Having trouble wanting to become a Catholic

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LoisR

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Hi, I’m an 18-year-old boy from Spain. I joined this site today because I’m really struggling to take the right steps towards becoming Catholic.

I grew up in an atheist family and in a very secular environment. I’ve never had Catholic friends, and I never cared about religion. I was baptised because of familiar tradition, but I never got involved in religion. The secular progressive culture that exists in Spain shaped me during my childhood and adolescence to be very left-wing and anti-religion.

Two years ago I started to worry that atheism was wrong. I tried to maintain my atheism, but deep down I knew that I held on to it because I was terrified of the idea of the existence of God. I won’t get into details about my journey, but basically I progressively challenged everything I believed, and became a conservative teen who came to understand how deep and rich the Christian religion was. Jordan Peterson has been a life-changing figure for me. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have arrived at Catholicism. Earlier this year I came to know Bishop Barron and that led me to Church Militant. I really tried to hold on to my old beliefs about homosexuality, women, etc., but I’ve since changed my mind and I’ve really got into Traditional Catholicism. I now appreciate much more the great Catholic tradition of my country. I find the fundamental doctrines of the Church to be the most reasonable. But I’ve arrived at Catholicism through an intellectual journey. I really struggle to have sincere faith. I really don’t know how to start believing. I also feel that my conviction that Catholicism is true is very shaky and could change because there’s a ton of things I don’t know and I’m still very young.

I really want to become a Catholic, but I haven’t had any spiritual experiences that can guide me. I worry that I may turn to other religions and damn myself. I’ve only read Genesis and half of the Cathecism. Catholicism is so rich and complex that I really don’t know where to start or what to do. In Spain we’ve been in quarantine since mid-March and so I can’t visit a church for guidance. On top of that, I’m in terrible mortal sin and I just keep sinning. I keep acting out the contrary of what I preach. I’ve been living a sinful life for all my life and there’s just too many things I have to change. All the information I’m ignorant of+ not being able to go out+ living in an environment where religion is not taken seriously + fear that I fall away from my Catholic convictions…it’s all too overwhelming for me.

My question, I guess, would be: Where should I start to fully understand the Catholic faith? How should I act if I’m so ignorant about the Catholic faith? Should the rest of the converting process be an intellectual thing, an emotional thing? I really feel like I could end up in another religion and I’m really scared. I feel like whatever I do now can determine my salvation.

I know it’s all too confusing, but I’m just really desperate for help. Besides, I really struggle to express myself. Sorry if I’ve made any grammatical errors, English isn’t my mother tongue. I’d be immensely grateful to receive advice. Thank you all. God bless you.
 
half of the Cathecism.
I haven’t even gotten that far yet… that’s amazing. Granted, I do not really read Catechism, I just kinda google parts that I am interested in… but that’s pretty amazing.

Anyway, ordinarily I would suggest you to start attending Mass or talking to Priest. I learned through the former- I would just attend Mass with some of my friends and sit quietly. Homilies and readings were enough for me to understand… but I did have some religious education lessons earlier in my life.

Because of current situation, you should try to read the Bible, watch online Masses and above all, pray. Build your relationship with the Lord. I wish you all the best on your sincere journey and will pray for you.

We all sin, and especially when you are converting and during this situation with coronavirus, confessions are harder, you are more prone to falling. Try to limit your sin and combat with temptation, but if you fail couple times do not lose hope. It can take a week to get rid of a sin, or it can take years. Important thing is we do not stop trying to combat sin- that means we will eventually beat it.
 
Greetings!
I was baptised because of familiar tradition, but I never got involved in religion.
You are a Catholic, then.

Were you Confirmed. Received First Communion?
Two years ago I started to worry that atheism was wrong.
Praise God!
became a conservative teen who came to understand how deep and rich the Christian religion was.
Great!
. Earlier this year I came to know Bishop Barron
He’s a great, holy, pious Bishop.
led me to Church Militant
You seem very enthusiastic. But, I would say stay away from Church Militant. They do not promote Catholicism - only a disobedient, selective version of it.

