Having trouble/feeling discouraged praying for someone

[brokenplates1]

I have been praying for a friend for three years, but more frequently during the last six months.

She has a history of suicidal thoughts and depression, and recently almost attempted suicide until I calmed her down. For long and complicated reasons, her family ARE NOT people she can ever turn to when it comes to dealing with this.

In the last year, she has increasingly turned towards sex and alcohol to find happiness. She left the church long ago, but her family was never that religious to begin with. She does not pray and has no one in her life praying for her (her friends and family are not religious).

She also has emotional problems stemming from her depression and a very traumatic childhood, and frequently kicks people out of her life in a rage. I was her closest friend for years, until she kicked me out for no reason.

But then she always returns when she has hit rock bottom. It’s a terrible cycle. Right now, I’m on the outs with her. I live on the other side of the country for work, so when she kicks me out, I really have no way to contact her since I get blocked everywhere.

I pray for her and am currently in the middle of a St. Dymphna novena. I pray God helps her open her heart to him and the virtues of the Holy Spirit, that she can find the help she needs, that she realizes there are people out there who do care about her.

I have never prayed this hard or constantly for someone before. But the last year, I keep having thoughts pop into my head questioning or discouraging me from praying for her when I pray.

What is going on?

They are starting to happen daily when I pray for her. They always include:

1. Why are you praying for someone when you yourself were once very sexually active and still struggle to remain chaste? (Urges my old, promiscuous self do return every now and then)
2. Shouldn’t you be praying for yourself right now? You’re no saint.
3. It’s unrealistic to think someone this far from the church can have the conversion you’re praying for.
4. Were you even trying to pray? (I seem to believe I wasn’t praying hard enough sometimes)
5. It’s a waste of time to pray for this person. She has to turn to God on her own free will, so this is pointless.
6. This is taking forever. It’s not working.
7. You’re tempting the Lord by asking him to answer your prayers for someone.

It goes on like that, every single time. I have never prayed this hard for someone.

I am also aware that God cannot interfere with a person’s free will, that we are asked to pray for others, that he answers our prayers on his terms if he decides answering them is best at all and requires patience, etc.

But this is starting to really bother me that I keep having these thoughts during the rosary/chaplet and novena.

 

[Stephen_says]

1. Why are you praying for someone when you yourself were once very sexually active and still struggle to remain chaste? (Urges my old, promiscuous self do return every now and then)
2. Shouldn’t you be praying for yourself right now? You’re no saint.
3. It’s unrealistic to think someone this far from the church can have the conversion you’re praying for.
4. Were you even trying to pray? (I seem to believe I wasn’t praying hard enough sometimes)
5. It’s a waste of time to pray for this person. She has to turn to God on her own free will, so this is pointless.
6. This is taking forever. It’s not working.
7. You’re tempting the Lord by asking him to answer your prayers for someone.

Hi! I have my own experiences with being frustrated in praying for someone, so I can relate to what you’re saying. It can be discouraging, but don’t give up on your friend. Those voices do not sound like they are coming from a good place.

1. It is possible that by praying for someone else, you too may receive grace to fight your own struggles. There is nothing wrong with praying for yourself and someone else at the same time. If you think that is selfish, maybe you can ask someone else to pray for you.
2. I’m pretty sure saints don’t pray for themselves as much as they pray for other people. It sounds like you are striving to be a saint.
3. Read about St. Augustine, who spend his early years seeking all sorts of earthly pleasures.
4. I think God would view any time attempting to pray as time you intend to spend with him. If you find yourself distracted, offer up your distraction as a prayer, and move on more fervently.
5. It is not a waste of time to pray for a person, but I’m sure you know this and recognize the voice in your head as false.
6. Again, look to St. Augustine, whose mother, St. Monica, prayed for him for 17 YEARS. Ask for their intercession.
7. Are you saying “God, change this person or I will stop believing in you”? I think that would be tempting the Lord. It doesn’t sound like that’s what you’re doing.

Trust that God does hear your prayer, and knows how much you care for your friend. He cares for her infinitely. It is not wrong to Stop praying for someone, either, but do not stop because of discouragement. Stop because you have Faith and Hope that God hears you and is working on it.

Peace

 

[1knowitall]

you might be “finally” having effective prayer-- the different prayer groups i go to – we pray – and then the Holy Spirit shows us visions and words or some form of communcation – is considered normal-- this is what saint paul said about in corincians – let 2 or 3 prophecy (prayer) – on what the Lord is saying – and let the others judge–

the most interesting thing i have been taught – when you walk and pray – for you neighbors-- as you focus on each house-- you will hear – see-- or decirn – different – directions-- from the Holy Spirit–

this is what effective prayer is – as in James-- the effective prayer – is praying what God directs you to say and do-

most people are praying out of their own-- mind-- intellent-- and understanding–

so that nothing happens and nothing changes–

saying 5 hail maries’s – may make you “feel” warm and fuzzy-- or an Our father–

but unless you are guided by the Holy Spirit-- and are praying in the spirit–

it is like using a “tutorial” on lyour computer-- and not being connected on the internet

Good luck – on your next stage of prayer development–

 

[AnneElizabeth]

I feel sorry for the position you are in… its very draining… I know because I’ve been there, and sadly, God forgive me, I did not last as long as you have with your friend. Its just so hard to go through.

