Headcoverings - Redux - "Scarf"/Modern styles - Question from a Husband

[angelsdefendus]

I know this topic has been posted on over and over again. I tried looking back over the past posts but there is just so many posts on this topic, and so few pertain to my question or what I am looking for.

My wife and I are expecting our first child in a month, and although we are a bit away from this discussion being pertinent to our child (if we have a girl) we decided to have it BEFORE we need to MAKE the decision. (That is a bad way of stating it, but I think you get the gist).

Anyways, my wife isn’t sure that covering is something she feels called to do; and we are discussing and praying about it. She does agree that if we require our daughters to do so, she must also. So my question isn’t so much about the “REASONS” mine is a more practical/technical question.

What are some more “scarf” style coverings or more “modern” styles? I know this is kind of a paradoxical question to ask in the “traditional” forum but I hope some of you ladies can understand where I am coming from. I know my wife has said that the idea of “lace” veils would make her feel uncomfortable where we live right now (Alaska where the church is fairly - modern? [for lack of a better term] and so such devotions are few and far between, ESPECIALLY for younger mothers.)

So she said if she could find a nice scarf, or other type of covering that seemed to both be appropriate and reverent she would consider it. I was wondering a few things about this:

1. Do you all think or do this type of covering?
2. What are some good sites to find THESE type of coverings. [Less bandana style and more scarf or headand]

Thanks!

 

[Jacafamala]

Hi angels,
I should think that in Alaska where it’s cold, especially this time of year that it would be extremely natural for a woman to want to keep a little knitted cap on during the Mass.

This is the kind many of our grandmothers and great-grand mothers wore. Mine used to knit her own. If your wife knits, there are patterns on line if you do a search you’ll find them. Or you can find them in stores everywhere. Target, for example.

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)



As for scarves, here is a good place to look. target also has lots of scarves.
Have fun shopping.

 

[Phemie]

So she said if she could find a nice scarf, or other type of covering that seemed to both be appropriate and reverent she would consider it. I was wondering a few things about this:

1. Do you all think or do this type of covering?
2. What are some good sites to find THESE type of coverings. [Less bandana style and more scarf or headand]

Thanks!

There is no need to do the scarf thing. You can be respectful and cover your hair without being perceived to be screaming out “look at how holy I am”,

When we were required to cover our heads to enter the church, the women in my rural parish usually wore hats. Even as a little girl I wore hats - at least I did when my aunt gave me one as a gift since my mother would generally just buy me a kerchief. I would think that in Alaska in the winter it would be easy to wear a head covering of some kind to church and not stand out. Certainly in my northern parish I see women come to Mass wearing wool/fur hats and they don’t remove them when they come in.

 

[Zooey]

www.garlandsofgrace.com/

Not a Catholic site, but a good place for the kind of covering mentioned…Easy to find, & they do lovely work (and their things don’t look so “old-fashioned”).

 

[Ohiomom]

You have already been given some good information and ideas. Especially being in Alaska, your wife may decide on a hat option. There are chapel caps/smaller veils that are made to be very subtle.
This company carries some that are sheer so depending on the hair color and style, it will look fairly invisble.
secure.k9bytes.com/StFrancis/cgi-bin/s-mart.pl?command=listitems&pos=0&type=group&group=Chapel

For any future daughters, bonnets work well when they are really small and can’t reach. If you have a hat hater as she gets older, it can be a challenge. I know of a family who goes to daily mass at 7am together and the mom and all of the girls where chapel caps- including the 3 year old.

 

[CradleCath]

There is no need to do the scarf thing. You can be respectful and cover your hair without being perceived to be screaming out “look at how holy I am”,

When we were required to cover our heads to enter the church, the women in my rural parish usually wore hats. Even as a little girl I wore hats - at least I did when my aunt gave me one as a gift since my mother would generally just buy me a kerchief. I would think that in Alaska in the winter it would be easy to wear a head covering of some kind to church and not stand out. Certainly in my northern parish I see women come to Mass wearing wool/fur hats and they don’t remove them when they come in.

I love the Latin Mass, I attended it for years before Vat. II &, of course, I wore a hat on Sun. & chapel veils were provided by the school for our weekday Masses. Still it took me a yr. & a half of going to the Tridentine Mass since Summorum Pontificum to cover my head. I really don’t know why, but it got to the point where I was about the only one in Church who was without a hat or veil. I don’t know why, ( maybe it’s the "I’m so holy thing? ), but just tell your wife that she’ll know when & if she’s ready to cover her head. I would LOVE to find some hats, I have looked but no luck so far & I’ve come to feel quite comfortable in my veil. I put it on when I enter the Church.

