Having trouble with "love"

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Mr_X

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I have feelings for a girl however I really want to get over her. It got to the point where I went to a prayer group (out of God’s will not mine) and a lady told me that perhaps she is the one and that it’s God plan for me to be with her so I could tell her about Jesus. Only problem is I don’t want to be “psycho” and think that God wants to be with her when it turns out she is not the one for me or worse thinks of me as below garbage. Yet I feel like God will punish me if I don’t accept her as my mate. Also I pray to God telling him that I think she’s too good for me and I’ll probably screw up anyway.

I also had a dream not too long ago where some old lady was telling me “any woman would like a good guy to take care of her”, then a priest, rabbi, scientist, and a married couple persuaded me to marry this girl. What should I do? I know this already sounds like an obsession. I’ve asked God to help me with this obsession and I’ve tried looking for other girls but nothing works.
 
prayer is a strong force. Perhaps you should ask to pray just the two of you.
 
umm, I think we need a bit more background info first…

Generally it’s a bad idea to enter into a relationship for the purpose of “converting” the other person, though, so it’s probably the same in this case as well.
 
Mr_X said:
I have feelings for a girl however I really want to get over her. It got to the point where I went to a prayer group (out of God’s will not mine) and a lady told me that perhaps she is the one and that it’s God plan for me to be with her so I could tell her about Jesus. Only problem is I don’t want to be “psycho” and think that God wants to be with her when it turns out she is not the one for me or worse thinks of me as below garbage. Yet I feel like God will punish me if I don’t accept her as my mate. Also I pray to God telling him that I think she’s too good for me and I’ll probably screw up anyway.

I also had a dream not too long ago where some old lady was telling me “any woman would like a good guy to take care of her”, then a priest, rabbi, scientist, and a married couple persuaded me to marry this girl. What should I do? I know this already sounds like an obsession. I’ve asked God to help me with this obsession and I’ve tried looking for other girls but nothing works.
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Why do feel like God would punish you if you don’t accept her as your wife, is it only because of the lady at the prayer group or is there something else? :confused:

As for your dream, I don’t think you should take it too seriously. Dreams just reflect what’s on our mind, and you shouldn’t let it influence your decision.

From Sirach, chapter 34:

1
Empty and false are the hopes of the senseless, and fools are borne aloft by dreams.
2
Like a man who catches at shadows or chases the wind, is the one who believes in dreams.
3
What is seen in dreams is to reality what the reflection of a face is to the face itself.
4
Can the unclean produce the clean? can the liar ever speak the truth?
5
Divination, omens and dreams all are unreal; what you already expect, the mind depicts.
6
Unless it be a vision specially sent by the Most High, fix not your heart on it;
7
For dreams have led many astray, and those who believed in them have perished.
8
The law is fulfilled without fail, and perfect wisdom is found in the mouth of the faithful man.

I agree with purplesunshine. Pray for guidance:thumbsup:
 
Dude, you are putting, way, way, too much into her, like she’s this unaproachable object placed on a very high pedistal.

Just breath, ask her out for coffee and simply be yourself, no agenda, no motives, just be yourself and see if you two have any chemistry. If she declines, what is it that she declined, a cup of coffee? No big deal, it’s a cup of coffee, no need to have hurt feelings.

I’ve had times like yours in the past, where I very much regretted it, simply because I was too shy at the time, don’t make the same mistakes as I.

If you two hit it off, you will eventually get around to talking about religion well before it gets serious, cross that bridge when you get to it.

Just remember to breath, it’s not that big of a deal, not at all, and she might “likely” be more nervous then you, so don’t sweat it bro.
 
Mr_X said:
I have feelings for a girl however I really want to get over her. It got to the point where I went to a prayer group (out of God’s will not mine) and a lady told me that perhaps she is the one and that it’s God plan for me to be with her so I could tell her about Jesus. Only problem is I don’t want to be “psycho” and think that God wants to be with her when it turns out she is not the one for me or worse thinks of me as below garbage. Yet I feel like God will punish me if I don’t accept her as my mate. Also I pray to God telling him that I think she’s too good for me and I’ll probably screw up anyway.

