Heartbroken and Lost

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WhyChasity

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I feel backed into a corner, just because a girl I went on a date with a few days ago texted me saying she’s not sure she’s interested in dating right now. I feel devistated. I know that means she not attracted to me, and it’s my fault for being a “nice guy” and texting her more often then she would text me, and it’s pathetic of me to feel like this.

Why is it that I get so emotionally to a girl I’ve only went on one date with!?!?

I sold my soul to the devil, because I thought a romantic and sexual relationship would make me happy, at least for a while.

Well, I abandoned God for the World, and it turns out that I don’t even fit into the world. I can’t live Chastely, but at the same time, I’m probably come off as desperate and “nice” and so girls are not attracted to me either.

I’m stuck in this mess where I can’t even have the temporary pleasure of sin. Just pain. But without grace, my suffering has no meaning. I can’t even look at a girl or a couple anymore without feeling heartbroken.

And, because my life is a reck, I have no friends that I haven’t sacred off, I’m not close to my family, etc., I pray for death. I beg God to take my life. I’ve been having my heart break for the last four years, and I can’t handle this anymore, and I can’t change.
 
WhyChasity said:
I feel backed into a corner, just because a girl I went on a date with a few days ago texted me saying she’s not sure she’s interested in dating right now. I feel devistated. I know that means she not attracted to me, and it’s my fault for being a “nice guy” and texting her more often then she would text me, and it’s pathetic of me to feel like this.

Why is it that I get so emotionally to a girl I’ve only went on one date with!?!?

I sold my soul to the devil, because I thought a romantic and sexual relationship would make me happy, at least for a while.

Well, I abandoned God for the World, and it turns out that I don’t even fit into the world. I can’t live Chastely, but at the same time, I’m probably come off as desperate and “nice” and so girls are not attracted to me either.

I’m stuck in this mess where I can’t even have the temporary pleasure of sin. Just pain. But without grace, my suffering has no meaning. I can’t even look at a girl or a couple anymore without feeling heartbroken.

And, because my life is a reck, I have no friends that I haven’t sacred off, I’m not close to my family, etc., I pray for death. I beg God to take my life. I’ve been having my heart break for the last four years, and I can’t handle this anymore, and I can’t change.
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Been there. The last 5 years of my life was one big heartbreak after the other. I am not exaggerating either. But what I did (Finally I got a girlfriend 6 months ago and that is a big thing because I am 32 and only had 2 girlfriends in my entire life) was keep trying. You must get somewhat familiar with heartbreak and not fear it. But first you need to work on making you life not a wreck. How are you going to take care of a woman if you cant take care of yourself? Guys with messed up lives only get women if they are the bad boy type. That does not sound like you.

You try and try again. That sounds cold but its all you can do. You try to get a date with another woman and if it does not work out, with another. Its gonna hurt seeing other couples when you are dying for someone to share love with. I felt that big time the last few years of my life but you offer it up to God and keep trying. I know this is not great advice and in all reality not the most helpful but it is what I did until I found someone. You also need to have something else in life that you get a sense of accomplishment from other then your last interaction with a female. I am not close to my family either. I know all that but I relied on God. I know heartbreak all too well but heartbreak and loneliness does not have to be forever. And it is so rewarding when you spend years feeling empty wanting to fill it with romance but you keep working on yourself, get a better career, get a better place to live, improve your looks and health, read a bunch of helpful books, spend time volunteering etc etc etc and then God puts someone in your life and you can better take care of them and you appreciate them so much more because you truly know how hard it was to find this love.

Do not give up, man. Pray, hurt, carry on. Prayers said for you. God bless.
 
When was your last confession? Start with that. Of course you can live chastely, even the Pope lives chastely; it’s not easy, it’s hard, but you can do it. You are not a rock, you are a human being, and you can change, it’s not easy, it’s hard, but you can do it. Seek out a good Catholic therapist and start to take control of your life again. You have a long, happy life waiting for you out there.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
Been there. The last 5 years of my life was one big heartbreak after the other. I am not exaggerating either. But what I did (Finally I got a girlfriend 6 months ago and that is a big thing because I am 32 and only had 2 girlfriends in my entire life) was keep trying. You must get somewhat familiar with heartbreak and not fear it. But first you need to work on making you life not a wreck. How are you going to take care of a woman if you cant take care of yourself? Guys with messed up lives only get women if they are the bad boy type. That does not sound like you.

You try and try again. That sounds cold but its all you can do. You try to get a date with another woman and if it does not work out, with another. Its gonna hurt seeing other couples when you are dying for someone to share love with. I felt that big time the last few years of my life but you offer it up to God and keep trying. I know this is not great advice and in all reality not the most helpful but it is what I did until I found someone. You also need to have something else in life that you get a sense of accomplishment from other then your last interaction with a female. I am not close to my family either. I know all that but I relied on God. I know heartbreak all too well but heartbreak and loneliness does not have to be forever. And it is so rewarding when you spend years feeling empty wanting to fill it with romance but you keep working on yourself, get a better career, get a better place to live, improve your looks and health, read a bunch of helpful books, spend time volunteering etc etc etc and then God puts someone in your life and you can better take care of them and you appreciate them so much more because you truly know how hard it was to find this love.

