He uninvited her to a holiday trip

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Kateloran99

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I have a girlfriend who is in desperate need of help and I’m scared that I’m givinge her bad advice.

She is divorced with a child. She’s been dating a divorced father of 3 … For 2 months. They hit it off quite quickly. She made an error (in my opinion) and gave him oral …after only a few weeks. A few days later he told her via TEXT that he has herpes. She didn’t dump him but told him she wanted to wait awhile to have intercourse. He got a bit upset and told her he felt she was treating him like he was a leper. Well they got past that. He told her he would wait. He then invited her to a holiday trip with his family and to meet his kids. She agreed. She made arrangements. He said he booked her a private room.

Well the next weekend she ended up having sex with him. She regretted it but didn’t tell him anything other than it really meant a lot to her since she hadn’t been with anyone other than her ex husband. He said he understood and that he wasn’t going anywhere…

Then the following morning he seemed stand offish. She texted him and asked him if she should book the flight for the vacation. He said “on second thought… I think I better talk to my kids first… I need to get their permission. Can I let you know?”

She was devastated. She texted back and asked if they could talk. He said he was busy. So she lost it. She told him she could see what was happening and that she was sad that he treated her this way. She said she couldn’t believe that their relationship was nothing more than about sex.

He sai that was absolutely not true and they needed to talk. She said well call me when you can. He didn’t. He only texted later that night and said he had his kids but he missed her.

He finally called her this morning. He told her she completely overreacted. So she said okay… Have you talked to your kids? He said he hadn’t yet. He said he wasn’t sure now if they were still going to be talking since my friend got so upset.

Now he asked her if he could see her tomorrow. She agreed. (beyond my advice) and now she’s wondering if she should still be seeing him… And what f if says she can’t go on the trip? I think anyone who invites you from meeting the family… Is an awful person. Am I wrong to tell her that… Among other things?
 
Kateloran99 said:
Now he asked her if he could see her tomorrow. She agreed. (beyond my advice) and now she’s wondering if she should still be seeing him… And what f if says she can’t go on the trip? I think anyone who invites you from meeting the family… Is an awful person. Am I wrong to tell her that… Among other things?
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STOP.

That’s what you tell her.

STEP AWAY FROM THE RELATIONSHIP.

That’s what you tell her. Forget the holidays, just stay home. Take a break and your friend needs some counselling. Maybe as a gift you could offer to watch her child while she goes on a retreat or something just to find herself again.

You also need to stop and back away a bit from giving her advice. FWIW, he sounds pretty manipulative. But I don’t know him. She’s a mom and her first concern is her child, tell her that. What her child needs is a confident, well-adjusted mom who has enough self-esteem to stand up and demand a decent relationship.

And let’s knock off the sex stuff outside of marriage. It’s like riding a roller coaster - gosh that was fun! Then you throw up.
 
My advice for her would be to stop dating entirely until she got her own self in order. But she’s not my friend. She must be a really close friend to be telling you all of this stuff!
 
That is a lot, I would say stop and step away from the relationship and maybe talk to a priest
 
It is such a shame because she seemed to really like him… And he seemed like a decent guy. Until I heard about the herpes… And then uninviting her on a trip. I just thought that was very low to do to someone who had JUST slept with him. Despite her concerns…
 
You do not love someone if you callously expose them to illness.
To have sex, knowing he would infect her…how can she possibly want to have anything to do with anyone so selfish and uncaring. It is assault to hide his infection and go ahead with no concern for her wellbeing.

The whole story, including about the holiday…what a selfish uncaring man…so she is attracted to him. Attraction doesn’t justify losing judgement to such a degree that she can’t see what he is really like.

She likes her idea of him but is ignoring who he actually is. A true friend would point out these facts and not give any support to a continuation of the relationship.

I don’t know if she is Christian or a Catholic, but fornication is a sin and they’re not loving each other by engaging in it outside marriage,
Prayers for them both and especially for those innocent children.
Sadly, our children are often the victims of our unwise and our selfish decisions
 
Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh…

It is like that. Step back. Deep sigh… It is truly hard to fine one that is a keeper…

Tell her to start praying for the man (Lord Willing) in her life. It will sort itself out.
 
He has herpes, but told her only AFTER she gave him oral, and then later (after learning of his disease) she also went ahead and had intercourse with him?

Tell her to go see a doctor immediately! :eek:
 
Nigel7 said:
He has herpes, but told her only AFTER she gave him oral, and then later (after learning of his disease) she also went ahead and had intercourse with him?

Tell her to go see a doctor immediately! :eek:
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This

tell her to Get away immediately and go to confession soon!
 