But, they have done at least one good interview with Bishop Schneider, but I recommend that most of their content is not good at all.
I really tried to hold on to my old beliefs about homosexuality, women, etc., but I’ve since changed my mind and I’ve really got into Traditional Catholicism.
Great that you have accepted the Church’s doctrines. Alleluia!
I’ve only read Genesis and half of the Cathecism.
Great start.
On top of that, I’m in terrible mortal sin and I just keep sinning
Make an Act of Perfect Contrition and TRY to stop sinning. It starts now.
My question, I guess, would be: Where should I start to fully understand the Catholic faith? How should I act if I’m so ignorant about the Catholic faith? Should the rest of the converting process be an intellectual thing, an emotional thing? I really feel like I could end up in another religion and I’m really scared. I feel like whatever I do now can determine my salvation.
Talk to a priest as soon as possible. When you are ready, talk to him about getting Confirmed, and receiving First Communion. Keep studying the faith. Pray!
Sorry if I’ve made any grammatical errors, English isn’t my mother tongue. I’d be immensely grateful to receive advice.
No problem.
 
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I would start with prayer. The more you pray the more our Lord reveals himself. Christ is calling for you, prepare yourself to hear him. God bless and continue to search for him.
 
Greetings!
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LoisR:
led me to Church Militant
Stay away from them. They do not promote Catholicism - only a disobedient, selective version of it.
This is the worst judgmental advice a true Catholic would ever give. There’s nothing wrong with Church Militant, LoisR. Please keep your faith, beware of people who promote their ‘ideology’ views above their ‘spiritual’ views, and continue to pray. God bless you.
 
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Would it be possible to email the Priest attached to the nearest Church to you? I’m sure there will be contact details online, and I’m sure he would be happy to help give you some resources.

@catholic03 is right about Church Militant, though. They were instructed to change the name from “Real Catholic TV” (now Church Militant) by the Archdiocese of Detroit:
The Archdiocese has informed Mr. Voris and Real Catholic TV, RealCatholicTV.com, that it does not regard them as being authorized to use the word “Catholic” to identify or promote their public activities.
https://www.aod.org/announcements-newsroom/newsroom/2011/december/regarding-rctv-and-its-name

So I would recommend you turn to other sources, I’m sure a Priest would be happy to direct you.

Your English is excellent, by the way! 🙂
 
I’ll second the advice to steer clear of Church Militant. That pendulum swung too far the other way, and even their own bishop wouldn’t let them call their ‘ministry’ Catholic after a certain point. You can find good, faithful resources without the rhetoric elsewhere (and you have - Bishop Barron’s stuff is top notch). You need solid, unbiased catechesis at this stage.
 
Two words: KEEP READING

There is so much Catholic Stuff to learn. Listen to Steve Ray, Scott Hahn, Catholic Answers, Read the Bible, when you have questions come to this website and find out WHY that part of the Bible is the way it is. Keep Searching, keep reading, and start praying.

Pray to God, even if you don’t know how just say “In the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit (make sign of the cross) and then just dump everything that is on your mind and ask for help from Him.” talk to Him like a very good friend, or a brother.

Be honest and look for Truth, if God is real, AND HE IS REAL, he will help you.

Praise be to the Lord, he is calling you, and as a Catholic I will be praying for you every day (along with many people on here). ALSO find a good priest who will answer your questions and ask him if you can be Baptized and instructed in the faith.
 
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I just want to add that not everyone has a spiritual experience. Being lead to Catholicism by logic and reason is perfectly fine. Many here have done so and many others by a spiritual path. Your path is your own…
 
Welcome to the catholic.com forums! Thank you for sharing.

There was a lot about myself that I had to change when I became religious. It took me many years to change some major things and I’m still working on being a better christian. It takes time, effort and prayer.

Do not become discouraged because you sin. Everybody sins, except for Mary and Jesus. Jesus is divine and Mary is his mom. Everybody else sins.

