He is not that in to you!

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RobaynneM

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Who here has read that book. I read it and some of the things written there is so true.

For those who do not know me I was married for 15 years and have 2 kids. My ex got involved with a teenager and left and he divorced me. We are not together for 3 years now. But I have never dated before. I just have not wanted to go through a process whereby I know that I am going to get hurt. Anyway stupid me there was this young guy at work that was showing an interest in me. But I decided to give it a chance we met once but the it just did not work out. Maybe he is too young or maybe he is just not that in to me.

But I think that I turned him off becoz he basically ignores me and does not bother to respond to any of my emails. I feel more like an idiot than anything else. That is why I have not bothered to see anyone socially.

I just feel sometimes that nothing is going right for me. And I have been praying none stop and I am at a stage whereby I feel that God has abandoned me. That I am all alone I am trying to do the right thing but nothing is coming right for me. Instead of moving forward I seem to moving 10 steps back. It is frustrating me.

My ex did not pay the maintenance money this month. I called he told me he does not have the money becoz he used it for a downpayment on a car. I went back to court and nothing has happened. The problem with going to Court is that you sit there the whole day and that is time off from work. The next thing is that he is refusing to sign the house over to me after I have been paying it all the time. Even though there is a court order stating that he should sign he is ducking and diving all the time. Next my house is falling to pieces and there is nothing that I can do about it has I do not have insurance or the money to upgrade. Now me and this idiot young boy. Now I am going back into depression mode again after 3 years doing fine. I am back on my meds but still I feel as if I am falling into a dark place and there is no light.

I just wish that I could get a break through. But it does not seem as if it is going to happen.
 
Ohhhhhh I have , I have! I read the book when I was single. I’ll tell ya, it helped immensly in determining who I was going to see again and to help distinguish how much a man was interested.

I adopted a few rules which worked well. I would tell men upfront that I did not call or contact men untiul several dates had passed. Modern days or not - they want me, they have to show me I am worth the effort of innitiating a call. Forget about asking a man out - I did that several times over the years and it was always a flop.

I love the freedom that knowing I was better off not pursuing most of the men because they were not going to be as into me as needed for a relationship leading to marriage.

When I met my husband, he proved to me the premise behind the book was solid. He was never ever too busy not to give a quick call just to say hi.

Stick close to God and give all your worries over to Him. Lean on Him and He will walk you through these dark days. You can do this!
 
RobaynneM said:
Who here has read that book. I read it and some of the things written there is so true.

For those who do not know me I was married for 15 years and have 2 kids. My ex got involved with a teenager and left and he divorced me. We are not together for 3 years now. But I have never dated before. I just have not wanted to go through a process whereby I know that I am going to get hurt. Anyway stupid me there was this young guy at work that was showing an interest in me. But I decided to give it a chance we met once but the it just did not work out. Maybe he is too young or maybe he is just not that in to me.

But I think that I turned him off becoz he basically ignores me and does not bother to respond to any of my emails. I feel more like an idiot than anything else. That is why I have not bothered to see anyone socially.

I just feel sometimes that nothing is going right for me. And I have been praying none stop and I am at a stage whereby I feel that God has abandoned me. That I am all alone I am trying to do the right thing but nothing is coming right for me. Instead of moving forward I seem to moving 10 steps back. It is frustrating me.

My ex did not pay the maintenance money this month. I called he told me he does not have the money becoz he used it for a downpayment on a car. I went back to court and nothing has happened. The problem with going to Court is that you sit there the whole day and that is time off from work. The next thing is that he is refusing to sign the house over to me after I have been paying it all the time. Even though there is a court order stating that he should sign he is ducking and diving all the time. Next my house is falling to pieces and there is nothing that I can do about it has I do not have insurance or the money to upgrade. Now me and this idiot young boy. Now I am going back into depression mode again after 3 years doing fine. I am back on my meds but still I feel as if I am falling into a dark place and there is no light.

I just wish that I could get a break through. But it does not seem as if it is going to happen.
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Hi Robaynne,

If that young guy is not responding to you, the problem is with him, not you. If he is so noncommittal, then maybe it is best if you find that out now than later. It sounds like you are still too vulnerable to start dating. Perhaps more time and more healing is needed before jumping into the dating pool. I still have not heard anything regarding my annulment, and am glad that gives me the excuse not to consider dating. Sometimes, healing takes a long time, particularly if you are still involved in legal issues with your ex.

I’m sorry you are still going through financial hassles with your ex. It sounds like he is trying to continue some kind of dysfunctional relationship with you, by dragging his feet on matters that should have been resolved a long time ago. That must be hard. Just remember, God gave your ex free will too, and unfortunately he is using it to continue to harrass you. That is not God’s fault, but your ex’s fault for being a maroon.

Hugs and prayers for you. I hope the financial issues get resolved so you can move forward.
 
I read the book when I was single, LOVED it!!! I haven’t seen the movie and doubt I will be able to drag my DH to see it 🤷

About the rest. I am sorry that you are having problems with your ex. Honestly, I think the #1 thing you need to do is focus on taking care of yourself & your children. Focus on your health, mental health and well being so you can be the best mom for your children. Yes you have to deal with the court stuff, although you can’t let that get you down and depressed. Fact is the courts are never in a hurry for you and will never see your situation as an emergency. I don’t know if you have an attorney, if you do, make a plan to call them 1x a week, every 2 weeks or once a month. Find out what is going on, put pressure on them. Then focus on living your life.

If you are looking for a guy, my suggestion is to get out and do stuff. If you like to walk, find the busiest park in town to walk at. If you are service oriented, volunteer. Have fun no matter what!!! Oh also don’t get yourself down about the ones that are not interested in you. It is best to figure it out fast and move on than to waste your time with someone that really isn’t into you.
 