 

[airforcemom]

In the winter I find it is easy to wear a “fake” fur hat or I have a scarf-hat that I like a lot. I like the coverings from www.headcoverings-by-devorah.com. They are Jewish, but very easy to wear and not as noticeable as a mantilla. I have one in white and one in black and I go for the dresser ones with beads, but you can find all colors and very simple ones. They are also easy to make. They come with a comb in them to help keep them on but having dealt my toddler grandson at Mass I use 2 black bobbypins on the black one and I bought 2 fancy pins for the white so I don’t have to worry about them coming off when I need to bend over during Mass. I have gotten many compliments on them and some women have asked where I got them at. I enjoy covering for Mass and I can see myself covering more often when I retire next year. I do like seeing little girls wear their hats at Mass even if they take them off several times.

 

[Pray4Life]

I am also not a lacy mantilla kind of girl. I wear a couple of coverings in this style: garlandsofgrace.com/products-page/classic-coverings/cecily/ and also a couple that are pretty much the same as this one (though not purchased from here): garlandsofgrace.com/products-page/classic-coverings/kendall/ . This last one was my first style of headcovering and the very few comments I have ever received have been always been complimentary. I should mention that I have never been in a more “traditionalist” parish despite having moved multiple times since I started covering, and it has never been a common practice at any of them- but I can’t remember ever getting so much as an odd look about it. Really, that initial self-consciousness is the biggest hurdle. It might help to start small, if she is willing to try it- maybe wear a covering first to Adoration, if times for that are available at your parish, or at a daily Mass where there are fewer people and she is not there for as long.

So far as requiring one’s daughters, though I know you did not ask about this point, I will volunteer that I do not force mine to do so. When my oldest turned 7 (that all-important age in Church law ), I gave her her first covering in a style similar to mine as a birthday present and explained the reason behind wearing one (believe it or not, she never seemed to notice or ask about mine! Just something Mommy does, I guess!) She wears it but not every week- probably would if I reminded her, but I try to leave it up to her. I will do the same for her younger sisters when the time comes, unless they ask about it sooner. I know some argue that it is not really optional as most seem to believe, but I am yet to be convinced on this point and so will save my strength for greater battlefields.

 

[nannygirl]

Long rectangular crepe or cotton scarves work very well. Drape over the head and throw the ends over the shoulders. They come in lots of colors and patterns.
There are also really cute knit hats at the Uptown Girl website.

 

[Hotchkiss]

I know this topic has been posted on over and over again. I tried looking back over the past posts but there is just so many posts on this topic, and so few pertain to my question or what I am looking for.

My wife and I are expecting our first child in a month, and although we are a bit away from this discussion being pertinent to our child (if we have a girl) we decided to have it BEFORE we need to MAKE the decision. (That is a bad way of stating it, but I think you get the gist).

Anyways, my wife isn’t sure that covering is something she feels called to do; and we are discussing and praying about it. She does agree that if we require our daughters to do so, she must also. So my question isn’t so much about the “REASONS” mine is a more practical/technical question.

What are some more “scarf” style coverings or more “modern” styles? I know this is kind of a paradoxical question to ask in the “traditional” forum but I hope some of you ladies can understand where I am coming from. I know my wife has said that the idea of “lace” veils would make her feel uncomfortable where we live right now (Alaska where the church is fairly - modern? [for lack of a better term] and so such devotions are few and far between, ESPECIALLY for younger mothers.)

So she said if she could find a nice scarf, or other type of covering that seemed to both be appropriate and reverent she would consider it. I was wondering a few things about this:

1. Do you all think or do this type of covering?
2. What are some good sites to find THESE type of coverings. [Less bandana style and more scarf or headand]

Thanks!

Not sure why you’re making such a big deal about it, but I find the hats and scarfs on this thread a heck of a lot more healthy than the mantillas/chapel caps, etc.

Four college girls came to my small parish last Sunday. Two had a fairly dressy all leather caps with no adornments that were shaped like a ball cap. Another had on a beret. One had a knit hat sorta like shown on this thread…

The peanut gallery with their mantillas glared at them. Once I finally figured out what was going on it made me sad/mad. The hats those girls were wearing were just fine. Very nice actually. It just goes to show the peanut gallery at my church wears the mantillas to make a statement, not simply to cover their heads…

 

[Jacafamala]

Not sure why you’re making such a big deal about it, but I find the hats and scarfs on this thread a heck of a lot more healthy than the mantillas/chapel caps, etc.