Do not give up, man. Pray, hurt, carry on. Prayers said for you. God bless.
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Great advice!! 👍
 
I agree with everything the above posters wrote. Also, I am sure there is the right girl for you out there, but you just haven’t found her yet. Try focusing on other things in life, like work, school, church, etc. and let the relationship thing happen naturally.

I’m not close with my family either, and although I have friends, I know deep down they don’t really care about me. The only times I hear from them is just when they want to go out. So, it’s almost the same thing as having no friends. And anyway, if you want friends, you can always meet new friends or hang out with co-workers possibly. Don’t be so down on yourself, and try to keep a positive attitude! You don’t want the way you really feel to show on the outside, because it wouldn’t appeal to any girl. Like the other poster wrote, just keep trying. If you want any type of girl advice, feel free to DM me or if you need someone to talk to.
 
The posts on this thread are caring and helpful. I just wanted to add when you get to the point in life where you pray God ends it, you are in need of help. Please seek counseling.

I pray your journey in life takes you to “new” destinations regarding relationships that are in keeping with the teachings of the Church.

God bless,

Mary.
 
You sound very anxious and unhappy, this isn’t just about getting a date is it? You need to get some help for this anxiety, getting a girlfriend wont be a quick fix.
 
WhyChasity said:
it’s my fault for being a “nice guy” and texting her more often then she would text me, and it’s pathetic of me to feel like this.

Why is it that I get so emotionally to a girl I’ve only went on one date with!?!?

I sold my soul to the devil, because I thought a romantic and sexual relationship would make me happy, at least for a while.

Well, I abandoned God for the World, and it turns out that I don’t even fit into the world. I can’t live Chastely, but at the same time, I’m probably come off as desperate and “nice” and so girls are not attracted to me either.
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So, as others have said, go to confession and start afresh, first off.

Second, just so you know, the behaviour you are describing would be an instant deal-breaker for me. It’s bordering on controlling. I wouldn’t consider it ‘nice guy’ behaviour, though I don’t doubt that you are genuinely trying to be nice.

Really, if you find you always get overly emotionally invested in a relationship straight off, you need to work on developing independence and self-esteem before dating.

I’m not wanting to come off as harsh, but I’ve seen several relationships where one or both people behave like you are describing (lovely people btw - it’s just a flaw that can be rectified). The relationships rarely end well.

It’s for your own good to avoid self-pity and work on fixing your insecurities.
 
Op please get your mind off this. Do something for others; volunteer, anything. Break the obsession.
 
I have something different to say.

You sound depressed. You sound unable to cope with rejection. You sound a little obsessed.
You said you are in pain
You said you pray for death.

Do you have a doctor helping you with all this
 
I’m 62, chronically single, family miles off somewhere, I don’t know a church I’m not in a situation of deep-down critique with, few people drop round, etc etc

Look more widely at what it is to be you.

What are your interests, tastes, gifts, talents etc?

Some people say volunteer. That might mean with your hands or feet. It might be with your voice, words, mind. Raise animals or engross yourself in model engineering?

I steep myself in history, linguistics, philosophy etc, the universe is desperate for my individual gifts on an appropriate scale, for me to join in it somehow. I don’t package deal. If I was meeting someone to keep me company and help me problem solve that would be good, but meantime there is plenty on my plate to make me want to keep ticking.

Some people say join the model engineers to meet the “dishy birds” that hang out there, but it’s just as important to join it for the sheer love of model engineering. You, I, and everyone, need to develop, in all directions.

As we “proudly” affirm our tastes and work at maintaining initiative in our chosen paths, using our discretion in living our life, our personalities will grow and round out.

We’ve got to ignore the scripts that get foisted on us by the media, or by a grandmother who is obsessed that we owe her some great grandchildren pretty quick, or by the bossy uncle that says it’s namby pamby to take up gardening or drawing.

Our life - not theirs. There will always be gaping gaps in it. Gaps that we think, are all wrong. It will always be thus. Why don’t we just get on with something that takes our breath away, meanwhile, anyway.

Don’t try to compare between how you feel and how someone else looks.

Study the deep down interface between spiritual values the Church proposes, and the areas of your likes / hobbies / profession etc.

Sacrificial love in quantum theory, anthropology, poetry. It’s doable.
 
You could even get some ideas from the reputed “family villains”!

Is there a relative who is always spoken of with puzzlement because they were an eccentric sculptor, or were always sailing everywhere in boats?