It took me about five or six years to get into the habit of praying and there are still days when I don’t pray. I found devotions to be very helpful when I started to pray. The Stations of the Cross, the Rosary, the Chaplet of St. Michael, these were all very useful to me. They did not get me into the habit of praying but they were helpful in learning how to. There are also many books written by saints that are informative of living a christian life. A couple of my favorites are The Secret of the Rosary by Louis de Montfort and the Diary of St. Maria Faustina Kowalska. I listened to catholic radio all the time when I was learning about the faith. You can listen to EWTN online if you don’t have a station near by.
My question, I guess, would be: Where should I start to fully understand the Catholic faith?
It sounds like you’re on the right track 🙂
Go to Mass when it opens back up, both Sunday Masses and weekday Masses. (It depends on your personality but I found the smaller weekday Masses to be very edifying. There were fewer distractions, the people were warm and inviting and it helped me learn the different parts of the Mass.)
How should I act if I’m so ignorant about the Catholic faith?
Pray. Read the new testament. Pray the rosary. Continue to learn about the faith. If there is something you don’t agree with or is difficult for you, find out why the church teaches it. Try to conform your behavior to its teachings. As I said before, it can take many years to change your behavior and attitudes so don’t get discouraged if you don’t see instant results or if you succeed initially but fall after a time. Be persistent!
Should the rest of the converting process be an intellectual thing, an emotional thing?
I don’t know the answer to this but beware of getting caught up in feel-good emotions or spiritual ecstasies (if that’s what you’re talking about). Emotions are important but the christian faith is not for the faint of heart. Many great saints had spiritual dryness or the “dark night of the soul”.
I really feel like I could end up in another religion and I’m really scared. I feel like whatever I do now can determine my salvation.
God loves you, no matter what. If you’re looking for Him, He will help you find Him. Even if you take the wrong path, He will give you opportunities to get on the right one for the rest of your life. Love God above all else and love your neighbor as yourself and you’re heading in the right direction 🙂

I hope this was helpful. I know it was long-winded. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep it shorter. As PattyIt indicated, every faith journey is different. All the best to you on your faith journey! I’ll say a prayer for you 🙂
 
First of all I’d like to say welcome.

The first thing I would say is to contact a priest as soon as possible, I know with quarantine that it may be difficult to meet in person, but if you look up online, your preferred parish (that’s not always the closest parish), you should be able to contact the priest through the website.

Secondly, I noticed that you’ve read Genesis, that’s great.
I would note that the Old Testament can be a lot to digest for someone that doesn’t have a Judeo/Christian background/understanding.
I would recommend starting with the Gospels, as these are often easier to understand for the uninitiated.

I would also highly recommend the rosary to help keep your focus on prayer, instead of falling into sin. Also, don’t beat yourself up for falling into sin, remember what the NT tells us:

Romans 3:23-24
23 since all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 they are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus,

The Jesus Prayer is a extremely powerful prayer, and tool to help center oneself on prayer, try it out, the next time you feel tempted into sin, instead of falling into temptation just say:

“Jesus Christ, My Lord And My God, Have Mercy On Me A Sinner.”

Repeat until the temptation passes (trust me this can be difficult to do, but it works), also this prayer can be used as a perfect act of contrition.

You are in my prayers, God Bless You.
 
Definitely read the Gospels, the New Testament, but also ask around and read old testament passages that many people really like. As you read, remember the greater reality it is all pointing to. Emanuel, literally, God with us.

God is omnipresent. He is fully with you, his full attention on you, never missing a word you say, storing every tear in his bottle (psalm 56:8). He has carved you - YOU! - in the palm of his hand (Isaiah 49:16). He will never leave you or forsake you. He puts his own Holy Spirit in you. We receive all of him - body, blood, soul and divinity - within us. This is a shocking and unprecedented love.

I am glad you believe. But this faith all points to an enormous and amazing deeply personal love for you specifically. Make yourself believe all he has said about loving YOU specifically.
 
Thank you so much for your words. All your responses are giving me hope. I’ll follow your advice and watch Mass tomorrow. I think our national TV broadcasts it. I’ll also keep reading the Bible and praying. I do feel some kind of relief whenever I pray and I try to cling on to those moments when I’m in turmoil.
 
