Healthy emotional outlets for singles (in solitude)?

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iwillrisenow

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As singles, sometimes we find ourselves left frustrated with our emotional urges, such as nurturing, romance (for lack of a better word…but I mean in the broader sense of caring between individuals in very close relationships), beauty, and, shall we say, the creative impulse. In essence, the pull towards intimacy, in this case with God. While some singles are surrounded by friends, family, and nieces and nephews to whom they can give (and draw closer to God through their giving), others live more isolated lives. Recently, I’ve found myself in the latter category for career reasons and have struggled to find ways of seeking intimacy that do not require the presence of others. I have also noticed that when I ignore or suppress the need for intimacy for a prolonged period of time, the temptation to sin becomes much more difficult to avoid. For some, intimacy is found solely through prayer, reading Scripture, etc. but others (such as myself) find that they are pulled towards more sensory experiences. Has anyone found any unique ideas or projects or particular artwork that speaks to this need in their hearts? Either something that is outgoing (somehow connected to others, like charity work) or more internal/meditative (like listening to a certain kind of music or reading a certain poet’s work)? I’m thinking perhaps craft projects for charities (knitting, sewing, etc.) or learning to paint religious images or even creating a certain kind of blog but am eager to hear what others have come up with!
 
iwillrisenow said:
As singles, sometimes we find ourselves left frustrated with our emotional urges, such as nurturing, romance (for lack of a better word…but I mean in the broader sense of caring between individuals in very close relationships), beauty, and, shall we say, the creative impulse. In essence, the pull towards intimacy, in this case with God. While some singles are surrounded by friends, family, and nieces and nephews to whom they can give (and draw closer to God through their giving), others live more isolated lives. Recently, I’ve found myself in the latter category for career reasons and have struggled to find ways of seeking intimacy that do not require the presence of others. I have also noticed that when I ignore or suppress the need for intimacy for a prolonged period of time, the temptation to sin becomes much more difficult to avoid. For some, intimacy is found solely through prayer, reading Scripture, etc. but others (such as myself) find that they are pulled towards more sensory experiences. Has anyone found any unique ideas or projects or particular artwork that speaks to this need in their hearts? Either something that is outgoing (somehow connected to others, like charity work) or more internal/meditative (like listening to a certain kind of music or reading a certain poet’s work)? I’m thinking perhaps craft projects for charities (knitting, sewing, etc.) or learning to paint religious images or even creating a certain kind of blog but am eager to hear what others have come up with!
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When my grandmother was suddenly widowed and found herself living alone for the first time in 60 years, she started making baby blankets for the Right to Life Center. They were always so appreciative, and it really gave her a deep sense of purpose and satisfaction to think of her handmade items being used by newborn babies. Plus, the cutting out of squares and repetitive sewing led to a type of meditation where she really felt energized and peaceful.
 
I tend to do the obvious, indulge in shameless romanticism. I like browsing for artwork of kissing couples (particular fictional characters whom I’ve paired myself :o). Same goes for music, television shows, and even a few games. 😛

If my feelings are a bit darker though (like frustration), I mostly tend to write. I’m not so physically adept (not yet anyway :p) so I like to act out my bad moods by conceptualizing fight scenes and penning them in a way that is more literary.
 
I live a single solitary life by choice and private vow. I have come to realize over time that my relationship with Jesus will always be strictly spiritual, and I will never have a physical intimate relationship because He has no corporeal body at this time as He did in the past.

I have come to accept that. God’s love for me is spiritual not physical. The closest I get to experiencing a “physical” embrace from God is by going out in to nature, God’s creation, and spending time in it. Being close to God in nature really helps me feel loved and cared for by God. Hope this helps.
 
When I was single and away from my family, I kept busy with music, tutoring, and working in the soup kitchen. Gardening is another option that would probably be rewarding, if you have the land to do it on.
 
Lost_Wanderer said:
I tend to do the obvious, indulge in shameless romanticism. I like browsing for artwork of kissing couples (particular fictional characters whom I’ve paired myself :o). Same goes for music, television shows, and even a few games. 😛

If my feelings are a bit darker though (like frustration), I mostly tend to write. I’m not so physically adept (not yet anyway :p) so I like to act out my bad moods by conceptualizing fight scenes and penning them in a way that is more literary.
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I think the first part of your advice requires a bit of caution. Trying to put of the fires of “romantic urges” with more romance is probably not wise. That will only cause one to want it even more. Most tv shows, music, etc do not depict chaste relationships so watching the average tv show can easily stir up more longings. Even as a woman, I find that I am sensitive to those things. . .

I think channeling that energy in healthy ways (ie exercise, journaling or doing something creative) are good outlets. Volunteering also helps to prevent me from feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes, doing well meaning activities (like going for a walk, going to the movies, traveling, etc) acutely reminds me that I am truly alone but I try to not dwell on that.
 
I am doing volunteer work for an organization that supports what I am passionate about. I also read and listen to music, just try to stay busy and appreciate what I do have.