I also had a dream not too long ago where some old lady was telling me “any woman would like a good guy to take care of her”, then a priest, rabbi, scientist, and a married couple persuaded me to marry this girl. What should I do? I know this already sounds like an obsession. I’ve asked God to help me with this obsession and I’ve tried looking for other girls but nothing works.
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I cannot quite make it out, but I am under the impression that you like her very much.
You will not forget her soon, will you?
 
If you’ve never even spoken to this girl or asked her out, you need to do that. (Unless she’s taken.)

If there’s more to the story, let us know so we can give good advice!
 
You fear you’re going to be rejected, so you’ll settle for a girl you don’t want just because you fear to ask the girl whom you want? Not gonna work, dude, although it’s tough to get the ball rolling. I’ve been in the same place with that kind of thing many times and I can tell you the worst screw-up is when you aren’t true to your feelings and your reason. If she may be the one for you, ask her out and see. If not, don’t preoccupy yourself with it so much.

And be careful with all those dreams and people telling you stuff. Especially with the fear that God will punish you if you don’t go out with that particular girl. You gotta chill a bit, dude.
 
I creeped her out by sending her a message saying that “I loved her.” Don’t ask me why I did it. I try to put God in first place. But no matter what I still have feelings for her. I wish it could end. But every time I think my feelings go away they end up coming right back. If God is so just why doesn’t he hear my prayers? Why did he let me write a msg like that to her and still let me have feelings for her?
 
*Before you can really love someone else, you have to love yourself. (sorry, trying desperately to avoid cliche!) Something that jumped out at me about your post, is that you are concerned the girl will think of you as ‘below garbage.’ 😦 You are not below garbage! You are God’s beautiful creation. Don’t ever ever refer to yourself as that. If someone were to ever think that of you, know she is not the one. :o Prayers that things work out for you in the love department. *
 
Mr X, yes, it’s true, girls do not like to have love professed right off the bat. It makes them think that you are probably in love with love and not them if you are professing love without even having taken the time to get to know them as an individual.

Don’t feel too bad though. You are not the first guy that has made such a blunder. Maybe she will let you off the hook, or maybe not. Just accept the fact that she might not and accept the fact that not only maybe she isn’t the “one” but also that there may be no such thing as the “one”. Love isn’t so much about some mysterious x factor as it is about choices. God gave you free will, just like he gave every girl that you will ever meet, and feeling pressure to commit your undying love to some girl you barely know is not his way and probably isn’t going to lead you in a positive direction.
 
Ok, blunder is done, you could elaborate upon it, saying it came out wrong, that you simply had feelings of attraction to her, explain why, some things about her you admire as to why you feel this way and make sure she knows how totally inexperienced you are in this area, she might admire the fact that you are not a player and if she’s worth her weight in dirt, will value the lack of experience, considering it a good thing. It’s actually not a bad thing getting this out in the open, it will either push it forward or push it to an end with a clean break, the being in limbo thing is where you are frustrated at.

Things to understand, we have free will, God did not force you to that bible study, it was purely your choice to go there, God did not make you feel the way you do, it’s a natural part of being a human being to feel for someone else romantically, we are all hard wired that way. The text was also not his doing, it was you acting upon how you were feeling, getting it out in the open in the manner you did wasn’t the best way of going about it, but it would be better to do that then to simply linger, keeping what you feel to yourself and always wondering what could be. Your emotion overrode your other senses, it’s chemistry at it’s best, nothing to beat yourself up over, just learn from this and chalk it up to your lack of experience, of which, now you are wiser so will not make that mistake in the future.

If it’s clear, afterwards, this is not ever going anywhere, cease any and all contact with her, avoid her at all costs and get your mind onto other things then her. Now, please take my advice this time, you may still have a chance of this working, or at least can now begin to heal, either way, you should follow through just in case.
 
Yes!

And you did not tell her much about you, did you?

Why not you write all about your feelings and your self true to her, and then you will see if she is the one for you? If not you should cease any contact with her, and just pray to our Lord.

Have you read:
"A good wife is a great
blessing;
she will be granted among the
blessings of the man who
fears the Lord.
-Sirach 26:3
 
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