A
AGoodCatholicBoy
Guest
My girlfriend of 4 months told me the same news just a couple weeks ago, so I know exactly what you’re feeling. When she told me, the first thing I knew I had to do was comfort her. She is broken. She is wondering what her worth is. We as Catholic men in this situation have the opportunity to show her God’s love in its purest form. The pain you feel right now is a purifying pain. If taken to prayer, it will heal both of you from the darkness of BOTH of your pasts, and strengthen your love. You are hurting for her, and bearing this cross for her because you love her. Here is something I came across from the chastity project for men in this exact situation:
"Remember that your unconditional acceptance of your potential future bride makes you more of a man in her eyes than anything else you can do. She may wonder, “Am I worthy of love? Am I damaged goods? Am I unlovable?” You play an important role in her healing, through dying to yourself for love of her.
Believe it or not, this wound you feel is actually given to you by God in order to heal your own soul. It will conform you to Christ, purify your love, and even strengthen your marriage if you continue to respond to God’s grace to carry this cross. Both of you play a role in each other’s healing, and you can’t lose sight of that.
Mother Theresa told us that in order for love to be real, it must hurt. It must empty us of self. So, I encourage you to look at the crucifix, which is the ultimate sign of love. Only through it did Christ reach the joy of the resurrection. In the same way, Saint John Paul II tells us that when it comes to relationships:
“We love the person complete with all of his or her virtues and faults, and up to a point, independently of those virtues and in spite of those faults. The strength of such a love emerges most clearly when the beloved person stumbles, when his or her weaknesses or even sins come out into the open. One who truly loves does not then withdraw his love, but loves all the more, loves in full consciousness of the other’s shortcomings and faults, and without in the least approving of them.”"
^When I read this, (which was the same day she broke the news to me), I actually experienced pure joy for me and her, because I saw that I get to suffer for her, to help her heal from her dark past. This is the one thing that gets me through the pain. Knowing that the pain I’m experiencing is for her, praying for her, praying for the conversion of her previous boyfriend…that is what helps for me.
Also after all of this I learned of two other couples in this same situation: Jason and Crystalina Evert (basically the leaders of the Chastity movement if you aren’t familiar with them), as well as my own parents. Both have very happy, and very Catholic marriages.
Hope this helps. Peace be with you, brother.
"Remember that your unconditional acceptance of your potential future bride makes you more of a man in her eyes than anything else you can do. She may wonder, “Am I worthy of love? Am I damaged goods? Am I unlovable?” You play an important role in her healing, through dying to yourself for love of her.
Believe it or not, this wound you feel is actually given to you by God in order to heal your own soul. It will conform you to Christ, purify your love, and even strengthen your marriage if you continue to respond to God’s grace to carry this cross. Both of you play a role in each other’s healing, and you can’t lose sight of that.
Mother Theresa told us that in order for love to be real, it must hurt. It must empty us of self. So, I encourage you to look at the crucifix, which is the ultimate sign of love. Only through it did Christ reach the joy of the resurrection. In the same way, Saint John Paul II tells us that when it comes to relationships:
“We love the person complete with all of his or her virtues and faults, and up to a point, independently of those virtues and in spite of those faults. The strength of such a love emerges most clearly when the beloved person stumbles, when his or her weaknesses or even sins come out into the open. One who truly loves does not then withdraw his love, but loves all the more, loves in full consciousness of the other’s shortcomings and faults, and without in the least approving of them.”"
^When I read this, (which was the same day she broke the news to me), I actually experienced pure joy for me and her, because I saw that I get to suffer for her, to help her heal from her dark past. This is the one thing that gets me through the pain. Knowing that the pain I’m experiencing is for her, praying for her, praying for the conversion of her previous boyfriend…that is what helps for me.
Also after all of this I learned of two other couples in this same situation: Jason and Crystalina Evert (basically the leaders of the Chastity movement if you aren’t familiar with them), as well as my own parents. Both have very happy, and very Catholic marriages.
Hope this helps. Peace be with you, brother.
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