Four college girls came to my small parish last Sunday. Two had a fairly dressy all leather caps with no adornments that were shaped like a ball cap. Another had on a beret. One had a knit hat sorta like shown on this thread…

The peanut gallery with their mantillas glared at them. Once I finally figured out what was going on it made me sad/mad. The hats those girls were wearing were just fine. Very nice actually. It just goes to show the peanut gallery at my church wears the mantillas to make a statement, not simply to cover their heads…

Hats are more healthy? How so? One’s as good as the other.

 

[DJgang]

Peanut gallery…so sad…do you realize that you are making the same judgement of their actions as they made of the ones wearing mantillas…

I also would like to know how hats are more healthy. God bless…Dana

 

[CradleCath]

Peanut gallery…so sad…do you realize that you are making the same judgement of their actions as they made of the ones wearing mantillas…

I also would like to know how hats are more healthy. God bless…Dana

My feelings exactly. First the poster gave a detailed description of the hats, then spoke of the “peanut gallery”. I do think that she must not have been that interested in prayer & meditation. Such a shame.

And. yes, I’d love to know how one head covering is “more healthy” than another???

 

[tulips]

http://www.headcoverings-by-devorah...orah.com/images2/BlackPolyCottonHeadband3.jpg

I bought this headband because you can extend it to a scarf or scrunch it into a headband on top of your head. All 3 pictures are of the same headband. This way I can adjust it to what feels comfortable for me. Here’s a link to the website headcoverings-by-devorah.com/headcoverings_headband_coverings.htm

 

[Ohiomom]

My feelings exactly. First the poster gave a detailed description of the hats, then spoke of the “peanut gallery”. I do think that she must not have been that interested in prayer & meditation. Such a shame.

And. yes, I’d love to know how one head covering is “more healthy” than another???

Take a deep breath

I took peanut gallery as a reference to the wonderful squirmy masses of children at mass. My parents use to refer to the peanut gallery at times when we were at home, school and Sunday school and it is a reference to the cartoon (Charles Schultz). It is a term of affection for children.

 

[Hotchkiss]

Hats are more healthy? How so? One’s as good as the other.

Women covering their heads with mantillas at my parish seems to be an obsession with many of them. It’s almost as if the mantillas are worn as a crown or a very public hair shirt. Those women that wear other head-coverings like suitable hats are scorned. It’s quite sad.

I wouldn’t have noticed except it was quite obvious. The visitors were clearly very reverent Catholics. They knew what was going on. Both two things differentiated them from most of the other women at my parish. They wore hats instead of mantillas and pants instead of dresses.

 

[Ohiomom]

Take a deep breath

I took peanut gallery as a reference to the wonderful squirmy masses of children at mass. My parents use to refer to the peanut gallery at times when we were at home, school and Sunday school and it is a reference to the cartoon (Charles Schultz). It is a term of affection for children.

CORRECTION- The peanut gallery is a reference to Howdy Doody. I remembered after I posted that I had thought it referenced The Peanuts, and then my parents told me about Howdy Doody. The peanut gallery was the reference to the audience, which was all children (radical at the time, to have a show geared towards and for children).

Anyway, regarding the hats vs mantilla, some folks need to get a life. I see other women cover all of the time at the NO daily masses I attend and most wear hats, headscarves or geles. There are many ways to cover if you feel called to do so. Mantillas are quick, easy and inexpensive, but there are women at the EF masses I attend who like and wear hats. They look great, but unfortunately most hats either don’t fit on my head

 

[CarrieH]

I bought this headband because you can extend it to a scarf or scrunch it into a headband on top of your head. All 3 pictures are of the same headband. This way I can adjust it to what feels comfortable for me. Here’s a link to the website headcoverings-by-devorah.com/headcoverings_headband_coverings.htm

Oooh, I like this one! Thanks for sharing. It looks like it would be easy to sew without a pattern, too. When my hair was longer, I would tie a long rectangular scarf under it in a similar “headband” fashion. This gave me an inconspicuous way of covering, making it truly a private devotion. It blended right in with my everyday clothes, both inside and outside of the church. If the mantilla-police think this isn’t “good enough,” that’s their problem (and sin), not mine.