I think the key is finding contentment in whatever you do and doing it ultimately for the Lord.
 
Why are you trying to find intimacy alone? Surely though you may be separated from your family, there are still persons whom you could seek out as friends.
 
🙂 I think getting too romantic by watching movies and reading novels can, if you are single a very long time, give you an unrealistic expectation of relationships (as can watching porn - but I never did that :D)

I used to get involved in things I was good at and involved a group of people. I volunteered once a month to help train search dogs and we all used to stay together in mountain huts. Some people were in couples, some were single and others were attached, but came on the weekends alone. It was a great atmosphere and everyone was there for a common purpose (which was not at all romantic) and respected one another.

So…I was reminded that not all relationships are plain sailing and that first thing in the morning, a man (or woman) who has drunk too much beer is not a pretty sight :eek: and I got to talk to people from all walks of life, at all kinds of stages in their relationships and lives. It was a real family atmopshere too - everyone looked out for everyone else:) and I learned so much about the value of friendship.
 
Thank you all for some wonderful suggestions! I am glad that these activities have helped others with this issue, and to anyone else out there who is reading this and also struggling, I hope that you will find some courage here.

Lost Wanderer, I have to admit: I, too, am drawn to “shameless romanticism” (nicely put) from time to time, particularly with regards to certain British television series…:rolleyes: I’ve also considered whether or not this is just fanning the flames, as it can be a slippery slope. That being said, I do seek out that which reflects the values of our faith in these things, whether it’s self-sacrifice, trust, nurturing, etc. I wonder if there are any other discussions on here about this—if anyone has a link, please let us know!

GraceUnderFire, I can relate to what you said about how certain leisure activities can make you feel more alone. When I’m at home, I tend not to think about it but when I go out, that’s when I see all the couples and groups of friends and it gets more difficult to accept my situation. I’ve only recently began to intentionally accept solitude as a way of life for now and I know that I need to pray for the strength to trust in it rather than becoming distracted by the “shoulds” (such as you “should” always go to the movies with a partner or you “should” make friends at this event). It is a challenge, because those “shoulds” do not only come from worldly sources, but from within faith communities as well (we’ll get to that in a minute).

Finally, Baelor, I would like to believe that some of the acquaintances that are around me will eventually become friends. But, right now, for a variety of factors that would take up a few paragraphs (though I’d be happy to go into them on PM), I am pretty much on my own. I have mentioned this to my spiritual director and we have prayed about it…perhaps it is God’s will that I remain in solitude for the time being. Which comes to the best part of that: I would not say that I am trying to find intimacy alone, but rather with God. A lot of the single life talks and books and discussions that I’ve seen have emphasized getting involved in others’ lives (e.g.- taking care of nieces and nephews or friends’ children) and homilies at Mass seem to assume that we’re all surrounded by other people, but some of us are well and truly isolated. It’s assumed that we are all equally welcomed in Catholic communities and have enough access and influence to be a part of every ministry and run every committee or feel as welcomed as a family member in the social groups, but this is not the case (intensely so where I am living right now). It’s difficult to believe unless you’ve been there…but it is possible. If anyone else out there feels like they’re alone in being alone…you’re not alone! Solitude is not easy, but it is potentially a time to run deeper and deeper into God’s embrace, whether it’s through a walk in the woods, making blankets for charity, or any other activity that’s been mentioned here.
 
I pray for those happy folks I pass by, as well as those unhappy ones. I try to avoid “outlets” that could take an improper angle (things don’t have to be explictly sexual to flirt with lust). I play computer car racing games a lot as of late but this is likely a temporary thing. Also, things get easier if you actually avoid surrounding yourself with women, romance themes, and compulsively trying to catch one.
 
I am dealing with these struggles and “outlets” at this very moment.

Lately, I’ve been stricken with romantic ideals, and coupling that with the fact that I’ve been somewhat lonely has not produced the greatest results. I hope to find something to put my mind at ease for a little while. I will say a prayer for the others who deal with these same urges, and I hope you will return the favor… every prayer is a wonderful miracle.

Joshua C.
 
GraceUnderFire said:
I think the first part of your advice requires a bit of caution. Trying to put of the fires of “romantic urges” with more romance is probably not wise. That will only cause one to want it even more. Most tv shows, music, etc do not depict chaste relationships so watching the average tv show can easily stir up more longings. Even as a woman, I find that I am sensitive to those things. . .
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The OP looked for things that vented those frustrations. Enjoying fiction or some other form of entertainment that jives with your feelings (whichever that may be) is generally healthy provided you know that is your very purpose. I’m just passing that message.

Besides, volunteer work? That’s not always ideal either. The worst of it is the equivalent of workaholic escapism. And no, you’re not giving as much value as you think. In the end, extremes of anything are never healthy.
 
Singles can spend a lot more time than married ones at their work place.Getting involved in work a little more than the expected or mandatory(not to the point where one becomes an workaholic).
 
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