Having trouble planning my catholic wedding

[MadeAFace]

My fiance and I have been together for 4 years and have wanted to get married for a long time but we are having a really hard time figuring out how to go about it. It is very important for us to have a traditional Latin mass so that is the one thing we absolutely do not want to compromise on. But the problems that arise from that are:

I am a convert, so none of my family is catholic and his family are all in the northeast. We really don’t have many friends that are catholic, or many friends at all for that matter. I’m one of those people that has only had 2 close friends my whole life and I don’t want to invite a bunch of extra people to my wedding just to fill the pews. So if we have a big beautiful Latin mass wedding there will be virtually no catholics. I feel uncomfortable renting a church when its going to be a really small wedding with hardly any guests. I also feel really uneasy at the thought of walking down the aisle and having everyone looking at me. I wish there was just a way to already be up front when guests arrive. I guess if I were to put it into words, I would rather have it be more like a regular mass than a wedding. I don’t want brides maids and I’m not comfortable with the whole dad walking me down the aisle thing. I would like my mom and dad to be there but I feel like the rest of my family (for example my aunt and grandmother) will just make me nervous and uncomfortable so I’d really rather not have my family be there but I don’t know how to do that without offending them. I’ve seen in movies before where a couple just goes off to mexico and elopes in a small chapel with just them and the priest. I wish I could do something like that but I feel like it would be very hard to pull off because you have to get permission from both diocese plus there are actually like 3-4 people that I really would like to be there. My fiance also has a very bad back so it would be hard for him to travel. I just don’t know what to do about it. I feel like there is no perfect situation and no matter what I do, I won’t be fully happy on my wedding day. Does anyone have any advice what they would do in my shoes?

 

[1ke]

You do not need to run off to Mexico or anywhere else to be married without bridesmaids or walking down the aisle, or any of that stuff. You can be married in a regularly scheduled mass. You can be married in a private mass with just a few in attendance.

I encourage you to stop fretting about things that are not real barriers and go talk to your pastor about what you want to do and let him guide you. Don’t assume what you desire cannot be done.

As far as not inviting your family, I think that will cause problems no matter what. You could always have a private ceremony and a reception after that they are invited to attend. that one you will have to take up with people who know you and them.

 

[jaimeleglise]

When I got married 9 years ago, I felt the same way as you did. I did not want everyone to turn around and stare at me, the bride. I did not want to be the center of attention. I wanted God to be the center of attention at my wedding Mass. Furthermore, I did not my groom to be relegated to the front just standing there, waiting for me. Also, I didn’t want to be given away, like a piece of property.My father was deceased anyway.

I found out that in Ordinary Form of the Mass, the traditional procession of the bride walking in with her father so that everyone may stare at her is merely an optional custom. (I don’t know about the TLM). I decided not to do it because it wasn’t mandatory. What I did was have everyone process in at the same time: the altar servers, the priest, the ushers and bridesmaids, then my soon-to-be husband and I. We were all lined up in the correct order but walked in at the same time.

I’m sure your priest could arrange somehow for you both to be already kneeling when it starts or you can process from the first row. It’s actually flexible at least in The OF. Talk to him and see what he says.
We only had 73 guests in a huge church. I wouldn’t let that bother me.

 

[Allegra]

You should probably just go to the pastor of your church and discuss this with him. None of the things you say you don’t want are required for a Catholic wedding Mass. Although, I think you should consider inviting your grandma unless she’s an abusive witch. You don’t have to have a huge attendance for your wedding. You don’t have to have a team of bridesmaids. I think you have to have just one witness, but I’m not even sure on that. I might be confusing it with Baptism. You don’t have to have a procession and you certainly don’t have to have your father “give you away”. (Many priests actually discourage that practice.) I also know of a couple who were converts and decided not to invite their family to their wedding because they knew some of them would refuse to come if it was a Church wedding. So they had a private wedding Mass with the priest and just invited their family to a nice reception. To their family, it was all the same.

 

[TobyLue]

Many churches have a small chapel where they hold adoration and at times use that chapel for daily mass if the attendance is small. You can ask the priest to marry you there and just have the witnesses to sign the marriage certificate. If you can’t think of anybody to use as witnesses I’m sure the priest can ask somebody, maybe a deacon, sacristan, or another person active in the Church to witness your marriage.

Don’t say that no matter what you do you won’t be happy. It’s not about pleasing others but it’s about pleasing God and He will be there and that is something to really be happy about.

Just invite those 3-4 people that you really want to be present, then have whatever kind of reception you want if you want one. It’s not mandatory. Understand this: People will always talk; just ignore them. Trust God and everything will be **great **and it will be a really happy day in your life.

 

[Bridgit_Andrews]

A lot of the current traditions for weddings are not mandatory. You don’t have to walk down the aisle. You don’t have to wear white. You don’t have to carry flowers or have music or have people sit on one side or another.

Find a church with a chapel that comes with a priest that knows the TLM. Wear what you want. Enter with your bridegroom, either by a side door or go down the aisle together. Guests can all sit in the first few rows and you don’t have to have a lot of people present. If you don’t want a groomsman or bride’s maid, you’ll have to work out the logistics of the rings. It may be easy enough for the priest to slip them in a pocket and hand them at the appropriate time.

Don’t let tradition stop you getting the ceremony you want.

Peace,
B

 

[Bookcat]

Be sure to look up what Pope Francis noted about weddings and wedding parties. Simplicity is good.

 

[Phemie]

If you don’t want a groomsman or bride’s maid, you’ll have to work out the logistics of the rings. It may be easy enough for the priest to slip them in a pocket and hand them at the appropriate time.

Don’t let tradition stop you getting the ceremony you want.

Peace,
B

You still need two witnesses. In the community where I grew up the two witnesses were often the fathers of the bride and groom. As for the rings, IIRC, the priest had us place them on a tray where he blessed them. That could easily be done before the ceremony.

 

[Irishmom2]

You still need two witnesses. In the community where I grew up the two witnesses were often the fathers of the bride and groom. As for the rings, IIRC, the priest had us place them on a tray where he blessed them. That could easily be done before the ceremony.

I have never heard of that before, but I really like it a lot!