposefully making myself barren.I was away from the church until recently,but somehow I retained that irish-catholic ‘sensibility’ when it comes to my fertility;it drives my mother crazy!The problem is I’m poor.I have stayed at home since my first child was born 9 years ago,each new child coming before the oldest was ready for school,thus,I continued to stay home.I got married when I was 18, with little education,so there was no sense in working to pay the babysitter.My husband works hard,he’s a truck driver,but we only make about 22k a year. I was looking forward to going back to work next year when my youngest startts school,but now I can’t.Everyone in my family says I have to get my tubes tied after this baby.I came back to the Church with the intention of being obedient to her teachings,but this is hard.I am scared and don’t know how we can go on without a second income.What am I supposed to do?
Click to expand...
**Hi scarbar;

You know, your post is interesting, as it reminds me of times past…well, I didn’t live them, but were told about my grandparents coming from Italy and Ireland back in the early 1900’s, and how they barely had two cents to rub together–they all banded together, and found odd jobs, and eventually started a family business in NJ, where I eventually was born, and grew up. No one seemed to scoff at large families trying to make it back then–it was very ‘normal’ to see ‘poor’ large families…growing their own food…starting their own businesses. It seems like such a shift these days, because we are all about me me me. Well, not you and me…but there was a time when I fed into it too. Our culture doesn’t embrace anything that shows sacrifice. This is most likely why you receive negative comments. Now, I do believe in spacing kids to make sure that a family can handle the financial requirements placed upon it to support their kids, but that isn’t always the case, and people shouldn’t judge others’ lives, just because they wouldn’t make the same choices.

I commend that you are able to make it on your husband’s income. I will keep you and your family in my prayers–I second the babysitting out of your home idea. 🙂 **
 
scarbar - welcome to the CAF (Catholic Answers Forums) and a big[SIGN]congratulations[/SIGN] on the new little one.

As for being poor and having children, you know if we all waited until we had “enough money” to have our babies we would never have any!

God Bless you and your family!

Brenda V.
 
My mom babysat when we were little–we loved it. All our friends all day long. It was heaven. It probably was hard on her, but it was a blessing to us kids.

I’m praying that your dh will find a better paying job.

God bless you in your pregnancy.
 
How old are your other children? Are they able to help with some of their siblings? I was babysitting my younger sisters when I was 12 and had most of the responsibility for my youngest sister when I was 10 so my mother could go to work. It depends a lot on how mature your children are (and where you live, as in some jurisdictions it is illegal to leave kids this young home alone.)

I would advise you not to get sucked into the welfare trap if you can possibly help it. If you have a drop-in centre or community centre near you, that might be a good place to check for part-time work tips or suggestions and assistance on upgrading your skills. I know of several work-from-home computer typing gigs locally and they pay about $5.00 per page which really encourages you to up your typing skills. It is also possible to get night work if your husband can be home at night; and you might even find some part-time work that will allow you to bring the baby along. Businesses are getting more flexible as the job seeker pool begins to shrink.

If you put your mind to it, you will find an answer. Good luck and keep us posted on your situation.
 
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