You live in a country with a very rich and long Catholic history. As others have mentioned, keep praying and reading, asking God always to enlighten you. But also do some study of Spain’s Catholic history, and seek out a local Catholic church for prayer/adoration/Mass. Of course, no doubt Spain is under restrictions for coronavirus right now, but check out what your local Catholic church offers in terms of streaming.
 
You are a Catholic, then.

Were you Confirmed. Received First Communion?
Hi! Thank you very much for your reply. No, I was only baptised.
He’s a great, holy, pious Bishop.
Agree! He’s really good.
You seem very enthusiastic. But, I would say stay away from Church Militant. They do not promote Catholicism - only a disobedient, selective version of it.

But, they have done at least one good interview with Bishop Schneider, but I recommend that most of their content is not good at all.
This is the worst judgmental advice a true Catholic would ever give. There’s nothing wrong with Church Militant, LoisR. Please keep your faith, beware of people who promote their ‘ideology’ views above their ‘spiritual’ views, and continue to pray. God bless you.
I’m aware that many Catholics really dislike Church Militant. I did as well just a month ago. But in my humble opinion, being a teen living in a country where the Church is dying and there’s an aggressively secular culture, I should say that both the liberal watering down of the faith and the inner division that I noticed as soon as I learnt a bit about the current affairs of the Church can lead people interested in Catholicism away from it. Church Militant may be extreme at times, but it offers a solid traditional non-relativistic perspective on faith that some of us are starving for. The vitality and solidity of other religions like Islam may attract confused people like me.
 
Would it be possible to email the Priest attached to the nearest Church to you? I’m sure there will be contact details online, and I’m sure he would be happy to help give you some resources.
Greetings! Thank you for your reply. I’ll try to get information about my nearest church. However, could you explain to me how I get to talk to a priest? I don’t know how churches work. Can I just get in contact with him for whatever I want? As you can see I’m still very ignorant about the day-to-day aspects of Catholicism 😅
Your English is excellent, by the way! 🙂
Thank you, that’s very kind of you 🙂
 
It sounds like you’re on the right track 🙂
Go to Mass when it opens back up, both Sunday Masses and weekday Masses. (It depends on your personality but I found the smaller weekday Masses to be very edifying. There were fewer distractions, the people were warm and inviting and it helped me learn the different parts of the Mass.)
Greetings! Thank you very much for your help. I’ll learn about devotions. I think there’s Catholic station I can listen to.

What should I do the first time I go to Mass? Should I learn about it first? I’ve never been to one and don’t know how it goes. Too many things left to learn.
I don’t know the answer to this but beware of getting caught up in feel-good emotions or spiritual ecstasies (if that’s what you’re talking about). Emotions are important but the christian faith is not for the faint of heart. Many great saints had spiritual dryness or the “dark night of the soul”.
Should I just reject spiritual ecstasy experiences if they contradict the Church? One of the things that troubles me lately is that I started having a unexplainable and undesired attraction to Islam. Not because of any teaching in particular. It all started as a consequence of me fearing that Christianity was wrong and Islam was right. It is an undesired sensation (it especially comes at night) that deeply troubles me. I could just reject it, but it’s re-ocurring and I had a very similar sensation (but much strong) last year when thinking about Jesus. (I feared Christianity and that experience made it impossible for me to hold on to atheism. I tried to repress it but it didn’t work) So now I fear this sensation comes from God.

I have to admit, though, that the deep worry that that sensation produces in me has also got me closer to wanting to become Catholic. It has made me take faith more seriously. Perhaps this turmoil is the way that God has to purge me of my indifference to him and my life of deep sin. Or maybe it is a trick of Satan. I’m still scared about Islam being true, though.
 
Should I just reject spiritual ecstasy experiences if they contradict the Church?
St. Ignatius of Loyola had visions of very bright sun-like sphere IIRC… he later realized that this vision is not from God but from Satan. That vision would fill him with joy but then it would disappear and he would become spiritually exhausted for a while.
 
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