I know this is not what you are asking here in this thread, but I just had this sense I needed to tell/ask you anyway-

Have you thought about taking a trip with the both of you to stay at a monastery? People who are in this sort of chaos need to find the quiet calm of Jesus. I know of no better place than a monastery to do that. If I’m remembering correctly, I did read about this friend of yours from other posts about her- is this correct?

I just wanted to suggest that maybe you can ask her, that even though she has left the Catholic Church, if she wanted, she could come with you to a monastery. ? I’m sure the sisters there would not badger her to confide in them and she may just feel safe enough to ask for some advice, prayers… etc.? I know its a long shot, but I just wanted to suggest that. I think if she could get away in the quiet for a long time, then she could finally ‘exhale’ and morn so to speak and maybe get back to picking up the pieces in her life?

  I hope this helps.   Like I said, I've gone through something similar and I feel I've failed.   I have often wondered what I would have done differently with my friend, and the above is what came to mind.

She is stressed… Who can “do” stress without love? its hard enough with love!

I think prayer is all we have, but at some point there are little things we can do that will boost it!! Little things is often all we* can* do. We can’t give what we don’t have either…but God can do anything… keep that in mind.

 

[tawny]

Praying for your intentions.

 

[brokenplates1]

Have you thought about taking a trip with the both of you to stay at a monastery?

Considering she is an agnostic who is not only talking to me, but is also looking for happiness in random sex and binge drinking, I’ll bet my salary she would react very negatively to that suggestion.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

Considering she is an agnostic who is not only talking to me, but is also looking for happiness in random sex and binge drinking, I’ll bet my salary she would react very negatively to that suggestion.

Oh of course she will! Please do it anyway.

The both of you… go. together. drag her if necessary.

 

[brokenplates1]

Hi! I have my own experiences with being frustrated in praying for someone, so I can relate to what you’re saying. It can be discouraging, but don’t give up on your friend. Those voices do not sound like they are coming from a good place.

1. It is possible that by praying for someone else, you too may receive grace to fight your own struggles. There is nothing wrong with praying for yourself and someone else at the same time. If you think that is selfish, maybe you can ask someone else to pray for you.
2. I’m pretty sure saints don’t pray for themselves as much as they pray for other people. It sounds like you are striving to be a saint.
3. Read about St. Augustine, who spend his early years seeking all sorts of earthly pleasures.
4. I think God would view any time attempting to pray as time you intend to spend with him. If you find yourself distracted, offer up your distraction as a prayer, and move on more fervently.
5. It is not a waste of time to pray for a person, but I’m sure you know this and recognize the voice in your head as false.
6. Again, look to St. Augustine, whose mother, St. Monica, prayed for him for 17 YEARS. Ask for their intercession.
7. Are you saying “God, change this person or I will stop believing in you”? I think that would be tempting the Lord. It doesn’t sound like that’s what you’re doing.

Trust that God does hear your prayer, and knows how much you care for your friend. He cares for her infinitely. It is not wrong to Stop praying for someone, either, but do not stop because of discouragement. Stop because you have Faith and Hope that God hears you and is working on it.

Peace

Thanks, this really helps. It’s been three years, so what? 14 years to go?

 

[fred_conty]

originally by brokenplates

1. Why are you praying for someone when you yourself were once very sexually active and still struggle to remain chaste? (Urges my old, promiscuous self do return every now and then)
2. Shouldn’t you be praying for yourself right now? You’re no saint.
3. It’s unrealistic to think someone this far from the church can have the conversion you’re praying for.
4. Were you even trying to pray? (I seem to believe I wasn’t praying hard enough sometimes)
5. It’s a waste of time to pray for this person. She has to turn to God on her own free will, so this is pointless.
6. This is taking forever. It’s not working.
7. You’re tempting the Lord by asking him to answer your prayers for someone.

I had to smile when I first read these thoughts. The Devil never gives up making you feel guilty in one way or another. Just ignore him.

Send her Mary’s green scapular and pray this prayer for her everyday “Immaculate Heart of Mary pray for us now and at the hour of our death.” Just trust Mary that she won’t go back on her word. For she promised to increase the person’s faith or bring them back to the church. Ask your friend to put it in her purse and be faithful with the prayer to Mary every day. She listens and wants to help.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.