Having mass said--let non-Catholic family know?

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A few days ago a high school student at our school died by suicide. We know the family, work with the parents (we all teach at the school), and consider them friends.

I would like to offer a mass to be said for their son and another mass said for the family.

The family (and pretty much everyone here at our school and town) are Baptist. Both at the funeral and when visiting with them, they express a certainty that the child is now in heaven.

I am wondering if I should keep the information about the mass being said to myself (and our own family), and not mention it to the family? I am wondering if bringing it to their attention would cause any negative feelings?

Thoughts or opinions would be appreciated. Thanks.
 
I would definitely keep it to myself that I had a Mass said for the deceased son. It’s clear they do not believe he needs a Mass, and your saying otherwise would be disrespectful to their beliefs.

As for letting the family know you had a Mass said for them, presumably to ask God to help them with their grief, I would only do this if I knew the family well and knew they wouldn’t mind that I had the Mass said. Otherwise, keep that one to yourself also.
 
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Would it be truthful enough to send a condolence card and tell them that they are all in your prayers…?
 
Have the Mass said, but keep it to yourself.
But do send a condolence card to the family
 
Baptists don’t believe in praying for the dead as far as I know. but it is an act of charity on your behalf and charity doesn’t need to be advertised.I would keep it to myself. Condolences by the way.
 
I personally (non catholic) would have no issue with a mass being said over me or my family. Depends on the families beliefs, which you know better than anyone here.
 
I’ve known Baptists who believe that Catholics go to hell because they’re Catholics. They probably wouldn’t appreciate a Mass said for them.
 
VeryBlessed said:
Would it be truthful enough to send a condolence card and tell them that they are all in your prayers…?
Click to expand...
This is a really good approach, since Baptists obviously do pray.
If the family was atheist or agnostic or you weren’t sure if they were okay with praying, I would probably say “thoughts” instead.
 
On the other hand, my grandmother was Baptist and didn’t mind Catholics (since her son converted and married one).
I have another relative who is from a Baptist family and is now an adult practicing Baptist but was baptized a Catholic due to a Catholic hospital emergency when he was a baby, and the family is fine with it and jokes about it.
Really depends on the individual Baptist and what specific Baptist church they attend.
 
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I would send them a mass card. I think that they might appreciate that someone is thinking about them.
 
Most of the relatives on my mother’s side are Baptists. In fact I have only one cousin who’s Catholic and he converted in his 70’s. When I converted to Catholicism at 21 (for marriage), my Baptist grandmother cried. She was genuinely very frightened for me. My father’s side were Russian Orthodox, although he turned atheist in later years. Though, I agree with you that not all Baptists (or even Catholics for that matter) are the same. But then there’s that one group of Baptists who go around to the funerals of gay people and cause a commotion in front of the deceased’s loved ones. Things like that are just inexcusable, and hate filled. God teaches no one to hate. On a sweet note, when I told my priest about my Gram crying for me because I turned Catholic, he said, “Isn’t it wonderful that she loves you so much?!” True. 😄
 
Of course, you don’t have to ask permission to pray for someone independently. However, if you are going to dedicate a Mass to someone, you usually give the parish the person’s name. I’ve never heard of a Mass being dedicated to “Anonymous”. The same goes for “prayer chains” or “prayer groups” that have often be known to become “gossip chains” when people request prayers for “Maryanne, who’s husband is cheating on her with Claire.” or for “Suzanne’s brother in drug rehab”. I’m sure this wasn’t the OPs intention, but when someone’s loved one has passed, particularly of suicide, it’s reasonable to be respectful of their privacy.
 
I wouldn’t tell them. It may add another layer of upset to their situation, depending on how they feel about the Catholic religion. Go ahead and have the mass said, though, if that is what you want to do. For the family, I would suggest sending them some flowers with a heartfelt message written on the card about how sorry you are for th sadness and loss they are experiencing right now.
 
Thank you for each of your responses. I just read them now. All good advice.

I do want to have a mass said–I think about what I have read about purgatory, and about how some people need prayers, and don’t have anyone to pray for them in purgatory, and everyone in his family I believe is Baptist. I also read how the mass is such a powerful prayer for those in purgatory.

When my Mother died a couple years ago, my mother in law’s sister gave me a card with money to schedule masses to be said for her. I thought it was a very nice sympathy gesture. However, in that situation, all parties were Catholic.

Yesterday my husband and I visited the parents, and did give a card thenm with writing and telling them about them constantly in our prayers.

That was a good example above, Monicad, of how you light candles and say prayers for numerous people, but not necessarily mention it to them.

I just need to figure how to put it on the mass intention (which is published in the bulletin). Not “anonymous” like someone mentioned, maybe just the first initial, that is an idea.

Thanks for all the ideas to everyone. I really appreciate it!
 
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