Any flair that runs in the family and which you have a liking for, it can be your own fresh destiny to combine it, during your life’s course, with the virtues your Church teaches.
 
Prayers for you.

MY advice, start living a life of virtue. God will provide you with the right girl in the right time, if it be His will. However, in the mean time, seek the will of God, as it is only His will that brings us peace.
 
WhyChasity said:
I feel backed into a corner, just because a girl I went on a date with a few days ago texted me saying she’s not sure she’s interested in dating right now. I feel devistated. I know that means she not attracted to me, and it’s my fault for being a “nice guy” and texting her more often then she would text me, and it’s pathetic of me to feel like this.

Why is it that I get so emotionally to a girl I’ve only went on one date with!?!?

I sold my soul to the devil, because I thought a romantic and sexual relationship would make me happy, at least for a while.

Well, I abandoned God for the World, and it turns out that I don’t even fit into the world. I can’t live Chastely, but at the same time, I’m probably come off as desperate and “nice” and so girls are not attracted to me either.

I’m stuck in this mess where I can’t even have the temporary pleasure of sin. Just pain. But without grace, my suffering has no meaning. I can’t even look at a girl or a couple anymore without feeling heartbroken.

And, because my life is a reck, I have no friends that I haven’t sacred off, I’m not close to my family, etc., I pray for death. I beg God to take my life. I’ve been having my heart break for the last four years, and I can’t handle this anymore, and I can’t change.
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Lots of good advice, here.

Learn to breathe, relax, develop your humor and a relationship with God through prayer, and cultivate other pleasures and hobbies in your life. Lightly reach out to others by enjoying these activities together. I would focus on developing a family of friends by getting involved in something you enjoy. I’m very sad to see that you’ve rejected God and your faith family. Your core happiness and stability should come from this. Once you’ve taken charge with those things, I believe you’ll have enough serenity to lightly approach a female friend.

Your last paragraph reveals you are coming at dating from a very unhealthy state. People sense this right off the bat. And perhaps your years of failure are due to the fact that you approach relationships with a victim mentality: instead of taking charge and choosing who you want in your life, you desperately reach out to anyone. This is dangerous for the heart. You need to protect your heart like a fine pearl and choose your words AND your women/friends wisely.

I do think it’s healthy and alluring to create mystery by keeping quiet, waiting on things, and moving slowly in developing a relationship. It demonstrates to the other that you have peace control and stability in your life. But the sad thing to me is that you don’t, and you mistakenly think that having a sexual relationship with a woman will give you that peace and confidence, but you’re putting the cart before the horse. It simply won’t work.

If you have a strong core of faith and morals developed in your life, I think you will develop a relationship with more maturity, rationality, and serenity. Many people are not there yet.

I would begin by seeking God first. Then all the rest will be given unto you.
 
Did you literally sell your soul to the devil? Or are you using a figure of speech?

If you actually made a contract with Old Nick, you need to renounce the devil and of course go to confession. Don’t give him anymore ground than he already did.

If you are just saying you sold your soul (in a figurative way) you will still need confession. The devil understands that if you have problems, he could make them worse.
 
Arizona_Fat_Gir said:
Did you literally sell your soul to the devil? Or are you using a figure of speech?

If you actually made a contract with Old Nick, you need to renounce the devil and of course go to confession. Don’t give him anymore ground than he already did.

If you are just saying you sold your soul (in a figurative way) you will still need confession. The devil understands that if you have problems, he could make them worse.
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We can’t sell our souls to the devil. Our soul belongs to God, period. It’s not ours to sell. Some kind of agreement with Satan I’m not sure, it probably happens (my opinion, I’m not quoting anything) but we can’t sell our souls.
 
WhyChasity said:
I feel backed into a corner, just because a girl I went on a date with a few days ago texted me saying she’s not sure she’s interested in dating right now. I feel devistated. I know that means she not attracted to me, and it’s my fault for being a “nice guy” and texting her more often then she would text me, and it’s pathetic of me to feel like this.

Why is it that I get so emotionally to a girl I’ve only went on one date with!?!?

Well, I abandoned God for the World, and it turns out that I don’t even fit into the world. I can’t live Chastely, but at the same time, I’m probably come off as desperate and “nice”

I’m stuck in this mess where I can’t even have the temporary pleasure of sin. Just pain. But without grace, my suffering has no meaning. I can’t even look at a girl or a couple anymore without feeling heartbroken.

And, because my life is a reck, I have no friends that I haven’t sacred off, I’m not close to my family, etc., I pray for death. I beg God to take my life. I’ve been having my heart break for the last four years, and I can’t handle this anymore, and I can’t change.
Click to expand...
All of these things indicate that you would probably benefit from some counseling. You gave to get things right with God and then with yourself before you can expect to find someone worthwhile that will make you happy. Put off dating for a while. Work on yourself and become the best version of you possible. When you are happy with yourself, you will attract someone worthwhile.
 
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