Your friend seems to need some counseling if she went ahead and had sex with this person after he informed her that he has a disease. What other disease(s) could he have? Your friend doesn’t know but was apparently willing to continue to put her health (and possibly life) in danger. She needs to get away from that toxic relationship. It sounds like she is craving attention and is willing to take anything (or anyone) she can get, even if it’s unhealthy. This “relationship” has so many red flags, it’s unreal. I will pray for your friend!
 
Condoms don’t prevent the spread of herpes, nor do they prevent the spread of HPV. Not 100% effective for ANYTHING at all. No matter how “safe” you try to make it you are putting your life and more importantly SOUL at risk. She has a child. This child already has a family that is broken. He doesn’t need a broken mom too. Spiritually and emotionally she needs to heal herself so that she can care for the spiritual and emotional needs of her child.
 
She needs to drop him like the proverbial hot potato. There are enough warning signs here for 2 years, never mind 2 months.
 
I have no advice, but I pray for your friend, and you to tell your friend the advice she most needs.
 
Do you really think the worst part of this story is that she was uninvited from a holiday trip?
 
1ke said:
Do you really think the worst part of this story is that she was uninvited from a holiday trip?
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Word. Pretty sure the worst part is that he’s using her for sex.

I understand that we’re all fallen people and that many, many people engage in premarital sex. I’m not condoning it or dismissing it. I’m saying that it happens even with good people when they get drunk or are in love and let their “feelings” get the better of their judgment.

This ain’t one of those cases.This is a cut and dried case of deception and using another person for base gratification… while potentially passing on a disease. All kinds of problems here.
 
I once read something like this in a travel guide for Rome:

Protect your credit cards, money, and passport from gypsies by using a money belt worn under your clothes. DO NOT think you will outsmart them should they target you for pickpocketing - they have been doing this for centuries and you will lose your valuables and spend one day of your trip at an American consulate instead of the Vatican museum. Women carrying a handbag on a crowded bus in Rome have found it empty, with the bottom cut out…

Women who think they can outsmart manipulative men are making a mistake - they are very practiced at what they do. They will end up feeling empty, with their heart cut out.

The money belt for the situation: manipulative players won’t wait too long for the sex they seek because there is always another target, so the surest way to avoid being used is to not have sex, which is the proper Catholic thing to do anyway. And know that they will become their most manipulative before they walk away; in their mind they have invested so much without any ‘pay-off’ yet; they will pressure hard, but if you hold up to that, they *will *walk away.

Think of it like this:
you can have sex and have him walk away, or just have him walk away. With or without the sex, he is going to walk away - he is a player and will not commit. So don’t give him the sex. And you shouldn’t anyway - it is a grave sin.

My wife and I have a friend who ignores our advice on this, and she spends a lot of her time crying on my wife’s shoulder each time she has sex with that next ‘love of her life’ and gets dumped. It is hard on her, and us.

The man you describe has all the hallmarks of a player; tell your friend to never see him again. (Know too that once you give a player sex, he will come back to you whenever he hits a ‘dry spell’ in hopes of charming you into bed again, so you must never see him again - ‘don’t feed the animals’.)

Good luck, one can always hope!

God bless you.
 
I echo everything that has been said.

Your friend is playing with fire! She needs to drop this guy, yesterday! It sounds like he’s kind of already dropped her, but she needs to cut him off completely. What a creep.
 
Delaine75 said:
Your friend seems to need some counseling if she went ahead and had sex with this person after he informed her that he has a disease. What other disease(s) could he have? Your friend doesn’t know but was apparently willing to continue to put her health (and possibly life) in danger. She needs to get away from that toxic relationship. It sounds like she is craving attention and is willing to take anything (or anyone) she can get, even if it’s unhealthy. This “relationship” has so many red flags, it’s unreal. I will pray for your friend!
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THIS!!!

It’s sad that your friend would continue to communicate with this creep, let alone have sex with him, after he told her she could get herpes from giving him oral sex! :eek::eek::eek:

I foresee a lot of heartbreak and maybe STDs for this friend. Unfortunately, unless one believes one is worthy of more than just a one night stand or a friend-with-benefits hookup, that is all one will get.

:(:(😦
 
Allegra said:
My advice for her would be to stop dating entirely until she got her own self in order. But she’s not my friend. She must be a really close friend to be telling you all of this stuff!
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I agree. 2 people using each other is not a good thing. She was using him for security and companionship so she wouldn’t be lonely and he was using her for some of the same plus sex. It’s an old story that doesn’t bode will for either of them. I’d advise he to see professional help because she may be using you as well as her unofficial therapist. 🤷
 
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