Hello! Long time since I’ve seen you here!

Have you completed the tribunal process to have your marriage reviewed for validity?
 
Thanx all for your responses.

I am not ready to date and that is the truth if I have to go through that right now I will compare the poor Dude to my ex. But I have survived 3 years without anyone then I can survive a little longer.

Here in South Africa it is not easy to get annulment. My mother tried when she was still alive that was about 13 years ago and she also did not come right. The church is not to keen on assisting. Sometimes the things the Catholic Church does really makes me angry. Like struggling to get appointment to see the priest that I just gave up.

Yes, now that I think of it my ex is trying to keep some sick connection with me. Not sure if anyone remembered a while back when I was saying how I called his phone one day and she answered. Anyway the reason for the call was to remind him that he had not paid the main money. Anyway she and I got into a fight and I said to her that he will never change one day what he has done to me he will do exactly the same to her and she screamed at me and told me that, that will never ever happen to her. Guess what he did exactly that to her two months ago. He beat her up, he was jealous and possessive of her. But they are still together today. And he is trying everything in his power to make things right with her but in the same breath he does not want to let the house go.

I mean really if he signs the house. He will never hear from me again. If he pays the main money he will never hear from me again. So I don’t know what that man is really sick and needs help.

But thanx for all the prayers I really need them.
 
I am also divorced and my ex and his wife (the one he was cheating with) use our child to harass me. He also never has money to pay his support but always seems to have enough for the latest technical gizmo and cell phone. I am so blessed that I met my husband through catholicmatch.com and that my annulment went through but it took forever and during that time I was also very upset with the Church too. I wish I knew more about the South African court system to give you advice. Just have faith that love can happen when you least expect it. I wasn’t even looking for love at the time. I just wanted to know that there were good men in the world so I wouldn’t turn into a man-hater, which I almost did. But I went through depression and wondering “Why me God?” What did I do wrong? That I would be punished and have to deal with my ex and now the other woman till my daughter is an adult! I had forgiven my ex for what he had done, but could not forgive him for what he was continuing to do to me and our child. I was so desperate that I was becoming like them and attacking in trying to defend myself and my daughter. But that just made it worse and I didn’t like myself and the things they would say in return. Then one more fitful sleepless night I knew what I had to do. I had to pray for them. For their souls. I had prayed that they would stop what they were doing, or move, or she would leave, but never prayed for them. And it was so hard because I felt they didn’t deserve it. Like God had stiffed me and blessed him with his freedom. But the more I prayed the more I came to really understand that what comes around doesn’t always come around in this lifetime and if I prayed for them then it might help. Though the thought of my ex suffering in eternal fire made me smile, if he were to become the person God wants him to be then he would not behave this way and there would be no need for me to anguish over his actions. And it changed me. I started trusting God more and that he would protect my daughter and give me strength. And what my ex and his wife would do started bothering me less and now I mostly ignore them which bothers him more. I know this isn’t over but that only God can make it better. And if it never does maybe that will be less time I have to spend in purgatory. :o I want you to know that you are doing the right thing and smart to keep your depression in check and not let it get the better of you for your sake and your children. I’ve been there. You are doing great! You really are! And you have your children! Three years down!
 
Hi Robaynne,
We have not heard from you in a while. We have missed you. I am so sorry that you continue to have problems with your ex. Remember my sister, she continues also to have problems with her ex, he has not paid child support in so long that he owes more than $10,000.00, but since she doesn’t want him to abuse the kids anymore she has not brought him to court. I don’t know why some women have so many problems with their ex’s. I feel for you and I will pray for your financial situation. My sister also struggles financially. I think it is sad that you ex will not sign over the house to you and all your problems at least would be better. I think you’re right and he is sick and not in his right mind, especially if he beats on his current girlfriend. That shows controlling issues. He has some mental health issues. At least that is my opinion.

I will keep praying for you and your situation. I am so sorry that things did not work out in the Catholic Church for you and I hope some day, you will return Home. I know that you did not get much support from you local church, but that is not the case with all Catholic churches. I do hope that you get the annulment and find yourself a wonderful man, but I do agree that you don’t seem ready yet for dating.
 
Oh Nana I thought you sister’s issues were sorted out. But it looks as if we are in the same boat.

It is as if my ex wants to have some hold on me. Once this house thing is out of the way then there is no need for us to be in contact with each other. And my family was to help me make a few changes to the house but they are not prepared to do that unless he signs the papers over to me. I think that in his sick brain he things that the house is a gold mine for him. Becoz if he lets it go he will not benefit from it. What he is thinking is that if he makes things difficult for me maybe I will be prepared to sell the house and give him half. Not thinking where his kids are going to stay. This man actually thinks that by not paying the maintenance money and not signing over the house papers he is spiting me. And the people he is actually spiting is his kids.

He used the money to buy a car ( I was so furious when he told me) I screamed at him on the phone saying what are the kids going to eat this month. The car he does not have a licences to drive the car. The only reason why he bought a car was becoz he was feeling intimidated apparently the girlfriend gave him hell saying that everything I said to her about what he did to me he is doing to her. Now this young girl has guy friends that have cars. And he was feeling out of place not having a car himself. That is so sick I think rather than worry about your kids education or helping out with them the car was more a priority.

I guess a part of me was jealous that he had bought a car. The reason why I am pushing for him to sign the house papers is becoz once the house has been signed over to me there is some money there enough to fix my house and to buy a car. Now he is holding me back from doing anything. I also had plans to go to America in July 2009 to see my brother who is now living there permanently after 3 years studying as he met a wonderful American girl that he married.

But thanx all and continue to pray I hope finally to get a break through so that finally I can left go of this and move one.

Thanx for all the support I really appreciate it. Take care and God Bless.
 
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